


The Longest Distance

by thievinghippo



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-02-26 14:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 88
Words: 106,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13237452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thievinghippo/pseuds/thievinghippo
Summary: “Time is the longest distance between two places.” - Tennessee Williams. 100 cycles. 100 moments. How Barry and Lup's relationship evolves over 100 years.





	1. Cycle 01

**Cycle One**

“I know this is for science and all, but I feel like an absolute idiot here,” Barry says as he sits down on the ground. 

“And that’s different from any other day, how? Feel free to share with the class,” Taako says, raising an eyebrow. “Oral or written presentation only. None of that fantasy PowerPoint shit, though. That’s cheating.” 

Heat rises to Barry’s cheeks and  _ damnit _ , he’s blushing. Once upon a time, he thought joining the IPRE would give him a new start, a place where no one knew him, and he could make some good first impressions.

For a little bit, it worked. He wore his damn bluejeans, embracing his nickname instead of hiding from it, and people responded okay. He even beat out who knows how many people to be assigned to the crew of the  _ Starblaster. _

Then he met his future crewmates.

From the second the crew met, it was like being back in secondary school again. Taako and Lup were the popular kids. Magnus the jock. Merle the stoner. Davenport the principal. Then Barry and Lucretia the nerds, sitting on the outside, trying to get a glimpse in. 

Well, Barry might never fit in with the cool kids, but he can do his damn job. He can learn everything he can about this plane and maybe figure out what the hell happened back home. He doesn’t like to think about home, though. Not in public, at least. So he tucks the thought away and he’ll unpack it tonight. Alone.

Lup leans over towards him and says in a stage whisper, “Don’t worry, Barold, I’ll accept the fantasy PowerPoint version.” 

Alright, so that’s sort of funny. A little bit of the tension in the air dissipates when he starts to chuckle. Lup gives him a wink, which Barry’s pretty sure makes him blush again. Goddamn his capillary loops.

Trying not to think about how red he must be right now, Barry focuses on the mongoose family in front of him. 

Learning a language from an animal? This was exactly the sort of shit he dreamt of doing when he signed up for this mission. Granted, this plane doesn’t offer the sort of technological breakthroughs he hoped for, but in terms of learning the unknown? This was fucking awesome. 

Barry wipes off his palms on his jeans as he looks over at Taako and Lup. Neither one of them are wearing their robes today, just casual clothes. Lup’s wearing some sort of maxi dress with her hair up in a casual bun. And Taako’s got on some sort of stylish looking romper that does not look like it should work, but somehow does. 

And then there’s Barry, wearing his IPRE red jacket, buttoned up to the neck. It’s stifling, the jacket, so he undoes the top button, giving him a little bit of breathing room. 

Of course Taako notices. “My  _ man _ , cutting it loose. Casual Friday, I love it.” 

“Do we even know if there are Fridays on this world?” Lup asks absently. 

“From what I can tell, the lunar cycle is seventeen days,” Barry responds, almost automatically. Ask him a question, and he’ll get you the fucking answer. That’s his thing. That’s what he does. “I haven’t observed any of the animal groups taking a day off, so I doubt they have a concept of weekends like we do. So probably no Fridays.” 

When he stops, both Taako and Lup are staring at him. Barry braces himself for more teasing, but instead Lup gives him a smile. “And that, Barry Bluejeans, is why you’re the best science officer we could ever ask for.” 

His damn capillary loops expand again and Barry finds himself grinning back. “Yeah, well, considering our other options...”

“Can you even imagine Magnus as our science officer?” Lup asks. She straightens up and flexes her arm, showing a fair bit of muscle herself. “Need to learn about the thing? I’ll  _ punch _ the thing.” 

Taako waves a lazy hand in front of him. “Or Merle. Have you tried telling the thing about the word of Pan?”

Barry snorts as he pushes up his glasses up his nose. It dawns on him that he better not break these. This is the only pair he’s got. Shit. What if they’re stuck on this planet forever? The  _ Starblaster _ couldn’t get out earlier when it tried. What happens when his vision gets worse? How will he see? 

And that opens up another can of worms. What is someone gets really sick? Sicker than Merle can heal? What then? It’s enough for Barry to grab his notebook and start writing notes to himself, things to go over with Davenport later. 

“I think I broke Barry,” Taako says, his voice nonchalant. 

That breaks Barry out of his spiral. “Shit, sorry. Just some thoughts,” he says. At Lup’s tilt of her head, he adds, “In case we’re here for longer than we think.” 

“You’re not really one for living in the moment, are you?” Taako asks. 

Barry snorts. He doesn’t think he’s ever lived in the moment in his life. Always looking ahead, figuring out the right questions to ask, to unlock the secrets the universe has hidden from him. “That obvious?” he asks. 

Lup bumps her shoulder into his with a laugh. “Just a little.” 

“Well, maybe someday,” he says, turning to a fresh page of his notebook. “So you really think we can learn this language?”

“Why not?” Lup asks. “I speak elvish and common and a little bit of orcish. Why not just add animal language to the mix?” 

Barry doesn’t speak anything other than common. Languages always gave him fits when he tried to learn growing up. But he’ll do his damn best. The sooner they can understand the language, the better off they’ll be. 

The ground is hard underneath him. He’s never liked sitting on the ground, but they’re going to be talking to a fucking mongoose family. Seems rude to stand up and talk. So he cracks his neck and looks over at the mongoose staring at him. 

This is the moment he’s been waiting for. Taako taught him the word for hello this morning, and Barry’s practiced it over and over. 

He opens his mouth and grunts hello.

The mongoose’s eyes widen as Taako falls over laughing. Barry should have known. He should have fucking known. “What did I just say to the nice mongoose?” he asks, his voice resigned.

“That you farted!” Taako says, laughing so hard that he’s clutching his stomach. “Oh  _ fuck _ , that was so beautiful. I’ll never be able to use that one again, though. Worth it!” 

Barry can only shake his head. He looks over at Lup, and to his surprise, she’s not laughing. Oh there’s a smile on her face and he can tell she’s trying really hard not to laugh. But just the fact she’s actually not makes things not sting quite as much. 

“You got me, Taako. Very funny,” Barry says, holding his hands out in mock defeat. Can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right? “Can we actually learn this language now or what?”


	2. Cycle 02

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus comes back to life. Barry is confused. Lup gets a hickey.

**Cycle Two**

What. The. Fuck.

Lup gives herself approximately two seconds to figure out what the  _ fuck _ just happened. When she can’t think of a reasonable answer in those two seconds, her mind changes tracks. “Taako? My dude?” 

When life makes no sense - and suddenly appearing in the middle of the  _ Starblaster _ when the last thing she remembers is throwing up in the ‘fresher makes  _ no fucking sense _ \- she does the one thing in the world that does make sense. 

She looks for Taako.

She sees him before he speaks and the fear that surrounded her heart dissipates slightly. He’s prone, but clearly breathing. From the looks of it, he’s probably had worst hangovers. 

“Who slipped me sprinkle-dust when I wasn’t looking?” Taako asks as he sits up. “The fuck?”

“You stayed behind,” Lucretia says, looking at Magnus. Her eyes are slightly wide, like she doesn’t believe what she’s seeing. Lup understands the sentiment completely. “But you’re here.”

Magnus looks pale, paler than Lup’s seen before. “I died,” he says, his voice shaking. “That cloud of… of whatever the fuck that was, swallowed me up. I  _ died. _ ” 

“Guess it didn’t take,” Lup says, crossing her arms over her chest. She looks around the ops deck of the  _ Starblaster _ and quickly counts six other people. Seven, including herself. Everyone is here. They’re here and they can figure things out.

“I should be dead,” Magnus insists. 

“You’re complaining?” Merle asks with a snort. “You’re getting a second chance. Why complain?” 

“Cause I know how this shit works, Merle. Someone will call to collect that second chance. There’s always a catch,” Magnus says. “Shit, I have a headache.” 

Everyone starts to talk at once and it’s almost too much for Lup. She loves being the center of attention but not in the center of a crowd. Thankfully, Taako comes to her rescue, because that’s what Taako does. 

He walks over to her and blocks her view of the rest of the crew as they’re talking over each other. “Lulu?” 

She waves her hand dismissively; Taako won’t be offended. “Fine, promise,” she says. She looks down and realizes she’s wearing her IPRE robe, something she’s pretty sure she wasn’t wearing an hour ago. “Now scoot, I need to be the grown-up here.” 

“We’re fucked, then,” Taako says, squeezing her shoulder. 

Standing, Lup takes a good look at Magnus. “You have a black eye. You didn’t have a black eye this morning.” 

Barry makes an appearance, walking right up to Magnus, staring at the shiner. He then glances over to Merle, and Lup sees it, too. The long scratch Merle had at the beginning of their journey.

Now shit’s just getting weird. 

“I don’t understand,” Barry says, his voice small.

“You’re the science officer, right?” Lup asks, trying to sound calm when she’s anything but. “This is your time to shine, my man. Science the shit out of this.” 

She stands next to Taako and pulls down the collar of her robe, showing him her neck, where it starts to slope down to her shoulder. “Do I have a hickey?” she asks, quiet enough so no one can hear. 

When Taako starts laughing, Lup knows the answer is yes. “I knew you didn’t go back to your room when we left the bar,” Taako says, his voice full of glee. “I  _ knew _ it.”

“Shut up,” Lup says out of the corner of her mouth. “Like you went back to your room.” 

“Last night on the planet? Fuck no I’m not spending it in my own bed,” Taako says. “But I wasn’t stupid enough to get a hickey.” He pauses, then his eyes go wide. “Oh, Lulu. Not your fifteen dollars.” 

“Fuck, no,” Lup says, shuddering at the thought. Her quick dalliance with Greg fucking Grimaldis ended forever ago and left her only with a debt that she  _ will _ fucking collect some day. Not that it’s about the money, at this point. Oh no. Not at all. This is a matter of  _ principle.  _

And her fucking pride. 

But this is not the time to be thinking about her fifteen dollars. She looks back at the Ops Center. Davenport is at the wheel, steering them to who the fuck knows where. Lucretia’s writing furiously in one of her notebooks. Merle’s on his hands and knees, looking for who knows what. 

“So Magnus, what happened when you died?” Barry asks. He picks up a notepad and just looks so eager that it’s almost cute. Nerds and their science. Never not adorable. “Was it like coming here? Like being torn apart?”

That was one way to describe it. An experience Lup does not want to have again, especially having gone through it twice. 

“Basically,” Magnus says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Fuck, thinking that I just died sounds so weird.” 

Barry looks down at his feet and nods, almost to himself, it seems like. “Okay,” he says. “Okay, if this happens again, if that… whatever the fuck that was, comes back.” He takes a breath and when he speaks again, his voice is strong. “I’m gonna stay behind. See what happens.” 

Lup tilts her head. Nerds. This really is the most beautiful thing. “You’re going to die. For science,” she says.

“Yeah,” Barry says, looking at her with a grin. “I am. I’m gonna fucking die for science. It’ll be great.” 

“Homie, better you than me,” Taako says. 

“Maybe it won’t come back?” Lup says. “I mean, we’ve escaped it twice. It’s gotta be feeling pretty bad about itself right now.” 

“Exactly,” Magnus says. 

“Or maybe it’s thinking third time’s a charm,” Merle says, as he leans against the wall. “That’s what I think.” 

“Nobody asked you, Merle,” Lup shoots back. 

Davenport clears his throat from the front of the ship. “I think I see a new plane.” 

“Whoop-dee-do,” Taako mutters. 

Barry practically runs up to the front windows as the rest of them take their time. 

From here, the plane doesn’t look like much. She sees blue oceans. Brown and green land masses. Nothing to write home about. Granted, their last home did just get eaten by a ugly black cloud, so maybe she’s not one to talk.

And all Lup can think of is this trip was just supposed to be a couple of months. 

Well, at least she has Taako, she thinks as she links their arms together. She doesn’t need home, as long as she has him. 


	3. Cycle 03

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup runs away. Magnus defies an order. Barry worries about a baby.

**Cycle Three**

“Have you lost your freaking mind?” Barry asks, looking at the crowd of people around him. “Davenport said no.”

Outside the ship is at least twenty people, a variety of ages, all holding suitcases and boxes. A few days ago, Magnus brought up the idea of bringing people with them to the next cycle, and idea that Davenport gave a firm no. Now the idea of defying Davenport never even crossed Barry’s mind, cause that’s just not who he is. But apparently the same can’t be said for Magnus.

“You really think I’m going to let that stop me?” Magnus says and Barry can only be jealous of the quiet conviction in the man’s voice. Barry doesn’t think he’s ever felt that strongly about anything in his entire life. “These people need our help.”

“We have no idea where we’re going next, Magnus,” Barry says, wondering what exactly he could say to make this work. “What if we go to a world without any food? Without any water? We barely have enough for the seven of us to last a cycle. And you want to pack the ship with people?”

Magnus’ hand curls into a fist and Barry feels a chill go down his spine. He might have some magical ability, but in a fight, he knows who will win and it’s not him. “Damnit, Barry, we’re the ones who didn’t find the Light of Creation this cycle. This entire world is going to die and that’s on us.”

That’s the moment where Barry realizes just how much Magnus, as head of security, has taken on to himself. Barry’s never been a touchy-feely kind of guy, but he can be when the situation warrants it. He places his hand on Magnus upper arm and says, “We’re not killing these people. Whatever that phenomenon is, whatever that thing is, is killing them.”

Magnus takes a breath and Barry wonders if somehow he actually said the right thing for once. “We’ve really got to stop calling it ‘the thing,’” Magnus says.

“I agree,” Barry says at once, taking his hand off of Magnus’ arm. “Scientifically, it’s an awful name.” Somehow he has a feeling that his attempt at comfort didn’t work. Well, at least he tried.

“Davenport’s not going to say no when he sees everyone here,” Magnus says with a nod. Barry’s got a feeling he’s trying to convince himself of that. “The man’s not completely heartless.”

“He’s just trying to do his job,” Barry says. “Keep us all safe.”

“No such thing anymore.”

And that’s when Barry senses the change.

It’s hardly perceptible. But after seeing whatever this thing is three times now, Barry’s got a sense of it. It starts with the hairs rising on his arms, following with a twist in his stomach. Then it’s just a matter of time.

Already the greenery around them has started going grey. This was a lush planet, a beautiful planet, full of flowers and plants, and just more green than Barry thinks he’s seen in his life.

The crowd gathered outside the ship, already restless, started rumbling. Barry caught Magnus’ eye and he could see a slight worry there. “I told them they had to remain calm,” Magnus says out of the corner of his mouth.

The hatch to the ship opens suddenly and for a moment, Barry wonders if Davenport’s changed his mind and okayed everyone coming aboard. But instead he sees Lup, her eyes bright and almost wild as she looks up into the sky.

“That’s my cue!” Lup says as she runs down the ramp from the ship, followed closely by Taako. “Toodles, losers!”

“Lulu, don’t,” Taako calls out behind her.

Barry can only watch as Lup turns around gracefully, never stopping her stride, weaving in and out of the crowd of people. She puts her hand to her lips and blows an exaggerated kiss to Taako. “See ya next cycle!”

She told him her plan just yesterday. She’s gonna do exactly what he did last cycle. Let whatever this thing is - they really got to get a name for it - kill her for science.

Dying last cycle was one of the strangest things Barry’s ever experienced. The whatever-its-called enveloped him and he remembers being cold. Really fucking cold. And that’s it. Next thing he knew, back in his recorded state on the _Starblaster._

With the hatch to the ship open, the crowd starts inching forward. Barry’s not sure what to do. He wants to get on the ship, but now that these people are here, how can they leave them behind?

Thankfully, Davenport has the answer to that question.

_Let them on single file_ , comes Davenport’s exasperated voice from Magnus’ Stone of FarSpeech.

“Yes,” Magnus says under his breath with a fist pump. “I knew it.” He jumps over the railing of the ramp and shouts, “Get in a single file line.”

The crowd moves quickly and hardly five minutes pass before they’re all on the ship. Barry takes notes while the people walk, trying to find something that might give them some sort of answer to what exactly is going on.

For almost this entire year, he and Lup have been trying to figure things out. And they’ve barely made any progress. It seems to be after the Light of Creation. If they could just get a hand on it one time. Maybe then this will all stop. They take the Light out of the plane and bam! No more darkness. Somehow Barry doesn’t think it’ll be that easy.

Barry’s so absorbed taking notes, in looking at the fucking black mist that’s slowly lurking around him, that he almost misses the chime from his own Stone of Farspeech.

“You’re the last one, Bluejeans, get your ass in here!”

No one needs to tell him twice. With a quick look behind him - he hopes Lup’s doing okay out there by herself - Barry runs onto the ship.

He can barely make it into the ops center, it’s so crowded. There’s a woman holding a baby sitting in Barry’s usual chair. No way he’s gonna make them move, so he stands against the wall, waiting for the moment where they’ll be transformed into their recorded state.

The baby worries him. If they basically go back a year in time, what will happen to that baby? It looks like a newborn; maybe the baby wasn’t even created yet. Shit. What if the father isn’t on board? What the fuck is going to happen to that baby?

His grip on his pencil is so tight he worries that he’s going to break it. The floor beneath his feet start to rumble, the sign that the ship’s about to be let loose.

Barry makes the mistake of looking out the window; Lup’s out there somewhere. Maybe already dead. Well, at least she’ll have a hell of a story once she’s back.

The thingamabob is getting closer and Barry wishes it wasn’t so beautiful. Cause it is. Beautiful, in a weird destructive way. It’s the type of thing he’d love to study for more than a couple minutes at a time. When it’s not trying to destroy everything around him, of course.

He tries to keep his eyes open - he wants to stare at that baby to see _exactly_ what happens when they switch planes - but he can’t. Any moment now, reality will be remade in and around the _Starblaster_. The universe will ask him a question and Barry will have no fucking idea what the answer is.

So he closes his eyes and waits.


	4. Cycle 04

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus finds himself alone. Taako wants to bond. Barry finds another mystery.

**Cycle Four**

“What the everloving fuck?”

Barry opens his eyes at the dismay in Magnus’ voice. Just seconds ago, they were reforming in the void. Which should be fucking impossible, but no. Four times now it’s happened. And it still doesn’t make any damn _sense._

Barry does a quick headcount; all seven of them are there, including Lup and Merle, who both died last cycle. His heart speeds up a bit at the sight of Lup, but he pushes that away, quickly, because he realizes why Magnus sounds so upset.

There are only seven of them on the ship.

“Where the fuck did they all go?” Magnus asks as he looks around the ops center. “We brought on like twenty people! How could they all just poof like that?”

Great. Just great. Another mystery for him to solve. As if Barry didn’t already feel like the most incompetent science officer of all time. All these impossible things are happening around him and he’s got no goddamn clue how any of it works.

“Okay,” he mutters to himself. He can do this. He studied at one of the best universities his home plane had to offer. He’s got a two masters and a doctorate. Barry knows science and magic like the back of his hand. The answer is out there and he will fucking find it or his name isn’t Barry J. Bluejeans.

Granted, his name is actually Sildar Hallwinter and Barry Bluejeans is just a nickname, but it’s the principle of the thing, damnit.

“You okay there, Barold?” Lup asks. At the sound of her voice, he glances up. She’s looking at him with one eyebrow raised. “Lots of muttering going on.”

“Shit,” he says. Of course he looks like an idiot. When doesn’t he, right? Story of his damn life. “Just thinking out loud a bit.” Barry decides to salvage whatever he can. “Almost everyone on board had belongings with them, right? Did anything they brought on get left behind?”

Giving the crew something to do seems to wake everyone up. They all start searching the ops center, except for Merle. “I’m fine, by the way,” the dwarf says, holding his arms out wide.

“That’s two cycles in a row you’ve kicked the bucket, old man,” Lup says as she’s searching ops. Fuck, it’s good to see her again.

Merle shrugs. “Figure I might as well try to die as many different ways as I can,” he says with a laugh, but Barry sees his finger slide down the spine of his Extreme Teen Bible. “All of these are like rehearsals. So when it comes to the real deal, I’ll be ready.”

“We’ll start you a death bucket list,” Taako says as he sits down at one of the ops seats. “What have you done so far?”

“Jumped off a building and drowned,” Merle says. “If anyone is curious, drowning sucks. But the fall death was pretty cool.”

“On the top of my head, I can kill you with fire, with ice, with a magic missile,” Taako says, counting them off with his fingers. “And probably a bunch of others but I’m lazy and don’t feel like looking.”

Lucretia clears her throat. “I’ll keep a special journal for you, Merle. We can document your deaths.”

“Teamwork exercises, yes. Perfect,” Taako says as he puts his feet up on a nearby console. “Merle dies, we bond. Fucking fantastic.”

Merle snorts and the conversation dies off. Barry focuses on searching for clues, for some sign of the refugees they brought with them. Nothing.

“Barry, my man, there’s nothing here. It’s like they all disappeared the moment we entered into this cycle,” Lup says. She puts her hand on Magnus’ shoulder. “Nice try, though.”

“Yeah, if it worked,” Magnus says with a shake of his head. He sounds frustrated, and Barry gets it. Magnus is the head of security and his whole job is to save people. And they haven’t had much luck over the past three years.

Maybe this cycle will be different.

“Barry, what do you think happened to them?” Magnus asks.

_Shit_. He hates being put on the spot like this. “Dunno,” Barry says honestly. “I’ll need some time to think up a hypothesis.”

A lot of time. Because right now? He’s got jack shit. And the theory that’s slowing forming in the back of his mind, Magnus isn’t gonna like.

Food, supplies, all that sort of stuff seems fine to transport from cycle to cycle. Good thing too, cause what if they get to a cycle and discover they can’t eat the food? Or they can’t drink the water?

But people disappearing? There’s something dark going on, and he doesn’t like it.

Magnus shakes his head and stomps out of the ops center. Barry doesn’t blame him one bit.

To distract himself, Barry walks over to Lup. She’s been a real help with trying to figure things out in the last few cycles. He can use more of it this cycle, he’s sure.

“So, you want to compare notes sometime?” Barry asks and he can already tell he’s going to start rambling. Why does he always start rambling when he’s nervous? A better question is why is he nervous? This is Lup. His colleague. There’s no reason to be nervous. And yet.  “About dying, I mean. We’ve both been killed by the thingamabob now.”

“I think that’s my favorite name for the thing yet,” Lup says, sounding cheerful. “Tell you what. Once we’ve figured out this cycle more, we will totes compare notes. Because between you and me, that was some weird ass shit.”

Barry nods and says, “Really weird ass shit.”

He doesn’t want to leave the conversation there, not if he can talk to her a little longer. Cause who wouldn’t want to talk to Lup for as long as they can?

Oh _fuck._

It’s a crush. He’s got a fucking crush on Lup.

Well, he’s dealt with crushes on his colleagues before. Seems like he’ll develop a crush on anyone who pays him the least amount of attention. Pretty pathetic, really. But that’s his life, right?

And now he’s staring at Lup like an idiot, but then somehow the deities of the universe decided to be kind to him for once.

_Bluejeans_ , _up front_ , comes Davenport’s voice from Barry’s Stone of FarSpeech.

“Ah, I, um, better go,” Barry says. He waves - why does he wave? Is he twelve years old? - and doesn’t look back at Lup as he heads to the bow of the ship.

It’s gonna be a long cycle.


	5. Cycle 05

**Cycle Five**

“A toast,” Davenport says as he stands up. Lup grabs her glass of wine and stands, just like the rest of the team. “To Magnus, who fought until the end. We’ll be grateful to have your skills back next cycle.”

“To Magnus,” they all repeat before taking a sip.

Lup looks around at the group. Taako, Merle, Lucretia, Barry, and Davenport. It’s not much of an impromptu wake, but it’s enough.

Today’s the first time one of them had died. Well, died before the very end of a cycle or on purpose, like Lup did last cycle and Barry the cycle before. And for the record? Dying is absolute bullshit. Lup has no intention on ever doing it again.

But as she’s always said, she’ll try anything at least once.

It was Davenport’s idea to hold a get together tonight. Earlier, they burned Magnus’ body, as per the instructions on his IPRE form. Lup wants to be burned, too. If that happens some day. Which it won’t. Taako wants to buried, ass up, because that’s Taako. And it most definitely won’t ever happen to Taako. Not her baby brother.

Just thinking about that makes Lup’s skin crawl. She’s never been a fan of necromancy but it’s looking like more and more it’s a branch of magic she might want to start looking into. But she pushes those morbid thoughts away and drains her glass.

“I’m getting shit-faced,” Lup announces to the group. She pours herself another glass of wine, almost to the top. “Who wants another?”

She’s not surprised when every single one of them holds out their glass.

#

“Can we give that thing a fucking name already?” Merle asks, slamming his fist down on the table.

Lup holds up her glass of wine and says, “Here fucking here.”

They’re on the fifth cycle and she’s sick of all the different ways they’ve tried to describe it. “The thingamabob.” “The despair.” “The Fuck You Cloud.” Okay, she sort of likes The Fuck You Cloud, but that’s a very inappropriate name. Not scientific at all.

She starts giggling and finds she can’t stop. “Fuck You Cloud. Please. We’ve got to name it the Fuck You Cloud.”

“It’s what Magnus would have wanted,” Taako says, resting his head on her shoulder. Lup goes the extra mile and puts her arm around his shoulder.

Lucretia lets out a snort. She’s been quiet tonight, but that’s not different than most of the time. “I’ve been writing about it in my journals,” she says, holding out her empty wine glass to Lup. Lup gladly complies and pours Lucretia another glass. Fuck yeah, they’re all letting loose tonight. Even Davenport looks tipsy and Lup assumed he was allergic to booze as much as he’s drank in the last five years. “I’ve actually already given it a name.”

“Ooh, guessing game. I am here for this,” Taako says. His head doesn’t leave Lup’s shoulder, though. She’s seen her boy drunk plenty of times and he’s pretty wasted. Probably as drunk as she is. “You call it the Fuck You Cloud.”

Everyone in the group starts shouting out name but Lucretia just keeps shaking her head. After about a minute, she holds up her hand. “I’ve started calling it the Hunger.”

The galley of the ship is quiet for a moment as everyone processes the name. Lup, for her part, likes it. Not quite as much as Fuck You Cloud, but there’s something poetic about it.

“What do you think, Barold?” Lup asks. She doesn’t think she’s slurring her words all that badly. Not really. Okay maybe a little, but a friend was _killed_ today. And she’s trying to convince herself that it wasn’t her fault.

This is a dangerous world, far more dangerous than the other worlds they’ve been. They’ve settled in some sort of jungle, but it’s not quite a jungle, because everything is the wrong color. Jungles should be green and here everything is purple. The water is drinkable, though. And if they can hunt, they have food to eat.

Then this morning, a pack of somethings decided to hunt her and Magnus while they were off to get water. And by the time the fight was over, the creatures were dead.

But so was Magnus.

Fuck, she hates this world. Well, at least she knows what to focus on for the next three months, before they need to move again. Lup needs to get stronger. She’s got magic energy to spare, but she needs to harness it better. And she will. She fucking will.

A beat passes and Lup realizes everyone is staring at her. Resting her head next to Taako’s she says, “Is The Hunger a scientific enough name for you?”

“Oh fuck, don’t make me talk science when I’m drunk,” Barry says, burying his head in his hands. He’s been hitting the wine harder than almost all of them tonight. Either he’s got the tolerance of a fucking horse or he’s really, really, really wasted right now. “I can’t science when I’m drunk.”

Really wasted it is. Sort of interesting seeing Barry like this. They’ve not drank together as a group very often. But it’s nice, just sitting with her friends and shooting the breeze.

“Executive decision,” Davenport says. “The Hunger, it is.”

“Drama and a mystery, perfect. It’s a fucking enigma,” Taako says. He sighs and Lup sighs, too. The Hunger. Fuck the Hunger.

A comfortable silence falls over the group. Usually Lup’s not one for silence. Hard to be the center of attention when you’re not saying anything. But after almost five years with these fine people, she doesn’t feel the need to be in the spotlight. Well, at least, not all the time.

This is one of those times where Lup’s just happy to sit in silence and drink her wine. Though something’s been weighing on her mind for a while now. For almost five years, this has bothered her. And maybe, just maybe, she’s drunk enough to say something.

Fuck it. Yolo, right?

“I’ve got a confession to make,” Lup says, clutching her glass of wine to her chest, and waits until she has everyone’s attention. “I’ve never told anyone this before. But I really, really, _really_ hate the name _Starblaster_ for our ship.”

Everyone laughs, just like Lup knew they would. Well, it’s true. She does hate the name. “There is nothing on the ship to blast stars. It’s stupid.”

“That’s what happens when the public gets to choose the name,” Davenport says. He reaches up and pats some of the wood paneling. “It’s sort of grown on me, though.”

“Still dumb,” Lup says, closing her eyes. Suddenly a good night’s sleep sounds like an amazing idea.

“I think that should be our next toast,” Merle says. Lup doesn’t open her eyes, but she assumes Merle is raising his glass, so she does the same. “To the _Starblaster._ ”

That’s a toast she can get behind.

“To the _Starblaster."_


	6. Cycle 06

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako leaves the party early. Lup sets some important rules. Barry just wants to get some water.

**Cycle Six**

“Lup, Taako’s gone,” Barry says, ignoring how his ribs are fucking killing him. He’s wheezing slightly after that fight and tears are forming in his eyes. “He’s dead.”

Six different worlds they’ve been to now, and this is the first one where the locals have been downright hostile to them. No one’s willing to trade. No one’s even willing to speak to them. For the first six months, the locals were basically content to leave them alone.

Seems like that strategy’s changed.

This was supposed to be a simple water run to a nearby river, but then a bunch of punks got the jump on them. They took Taako out with an arrow before anyone even knew they were there. Then a six on two fight began in the middle of a goddamn forest. The good guys won, but Barry’s hurting and he’s got to imagine Lup is, too.

“We are going to kill every last one of them,” Lup says, her voice so calm that a shiver crawls down Barry’s spine.

Okay, so maybe she’s not physically hurting quite as much.

“Yeah, okay,” Barry says. Because what else can he do? He can say no, but after six years of working with Lup, he’s pretty sure she’s gonna go march off with or without him. And better at least that he attempt to protect her six. “Let’s do this.”

A sudden tingle overcomes him. He looks at Lup sharply. “You cast Healing Word on me?”

She nods. “You look like you needed it. Only leaves me with one spell slot, though.”

Barry pushes his glasses up off his nose. He feels better, yeah, but they might really miss that spell slot down the road. “Yeah, probably,” he admits. “Thanks.”

“No worries,” she says and Barry realizes she’s purposely not looking down at Taako’s body. “Can’t help me kill everyone in that gang if you’re hurting too much.”

He pulls his wand back out of his pocket. Funny how Barry never really thought he’d be using magic all that much on this trip. Two months, they said. Two months of learning and science. And instead it’s been almost six years of running.

He’s learned a lot, though. Definitely a better wizard than he was six years ago. Though that’s easy when someone like Lup is willing to share pointers.

“Alright,” Barry says. “Ready?”

“Damn straight,” Lup says as she starts to walk. Barry quickly follows. “Okay, so when I said we’re killing everyone?”

“Yeah?” Barry asks as he starts to take longer steps. She’s already taller than him and Lup is walking with fucking _purpose._ He’ll do his best to keep up, cause this isn’t something she should be doing alone.

“I draw the line at kids and dogs that don’t attack us,” she says, her eyes straight ahead. “I’m not a monster.”

“Never thought you were,” Barry says. Though he’ll admit he’s happy she put up some guidelines. They’re decent ones, too.

Lup stops all of a sudden and Barry sees that they’re in front of a shack of some sort. “Pretty sure this is it,” she says.

He feels a warmth and looks down to see flames dancing around Lup’s hands. She’s really got to teach him how to do that sometime. Makes his magic missile seem tame in comparison.

Their eyes meet and Barry wonders if he’s ever been committed to anything as much as Lup is to this right now. He hopes he will be someday.

“Ready?” she asks

“Ready.”

#

“We should get back to the ship,” Barry says, wondering if he should put his hand on Lup’s shoulder or something. Maybe something tactile might break her out of this weird state she’s in. “Probably need to move the ship, too. The town probably won’t like we killed a whole bunch of their guys.”

The fight was almost comical. Lup walked in like she fucking owned the place and five minutes later, she and Barry were the only ones left standing. Which meant they could go back to Taako.

Lup’s staring at Taako’s body and she’s starting to scare him. Barry understands she’s grieving. Of course she’s fucking grieving. But practicalities need to be considered. Like not being here when an angry mob shows up.

“I’m not leaving him like this,” Lup says and Barry can tell by the sound of her voice that she’s not accepting any other answer. Fine. It sucks, but they can get this done and get back to the ship.

“You want me to cast the spell?” Barry asks. Lup shouldn’t have to cremate her own brother.

Lup lets out a strange sort of strangled laugh. “He wants to be buried ass up.”

“Don’t think we’ve got that kind of time, Lup,” Barry says. That, and there’s no way he’s in condition to dig a grave right now. He’s pretty sure he’s broken at least two ribs and maybe his wrist. It’s not like he doesn’t want to honor Taako’s request, but they really need to get back to the fucking ship.

Lup curls her hands into fists and Barry starts to wonder if he knows enough elemental magic to dig a grave with magic instead of with physical labor. But he used all his damn spell slots in the last fight and he’s pretty sure his catrips aren’t gonna be enough.

“I’ll do it,” she says, taking out her wand. “Least I know I’ll see him again.”

“We’ll have a wake for him tonight,” Barry says. Some booze sounds just about perfect right now.

“Hear that, Taako?” Lup says. “We’ll be having a party tonight. And it will be awesome and you’re gonna miss it. Teach you for dying before the cycle is over.”

She flicks her wrist and Taako’s body starts to burn. The smell is _awful_ but Barry stands right next to Lup, just to remind her that she’s not alone.

“We’ll throw you the best wake ever, Taako,” Lup says. “Merle will patch me up and then there’s gonna be dancing.”

“Dancing?” Barry asks. One thing he is not, is a dancer.

“Fuck, yeah, there’s gonna be dancing. Everyone’s gonna dance tonight in honor of Taako,” Lup says, looking over at him. Barry suddenly feels very small, as if she can figure out exactly what he’s thinking. “Even you, Barold. You’ve got to promise me one dance.”

“Done,” Barry says at once, not even hesitating. If Lup wants him dancing, then fuck it. He’ll be dancing. Even if he’s got two broken ribs. Even if he’s an awful dancer. He’ll dance.

For Lup, he’ll dance.


	7. Cycle 07

**Cycle Seven**

“You know, this science shit is getting kinda interesting,” Lup says once they reach the top of the trail. It’s been a long hike, but a satisfying one. Hopefully now that they’ve reached the top of the hill, they’ll be able to do all sorts of science that will keep them occupied until the Hunger’s back.

Barry doesn’t answer, which is a bit disappointing. She expected him to be happy. She knows he likes having her help out with the sciencey parts, because who wouldn’t? Who wouldn’t want her help?

Lup turns around and Barry’s not there. She could have sworn he was right behind her. “Barold?” she asks. “Are you taking a whiz?”

She hears his voice from around the corner. “Still… walking…”

She sets down her backpack - this will make a good campsite for the night - and heads back down the trail. There’s Barry, panting, as he’s bracing himself up with one hand on a tree.

“Shit,” Lup says, jogging down to him. “Didn’t realize I got so far ahead.”

Lup takes his backpack and shrugs it onto her own shoulders. “You okay?” she asks. “Need some water?”

Barry looks down at the ground and if she didn’t know any better, he was waiting for something. He does that a lot, she’s noticed. Waits for someone to tease him or make fun of him. Then when someone does, usually Taako or Merle, he tries to laugh it off.

It makes her sad that he feels like he needs to do that, to constantly play defense in his own life. Not like she’s not guilty of doing that to him, too, though. When the IPRE team formed, Barry was an easy target for teasing, especially in public. Lup still looks back to the press conference they had on their home planet with the tiniest hint of shame.

But that was then and this is now. Now Lup wouldn’t intentionally hurt Barry’s feelings for anything, cause he deserves better than that.

Lup can actually see the moment when he realizes she wasn’t gonna tease him on Barry’s face. “Yeah, water would be great,” he says. Lup unhooks her canteen from her belt and hands it to him. From the looks of it, he drinks most of it. Luckily the trail ends right by a river to fill up. “That hit the spot.”

“Let’s get to the top, then we can figure out dinner,” Lup says.

“Sorry for slowing us down,” Barry says a bit sheepishly.

Lup shrugs. “Humans just can’t keep up with us elves. Not your fault,” she says. And it’s true. Most of time she just expects everyone to keep up with her and Taako. Not everyone can.

The thought of Taako brings out a slight bit of jealousy. The plane they’re on is full of small towns, nothing as big as a city, though. Taako’s decided to go off and have some fun for a few days. Lup was ready to join him; they could switch off playing wingman for each other. But Barry wanted to go do some science. He’d be fine on his own, she’s sure, but why make him go at it alone when she can join him? There will be plenty of other weekends to get laid.

They walk in silence up to the top of the trail. Once they’re there, Barry immediately goes and sits on a stump, trying to catch his breath. “Fuck, I’m out of shape,” he says.

Lup looks out over the valley below the trail. It’s beautiful, this cycle. The sky’s a sort of greenish color; different enough that it makes her miss the purple of their home cycle. But the sun’s the same color, so they have that at least.

“You’ve got time to work on that, if you want,” Lup says. He looks fine to her, but she gets it. Not everyone is content with the image the present to the world. She _definitely_ gets that.

“I tried that like three cycles ago,” Barry says. “Lost like twenty pounds. I felt ten years younger. Then I lost all that progress once we left the plane. Right back to the ol’ recorded state. Lemme tell you, that killed any sort of enthusiasm I had for exercising.”

“Ouch,” Lup says as she starts to fish through Barry’s backpack. He’s got the rations for dinner and now that they’ve stopped moving, she’s _famished._ She pulls out two of the sandwiches Barry made this morning and throws one to him. “Chow time.”

Lup watches Barry bend his knee over and over as they start to eat. “You okay there?” she asks, looking at his knee.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he says, taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Barold…” Lup says, drawing out each syllable. He’s doing what he always does when he wants to deflect attention away from himself. Agree with the person and hope they won’t say anything else. She won’t play that game with him. “You’re lying…”

“How do you always know that?” Barry asks, shaking his head. “Seriously, Lup. Like every time I try to get away with a little white lie, you call me out?”

“It’s the ears,” Lup says seriously, knowing she’s got a perfect chance to pull his leg.

Barry’s eyes go wide. “Shit, seriously? Elves have a built-in lie detector? How have I never heard this before?”

“You think we give up our secrets that easily?” Lup asks. Then she starts laughing, because sometime it’s just so easy to pull the wool over Barry’s eyes. “Of course we don’t. I just know how to read you after seven years.”

“Oh,” Barry says. “Yeah, that does make more sense than… So I think I want to make it an early night tonight. Get a good night’s sleep.”

Lup starts slow clapping. “Way to deflect, my man,” she says. “Seriously. A-plus effort. For someone not as stubborn as me, it might have even worked. Now what’s wrong with your knee?”

He sighs and Lup knows she’s won the battle. He’ll tell her what’s wrong. “Just bothering me a bit in my old age,” he says. “I’ll be better in the morning.”

Now granted, Lup’s not the best when it comes to ages for human. But never once did she think of Barry as ‘old.’ “Wait. How old are you?” she asks.

“Recorded state or including all the extra miles we’ve put on?” he asks.

“Recorded state.”

“Uh, thirty-three,” he says after a moment. Lup checks her bullshit detector. Not going off, so he’s not lying. Trouble is, she’s got no idea if that’s old or not for humans. For an elf, that’s fairly young still.

“And for a human, that’s old?”

Barry shakes his head. “Nah, not yet. It was just a figure of speech,” he says. “How old are you?”

“No clue,” Lup says with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Wait, seriously? You don’t know how old you are?” Barry asks.

“Okay, I have an idea. We were born during the last war, with all that war to end all war jazz,” Lup says. “We like to think our parents had a star-crossed lovers moment and bam! Lup and Taako were the result.”

She’s never really talked about her parents, not that she remembers them at all. Not even with Taako, who’s more in the ‘good riddance’ camp than actually wanting to find out about their past. Her first memories were of a nomadic tribe and no one there actually seemed to remember how she and Taako got there in the first place.

“So we’re about the same age,” Barry says. “Though you’ll live a hell of a lot longer than I will.”

“Won’t matter if we don’t make it out of here,” Lup says, standing up. She’s starting to get thirsty, and she’ll bet that Barry is, too. She grabs their canteens and heads towards the river.

Twilight’s come over the trail and she looks up to the stars. And for just the briefest of moments, she wonders which one is home.


	8. Cycle 08

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davenport hopes for the best. Lup is convinced she's right. Barry gets an unexpected answer.

**Cycle Eight**

“This is fucking nightmare fodder,” Barry mutters, just loud enough that he hopes either Lup or Davenport can hear. He needs to know he’s not the only one who’s seriously disturbed by this.

“Fucking right it is,” Lup says.

Barry wants to turn away, he wants to get this picture out of his mind. But it’s the _Light of Creation_. And it’s calling him. It’s asking him to possess it and right now, that’s what Barry wants more than anything in the world, to have that Light. To make it fucking _his._

Lup’s a hell of a lot smarter than he is, turning her back so she’s not looking at the Light. “Does that actually work?” Barry asks. He hopes it does. He hopes just not having the Light in his line of sight will make this damn craving go away.

“Nope,” Lup says at once. “Trying to convince myself that it does, though.”

“I can’t even count all of them,” Davenport says suddenly.

That’s when the thought of the Light leaves Barry’s head and he looks down. Looks down at the hundreds of these mushroom people lying dead on the ground, clearly spending their last moments in the world reaching up towards this beautiful thing they probably didn’t even understand.

“What a waste,” Barry says. “What a damn waste.”

“Almost a blessing that Burnside wasn’t alive to see this,” Davenport says.

“Yeah,” Barry says. Truer words and all that. The scene in front of them would break Magnus’ heart. “Let’s get the Light and get out of here. Let the townsfolk get back to their lives.”

At least they know there’s a much better chance of them keeping their lives now, all thanks to the Light.

#

It takes weeks to get back to the main settlement. Barry’s sick and tired of wearing a mask meant for a dwarf and can’t take it off fast enough when the air’s clean enough to breathe.

They arrive in the middle of the night. The crew splits up. The townsfolk to their home. Lup, Davenport, and Lucretia back to the _Starblaster._ And Barry? Barry’s wide awake and not ready to go back to the ship yet.

His eyes keep going to Merle’s church. After eight cycles, the fourth with humanoids, this is the first church Merle’s found. Barry wonders why that is. Why this cycle?

He supposes it won’t hurt to look around. He’s only stepped into the First Church of Fungston once, the day of the official opening. Fun day, that. Full of hope. Feels like a million years ago now.

So he pushes open the door and lets himself inside. It’s a small church, with benches on either side of an aisle and an altar at the end of it.

It’s the sight of the alter that gets him. And something in him snaps.

“I gotta bone to pick with you,” Barry says, pointing at the altar.

He’s never been one for religion, not really. Science gives him more answers than religion ever can. Religion just leaves him with questions.

But it’s religion he needs right now. Barry needs a god to argue with and Pan’s the only one in town. It could be any god, really. Istus would be fun to yell at. Fate? The future? Does anyone on the crew of the IPRE have a future? Was this their fucking fate for the rest of time?

Or he could yell about death and darkness with Nerull. Or maybe Incabulos. The God of fucking disaster. Which is what this entire damned mission has turned out to be.

“What the fuck do you want from us?” Barry asks the altar with a hiss.

He takes a step up the aisle, desperately glad its the middle of the night and no one will notice him in the church. Because he’s got some things to say. Things he’s been holding back for eight years, because Barry doesn’t like to get angry.

Anger clouds judgment and causes all sorts of problems. He saw that as a kid, with a couple of the losers his mom dated after his father died. After one particularly bad day, Barry swore to himself that he’d never let anger affect him.

But anger is the only thing he feels right now, knowing that the Light of Creation is on its way back to the _Starblaster_ and how many people died this cycle because of it? How many people have died over the last eight cycles because of it?

And while he and Lup have studied it the best they can the few cycles they’ve recovered it, they still hardly know anything about it. Other than the fact that a deity of some kind clearly created it.

Which leads him back to Pan, and the First Church of Fungston. “You’ve got a lot of nerve,” Barry says to the altar, taking another step closer. “Following us all the time, making us spend time and energy finding you, making us feel responsible for every world we step on.”

Barry lets out a slow breath and digs his shaking hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I just need to know _why?_ ”

Why them? Why the crew of the IPRE? Was it their own fault? Did the bond engine do something to the fabric of space and time? He’s a scientist - a really fucking good scientist - and when it comes to an actual reason on why this whole thing started, he doesn’t have a goddamn clue.

“Magnus’ died four times now. Taako’s died. Merle’s died six times. Okay, yeah maybe Merle shouldn’t count, because he’s doing his stupid experiment, but we still feel them,” Barry says, his voice getting louder. Shit. _Shit._ He needs to stay quiet. “We still know he’s _gone._ ”

At least it hasn’t been Lup. She only died that one time for science, just like him. But if she did. If she died… Barry takes a deep breath. He’ll do whatever the fuck he needs to do to keep that from happening.

He’s reached the altar now and Barry’s really fucking glad his hands are in his pocket, because it’s taking everything he’s got not to knock off the candles and the displays. Instead, he just stares at a small wooden carving that’s supposed to represent Pan.

“How many times do we need to die before this ends?” Barry asks, wondering if the heavens even care.

“Excuse me?”

For just a split second, he’s in shock, wondering if Pan’s actually listening and if Barry hasn’t managed to royally piss him off.

Barry turns towards the voice, not sure what to expect. In the back of the church is a Halfing, wizened from age. “You’re not supposed to be here,” the man says, clearly annoyed. “It’s after hours.”

Any anger Barry has disappears in a wisp of smoke. “Sorry about that,” he says, his voice shaking just a bit. “Sometimes you just really need the word of Pan.”

“Merle says that all the time,” the Halfing says, with a huff of a laugh. “Maybe go after the word in the morning, once the sun is up.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Barry says, even though he knows he’ll probably never step foot in this church again. “Will do. Thanks.”

Without another look back at the altar, Barry walks down the aisle and out of the church, feeling like an idiot.

They have the Light. And when they have the Light, there’s work for him and Lup to do. Lots of work. So why is he wasting his time arguing with Gods when there’s work to be done? Of course, he knows, deep down in his heart, just exactly why.

Because there’s a part of him, a tiny, almost minuscule part, that hopes that one of them might argue back.


	9. Cycle 09

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang takes a break. Lup and Taako clash. Barry's reminded of home.

**Cycle Nine**

Over the course of his life, Barry’s realized the mirror’s never been his friend. To avoid interacting with the mirror, he’s figured out a few tricks.

He learned how to shave without a mirror at an early age and had plenty of nicks and cuts to prove it. Brush his teeth? His hair? No mirror required for old Barry.

Why would he need one when all he’s going to see is an average man looking right back at him?

But today’s a little different. Today, the IPRE wants to put on a little style.

They’re on a perfectly normal world, with small villages scattered throughout. Not as technologically advanced as home, but enough differences to keep Barry interested.

And being a perfectly normal world, Lup and Taako decided the crew of the _Starblaster_ deserves a night out. Somehow the twins managed to find the classiest restaurant on planet and booked a reservation for seven.

Back almost ten years ago when he packed for this two month trip, Barry did remember to pack one nice outfit. Present Barry very much appreciated past Barry’s effort.

He looks in the mirror. There he is. Plain ol’ Barry. Just wearing a shirt and tie instead of a t-shirt and his red IPRE jacket. But he’s freshly shaved and his hair is combed and he’s as ready as he’ll ever be.

“Time’s up, everyone!” comes Taako’s voice from Barry’s Stone of FarSpeech. “Only I can be fashionably late and I’m ready to go.”

Barry adjusts his tie, ignoring how the collar of his shirt already feels a little tight. Then without a backwards glance at the mirror, he leaves his quarters.

Everyone except Lup is waiting in the Ops Center. Strange to see everyone dressed up for a night out. He’s used to seeing them all in their uniforms or something comfortable. Everyone putting on the nines like this? Kinda nice.

Davenport’s wearing a beige colored suit with a bowler hat. Merle’s got on some sort of board shorts on. Dress shorts, maybe? Must be a dwarf thing. Magnus is wearing a tight collarless shirt that seems to show off every muscle the man has. Lucretia’s wearing a plain navy blue dress without many frills. Taako’s in a flowy ruffled shirt and tight-looking pants, set off by a dramatic red cape off of one shoulder.

“We’re all here, Lup!” Taako shouts. “You can make your dramatic entrance now.”

“Well,” comes Lup’s voice from down the hall, “if you insist.”

Barry cranes his neck a bit, trying to get a glimpse. But only seconds pass before Lup all but saunters into the OPS center.

Even though he knows it’s anatomically impossible, Barry’s pretty sure his heart skips a beat when he sees her. Yeah, this crush ain’t going anywhere.

She walks in like royalty, her hair piled high on top of her head. Her dress is beautiful, off-the-shoulder and going all the way to the floor. The color was a light purple, and for one moment, Barry’s so reminded of the skies from their home plane that he almost chokes up.

“Looking good, Lup,” Magnus says, holding out his fist.

Lup bumps it with her own before she turns to look at the rest of the group. Barry watches as she takes them in, one by one. When she makes it to him, it takes everything he’s got not to stare down at the floor and blush.

“Barold?” Lup asks, tilting her head. “Those aren’t blue jeans.”

Now he does look down, having almost forgotten what he’s wearing. He’s just in a pair of black slacks. Nothing fancy. But he’s certainly never worn them before. “I do own more than blue jeans, you know.”

“Only took you nine years to break them out,” Merle says with a snort. “Seriously, though, what’s your deal with jeans?”

Barry braces himself for an onslaught of teasing. He’s an easy target, after all. And this won’t be the first time that Merle’s ragged him about his jeans. What’s so hard for him to understand that they’re comfortable? And Barry likes being comfortable?

“Oh, leave him alone, old man,” Lup says, patting Merle on the head. “You can ask that about anyone here. What’s my deal with being amazing? What’s Magnus’ deal with muscles? Or your deal with plants and or Pan?”

Lup meets his eye and gives him a wink. This isn’t the first time she’s come to his defense and he’s got to say, Barry does appreciate it.

“Fair enough,” Merle says. “I do like the word of Pan.”

“We need to find you a jean jacket,” Magnus says and Barry’s surprised to hear a bit of eagerness in his voice. “Then you can have a whole denim suit. That would be fucking rad.”

Barry chuckles, thinking about just how close he was to packing his jean jacket on this trip. But it’s at his little apartment back in the home world, if that even exists any longer.

“Have you found denim on any of the inhabited worlds?” Lucretia asks.

Barry’s about to shake his head, when Merle says, “That’s dinner talk. Come on, let’s go get some grub.”

Merle, Davenport, and Magnus walk out of the ship, talking about some sports team Barry doesn’t remember from their home world.

Lup, on the other hand, is staring at Taako. “You said you were wearing light blue,” she says. She picks up the skirt of her dress a bit. “This color doesn’t work with red.”

“Wasn’t feeling the blue,” Taako says with a shake of his head. “Red’s better suited for my aura tonight.”

Barry feels a bit like he’s watching a ping-pong match. He turns back to Lup, waiting for her reaction.

Instead of responding to Taako, she slides her arm through Lucretia’s. “Come on,” she says, chin high. “You look fabulous. Plus, that blue looks so good with my dress.”

“Thank you,” Lucretia says and Barry can see her hiding a smile.

Lup and Lucretia walk out ahead, leaving Barry to stare at Taako. “Well,” he says, painfully aware of how awkward he must sound. “Shall we?”

“Oh we shall,” Taako says, pushing back his shoulders. “Time to introduce Taako to the world.”

Taako moves so quickly that Barry barely has a chance to realize he’s alone on the ship. With a sigh, he locks up the ship, and starts to walk as quick as he can, to catch up with his friends.


	10. Cycle 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus decides to do some work. Lup decides to lend a hand. Barry decides to find some alone time.

**Cycle Ten**

“You’re shitting me,” Magnus says, wiping the sweat off his brow. It’s fucking hot out today and all he wants is to be back in his quarters and maybe dream of ice.

Lup gestures at her face. “Does this look like a face that would shit you?” Magnus grins, and before he has a chance to answer, she puts up her hand. “Don’t answer that.”

What he would give for some damn shade right now. Or clouds. Or _something._ But this is the most boring ass world they’ve been on yet.

There aren’t any sort of people on this world. Plenty of animals, thankfully not the intelligent talking kind like back in the first cycle, so Magnus has no qualms hunting. And as far as they can tell, this entire continent is one big-ass plain with a couple of lakes. No mountains. Hardly any trees. Just flat land as far as the eye can see.

Boring. Boring. Boring.

“How in the world can anyone get lost out here?” Magnus says, spreading his arms out wide. “There’s nothing.”

“Preaching to the choir, my man,” Lup says. “I get it. It doesn’t seem possible. It shouldn’t be possible. Yet here we are, with absolutely no sign of our science officer.”

Magnus cracks his neck and tries not to smile at the look of disgust on Lup’s face at the sound. He’s just about to ask why she came to him about this when he remembers that it’s his damn job. He’s security.

Lately, his job feels like it’s to protect an entire planet. It’s a job no one should have on their shoulders, but here it is. On his. Luckily, he’s got broad shoulders.

Looking for one science officer will be a nice change of pace.

“I’m assuming you checked the ship?” Magnus asks. At her nod, he adds, “When was the last time you saw him?”

“After breakfast, I think?” Lup says. “He was going to take the Light out to the lake for some tests.”

“He’s got the Light?” Magnus asks. “Well that’ll be easy enough. It’ll be dark in two hours. We wait until we see the Light.”

Lup tilts her head and he can tell she doesn’t agree. “Normally I wouldn’t dream of telling you how to do your job-”

“Yeah, you would,” Magnus says with a snort.

“True dat. I absolutely would,” Lup says. “But here’s the kicker. Barry told me he’d be back by lunch.” Lup taps the tip of a finger against his chest. “When have you ever know our boy to skip a meal?”

Magnus lets that sink in. “Shit.”

“Exactly,” Lup says.

He makes a decision. For some reason, their Stones of FarSpeech don’t work this cycle. So good old fashioned leg work it is. “I’m heading out to the lake. Want in?”

She shrugs her shoulder. “I suppose I can grace you with my expertise.”

“In security work?” Magnus asks.

“More in a general sense,” Lup answers. 

Magus takes the lead and they start the walk. Boring ass world as it is, he sort of likes the sky. It’s a pretty light blue color, exotic compared to the purple from home.

The mere thought of home makes his stomach twist a bit. He thinks about his parents. Did the Hunger kill them? Were they still alive? Did they worry about him?

That’s what upsets him the most. The idea that his parents are still alive with no idea where he is. Barry doesn’t have any good ideas yet, but really? There are no good ideas when it comes to this bullshit.

He’s a damn security officer. What good is he when it comes to figuring out what the hell is going on? Nothing. That’s what. Doesn’t make for a fun trip, that’s for sure.

As they walk, they come near a cluster of trees. Something to break up the monotony of the fucking plains. “That one usually has some fruit,” Lup says. “I’m going to check.”

Magnus stops walking and starts to look towards the lake. There’s nothing out of the ordinary from what he can see. Where the hell could Bluejeans have gone?

“Hey, you like mushrooms? There are some here,” Lup says.

Not able to stop himself, Magnus shivers. “Absolutely not,” he says.

“Suit yourself,” Lup says as she puts some in her satchel. “More for me.”

“You can eat mushrooms after that one cycle?” Magnus asks. Memories start to rush back a bit. Like dying. Like leading an expedition to the Light. And then _dying_. He hopes he never gets used to dying. Ever. “I don’t think I’ll be ever be able to eat mushrooms again.”

“It’s food and you were the one who said we need to be careful about supplies,” Lup says evenly. “Wait a goddamn minute. Why am I being the practical one here? That’s not the way it’s supposed to work.”

Magnus laughs and feels a bit of weight coming off of his shoulders. She’s right. Of course she’s right. Any food they can find, they need to use. Ideally, he wants three cycles worth of supplies in the hold at all time. They barely have enough for one right now.

“Bring ‘em along. I’m sure Taako can do something with them,” Magnus says with a grin.

Once they get closer to the lake, Lup calls out, “Barold! Where are you?”

“Lup?”

Without any warning, Magnus sees Barry’s head sticking out of the ground. “Fuck, Barry, you had us worried,” Magnus says.

“Were you hiding or something?” Lup asks, hands on her hips.

“Hold on, let me get out of here,” Barry says, his head disappearing.

A moment, later, Barry’s crawling out of a small looking cavern near the lake. The top’s covered with stalky-type plants. They would have never found him in a million years.

“Everything okay?” Barry asks.

Magnus’ eyes go directly to the Light in Barry’s hands. Everytime he sees it, something strange twists in his gut and he doesn’t like it. Doesn’t like it at all.

“Fine, now,” Lup says and Magnus doesn’t miss how she’s staring at the Light, too. “We were going to meet for evocation practice?”

“Oh shit,” Barry says, patting his brow with a handkerchief. It’s still really fucking hot out. “Yeah, sort of got distracted by the Light.”

“It’ll do that,” Lup says, taking the Light from Barry’s hands.

Magnus tries to ignore the thought of reaching out and holding it himself. “Come on, let’s get back to the ship.”

The three of them start to back to the _Starblaster_ in silence. As they pass the little cluster of trees, Barry looks down and says, “Weird, i could have sworn I saw mushrooms here earlier.”

Lup pats her bag. “Got ‘em for dinner tonight.”

“You know what’s weird?” Barry asks as they keep walking. “After that Fungston cycle, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to eat-”

“We’re both going to eat the mushrooms and we’re both going to like it,” Magnus says with a nod of his head. He might sound a bit fierce, but secretly, he’s glad Barry agrees with him.

“Yes, sir,” Barry says, all but stuttering the words out.

Magnus holds back a laugh. He hadn’t meant to be _that_ fierce. “Come on,” he says. “Let’s get back home.”


	11. Cycle 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davenport makes a toast. Lup forgets a thing. Barry falls.

**Cycle Eleven**

And then there were three.

“Sorry guys,” Barry says, looking at Lup and Davenport. Fuck, he sounds exhausted, which is what he is. Absolutely fucking _exhausted_. “I know we said we’d have a wake for Magnus, but…”

Davenport nods, staring down at the floor. Lup, for her part, pulls out the cork to a bottle of wine with her teeth. “One sip,” she says. “Let’s give him that at least.”

She hands the bottle to Davenport, who immediately brings the bottle to his lips and takes a swallow. “To Magnus,” he says, before handing the bottle to Barry.

Barry takes the bottle, and carefully wipes off the top, and holds it up in a toast. “To Magnus.” Even though he hates red wine, he drinks in honor of his friend. He drinks as much as he can, forcing the wine down. As he passes the bottle to Lup, he says, “Here.”

After wiping the bottle herself, she raises it high and stares at the contents. “What is that, about three-fourths left? Not bad, you two.” After her rather long sip, she grips the bottle by the neck. “I’ll be drinking the rest of this in my cabin. See you both in the morning.”

Without another world, she ambles down the corridor. Looking at her without a critical eye, one would think she doesn’t have a care in the world. Barry knows better. He can see the extra weight on her shoulders. He can see how each step has a little less of a bounce.

This cycle’s been hard on all of them.

At first, it seemed like a perfectly innocent cycle. Nice people, willing to trade. No sign of the Light of Creation, but that never stopped Magnus from looking.

Then about six months in, Merle got sick. And not just a cold or a stomach ache. He had boils. That’s when they learned about the plague in this cycle. Contagious, of course. So they shipped Merle right off to the plague house. They couldn’t afford to have all of them catch the disease.

A week later, Merle was dead.

Lucretia died a month after that.

Two months passed then before Taako left for the plague house, and promptly died.

And today, with just less than two months left in the cycle, they received word Magnus died.

Three of them are left now. They check their temperatures every day. It’s gotten to the point where they barely stay in the same room with each other, just in case one of them has the plague and doesn’t know it.

Barry hasn’t figured out much about how this whole cycle thing works, but one thing he’s pretty confident about? If none of them make it out of a cycle?

That’s endsville.

Scary thought after ten years of basically being immortal. And if they’re all dead, what’s to say The Hunger won’t run over the entire universe? An even scarier thought, that.

“I’m going to bed,” Davenport says in a quiet voice. “Goodnight, Barry.”

“G’night,” Barry says.

Just like that, Barry’s alone in the common room. Alone and fucking useless.

He’s a goddamn scientist, yet has he been able to figure out how to stop The Hunger? Stop the cycles from repeating over and over again? No. He’s not any fucking closer now than he was in the first cycle.

Just eleven years older mentally with a whole lot of nothing to show for it.

Without thinking, Barry plops down on the sofa, putting his feet up on the coffee table. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he mutters to himself. “Fucking stupid.”

And that’s when the tears start falling.

He’s not even sure why he’s crying. The fact that he doesn’t know pisses him off, but instead of really getting angry about it, he’s sad. “Fuck,” he whispers, taking off his glasses to wipe his tears.

“Did I leave my-”

Barry looks up at the sound of Lup’s voice. _Fuck_. As if this isn’t exactly what he doesn’t need right now. Lup seeing him cry like an idiot. As quickly as he can, he puts his glasses back on and tries to sound like nothing’s wrong. “What are you looking for?”

It doesn’t work.

He waits for her laughter. Waits for her to say something to tease him, to try to break the tension in the room, but probably making him feel even worse about himself. If that’s even possible.

But instead she looks at him.

Lup looks at him and just for a moment, it’s like she can see through him, cut through all the bullshit that’s Barry Bluejeans and see _him_. Only him. It’s a heady feeling.

“It doesn’t matter,” Lup says quietly.

And then ignoring all the rules the ship’s had to put in place the last couple of months, Lup walks over to the sofa and sits down next to him. Close enough that he can feel the warmth from her body.

“You wanna talk about it?” Lup says, leaning back into the cushions on the sofa. “I have a feeling these aren’t Magnus tears.” She tilts her head. “Not that he isn’t deserving of them, of course.”

“Yeah, no, not for Magnus,” Barry says. He wants to wince at the sound of his voice. Definitely can tell he’s been crying from the way he sniffles. “Just tired, I guess.”

“I hear that,” Lup says, her voice soft.

A bit of a silence settles over them. It’s not uncomfortable in the slightest. But just as he wonders if he should say something, Lup says, “It’s okay to be sad, you know.”

Barry’s not sure what to say to that. She’s right. Of course she’s right. But what’s he lost in the grand scheme of things?

“I’m just being stupid,” Barry says. “I mean, you’ve lost Taako this cycle. Almost everyone lost family in our home cycle. And here I am, crying like an idiot.”

“Other people hurting doesn’t trivialize your own pain, Barry,” Lup says. There’s a real kindness, a warmth, in her voice that Barry doesn’t think he’s heard before. He wants to just get lost in it. “You’re still allowed to mourn.”

She’s right. He knows she’s right. Barry leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. More tears come, not many, but enough that he’s pretty sure Lup can tell he’s crying again. But this time, he doesn’t feel any shame.

He feels her hand on his shoulder then. Just a simple pressure, a reminder that she’s there. It’s nice. More than nice, really. A minute or two later, he thinks he’s cried out for the day.

“Thanks, Lup,” Barry says, flopping back into the cushions of the sofa.

“We’ll get through this, Barold,” Lup says, a half-formed smile on her lips. “But until we do, I’ve got that bottle of wine. Wanna get shit-faced?”

Barry chuckles and shakes his head. “Tempting,” he says. “But I think I’m gonna hit the hay. Fresh start in the morning and all that.”

“Fair enough,” Lup says, standing up. She walks to the hallway before turning around. “On a serious note.” She holds up a finger. “Don’t get used to it. Me, being serious, that is. But if you ever need to talk. I’m here, okay?”

“Thanks,” Barry says. With a smile, Lup turns to walk to her room. “Hey, Lup?”

She turns back towards him. “Yeah?”

“I know you’ve got Taako and everything, but that goes both ways, you know?” Barry says, his words tripping over themselves. “I’m here for you, too.”

Over the course of eleven years, he’s seen a lot of different versions of Lup. He’s seen her dressed up. Dressed down. Dressed professionally. Dressed casually. Soaking wet from a rainstorm. Covered in dirt in the name of science.

But this version? This version of Lup, with her hair up in a messy bun, wearing one of Taako’s t-shirts with a pair of leggings, will stick with him for the rest of his days. He’s pretty sure she’s never looked as beautiful as she does right now.

Because this version of Lup is smiling softly. At him. “Yeah, I know.”

Thirty-six years later, Barry will look back and realize this was the exact moment he fell in love.


	12. Cycle 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davenport prepares for a meet and greet. Taako finds a friend. Lup wants in on the middle of things.

**Cycle Twelve**

“Holy fuck!”

At the sound of Barry’s voice, Lup catches Taako’s eye. They’re in the galley, trying to make some sort of lunch. After every time they go back to their created state in a new plane, everyone is freaking _hungry._

Without another word, they both immediately run to ops. Anything that gets Barry J. Bluejeans worked up in the ops center of all places is worth knowing.

“What? What’d I miss?” Lup says, practically slipping on the tile floor as she runs into ops.

Apparently everyone else on the crew had the same reaction, because ops is suddenly the place to be.

“Hot damn,” Magnus says. There’s a sense of awe in Magnus’ voice and it’s killing her. What is she missing? Missing things isn’t her thing. She never misses things.

Lup turns to look at Magnus, wanting to see what he sees. He’s clearly looking out the window. So she runs up and looks out herself. The first thing she notices is a light pink sky. Kinda pretty.

Some sort of winged creatures were flying about. A whole bunch of them actually. It takes a second to realize that the creatures were on their way to the ship.

And another second for Lup to realize that those weren’t actually creatures. But humans. Flying humans.

She looks at the rest of the group, disappointed. “What, you guys have never seen a celestial before?”

“Heard of them,” Barry says, still looking out the window. “Never actually seen one up close.”

“They’re all good,” Taako says, leaning against the wall. “Meh.”

“We had fun with the Eladrins, though” Lup says. She tries to remember how long ago that was, but with time being all sorts of crazy now, she can’t quite pinpoint it. “They at least knew how to party. The Archons?” She rolls her eyes. They couldn’t see a joke if it bit them on the ass. Which if she recalls correctly, Taako tried to do just that.

Davenport makes an appearance on the bridge. “Looks like we have a welcoming committee,” he says, hands behind his back.

Every time. Every time they meet new the residents of whatever crazy ass plane they’ve made it to, Davenport gets all serious. It’s sort of cute now. The first couple of cycles, Lup tried to be good, and follow the IPRE rules for first contact.

But now? After at least seven of these first contacts behind them? They all know what to do. Basically it comes down to not pissing anyone off. And that’s something she can do. When she wants to, that is.

The celestials land on the desk of the _Starblaster._ Davenport leads the way, being the captain and all, with the rest of the crew following behind. Lucretia is at the back, furiously writing in a journal. One of these days Lup’s gonna ask to read some of them, just to see how prominent she is in their adventure.

There’s a group of five celestials on the deck. They’re all in armor and carrying weapons, which doesn’t bode well. But then Lup tries to look at it from their point of view. A flying ship just showed up out of nowhere. She’d be nervous, too.

“Welcome,” Davenport says with a neat little bow. “I’m Captain Davenport of the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration.”

Lup looks over the celestials in front of them. Two women, a man, and two others who she won’t insult by trying to guess their gender. The celestials introduce themselves, and Lup quickly realizes that Taako is staring at the gentleman in the group.

“You’re staring,” she mutters under her breath, just loud enough so only Taako can hear.

“I died last cycle,” he says back just as softly. “I do believe I deserve a reward for coming back to life.”

Davenport’s droning on about good relations and trading and learning, all stuff Lup’s heard before. The only interesting part of the conversation is when he scores them a dinner invite that night.

“You have buildings in the clouds?” Barry asks in that adorable excited science voice of his.

“Where else would we put them?” one of the women, probably the leader of the group, asks. “On the ground? Where they would be at the mercy of nature and animals? I think not.”

“I don’t think so,” Merle says suddenly. “You’re not going to get me to walk on a cloud. That’s just crazy talk.”

At that very moment, the _Starblaster_ passes through a cloud.

“Okay, I stand corrected,” Merle says, resting his folded hands on his belly.

“I thought you stood four feet tall,” Magnus says with a grin.

One of the celestials burst out laughing Magnus’ words. “My apologize,” they say. “I’ve never seen a non-celestial before.”

“You don’t have humans or elves?” Barry asks.

“Or dwarves or gnomes,” Merle says loudly. “Geez. What are we, chopped liver?”

Barry blushes, which is not a great look when you combine it with his jacket. “Sorry, Merle. Sorry, Davenport,” he says.

“Apology accepted,” Merle says. “I’m off to get some grub.”

The group starts breaking off a bit. Magnus goes to the front of the ship, already looking for the Light of Creation, even though it’ll probably be another twelve hours before it falls. Taako, predictably, is chatting up the celestial he was staring at earlier.

“Wait,” Merle says from the doorway. “What will it take for you to give me a piggyback ride?”

Lup covers her mouth with her hand, trying to keep herself from laughing. She was thinking the same thing, but she’s at least polite enough not to ask. Well, at least she’s polite enough _now_. When she’s sober. If she has some drinks tonight, then all bets are off.

The celestials all look at each other and two of them shrug. “Anyone else want a ride?”

Lup raises her hand at once, along with Taako and Merle. She catches the eye of one of the celestials, one wearing a beautiful blue robe, and they smile. “Are you sure about this?” Lup asks.

“I think you mean are _you_ sure about this?” the celestial asks.

Challenge accepted.

Without another word, she jumps on the celestial’s back. Less than a day in this cycle, and Lup’s already flying through the air. This cycle’s gonna kick some serious ass.


	13. Cycle 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle thinks of a new way to go. Magnus discovers Power Armor. Barry gets suspicious.

**Cycle Thirteen**

“Merle, are you sure this is really how you want to die this time?” Barry asks. He picks up a bag of RadAway and hands it to the dwarf. “This will heal you.”

“Sure it will heal me, but did you hear about some of the side effects? I could lose all my hair,” Merle says, stroking his beard. “You have any idea how long it took me to grow this baby?”

Barry stands up and puts his hands in his pockets. Out in the distance, he sees a gathering of green clouds. Another radiation storm is brewing. They’ll need to take cover soon. Well, everyone except for Merle. “I’ve talked to a couple of the townspeople. They all say radiation poisoning is a really sucky way to go.”

“But I haven’t died by raditioning poisoning yet!” Merle says. “Think about how amazing that is. I’ve died eleven times now and I’m still finding new ways to kick the bucket.” He gives a satisfied sigh. “Life really is beautiful, Barry.”

“Well, there’s a radiation storm out west,” Barry says. “Go forth and dance like nobody’s watching.”

Merle chuckles, that annoying chuckle of his which Barry’s learned means he’s gonna bring up Pan. “Pan’s always watching. But I like how you think.”

“I’m gonna find the others,” Barry mutters, leaving Merle to his own devices.

He hears Merle humming to himself as he walks towards the town’s center. A couple of people are standing around and chatting, while others are farming small patches of crops. Sanctuary, they said it was called.

Too bad it feels anything but.

It’s a far cry from the beautiful cloud cities they lived in last cycle. This time? They’re living in a wasteland, in a civilization that’s been trying to recover from a nuclear war for three centuries.

Barry’s not even sure what a nuclear war is, just that it’s a very, very bad thing.

As he walks, he sees Magnus doing a patrol route around the perimeter. He’s wearing something the locals call power armor and basically has the time of his life whenever he suits up.

Taako and Lup are in the bar, working. Might be a good place to waste some time until the storm blows over. Then he can go out and scavenge a bit. Once he’s sure he’s not gonna suck up a shitton of rads, that is.

He walks up to the counter and sits down, fishing out a couple of bottle caps from his pockets. As he slides them over to Lup, she pushes them right back to him.

“How many times do we need to tell you? You totes drink here for free,” she says. “What’s your poison?”

Both Lup and Taako look a little run down this cycle. Barry’s sure he does, too. This is one of those cycles where no one’s gonna get enough to eat. And the food they do get? If he never has to eat a sugary breakfast cereal again for the rest of his life, it will be too soon.

But what else can they do? They’re living in this town for the year. They’ve got protection and people kind enough to let him take apart some of their tech. The robots here… Aren’t like _anything_ they have in their home plane. This plane alone would advance civilization by a couple of decades, easily.

Every single one of the crew of the _Starblaster_ has some sort of job. Barry and Merle work in the health clinic. Magnus and Davenport help with security. Taako and Lup somehow manage to keep the bar well-stock.

And then there’s Lucretia, who’s the most in demand, copying books and writing letters for people.

“Surprise me,” Barry says.

Lup grins, a wicked looking grin that makes Barry’s stomach twist in a knot. She’s so fucking beautiful. And then he tries to push the thought away, because he’s Barry Bluejeans  and she’s Lup, and those two facts are irrefutable.

She turns her back towards him as she starts putting together a drink. He starts to stare a bit, at the back of her neck, the tip of her ears. Barry’s well aware he shouldn’t be staring but sometimes-

“Ahem.”

Barry jumps at the voice, only to see Taako looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. _Shit._ That’s the last thing Barry needs, to have someone realize he’s got a crush on Lup.

Luckily, Lup turns around then and places a shot glass in front of him. Moonshine, from the looks of it. “Magnus is talking about starting another expedition,” she says.

Barry looks around to make sure no one can overhear them. “There’s less than a month to go. This world is huge, Lup. I’ve seen maps,” he tells her. “Unless the Light fell on this continent, which I don’t think it did, we won’t even be able to make it across the ocean in a month.”

“Do you want to be the one to tell Magnus not to search for the Light?” Lup asks, one eyebrow arched.

Barry throws back the shot and shudders. This moonshine is pretty awful. But he thinks Lup made it, so it’s fine. “Hells, no,” Barry says. “I’m not suicidal.”

“Then there’s the ol’ cap’n-rooney,” Taako says. “Cap’n Port wants Magnus to guard the _Starblaster_.”

“After the last raider attack? Makes sense,” Lup says.

They’ve got half a year of supplies in the cargo hold of the ship. They’re doing their best not to go through it all, but sometimes Barry just feels so fucking guilty about taking food from these people. Anything the crew eats is food the people here could eat.

But word’s gotten around about the ship hidden in the woods. And with that, people are starting to get a little more curious than they have the right to be.

So the crew all takes longer shifts guarding the ship. It’s never to be left alone. Davenport and Lucretia are there now. Barry and Taako will start another shift in two days. He’s looking forward to it, actually.

This cycle’s got a type of people he’s never seen before, something called a ghoul. He’s been studying them a bit, trying to figure out if he can use any of it in his own necromancy. Nothing yet, but there’s still time.

A sudden crack of lightning makes Barry jump in his seat. The radiation storm is here. He looks out the window, into the wasteland, and in the distance, Merle is there, dancing.


	14. Cycle 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle casts his favorite spell. Magnus fails again and again. Lup wins a friend.

**Cycle Fourteen**

“I can stop anytime I want,” Magnus says, his voice firm. “And I don’t wanna yet. Let me _go._ ”

Lup rolls her eyes and she looks over at Barry. He standing tall, holding out his wand, keeping Magnus in some sort of stasis field. “Barold, the dude isn’t listening to us.”

“Which is why we’re staging an intervention,” Barry whispers out of the corner of his mouth. Oh Barold. Sweet, sweet Barold, acting like Magnus isn’t going to kick his ass the second the stasis field is dropped.

“Oh just let him go,” Taako says. He’s sitting in one of the empty chairs in ops, examining his nails. “This isn’t nearly as exciting as I thought it would be.”

Barry sighs, one of those deep ones that makes his belly jiggle just the tiniest little bit - adorable, really - and drops his wand. “We only want what’s best for you, Magnus,” he says.

Magnus cracks his neck, _ugh_ what an ugly sound, and says, “I know. But what’s best for me is winning that stupid plushie. The strongman contest has to be rigged. I’m gonna figure it out.”

“Sure you will, buddy,” Lup says, patting Magnus on the shoulder. “You sure you don’t want me to magic you up before you try again?

“I’m beating it the right way or not at all,” Magnus says, his hands curling into fists. “Time to get back out there.”

Lup watches Magnus leave the ship with Barry standing next to her. Taako’s still sitting down, waving a handkerchief as Magnus runs down the ramp.

“You know he’s never gonna ding that bell, right?” Lup asks.

“Never,” Barry says just as Taako starts singing ‘Ring my bell-el-el, ring my bell.’

Lup stretches her arms over her head and tries to decide what to do next. This has been an interesting cycle, so to speak. The world is one huge carnival, with rides and games and attractions. There’s no war or fighting here, not when that sort of thing is simply figured out by winning a game of tug-o-war.

“You want to go back to the Light?” Lup asks Barry.

Barry shakes his head. “Nah,” he says. “We’ve studied it three days in a row. I think we’ve earned a day off.”

“Cool,” Lup says, grabbing a sweater from her chair. “Then let’s go watch Magnus get his ass kicked.”

#

Taako decides to stay behind, so it’s just Lup and Barry wandering towards the strongman game.

Lup could get used to this. A tired cliche, of course. But it’s true. Everyone is so damn happy in this world. Well, except for Magnus, since he can’t seem to win the strongman contest.

And sometimes Barry, but only when there’s a clown in the vicinity. There’s a story there, and Lup will absolutely worm it out of him some day.

But it’s been a good cycle. They have the Light and in-between study sessions there are plenty of things to keep her entertained. Lup does so like to be entertained. 

“What’s Merle doing?” Lup asks.

Merle is standing by the strongman game, stroking his beard. Magnus stands in front of the machine, holding the hammer in his hand.

They haven’t seen all that much of Merle this cycle. He’s gone out on his own a lot, hanging out with some dwarves that live on a nearby beach. Lup wonders how he’s going to die this cycle. She votes for death by clown.

Magnus hoists the hammer over his shoulder, beads of sweat trickling down his brow. This isn’t the first time she’s noticed that Magnus is quite a good-looking man. Not really her type, but it certainly never hurts anyone to appreciate the aesthetics of a person, right?

“Wait for one second, Magnus,” Merle says, pulling out his wand. “I cast Zone of Truth.” With a satisfied nod, he adds, “Now try.”

“Oh this should be good,” Lup says, grabbing a handful of Barry’s popcorn. Only a handful, mind you. This carnival food can only be eaten in moderation, even with an elf’s metabolism.

“Shit, Magnus looks pissed,” Barry says.

“So does the vendor,” Lup says.

Magnus is clearly trying to center himself, taking some deep breaths. There’s quite the crowd around the strongman game; more than one person has heard of Magnus’ quest to beat this contest over the past few months.

Lup’s itching to cast a spell of her own, to help increase his strength, but she manages to keep her hands in her pockets. She watches with bated breath as Magnus lifts the hammer high above his head.

Then with a snap, Magnus slams the hammer down on the weight. The stone flies up and almost effortlessly hits the bell.

Lup cheers loudly along with the rest of the crowd. Magnus, for his part, doesn’t look angry at all. He’s a far better person than she’ll ever be. Ever. Because she would be _pissed._

“Congratulations, you are a strong man!” the game vendor says without hesitation. “You’ve earned your pick of a prize.”

Magnus starts to look around and catches her eye. Lup gives him a ‘who me?’ gesture as he waves her over. “Looks like I’ve been summoned,” she says to Barry, taking another handful of his popcorn.

“Lup, pick a prize,” Magnus says, a huge grin on his face.

“Congrats, my man,” Lup says. “But this is your moment, you should pick the prize.”

“Nah, I just want to win one prize for everyone on the crew. This one is yours. Lucretia will be next,” Magnus says. And he sounds so eager that she’s touched.

_Of course_ Magnus doesn’t want a prize of his own. That’s just so perfectly Magnus. Well, Lup does like prizes, even if he doesn’t, so she’ll happily pick out something.

It’s mostly colorful plush, with a couple of sports balls mixed in. They’re mostly animals she doesn’t recognize. But then she catches a glimpse of a teddy bear. And for some odd reason, it reminds her of Barry. Maybe because it’s blue, a denimy sort of blue.

“I’ll take that one,” she says, pointing at the plush, who she will most certainly not call Beary Bluejeans.

“The lady makes an excellent choice,” the game vendor says, reaching up to grab the plush. “This is just the thing to cuddle with when you’re feeling sad.”

She gives Magnus a grin as the vendor hands her the plush. This little guy is getting a place of honor in her cabin.

“Come on, guys,” Lup says when she realizes Magnus, Merle, and Barry have her surrounded. “Let’s go get some cotton candy.” Which she knows is Magnus’ favorite. “My treat.”


	15. Cycle 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup makes an unexpected trip. Taako finds himself a little lost. Barry makes a decision.

**Cycle Fifteen**

“At least she had the decency to die at the end of the cycle,” Taako says. His words are flippant, but Barry can hear the pain behind each one. Doesn’t matter that they both know they’ll see Lup again in about a week or so. It never gets any easier.

Barry kneels down on the ground next to Lup’s body. As gently as he can, he closes her eyes, trying to force down the lump that’s caught in his throat.

Funny how knowing Lup’s dead reminds him of his crush. Some years are worse than others. He’s convinced the entire crew knows but doesn’t say anything because they feel sorry for him. Except that doesn’t make much sense. Cause if Taako knows, there’s no doubt in Barry’s mind - _no doubt_ \- that he’d rag on him every chance he got.

And Taako’s not said a damn word. So maybe everything’s just in Barry’s head. Because that would be par for the fucking course. But that’s neither here nor there right now, because they’ve got to do right by Lup.

If his memory is right (which it is), this is the first time she’s died. Well, not counting the time she died by choice, of course. That means Davenport’s the only one left that hasn’t died yet. Barry’s not sure what that says about the crew.

“How do we do this?” Barry asks Taako.

“Hmm?” Taako says.

Taako sounds a bit lost, which Barry understands. This has been a fairly pleasant cycle. It’s lavender sky almost reminds him of home. Only one sun, though. But Barry’s not picky. The cycle’s been easy enough that he expected all of them to make it through without any issues. He really hates being wrong.

“We can’t just leave her here,” Barry says. It’s taking all his effort not to move her head - it’s at such an unnatural angle from the fall - but he doesn’t want to disrespect her wishes. “She ever tell you what she wants when she dies?”

Taako takes a breath, his shoulders back. “Lup’s too good for death,” he says, his eyes not looking down. “We never really talked about that kind of shit, okay? Too fucking morbid. Why would anyone want to think about being dead?”

Barry thinks back to his own well-crafted plan on the event of his death in their home plane. A simple funeral. No wake, because he can’t imagine enough people caring enough to make the effort to go. A cousin would clean out his apartment. Donate what they can, junk the rest. And that cousin’s daughter would get any gold left over. Easy and efficient, hopefully not inconveniencing anyone too much.

A far cry different than what he imagined Lup would want. For her, there would probably be standing room only at a wake. She’d want people crying and laughing and telling stories, each one more outlandish than the next.

But they’re not in civilization right now. They’re in the middle of a forest and Lup wanted to jump off of a waterfall.

“Let’s get her out of the water at least,” Barry says. Feels really fucking weird to be taking charge right now, but if that’s what Taako needs, that’s what he’ll do. “I don’t think I can carry her by myself. Maybe we each take an arm?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Taako says and together, they lift Lup’s body out of the water and onto the shore.

It’s no wonder the jump killed her. From the top of the waterfall, the lake looked like it would never end. But the reality is that the water barely came up to their knees.

Barry thinks back to one of Merle’s many deaths, when he purposely jumped off of a building. Merle said it was like flying and he doesn’t remember any pain. Barry hopes that’s true.

“I guess we should…” Taako trails off, not looking down at Lup. “ _Fuck._ ”

Barry does the only thing he can think of and puts his hand on Taako’s shoulder. It’s not like he and Taako are close, even after spending the last fifteen years together. But if there’s anything that Barry’s learned since this all started is that they’ve all got to be kind to each other. There’s no other way to make this crazy journey of theirs work.

“That one time I died?” Taako asks suddenly. He takes a deep breath. “What did Lup want to do?”

“She said you wanted to be buried ass up-”

And Taako starts laughing, a hysterical sort of laughter that borders on tears. Barry doesn’t move his hand from his shoulder and is more than a little surprised that Taako doesn’t move, either.

“Ass up. That’s fucking beautiful. I bet I was drunk when I said that,” Taako says, holding on to his side. “Ass up. Tell me you did that.”

Barry shakes his head. “We didn’t have the time,” he admits.

“Pity,” Taako says. He raises his chin and looks to the sky and there’s just enough of a look of defiance on his face that reminds Barry so much of Lup that it almost hurts.

Another minute passes and Barry wonders if Taako actually wants to make a decision. No shame if he doesn’t. But one of them needs to. “Why don’t we cremate her?” Barry says finally. “It’s what we did with you.”

“Yeah, okay, let’s do that,” Taako says as he takes out his wand.

Barry thinks of Lup, with her evocation magic, and grins. “You’ve got a spell slot left?”

Taako must have been thinking along the same lines. A flick of his wrists, and Barry could see the flames dancing. “Fuck, yeah, I do,” Taako says and the unevenness, the helplessness, Barry heard earlier in his voice is gone.

Evocation magic isn’t his best, but Barry’s good enough to throw a fireball. “On three,” he says, bringing out flames of his own. The heat feels alien to him, not nearly as comfortable as some of the necromatic spells he’s been favoring.

But one of the good things about these cycles is that he’s had plenty of time to pick up a few tricks.

“One. Two. Three.”

With one fireball, Barry lets out his frustration, his pain, his sadness, anything he could. His fireball is good, but Taako’s is a thing of beauty. Big enough that they both need to step back less be caught up in the flames themselves.

Neither one of them speak while they watch the flames. Around them, life went on. Barry hears birds singing and animals scurrying around. This forest thrived before the crew of the IPRE arrived and hopefully it will thrive long afterwards. There’s a sense of comfort in that.

They stand guard until there’s nothing recognizable left of Lup. And Barry wonders if these ashes will still be here even after the _Starblaster_ ’s moved on. In a way, he hopes they are. Lup can be part of the cycle of life here on this plane forever, then.

“I need a drink,” Taako says as he turns around and heads back towards the ship.

Barry places his the tips of his fingers against his mouth. Not quite a kiss, but not quite not a kiss, either. With a wave, he says, “Till next time, Lup.”

Then he jogs to catch up to Taako. That drink sounds just about perfect right now. 


	16. Cycle 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davenport finds plenty of friends. Lup gets ignored. Barry lets go of the past.

**Cycle Sixteen**

“So this is what being a pariah is like.”

Barry can’t help himself. He starts to laugh. She just sounds so damn serious. “Welcome to my world, Lup.”

Hundreds of years ago, this cycle lost three-fourths of its population. All humans, elves, halflings, and dwarves were wiped out by some sort of plague.

Leaving only gnomes.

Leaving only gnomes who over the years decided that the other races caused all the problems in the world and they were better off without them.

Luckily, the gnomes seem to have accepted Davenport as one of their own. So he’s able to go off and trade and try to get supplies while the rest of them twiddle their thumbs on the ship. Well, not that Barry ever twiddles his thumbs. He’s got far too much to do for that.

“What are you talking about? You’re not a pariah,” Lup says, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re one of us.”

It’s weird hearing Lup talk like that sometimes. Like he was always an accepted member of the pack. As if sixteen years ago she didn’t interrupt his part of the press conference, shouting out _nerd alert._

Stupid to be even thinking about that sort of thing, though. They didn’t know each other back then. She didn’t know him, except as a science officer. And he certainly didn’t know how fucking amazing she is back in the home cycle.

So he lets the comment slide, because why rehash ancient history? What matters is how they treat each other now. Not sixteen years ago.

“On the _Starblaster,_ no,” Barry admits. It’s funny to think like that sometimes. To think that he’s found a place where people truly like him and are cool with having him around. Only needed to escape the Hunger again and again to find his people. “But back home?” He pushes his glasses up his nose. “Lup, I’m sure this will surprise you, but I wasn’t exactly Mister Popularity back then.”

“You were always kick-ass, Barold,” Lup says. “It just took some people, like myself, to realize it.”

Barry grins. He can’t help himself. “Yeah, so I’m used to this. People looking at me-”

“People always look at me,” Lup says.

“But you want them to,” Barry says.

“True,” she says, conceding with a tilt of the head. “You may continue.”

“Strange, I was gonna say. People looking at me strange, maybe not giving me the best service,” Barry says. “It was just a fact of like back then.”

Lup purses her lips together, a sign Barry’s come to realize means she’s being thoughtful. “This sucks.”

And Barry has to admit it sort of does. Both he and Lup decided to take a break from the _Starblaster_ and walk over to the town. It’s been more than a month since they last left their camp. Barry doesn’t mind, but Lup doesn’t like to be cooped up. At all.

Okay, and when he says he and Lup, it’s really more that Lup announced and Barry decided to tag along.

The town, being gnome-sized, is actually pretty fucking cute. All of the houses are small, enough that Barry doesn’t think Lup would be able to stand up straight in one, and if she wore heels? Forget it. But the buildings are tiny enough that they can’t really go shopping. Or even sit inside the bar to grab a drink.

But it sucks to go into a town where they really would rather have you go away. At least it’s nice outside, so the walk isn’t completely useless.

“You’re just used to everyone liking you,” Barry says, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Everyone _does_ like me,” Lups says, hands on her hips. “And if they don’t, I wear them down eventually because of how dope I am and they see the error of their ways. I know this is their loss, but even so, this is fucking _weird._ ”

“Time to join the rest of us plebeians,” he says with a grin.

Lup takes a deep breath and _fuck_. Barry looks at her breasts as she does. Oh why did he do that? She deserves so much better than someone staring at her chest. Granted, it’s not like he really stared, just took a quick glance - they’re really just about perfect - and she was looking straight ahead, so she probably didn’t notice and _fuck_ he’s a horrible person.

Barry finds himself thinking of Lup more and more these days. He’s really got to get over this crush, except? He’s not even sure it’s a crush anymore. And if it’s not a crush? That’s not good. So better to leave things undefined in his brain and simply enjoy the time he gets to spend with Lup.

Sometimes having no expectations or any sort of hope can really be liberating.

“Come on,” Lup says as she starts to walk. She doesn’t sound angry or upset at all, so Barry hopes she didn’t catch him looking at her breasts. And he’ll just make sure that doesn’t happen again.

Ever.

“Where are we going?” Barry asks, following Lup. She’s walking with a purpose and when Lup walks with purpose, people notice.

The few townsfolk walking around the townsquare do seem to notice, all staring at Lup as she seems to walk without a single care in the world.

“I feel like getting a cup of coffee,” she says, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

Right. Coffee. They can get coffee. Shouldn’t be too hard, right? They can grab some coffee and then walk back to the ship. “Coffee’s good,” he says.

“I think we’ve been doing this wrong,” Lup says casually as she waves to a couple of gnomish kids. “We let them dictate the terms. Well, no more. They’re just going to have to get used to me.”

“There are definitely worst things,” Barry says.

“Right?” Lup says. “We’ve got ten months. They’re all gonna love me by the end.”

Somehow, Barry doesn’t doubt that in the least.


	17. Cycle 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry finds an intruder. Lup is mad at her memories. A robot causes some laughter and a realization.

**Cycle Seventeen**

The ship’s too damn quiet.

Lup doesn’t do quiet. It’s not part of her DNA. Lup wants bright lights and loud noises and _life_ surrounding her. Ideally at all times. Which makes the fact that she’s currently the only one on the ship when she doesn’t want to be alone, really sort of blow. Big time.

“This sucks,” Lup mutters to herself.

Trying to distract herself, she pulls her hair out of her ponytail and parts it down the middle, wanting to put it in two braids. She braids quickly - she’s always been deft with her hands - but it doesn’t work.

“Fuck,” she says, shaking her head, getting more and more pissed off at herself as she paces the galley of the _Starblaster._ She can’t stop thinking about the upcoming mission to get down to the power source.

It’s just a waterfall. Only a fucking waterfall. There’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Nothing, damnit.

Except…

Less than two years ago, she made a stupid decision. And because of that stupid decision, it was lights out for her. Endsville. Dead as a fucking doornail.

“Lup?”

She twirls around and finds herself face to face with Barry. “What?” she says, her voice almost cracking. When the fuck did he get back on the ship? Barry’s not quiet. At all. If Barry managed to get the drop on her that’s a very bad sign for the state of her mental being.

Barry’s holding some sort of robot frame that doesn’t seem to want to stand still. “Ow,” he says as a spark flies. “Um, you okay? You’ve been pacing for a while now.”

_Shit_. The last thing she wants is anyone on the crew to worry about her. That’s not her m.o. She’s the one that’s never affected by things, lets them roll right off her back. Lup will not let this completely isolated incident ruin her street cred.  “Yeah, things are great, never better.”

“You know I’m not gonna believe that, right?”

Lup takes a deep breath and forces herself to sit down at the galley table. There are gun shells scattered around from her scavenging trip with Taako this morning. She picks up one of the gun shells, wanting to do something with her hands.

It’s not often someone calls Lup out on her bullshit, well, except for Taako, but he doesn’t count. It’s sort of refreshing in a way. “Just being dumb. A little worried about the mission,” she says.

Three cycles ago this wouldn’t be a problem. Three cycles ago she wouldn’t give a single fuck about a waterfall. But that was three cycles ago.

“You want to talk about it?” Barry asks as he swats away at the frame.

The movement’s enough to grab her attention. She puts up and hand. “Maybe,” she says. “But first, Barold, my man, what the everloving fuck are you doing with that thing?”

“Oh this? Shit. He’s a- He’s a damn stowaway, what he is,” Barry says. He sits down across from her, still holding the frame. “You mind if I work on this while we - _fuck,_ little guy, stop it - talk?”

“Have at it,” Lup says with a wave of her hand. “What exactly are you trying to do?”

Barry shrugs and Lup wonders where the hell the screwdriver in his hand came from. “I think his casing is busted. I just need- Ow!” He sets the frame on the table. “Stop that.”

He looks so serious, holding the frame in his hands while it bounces up and down that a giggle escapes from Lup. And calms her down enough to ask a question she’s been meaning to ask someone.

“Do you ever dream about dying?”

Barry looks up at her and nods. “I’ve only died the once,” he says. “Still remember it pretty clearly though.”

“Yeah, I remember both times. So annoying. Like, out of all the things my brain could dwell on, it chooses that? Fuck you, brain,” Lup says.

“What are you talking about? You’ve got a great brain,” Barry says. He immediately blushes and Lup decides that’s one of the nicest compliments she’s ever gotten.

“Well, thank you,” she says, spinning one of the gun shells around with her pinky finger. “I must admit, I’m pretty partial to it.”

Barry chuckles, though his cheeks are still red, as he works on the frame. “You know what? Lup, hand me one of those shells, will you?”

With a quick flick of her wrist, Lup pushes the shell to Barry. “What are you trying to do?”

“Watch,” he says. “If this works, it’ll be pretty cool.”

Lup leans forward, putting her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her hands. “Bring on the show.”

Barry picks up the shell and brings it to the frame. The moment the two touch, there’s a flash of blue light. “Using it as a conductor,” he says, a wide grin on his face. “I think this guy’s got too much energy. Gonna bled it-”

“Ow!” He drops the frame as the spirit giggles.

“You okay?” Lup asks, sliding him another shell.

Barry nods his head as he picks up the frame again. “You gonna work with me?” he asks the spirit.

In response, the spirit lets out a laugh and bops Barry on the nose. It’s so adorable that Lup can’t help but start laughing. And it’s a happy laugh, a good laugh, a laugh she’s not had in quite some time.

A quick glance across the the table shows her that Barry’s laughing, too. Good. She never wants him to think she’s laughing at him instead of with him.

“We’ve got a comedian here,” Barry says, picking up the frame. He puts it directly in front of his face. “I’m just trying to help.”

Lup holds her breath, waiting to see what the spirit’s going to do. Is she’s a betting woman, which she is, she guesses that the spirit’s gonna...

“Okay now that tickles!” Barry says, laughing hard now. Hard enough his face is becoming red. “Stop that!”

Lup decides to take pity on him and picks up another shell and touches it to the frame. The spirit must have been distracted by tormenting Barry cause all she feels is a tingle up her arm as the flash of blue light appears.

“You done now?” Barry asks the spirit. There’s no response, so she assumes that the spirit’s content. For now. Lup catches his eye and Barry adds, “Thanks for the help, Lup.”

She smiles, leaning back in her chair. “Any time,” Lup says.

“I’m gonna drop off this little guy in the city. You wanna come with?” Barry asks.

There’s a hint of eagerness in his voice that Lup decides to file away for later. “Taako and I scavenged all morning. I sort of want to be lazy tonight.”

“Yeah, sure, I get that,” Barry says, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Well, see you later, then.”

He gives her an awkward wave and she watches as he leaves the galley.

Lup bites her lip and waits. “One, Two, Three.”

“Ow! I thought you stopped that!”

She’s giggling as she hears Barry leave the ship. Funny how one conversation can help clear her head like that. But that’s Barry. He’s always been able to do that. When they started this whole journey, Lup never would have thought that Barry would be the one she gets the most comfort from.

But life’s like that, right? Stranger things have happened, she thinks, as her heart rate speeds up a bit. Like thinking about Barry and how he’s really kinda cute, and just not in a nerdy way. And how he-

Oh.

_Oh._


	18. Cycle 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry grabs a snack. Magnus seems to be repeating himself. Lucretia continues to observe.

**Cycle Eighteen**

“Barry’s dead.”

“What?” Lucretia asks Magnus, clutching her journal to her chest. She leans against the wall of ops, trying to steady herself. Even after eighteen years, it’s still not easy hearing that one of her friends has died. “He’s dead? How?”

She waits as Magnus sighs, a deep belly sigh. “Ate an apple from a tree. It looked _exactly_ like the apples from home. Two seconds later…” He claps his hands together. “Bam! Dead.”

Reading between the lines - which Lucretia does and does _well_ \- she can tell that Magnus isn’t taking this nearly as casually as he’s pretending to. She’ll humor him for now. “Was it just the two of you out there?” she asks.

After a cycle with robots and ancient technology, they’re now in a cycle of early humanoids. No written language yet, barely any sort of spoken one. Once they arrived and realized the state of the plane, Davenport made an executive decision not to trade with any of the tribes they come across.

She understands, but at the same time, aches to go out there and record their stories. Especially after the last cycle, when she and Merle went out and recorded so many of the robots tales. How many other opportunities will she get to talk to proto-humans and elves and dwarves?

The cycle’s about half done and up until today, no one has died. It’s been lovely, having everyone together for the cycle. They take turns hunting and gathering, trying not to use the supplies in their cargo hold.

And now everything will be different again. Well, at least Barry will be back in six months.

The door to the _Starblaster_ opens and Taako walks in, carrying two pails of water.

“Hey, Taako,” Magnus says. “Barry’s dead.”

“Well, fuck, that’s a great way to greet someone,” Taako says, putting the buckets down. “What the hell happened?”

“Poisoned apple. Like out of a fairy tale.”

Lucretia wonders when they all became so cavalier about death. Inevitable, she guesses. She’s only died once, so she still feels a morbid fascination about the whole thing. Over the last eighteen years, there have been twenty-six deaths between all of them. To be fair, though, Merle accounts for fifteen of them.

“Where the fuck did he find a poisoned apple?” Taako asks, hands on his hips.

“There’s a tree, like a mile or so west of the ship,” Magnus says. “He grabbed one of the apples, took a bite, and died almost one the spot. Tree’s poisoned.”

She tries to picture that area. After six months, she’s fairly confident in her surroundings, but she can’t think of an apple tree.

“No shit, sherlock,” Taako says. “I know that tree. The cavemen haven’t eaten from that tree. And they eat _everything.”_

“Oh,” Magnus says.

“That does make a certain amount of sense,” Lucretia says after a moment. The cavemen must have left it alone for a reason.

The door opens again and Merle walks in. He looks at them all. “Did I miss another meeting?”

Lucretia shakes her head as Magnus says, “Barry’s dead.”

Merle’s shoulders drop. “Well, that’s a crying shame. We were supposed to play cards tonight. I was going to win some of his money.”

“He really is bad at cards,” Taako says with a bark of a laugh. “You’d think with his brain and all, he’d be better.”

Lucretia’s watched many a game over the last eighteen years. She’d be willing to guess that eighty percent of the time that Barry loses a game, it’s actually on purpose. No one else on the crew seems to realize and Barry clearly doesn’t want people to know. So it’s one of those secrets that Lucretia keeps to herself.

She’s good at keeping secrets.

“How’d he die?” Merle asks.

“Poisoned apple that apparently we should have realized was poisoned.”

“Ooh, I haven’t died by food yet,” Merle says, rubbing his hands together. “I don’t think I have, at least. Lucretia, have I died by food?”

She remembers every single way that Merle’s died. She remembers how everyone else has died, too. Everyone except Davenport, since he’s the only one who hasn’t. But he’ll die at some point, too. And Lucretia will remember, because that’s a chronicler’s job.

“You’ve died by poisoned wine but not poisoned food,” she tells him.

“Perfect! That’s how I’m gonna go this cycle,” Merle says with a grin. “Where’s that tree again?”

That’s when Davenport walks into ops from the cockpit. “What tree?” he asks.

“Barry’s dead,” Magnus says.

“Is that the only thing you know how to say?” Taako asks as he rolls his eyes. “Our esteemed scientist has kicked the bucket.”

Davenport shakes his head and Lucretia can tell by the curve of his shoulders that his remorse is real. “That’s a damn shame. Burnside? What’d you do with his body?”

“Buried him. I had the shovel,” Magnus says, his voice quiet. “I didn’t want to just leave him.”

“Were you sure he was dead?” Merle asks.

“Give me some credit, Merle,” Magnus says and Lucretia sees the tension spring up in his body. “I’ll spare you all the gruesome details but the apple did a number on him, okay? Trust me when I say he’s dead.”

Lucretia doesn’t need to hear any more, there’s a limit to how much she’ll choose to write down. And gruesome details don’t need to be included.

“We’ll have a wake for him tonight,” Davenport says. “After dinner.”

A door opens and Lucretia looks down the hall. There’s Lup, walking out of her quarters. “You all having a party without me? Rude,” she says with a laugh.

Lucretia waits for Magnus to speak. It doesn’t take long.

“Barry’s dead."

Lup stops at once. “Wait, what?” she asks. “I saw him a freaking hour ago. And now you’re telling me he’s dead?”

“As a doormouse,” Magnus says.

“Doornail,” Lucretia corrects before she can stop herself.

“That makes no sense. A doornail isn’t ever alive so how can it be dead?” Merle says.

As the boys start to argue over metaphors, Lucretia watches Lup, who’s uncharacteristically silent, as she sits down at one of the chairs in ops. “We’re having a wake for him, right?” Lup asks, loud enough that it stops the arguing.

“Sad to say that’s standard operating procedure now,” Davenport says. “There will be a wake.”

“I think you mean the dopest wake we’ve ever had,” Lup says, flipping some hair over her shoulder as she stands. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to study the Light.”

The group in ops breaks up quickly after that. What else is there to say? So Lucretia tightens her grip on her journal and walks to her quarters, ready to memorialize Barry’s six months in the cycle as best she can.


	19. Cycle 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry’s jeans are getting tight. Magnus is sick of candy. Lup decides to run.

**Cycle Nineteen**

“I didn’t think it would even be possible,” Magnus says. “But I’m officially tired of candy.”

Barry understands completely. They’ve been in some really strange cycles. Talking animals? Check. Jungle world? Check. Hundred feet tall mushrooms? Check.

But of all the possibilities - and Barry’s thought of a lot of them - he never once considered a world entirely made of candy.

A post-apocalyptic world made of candy, to boot.

At least, that’s his current theory. Someone had to build the gingerbread houses and the candy cane lanes. But in the eleven months they’ve been on this plane, they haven’t encountered a single person. Barry hoped for gingerbread people running around, but no luck there.

Just miles and miles of _candy._

When they first made it here, they all were thrilled. A nice easy cycle with no one to deal with. Until they figured out this place was a freaking death trap.

Giant candy animals, bigger than the _Starblaster_ roamed the green frosted fields. Davenport, their captain, their _rock_ , was the first to die this cycle, thinking that a giant possum looking thing with pink sprinkles instead of fur would be friendly.

Oh how he was wrong.

Frosting seems to be slowly taking over the entire planet. Each step outside the ship has the potential to be frosting instead of solid ground. And when that happens? Well, Lucretia was the one to figure that out. Barry misses her.

So there’s stress. And most of the crew seems to be responding by eating their feelings.

“Guess that means we’re not taking some with us when we leave?”

“Fuck, no,” Magnus says as he stretches his arms over the back of the couch in the common room. None of them leave the ship that often this cycle. Not when they could be attacked or swallowed up by frosting. “I’ll be lucky if I ever want to see hard candy again after this place. And you know I love me some hard candy.”

“Did you ever wonder if maybe we’re eating the residents of this fine plane?” Merle asks before popping a gum drop. “Maybe I just ate someone’s mother.”

“Why the fuck would you ever say that?” Magnus says, dropping the bag he was holding, causing wrapped chocolate to spill out.

Barry tries not to laugh, but it’s hard. “I’m ninety-nine point nine percent sure that there’s no intelligent life on this plane,” he says. Then because he doesn’t know how to stop while he’s ahead, he adds, “So if this candy is alive, it’s like the equivalent of eating bacon. Do you feel guilty about eating bacon?”

“Fuck, no, that shit’s delious,” Magnus says. He squats down and picks up the candy from the floor. “But still, fuck you, Merle, for making me think that.”

Merle takes a bite of a rope of liquorice. With his mouth full, he waves a hand. “I’m a druid,” he says. “I’m supposed to help people discover the important philosophical questions of our age. You’re welcome.”

“So you finally figure out how you’re going to die yet this cycle?” Taako asks.

“I thought I did,” Merle says, patting his belly, which has expanded a great deal in the last eleven months. Out of all of them, Merle’s by far gained the most weight. “I thought I could die from overeating, but that doesn’t seem to be working too well.”

“Chase your bliss, Merle,” Taako says, holding his hands out to Magnus, who immediately throws him a wrapped piece of candy.

“And if that doesn’t work, someone just bop me on the head with one of those giant lollipops, will ya? Should do the trick,” Merle says.

“Are you seriously asking for one of us to kill you?” Taako says, putting his hand on his chest. “That’s _awful_. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely will do that for you, because I am nothing if not a giver. But that is seriously messed up.”

Merle shrugs. “Or maybe I just won’t die this cycle,” he says a bit loftily. “It’s getting boring. And I can’t think of new ways to die.”

“Maybe try a couple cycles without dying, then,” Barry says, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. No. More. Candy. Today at least. “Might get you excited to start up again in a few years.”

“Not a bad idea,” Merle says, stroking his beard in that weird way of his.

Silence settles over the group and Barry decides the small talk is over. Best to get to why he walked over here. “Anyone seen Lup?”

“I think she’s running,” Taako says as if the word offended him personally. “You ever wonder how you’re related to someone?”

“Thanks,” Barry says.

Lup’s been doing a lot of that this cycle, running, that is. She’s managed to find one candy cane lane that’s completely solid and doesn’t have predators attacking it every five minutes.  And not coincidentally, she’s the only one on the crew that hasn’t gained at least ten pounds. Barry’s jeans are fitting far more snugly than they did at the beginning of this cycle.

He knows it’s the candy and he knows he needs to cut back, but it’s always _right there._ Walk outside the ship? Candy. Rain coming down? Candy. Look up at the sun? Candy.

Barry wonders if he should go look for her; they did agree to do some more tests on the frosting in this world. And without Lucretia to dictate the results, it takes twice as long to do anything these days.

She’s been a little testy lately. For Lup, at least. Sometimes he wonders if anyone other than him or Taako have noticed. Cause Taako’s definitely noticed, too. Not like Barry doesn’t understand. It’s almost been twenty years and they’re still not any closer to figuring out what the fuck is going on.

Weird to think he should be over fifty now. He wonders sometimes what might have happened if the _Starblaster_ came back to their home plane after a few months. Would he have gotten married? Had kids? Can he ever really go back to a somewhat normal life after this?

These are thoughts Barry keeps to himself. For now, at least.

He looks out one of the ship’s windows, towards Lup’s running path, and she’s nowhere in sight. Making a decision, Barry decides to start the tests by himself. If Lup needs to run, she should run.

She can always join him later.


	20. Cycle 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davenport tries to find some sun. Lup dresses inappropriately (again). Barry thinks about home.

**Cycle Twenty**

Once, years ago, before they took off in a panic trying to escape the Hunter, Davenport could step on the bow of this ship - _his_ ship - and be comforted. The development of the bond engine, the construction of this ship, was to be the pinnacle of his career. After a successful two month mission, no door would be closed to him.

He’d be able to do anything he wanted.

Now? He’s not sure exactly what he wants.

That’s not exactly true. Davenport wants to bring his crew safely home. But he doesn’t know if that’s even possible. He doesn’t even know if home exists any more.

He likes to think it does. Bluejeans theorizes that it might have survived. But if their home cycle is still intact, are they twenty years in the future? Or are they reliving each year ago over and over?

Bluejeans doesn’t have an answer for that. And Davenport’s not sure he wants to know.

“Hey Cap’n Port.”

Davenport looks behind him where Lup is walking onto the deck. She’s wearing a bikini and holding a towel. “Little cold for that, isn’t it?” he says, blinking slowly.

“Fuck, yeah, it is,” Lup says with a nod. “But when was the last time we could actually see the sun?”

This world is the cloudiest they’ve ever been to. Every day is just more clouds and rain and wind. And Davenport’s done what he can, moving the ship around to different parts of world, trying to find somewhere a bit sunny. But he’s had absolutely no luck.

He looks up, feeling foolish that he hadn’t even realized the sun’s shining. And that is why Davenport tries to limit the amount of brooding he does. It can make him miss some of the wonders of the day, some of the joy.

Lup’s laying out her towel, clearly ready to do some sunbathing, even as Davenport’s wearing a winter coat. She’s going to be freezing, but if there’s anything he’s learned about Lup over the years, is she doesn’t keep little things like details get in the way of what she wants.

“True enough,” he says, tilting his head and taking a breath. The sun is more of a bluish color this cycle, smaller than either of the two back home. Bluejeans thinks that’s why it’s so chilly and cloudy. The sciences aren’t Davenports strengths, so he’ll take Bluejeans’s word for it. That’s why he was hired to be science officer, after all.

She lays out her towel - a garish green color, definitely not standard issue - and sits down. Already Davenport can see goosebumps on her arms and he wanders how long Lup will actually be able to stay out here.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Davenport says with a crisp nod.

“You can stay,” Lup says with a wave of her hand. “Catch up on some vitamin D. We all need more of that shit.”

“Paperwork rests for no gnome,” Davenport says.

She shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

Davenport takes his time walking to the door; truly, the sun on his face is just about perfect, even as cold as it is. But he has work to do.

“You know what we need?” Lup asks just as he reaches the door.

Davenport turns, curious to hear what she says. Lup’s grown as a leader since this whole journey started. He doubts Lup would say she has, but he sees it. He’s seen how each of his crew has grown and changed during these past twenty-one years.

And he is so proud of each and every one of them.

“What do we need?” he asks, turning to look back at her.

She’s propped up on an elbow, her sunglasses perched on her forehead. “Mental health year,” she says. “Next time we find a just chill world, let’s just take a break. No studying the Light, no worrying about the Hunger. Just a year of kicking back.”

Davenport nods. “That’s not a bad idea,” he says slowly. It certainly has merit. They’re all tired, every single one of them. And when people are tired, they tend to make mistakes. One mistake isn’t fatal, not for them, at least. Too many mistakes, though?

“Course it’s not,” Lup says, settling back down. “I thought of it.”

Chuckling, Davenport leaves the deck and goes back into the ship. His official shift is just about over and there are logs to file and reports to make. While no one might ever read them, just the act of doing the work comforts him.

Maybe one day they’ll find their way home. And if they do, the IPRE will have twenty years of paperwork to go through. Twenty years of stories and adventures. Perhaps they could receive twenty years of backpay?

Davenport dismisses that last thought. The IPRE are cheap bastards. He had to fight to make them include personal quarters for his crew instead of the original three sets of bunk beds they planned.

He walks into his office, the one luxury he insisted on during construction of the _Starblaster_. Well, not the office itself, but that the office is gnome-sized. Everywhere else, the ship is based on human proportions.

Every meal he needs to jump up into his chair and sit up on his knees in order to reach the table. He hides a stepstool in the refesher so it’s ready when he wants to look into the mirror to brush his teeth. Even his bed is _huge_ , since it’s meant for humans.

But his office? His office is fit for a gnome. Davenport can sit at his desk and his feet actually touch the floor. He’s got bookcases where he can easily reach the top shelf. Even the art on his walls are actually the right size.

Davenport is more comfortable here, in this office, than any other room in the ship.

Except, perhaps, the bow of the ship.

He looks outside, through the small gnome-sized window and sees that the sun is still shining. His paperwork waits on his desk, ready for him to get to work. And he looks out the window one more time.

And with a slight smile on his face, Davenport picks up his paperwork, and heads back outside.


	21. Cycle 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle needs something from Lup. Magnus needs something from Lup. Lup doesn’t know what she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick programming note. I think I got my cycles out of order. I thought the beach cycle was cycle 22 when it might actually be 21? It’s not entirely clear. Whatever it is, in this story, the beach cycle is not cycle 21, cause this chapter needs to be before that. Sorry for any confusion!

**Cycle Twenty-One**

“What about this? Think it means anything?” Barry asks.

Lup thinks about stalling for time, maybe stretching her arms over her head, do something to make herself look busy, but Barold’s earned the truth. “Hmm?” she asks, looking over at the Light. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention to a word you were saying.”

“Oh,” Barry says, giving her that hang dog look of his. She knows it’s not personal or anything, it’s just the way his face is when he’s disappointed. And that is exactly what she doesn’t need today.

She’s sick of being cooped up, sick of her friends, sick of _everything_. It’s not often Lup has days like this, but when she does, they hit her hard.

“Lup?” Merle asks as he walks into the room. “Did you get a chance to look at that spell we talked about? I really want to start working on it.”

Somehow she manages not to roll her eyes. Normally, it’s kickass teaching people spells and to encourage them to be amazing as she is. But not today.

“Not yet, Merle. We’ll work on it later.”

“Ah, come on,” Merle says with that whine of his. “You said that the other day.”

“Later,” Lup snaps.

That’s when Magnus walks into the room.

“Lup?”

“What?” Lup says, trying to keep calm. She’s the calm one. Always. That’s what she does, so that way she can send a fireball up someone’s ass when they don’t expect it.

But everything seems to be getting on her last nerve this cycle. Which is dumb. It’s a decent cycle with decent folks who are willing to trade. But something just feels _off._

“I need that report you were going to work on,” Magnus says. “About last cycle? Lucretia really wants to put the finishing touches on it.”

And with those words, she’s somehow had enough.

“That’s it!” Lup says, standing up, knuckles on the table, trying to look as threatening as possible. And maybe it’s just patting herself on the back a bit, but she likes to think she can be pretty damn threatening when she wants to be.

“Lup?” Magnus asks. He raises a brow at her and she can tell he’s wondering what the hell is wrong.

“I’m out,” she says, picking up her notebook. She loves these people, she really does. But they’ve been side by side for twenty years now and a girl’s got to have some alone time. “See you all next cycle.”

Without a backwards glance she heads towards her quarters, ready to pack everything up. There are plenty of small towns and villages across the plane. She can get a job as a waitress or something. Pretend to be a normal, regular elf with fabulous hair and amazing skin with no cares in the world.

No more running from the Hunger, trying to figure out exactly how the Light works, no more wondering if they’ll ever make it back. And even if they can, after all that’s happened, should they?

Nope. For six months, she’s not gonna think about any of that.

Not much time passes before her duffle bag is packed and ready to go. She’s leaving plenty here in the ship, things that will be waiting for her next cycle. The essentials are in her bag.

Already, her heart’s beginning to race a bit. She has no idea where she’ll lay her head tonight. Trade has given them all a bit of local currency, enough to last her for a bit. But she’ll need to find a job. That won’t be a problem, though. Charming her way into things is what she does best.

Stepping out in the hall, Lup takes a breath. One more thing to do before she leaves. She knocks on Taako’s door.

“Open!”

She opens the door and looks at her twin. He’s lounging on his bed, reading a magazine of some sort. “Hey,” she says, going in and sitting at the foot of his bed. “I’m outsie.”

Taako raises one eyebrow. “Like gone for the night to get some tail - which it’s been far too many cycles since you’ve done that - or gone gone?”

Without thinking she wraps her fingers around Taako’s ankle. He’s always been her anchor and she can use that now. “Just til the end of the cycle. I’m sick of everyone.”

He’ll know what Lup really means. That she’s sick of everyone except for him. Nothing could ever make her sick of Taako. “Fair. Want company?"

Lup thinks about it. Really thinks about. For the rest of the cycle they can play pretend. She also knows if she tells Taako no, he won’t get upset. He’ll understand. That’s why he’s the best youngest brother someone could ask for.

“You can come visit,” she says, trying to sound magnanimous. It works. “No one else can though.”

“Coolio,” Taako says, picking his magazine back up. “Nice to know I’ll have a place to crash if I need to get away.”

“Wait,” Lup says, thinking over what they just said. “I just got laid back in the gnome cycle.”

Taako runs his hands through his hair. “Yeah, that was like four cycles ago-”

“Oh yeah, let me go fuck a caveman or a robot,” Lup says, rolling her eyes. “Gimme some of _that._ ”

“And,” Taako continues as if she hasn’t said anything, “you haven’t even scoped out your options this cycle.”

She digs her nails into Taako’s ankle as she stands up. “Well, I’m about to get a place of my own and have all the sex I want, so there.”

“You say so,” Taako says, opening up the magazine. “Lemme know where to send the housewarming gift.”

Somehow his words manage to annoy her even more and she leaves Taako’s room without a backwards glance. She hopes to make a clean getaway, but Barry’s walking down the hall with that slight shuffle of his, carrying the books they looked at together earlier.

Barry looks at her duffle bag and back up at her. “So you really leaving?”

“Yeah,” Lup says. She can hear the defensiveness in her voice. Why’s she worried about fucking _Barry_ judging her of all people?

“No, no, I get it,” Barry says and something in his voice makes Lup realize he heard her defensiveness, too. “Sometimes I wish I could leave myself. Just be safe, okay?”

“Thank, Barry,” Lup says.

He opens his mouth as if to say something then immediately closes it again. Deciding not to wonder what he was gonna say, she walks past him, towards the open area of ops that leads to the door. The second the door’s in sight, guilt clenches up her stomach. They’ve made a lot of good progress this cycle, her and Barry. Doesn’t seem fair to make him do all the work.

And she did promise to help Merle with that spell. Not his fault she choose to work with Barry instead.

Magnus and the report? He can fuck himself with that report. It’s been six months. There’s no reason why they need that _now._

Suddenly her annoyance at everyone from the _Starblaster_ disappears, like she snuffed out a candle. Running away probably isn’t the answer. Never is, really. Lup run away from her problems? Not today, fuckers.

Without a sound, Lup tiptoes back into her room and unpacks her bag. She’s not gonna tell anyone she changed her mind. No need to cause a scene or anything.

They’re a smart bunch. They’ll figure it out.


	22. Cycle 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup takes a shortcut. Taako tries to give away a secret. Barry decides to go swimming.

**Cycle Twenty-Two**

“Fuck you, Magnus,” Lup says under her breath as she takes another step into the cabana tent. “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.”

“You’re sure it’s trapped?” Taako asks behind her.

She doesn’t bother answering. Of course it’s trapped. This is supposed to be their year off, their chance to chill, to build up their stamina again. But it’s really fucking hard to relax when Magnus is determined to keep everyone on their toes.

Fun for Magnus, not fun for anyone else.

She casts _detect traps_ and of course it doesn’t detect any because she’s not a freaking rogue. Maybe she should be, though. She’s got time. Maybe she should take a break from studying evocation magic and learn how to pick locks and shit.

Yeah, no, she really would rather set things on fire. Set Magnus on fire more like it.

Lup shifts her weight just so and listens for any sort of trap-like sound. And there it is. A slight whirring noise. Lup closes her eyes and tries to follow the noise. She ponders and decides it’s coming from the wall.

They’ve set up a few cabanas on the beach and this specific one holds their booze and snacks. Well, Lup really wants a glass of wine and some orange snack food and this trap in the wall is in-between her and her goal. So she does what she does best.

She sets the wall on fire.

Taako starts laughing, his shrill-almost-out-of-breath laugh, which is Lup’s favorite. As Lup walks to the ice bucket, she hears Magnus yell in the distance, “Fuck you, Lup! I worked hard on that trap!”

She picks up a bottle of white wine and blows a kiss towards Magnus, who’s now running towards the cabana.

“Come on, Taako,” Lup says. “Time to get drunk.”

“Amen to that,” Taako says.

They walk over to a flat piece of real estate, as flat as sand can actually get, and lay down their towels. She sits and already feels more relaxed than this morning and she felt pretty damn relaxed.

Lighting things on fire always helps her destress.

She pours two glasses and hands one to Taako. They’re digging into their booze stash this year, which is a little worrisome. Well, hopefully the next cycle they go to will have a bunch of wine and they can stock up again.

“What if I told you that someone one the crew might have the hots for you,” Taako says out of the blue.

Lup rolls her eyes and decides he’s being ridiculous. After twenty-two years, she’d know, right? Granted, her tiny, miniscule, in no way noticeable crush has been kept a secret for the last few years. And it’s probably not even a crush. Maybe she just needs to get boned and things will go back to normal.

“Everyone has the hots for me,” Lup answers, holding up her makeshift tanning board. She doesn’t particularly want to talk about this with Taako. She doesn’t want to talk about this with anyone, to be honest.

She’s not sure why. She’s never really kept anything from Taako before. But this feels different somehow. Maybe if they were back on their home plane and everything was normal. Yeah, things would be different then.

But now? The balance the seven of them have can be delicate sometimes. Risking that for feelings she’s not even sure about would be the height of stupidity and if there’s something Lup’s not, it’s stupid.

“We are good looking elves, aren’t we?” Taako asks, laying down on his stomach.

Lup smiles and looks over at her brother. “Damn right we are,” she says.

“Sometimes, I wonder if we’re too good looking,” Taako says and she can hear the sleepiness in his voice.

“No such thing.”

He doesn’t answer and Lup thinks Taako’s going to fall asleep, which is silly because they just got here and she’s poured them each a glass of wine. Well, more for her if he does.

She takes the time to scout out the beach, see what the others are up to. No sign of Lucretia, but that’s normal. Lup’s got to figure out what that girl is doing one of these days. Merle’s still looking for shells. Davenport and Magnus are rebuilding the cabana tent Lup burned down. She debates whether or not she should help and decides she really doesn’t want to move.

And then there’s Barry. He’s in the ocean, not quite swimming, but definitely doing something. Venturing out alone in the waves is not something he does often, but he’s getting better. Good for him.

Barry stands up and starts heading back to the beach. Lup knows she shouldn’t stare - he’d be beyond embarrassed if he caught her - but she’s not had a chance to see him like this. He’s smiling, clearly proud of himself, and walking like he’s not got a care in the world. It’s a good look.

A really good look.

His stuff is in a pile in the sand and he picks something up. Lup can’t quite tell what it is but then he puts it on. It’s the seaweed coverall that Merle made him. Woven seaweed with tiny shells decorating it. It’s the ugliest damn thing that Lup’s ever seen and Barry’s rocking it.

Lup didn’t even want to pretend she liked the gift Merle gave her and not only is Barry pretending, he’s actually wearing the damn thing. She’s got to understand why.

“Yo! Barold!”

“Keep your voice down,” Taako mutters. “Some of us are trying to multitask.”

Barry’s got a surprised look on his face when he looks over to her. She beckons him over and he does this cute little jog thing, like he doesn’t want to keep her waiting. “Everything okay, Lup?” he asks.

“Hunky dory as usual,” she says, leaning back on her hands. “I’ve got to ask. You’re actually wearing Merle’s piece of shit gift?”

“Oh this?” Barry looks down at the coverall. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

She waits for him to elaborate and he doesn’t. So she asks the follow-up question. “Why?”

His cheeks redden, which really is really damn adorable, and says, “Well, I guess, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and…” He looks away and back towards the ocean. “No one’s ever given me a homemade gift before.”

Shit. When he puts it like that, it makes sense Barry’d want to keep it. A million years ago, Lup knew how to knit. Maybe she could remind herself one day and make Barry a scarf of something. Hmm. She could start a whole collection. Handmade by Lup. If there’s ever time, of course.

Funny how they have all the time in the universe and she still wants more.

“You’re a good egg, Barold,” Lup says, picking up the bottle of wine and offering it to him. “Booze?”

“Ah, I better not. I want to go back and swim a little more later. Probably shouldn’t do that drunk, you know?” Barry says.

“Fair enough,” Lup says as she pours more into her glass. “More for me.”

Barry smiles and gives a little wave before walking off, the shells on his coverall swaying with every step.


	23. Cycle 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry thinks he’s ridiculous. Lup has sage advice. Greg Grimaldis is still an idiot.

**Cycle Twenty-Three**

“Lup?”

Barry stops at the doorway leading into the common room. Lup’s sitting cross-legged on the floor, her hands folded demurely in her lap. In all the years of knowing Lup, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her this still.

At this point, the crew of the _Starblaster_ have all slept in front of each other. Lup’s a restless sleeper, from what he remembers. Not like him. Barry sleeps like the dead. The ship could be destroyed around him and he won’t wake up.

“Go away, I’m meditating,” Lup says, not opening her eyes.

He shrugs, not wanting to interrupt if she’s trying to get some zzzs. Common room might be a strange place to rest, but whatever. There’s a book he’s been meaning to read. He’ll just go do that instead while he waits for his experiment to end.

“Wait, I changed my mind. Come back,” Lup says.

He shrugs again and steps into the room. “I thought meditating is basically sleeping for elves.”

“Different type of mediation,” she says, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear. She chopped off her hair at the beginning of the cycle, but it’s been growing back quickly. What Merle is to dying different ways, Lup is to changing her hair. Every cycle she tends to do something different with it.

Not that Barry has any right to an opinion, cause it’s her hair, but he likes it best when it’s just about chin length, framing her face a bit. Which her hair will be soon, at the rate it grows.

And then, at the start of the next cycle, it will be long again, halfway down her back.

“Why are you meditating?” Barry asks. He thinks to maybe join her on the floor, but then what happens when he needs to stand up again? He’ll look like a idiot trying to get up off the floor. So he walks over the sofa facing Lup and sits down.

“Maybe meditating isn’t the right word. Praying?” Lup says, leaning back against the wall behind her. “But that’s not quite right, either.”

“You pray?” Barry asks. Lup’s never really struck him as the religious type.

“More like I dabble,” Lup says. “Every so often I choose a random god and pray a bit. Why not, right? Sometimes, the minor ones are so excited someone’s talking about them that they reach out.”

Barry rests his elbow on the arm of the sofa, and his chin in his hand. “No shit, you’ve met a god? Which one?”

Gods are a strange subject to Barry. His mom was a follower of Savros and expected Barry to walk that path, too. That he didn’t really was the only disagreement that the two of them ever had.

“Deneir.”

“Oh I like him,” Barry says with a grin. “God of knowledge and scholars.”

“Otherwise known as Oghma’s lesser. Dude had such a stick up his ass. Totally would not party with him, even if he’s the last god in the universe,” Lup says.

Barry chuckles. “Don’t think we need to worry about that. Too many of them now.”

“True, which is why I do what I do. I ever need a favor, I can be like ‘Oghma, it’s your girl, Lup. Remember that week I prayed really hard to you? I’m calling in to collect.’”

“That would be amazing if it worked,” Barry says.

“Right?” Lup says with a nod. “And I guess… Like there are so many gods and some of them people barely remember any more. I feel sort of bad for those guys.”

“Seriously? You feel bad for a god?”

“No one wants to be forgotten. Especially not gods. Can you imagine the egos on those guys? They probably put me and Taako to shame,” Lup says, stretching her arms over head her. Her shirt rides up a bit as she stretches, exposing a small stretch of skin above her leggings. Barry forces himself to look away and not stare.

If he was alone right now, Barry would be banging his head against the wall. Last cycle, he didn’t stare at all, and she spent most of the cycle in a bikini. And now he sees maybe an inch of stomach and wants to stare?

One of these days he’ll accept that he’s the most ridiculous person in the history of ridiculous people and get over himself.

“What are you talking about?” Barry asks, ignoring the dry taste in his mouth. “You don’t have an…” She raises an eyebrow and he trails off. “Okay, lemme amend that. You don’t have an ego that you don’t deserve.”

“Snap, son, double negative. I always need to work that out in my head,” Lup says with a laugh. “You have an ego you deserve. Okay, now we’re talking. And thank you. I feel like I’ve earned my ego.” She points two thumbs at her chest. “Cause awesome.”

Barry wonders what it’s like to have that sort of confidence. To not ever doubt your abilities in freaking anything. He’s never had that feeling about anything.

All his freaking life, he’s had doubts. About whether he’s smart enough. Does he work hard enough? Even among friends now, he worries if he’s talking too much. Not talking enough? Is he bothering people? Should he just go away?

Then there’s Lup.

Who’s awesome. And not afraid to let people know it. Barry can’t imagine her ever wondering if she’s talking too much. Or if she’s smart enough.

It’s like someone takes him over all of a sudden. “How do you do it, Lup?” he asks. The words come out and he’s ready to die of embarrassment and wishing the Hunger could come and devour him whole.

“What, be awesome?” Lup asks with a laugh as she brings her knees up to her chest. “Everyone’s awesome, in their own way. Not everyone’s realized it yet.” She gives him a long look and Barry feels like he’s under a microscope. “But you will someday.”

He wants to deny her words, but that will just look like he’s fishing for praise, and that’s the exact opposite of what he wants. “That’s a cool way to think about it,” Barry says. “Everyone’s just waiting to be awesome.”

“Exactly,” Lup says, a smile on her face that goes straight into Barry’s heart. But then her eyes show a hint of steel. “Wait, scratch that. Everyone is waiting to be awesome except for Greg fucking Grimaldis.”

Barry starts to laugh. He can’t help himself at the seriousness of her voice. He’s not sure what Greg Grimaldis ever did to Lup, but whatever it was, the guy’s an idiot.

“Everyone but him,” Barry says. “Got it.”

He stands up; his experiment is probably close to being done. With a wave, Barry walks back to the lab, wondering what steps he can take to try to be a little more awesome.


	24. Cycle 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davenport insists on order. Lucretia wonders about semantics. The twins deal with mistaken identity.

**Cycle Twenty-Four**

“Everyone ready?”

Lup rolls her eyes. How many times have they introduced themselves and told their story to a new town after all these years? They could do this in their sleep at this point.

Yet Cap’n Port insists on going through the checklist each and every time.

“We’re ready,” Lup says. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

From the outside, it looks like it’s gonna be a pretty decent cycle. Plenty of villages scattered around. If one doesn’t want to trade, they’ll just make their way to another one. Eventually they’ll find a place to settle.

The entire crew heads out of the _Starblaster_. This area of the world they’re in is warm, almost hot. Makes Lup glad she’s wearing a tank top. Might not be the classiest thing to wear when meeting a new civilization. But when the fuck has she ever care about that?

The town they’re walking towards is on the smaller size. Rows of houses and shops, all facing what Lup assumes to be the main temple in town. Considering how it towers over the rest of the buildings, she guesses that’s where the power lay.

They get more than a few stares as they start walking towards the temple. They only walk a block before Lup realizes that a small crowd has started following.

“Okay, this is weird,” Lup says. “Townies must be bored out of their mind if they care that much about strangers.”

“Seriously,” Magnus mutters back. “I don’t like this.”

It’s not like they haven’t gotten less than warm welcomes before. Some cycles are full of people who hate strangers. This feels different, though.

Then she hears someone mutter, “It’s the _twins._ ”

Lup looks over at Taako. “Um. Why don’t I like the sound of that?”

“Keep walking everyone,” Davenport orders. And since he’s Cap’n Port, everyone follows.

She drifts over next to Barry as they walk. That’s something she does now. She tries not to think about why too much. Barry just gives her a grin. He’s always loved this part of a cycle, the part after they know the planet isn’t trying to kill them. Nerd.

They turn a street corner, giving them a view of the temple. There are stairs leading up to it and they’re packed. And some people in very fancy robes are standing at the top of the stairs, like they’re trying to look very important.

The crowd parts as they start walking up the stairs. More than once Lup hears _the twins._ Like, yeah, it’s pretty damn obvious that she and Taako are twins. But why would any of these people care?

She doesn’t think she likes this cycle and they’ve been here for a whopping day. Great.

The second she and Taako walk to the very top of the stairs, the humans in very fancy robes drop to their knees. Lup raises an eyebrow. Now she’s intrigued.

“You have returned to us,” the woman who looks like to be the person in charge says. Not only is she the eldest, she’s always wearing the most ornate robes. Double whammy. Totally in charge. “We are honored that the twin gods have come to save us yet again.”

Lup looks over at Taako and grins slowly. Oh they can have fun with this.

“Twin gods?” Barry asks, sounding confused. The rest of the crew is just standing there, looking as confused as Barry sounds. Well, except for Lucretia, who’s writing every single word down.

“Have you hidden your identities to walk with these travelers?” one of the men asks, his voice reverent. “How humble of you both, to want to protect these commoners from your greatness. We should all aspire to such humility.”

Two servants with heads bowed, each holding a tray, walk up to Taako and Lup. “For the twin gods, to help you rest after your journey.”

Hot towels, a bowl of fruit, and some sort of wine. Lup does a complete one-eighty as she pats the hot towel on her face.

She fucking _loves_ this cycle.

“Thank you,” Lup says to the servant as she pick up the glass of wine.

The servant practically drops the tray before walking off. The leader still looks in awe. “And you deign to notice a simple servant. We have always heard of the tales of your bravery and beauty. But to learn firsthand of your kindness and compassion-”

“Yeah, I think that’s enough,” Magnus says.

“Who are we to tell them what to believe?” Taako asks, hand over his heart. He bows to the leader. “Please, continue.”

The leader looks amazed that Taako is actually speaking to her. Oh this is going to be fun. They’ll still do all the normal things. Trade and science and searching for the Light. But if these people want to worship her and Taako?

Lup’s never minded a little worshipping.

“You and your companions will want for nothing. We will have residences prepared. Banquets every night. Your time here will be nothing but bliss,” the leader says.

“I have a question,” Lucretia says, stepping forward. “Apologies. You mentioned before that the twin gods will save you. We come from another land and don’t know your ways.”

“Oh snap, good call,” Taako says, looking over at Lucretia. He turns back to the leader. “My twin sister and I, of course, are your humble servants. How can we help?”

Lup kicks Merle in the shin when the dwarf starts to chuckle. “Shut it, Merle,” she whispers.

The leader looks a bit confused, but seven strangers just came into town, so it makes sense. “Anything we can do,” Lup says with a bow, to play things up a bit.

“Ah, of course,” the leader says, a relief passing over her face. “We’ve heard that sometimes the soul doesn’t always remember its past lives.”

“So what can we do?” Lup says, putting her forearm on the woman’s shoulder. “We are kick ass at magic.

The leader takes Lup’s arm off of her shoulder. “It’s so much simpler than that, thankfully. Our world is blessed. Our people want for nothing. And it’s all because of the twin gods.”

Lup looks over at Taako, who’s starting to look a little uncomfortable. Just like she is. It’s one thing to play at being god. It’s another to take advantage of these people. That, she doesn’t want to do.

“How do they help?” Lucretia asks.

“The ritual,” one of the robed men says. “For the next few months, we will prepare. Then once the time is right…” He throws his arm out. Behind him, far in the distance, is a huge volcano.

“The sacrifice,” the leader says, head bowed. “The twin gods willingly sacrifice themselves to the volcano and we will see another hundred years of bounty.”

Suddenly being a god doesn’t seem like such a good gig after all. Her hand finds Taako’s.

“Ooh, death by volcano,” Merle says. “I haven’t even died by volcano yet.”

Lup looks over at Barry, who looks worried. Like he does most of the time. For a moment, she wondered if he might be worried about _her_ and not just the group but then pushes the thought away.

Taako squeezes her hand, his sign that he’ll back her up with whatever she wants to do. She bites her lip. The last thing she wants to do is piss off these folk. Not in the very beginning of a cycle.

Might be fun to live the high life for a couple of months. Not like she won’t be back next cycle, right? Decision made, she turns to the leader.

“The twin gods will perform this most sacred duty with honor,” Lup says.

The crowd around them starts to cheer and Lup smiles. One thing’s for sure. She will _never_ let the crew forget that she and Taako were worshipped as literal gods.


	25. Cycle 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus becomes a negotiator. Lup just wants to study fire. Barry plays follow the leader.

**Cycle Twenty-Five**

When Barry was seven years old, he set his hair on fire.

And after hiding in the closet for three hours, he eventually learned that no, he was not in trouble. But he _was_ a wizard. A wizard who managed to singe off his eyebrows.

His classmates laughed at him for a week. Normally, this would have devastated seven year old Barry. But now he had magic to worry about, so his classmates making fun of him seemed to pale in comparison.

(A month later, a classmate pantsed him and even magic wasn’t enough to distract him from the humiliation.)

Long story short, Barry’s been doing magic for a long time. Almost twenty-five years back in the home plane. And twenty-five years since IPRE’s journey started.

And in all that time, Barry’s never found himself locked in a tower with a witch, looking like the worst sort of stereotype, as she throws ingredients into a bubbling cauldron.

Until now, that is.

All the women needs is to start cackling to complete the wicked witch look. And yet, Barry’s exactly where he wants to be.

“Can you explain that spell again?” Barry asks, raising his hand slightly, just to make sure she can see him.

Erash looks up from the cauldron, scratching her nose, complete with a wart. With a deep-seated sigh she asks, “How many times am I going to have to explain it to you?”

He tries not to get offended. This is freaking advanced magic here. Magic that needs to be studied and devoured whole, not a simple cantrip that he’ll be able to cast without any effort.

“Lichdom is pretty complicated,” Barry says as he doodles on the page of his notebook. As soon as he realizes he’s drawing a heart, he crosses it out. “I just want to make sure I’m getting it right.”

Erash walks over to a tall wooden bookcase and drags her fingers across the books. As she does, Barry lets his mind wander.

It’s been a good cycle. They’re on a plane called Erathia, made up of eight different factions. Seven involving magic and one they call the might faction.

Each faction seems fascinating in their own way, and some of the crew, like Davenport and Lucretia, are going around and studying with all of them. A month with wizards followed by a month in a dungeon. Magnus, Magnus-ly, is spending his time with the barbarians and learning all sorts of new combat moves.

But Barry’s been content to stay here, in the Necropolis, and learn a little more about the necromancy. He wishes he could understand why necromancy appealed to him so much. It just doesn’t seem to fit with who he is as a person.

_Hi, my name is Barry J. Bluejeans and I’m a student of the dark arcane arts._

There’s just something so fascinating with having power over life and death. And it’s not like Barry’s even all that power hungry. He likes to learn, that’s all. His preferred path just involves the mastery of death.

“You’re not paying attention,” Erash says as she slaps him on the knuckles.

Barry snatches his hand back to his chest. Corporal punishment? Seriously? “Sorry. Lichdom. Right."

Erash pushes back the brim of her wide witches hat with the tip of her finger. “Lichdom is the ultimate goal of the modern necromancer,” she says. “Imagine being granted immortality with a snap of your fingers.”

He tries to think about being immortal. Well, the crew of the IPRE sort of is, right? They do keep coming back to life. Which really is the weirdest thing, being dead, that is. “But I still don’t quite get how the soul transfers-”

“And you won’t for some time,” Erash says quietly. “This is not something that can be learned in a day, Mister Bluejeans. This takes years of dedicated studying.”

“Right,” Barry says, clutching the small notebook he’s been using. Some good shit in here. He can’t wait to go over it all with Lup.

As quickly as he can, Barry pushes that thought away. Lup’s been staying at an Inferno town this cycle, dealing with fire imps and efreeti and devils. (What’s it say that he’d rather work with undead than _those_ types of creatures?) The Necropolis and Inferno are mortal enemies - because of course they are - so he’s not really had a chance to talk to Lup much this cycle.

A few letters have managed to get through, but only ones that forwarded by Magnus. The barbarians are sort of viewed as a neutral party throughout the continent, so no one cares if Barry gets a letter from them. Which is good, because Barry doesn’t ever want to repeat his punishment for getting that first letter from Lup. He’s still convinced no one could have that many entrails.

He wonders how Merle is doing at the Rampart town, a town full of centaurs and unicorns and nature magic. Just the type of place Merle would like. Right now, Davenport and Lucretia are staying in a more recognizable town, one full of monks and paladins and angels. And of course, they also are mortals enemies of the Necropolis.

Necropolis has a lot of enemies. It’s freaking tiring trying to remember them all.

“You think you can do it?” Erash asks.

He sits up, ready to try. There’s nothing better than a magical challenge. “Wouldn’t mind trying,” Barry says, scratching the back of his neck. “You’ll spot me?

“Just get a sense of the magic,” Erash says. “Whatever you do, do not follow. Understand?”

“Understood,” he says, trying not to sound too eager as he flips to the right page in his notebook.

Barry closes his eyes and concentrates on the magic. This isn’t a party trick, oh no, this is the type of magic that needs time and patience. Two things Barry’s got in abundance right now.

Around him, the arcane magic starts to swirl, he can almost see the patterns even with his eyes closed. They’re tugging at him now, beaconing him further, tempting him to follow-

This time, Erash doesn’t slap him on the knuckles, she slaps him full across the face. Barry’s eyes open instantly and he puts his hand on his cheek. “The hell?” he asks.

“I told you. You aren’t ready. Not yet,” she says. “You wanted to follow.”

Damn right he did. “So?” he asks, closing the book of spells.

“You’re. Not. Ready,” Erash says. She waves a hand and goes back to her cauldron. “We are done for the day. Come back tomorrow.”

Barry tries not to be disappointed, but it’s hard. He was _right there._ But he’s an idiot if he ignores a woman with hundred of years of magical training. And if there’s anything he’s not, it’s an idiot.

So with a sigh, he puts the notebook back into his satchel, making a note to look everything over with Lup at some point. With everything that’s going on, it makes sense to keep all their options open, right?

Yeah, he’s gonna hold on to this one for a rainy day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erathia is from a computer game series called Heroes of Might and Magic. I couldn't help but include them. :D


	26. Cycle 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia knows too much. Lup helps the local economy. Magnus has a bad day.

**Cycle Twenty-Six**

“So we’re agreed, right?” Lup asks, keeping her voice low. Can’t have anyone overhear them now. Need to be hush-hush. “We’re going out and we’re going to find Magnus the most dope ass hard candy the planar system has ever seen.”

“Agreed,” Lucretia says, clutching one of her journals to her chest.

Sometimes Lup wonders just how many journals Lucretia’s written in since this whole thing started. And then because she’s never one not to say what’s on her mind, she asks. “How many journals?”

Lucretia raises an eyebrow. How does she do that? How does she manage to just seep of poise and grace, like all the time? If Lup ever tried to do that, she’d kick her own as in a matter of minutes. But with Lucretia, it’s perfect. Lup would never want Lucretia not to ooze of class.

It’s just something Lup will never have. And this gal is fine with that.

“Care to be a bit more specific?” Lucretia asks. She’s doing her smiling but not really smiling thing she does so well. “How many do I have or how many have I written in?”

“The later.”

“I average about three journals a cycle,” Lucretia says, “So at this point, I’ve written in close to eighty.”

“How many did you bring with you?” Lup asks. How has she never thought to ask this before? Amazing how she’s got a million extra lives and there’s still not enough time to do everything she wants to do.

“A hundred. But every cycle we’ve been on that has journals and parchment for sale, I buy as much as I can,” Lucretia says. “I think I have close to two hundred spare journals at this point. And I wouldn’t mind having more.”

“You are freaking amazing,” Lup says, taking Lucretia’s arm. “And feel free to write that in a journal for prosperity’s sake.”

Lup takes the lead and together they leave the ship, ready to take on their mission.

Magnus.

Magnus has been in a funk all cycle, that’s the only way to put it. And Lup gets it. It’s not like she’s able to be amazing all of the time. Only ninety-nine percent of the time. And that one percent, she’s off her game a bit.

But Magnus did some math and realized if the crew of the IPRE lived normal, Fuck-You Cloudless lives, he’d be fifty this year. And for whatever reason, it’s made him sad.

Something about thinking he’d have a wife and kids, maybe a grandkid. Something like that, at least. A few of them were drinking last night, and Lup stopped paying attention after he droned on for more than an hour. Usually she wants to help her fellow ‘ _blaster_ crew, but _fuck_ was Mangus a downer last night.

So she’s determined to do something to make him not sad. Least she can do, right?

“What is Magnus’s absolute favorite flavor?” Lup asks Lucretia. She tends to know all sorts of trivia about the crew of the _Starblaster_. Once in a while, it’s a little creepy how much Lucretia knows about them all. Most of the time, though? Pretty damn handy.

“Bacon,” Lucretia says at once.

“There’s got to be bacon candy somewhere, right?” Lup asks. “Guess we’ll find out.”

The sun is shining overhead and Lup’s just happy to be outside right now. If she were to rate cycles from amazing to boring, this would rank a solid ‘okay.’ Nice people, happy to trade. But nothing out of the ordinary. No talking animals or robot mysteries. Just a safe, regular cycle.

No sign of the Light, though, which is also another reason Magnus is sad.

The village near the _Starblaster_ is just on the cusp of being a proper town. Plenty of small stores where they can shop, and most important for this quest, a confectionary.

They quickly find the candy store and walk inside. The smell is _heavenly_ and Lup decides she’s coming here once a week for the rest of the cycle.

“Well, hello,” the older woman behind the counter says. “You two are from that crazy ship, right? Glad to know you.”

“Hail and well met,” Lup says, doing her best Taako impression. And she does a mean Taako impression. “We were wondering if you had anything like a bacon candy of some sort?”

The woman laughs. “Believe it or not, I do. Bacon was a popular fad for a while, but it’s mostly died out now. I’ve got a few boxes of hard candy in the back that will still be good.”

“Perfect,” Lup says. If this doesn’t cheer up Magnus a little bit, she’ll eat her hat.

With Magnus taken care of, Lup starts to look for something for herself. Ooh, and maybe something for Barry. He always likes-

She stops, wondering how it is that Barry’s always at the back of her mind, like he’s just waiting there for something to remind her of him. Yeah, she’s got a bit of a crush and no she’s not gonna do anything about, because she thinks that might break Barry’s brain.

But is it really only a crush if it’s been there for ten years?

Her brain is trying to go into places where Lup really doesn’t want to follow, so she tells her brain to shut up and leave her alone already. 

“Luce?” she asks, her eyes going over all of the different choices. _Don’t do it, brain, don’t do it._ “What would be Barry’s favorite candy flavor?”

Lup ignores the slightly confused look on Lucretia’s face. “He’s a purist. Chocolate. But not milk chocolate, because that’s too sweet. He prefers semi-sweet.”

She sees a display of chocolate covered pretzels. Perfect.

Grabbing a handful, she adds, just to cover her tracks, “What about Davenport?”

Lucretia loses the confused look and Lup feels the tension leave her shoulders. Nailed it. “He likes cinnamon.”

Lup then learns that Merle loves caramel and Lucretia will eat any sort of sour candy. She grabs some macaroons for Taako and some marshmallow fluff for herself.

And because she’s decided right now that tonight they’re having a candy party, she picks up a bag of jelly beans. And gummies. And some sort of nougat candy. And fudge. And peanut butter brittle.

Basically, Lup buys enough candy that the _Starblaster_ won’t need the bond engine to escape the Hunger, cause they’ll all be hyped up enough on sugar to do the work.

They take their bounty back to the ship where Lup tells everyone about the candy party. Magnus, especially looks happy, which of course was the whole point. The fact that she gets some fun out of this was just a side benefit.

And later, when Barry’s munching on a chocolate covered pretzel, telling her that this was a really great idea, and Lup feels a crazy warmth in her stomach? That’s just a side benefit, too.


	27. Cycle 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup makes a persuasive argument. Barry shies away from vitamin D. Taako's thinking glam rock.

**Cycle Twenty-Seven**

“I’m gonna do it.”

Barry tries to hold back his sigh but fails. Miserably. “You sure about this, Lup?” he asks,

“Am I sure? Barold, am I sure about anything I do?” Lup asks, putting a hand on her hip. “Damn straight I’m not. Do I do it anyway? Damn right I do.”

Barry leans back in his chair and wishes he was half, hell a quarter, as brave as Lup is. He tries to imagine that sort of life, one without fear. And he can’t. It’s completely beyond his comprehension.

“You hate the sight of blood,” Barry says.

“Okay, you do remember these are good vampires, right?” Lup asks. “Like they don’t feast on humans? Humans simply donate blood for them to drink and everyone’s happy.”

He nods. He’s learned as much as he can about this cycle. A cycle where more than half the population are vampires. Barry’s itching to go out and study them, find out how exactly vampires evolved on in this system.

But that would most likely involve having to talk to an actual vampire and that’s where his courage ends. Barry’s not exactly afraid of them, okay, yeah, it’s actually that he’s afraid of them. So he’s content to read as many books on the subject as he can, especially the ones involving the final peace treaty.

“Taako’s gonna go be a vampire, too. The two of us are going to be _amazing_ vampires. We’re thinking glam rock,” Lup says, sitting on the edge of the table. “You seriously don’t want to do this? I thought you’d be all over this. Practical learning, etcetera, etcetera.”

Barry presses his lips together and weighs the pros and cons. Getting to talk to Lup about being a vampire and experiencing it together is definitely a pro. “Drinking blood, though?” he asks weakly.

“Dude, they’ve got it down to an art form. Like, apparently there’s some protein shake that doesn’t taste like blood but is actually blood. That’s pretty cool.” Her voice changes to that sing-song voice of hers. “Definitely worth studying.”

He feels himself weakening. What are the chances he’ll ever be able to do something like this again? And they’re already nine months through the cycle, so it would be less than three months of drinking blood… Or drinking protein shakes that don’t taste like blood…

“I dunno,” Barry says, more to waste time than anything else.

Then Lup says the one thing guaranteed to get Barry to follow her to the end of the universe.

“Please?”

Any resistance to the idea is gone. Lup wants him to do this with her, so he will.

#

“Okay, so once we go to the vampire part of town, we’re banned from the _Starblaster,_ ” Lup says.

On a practical level, Barry gets it. Davenport doesn’t want to risk the ship. But that also means Barry won’t get to see his friends again for three months. Well, at least Davenport didn’t outlaw letters.

“Barold, please don’t think I’m singling you out, even though I totally am, but does everyone have everything?” Taako asks as he puts his hair in a braid. “Do we have everything we’ll need for the next three months?”

“That was one time,” Barry says, thinking back to some cycle when he forgot his notebook after they started an expedition. Of course Taako’s never let him live it down. “And I double checked everything, I’m good.”

“Coolio,” Lup says, taking Taako’s arm. “Let’s go be vampires.”

Lup and Taako are taller than him and for people wearing heels, they walk really damn fast. He tries to keep up, but after a block, realizes that he doesn’t have a chance.

No matter. He’s not been to this part of town before and he’s purposely trying to take in as many details as he can. Barry will write Lucretia later tonight, when everything is still fresh. She’ll appreciate anything he can remember.

He tightens his grip on his duffle bag and wonders why in the world they decided to make the journey after dark. This would be much easier to deal with with the sun shining down. Granted, these vampires can’t work in sunlight, just like the vampires back home, but still.

Lup and Taako stop in front of a small building, which almost looks to be made out of white marble. “Pretty sure this is it,” Lup says. “Let’s do this.”

Barry follows them into the building, which leads to a large foyer. A number of people - vampires? - are milling around and they all stop when the trio enters.

“We have visitors!” a large man with a pronounceable belly says as he walks over to the group. “Welcome, welcome.”

Now that they were actually in the place where the transformation will happen, Barry’s nerves are starting to go into overdrive. He looks over at Lup and Taako and he’s more than a little surprised to see both of them seemingly not comfortable as well.

“So, this is where we can become vamps?” Taako says.

“Vampires, please,” the gentlemen says. “We find that nicknames tend to deprive us of our humanity a bit.”

“Definitely don’t want to do that,” Taako says, sounding sincere. “Sorry.”

“You are the visitors from another world, correct? We are honored to have you come to our fine establishment,” the man says. “Please follow the lady in red-” He puts up his hands. “I know, I know, a bit on the nose, but we do so love that color. She will help with the transformation.”

Barry gulps at the word _transformation_ and tries to remember all of the things he’s done in the name of science. He’s died. He’s killed. He’s defeated an evil clown. This is just more of the same.

For science.

_And for Lup…_ the little voice in his head whispers. Barry tells that little voice to stuff it. This is _his_ decision. Not Lup’s.

Barry takes a breath and tries to keep from hanging his head as he follows the lady in red. She leads them into a small room.

“We find that the transformation is best done alone, as you’ll be a bit wild afterwards,” the woman says with a heavy accent. “Who will be in this room?”

“Yolo,” Taako says, jumping up on a counter, ignoring the medical bed against the wall. “Vampire me up. What do you need? My neck? An arm?”

“Let me get your fellows settled and I’ll explain the process all at once,” the woman says. “Follow me.”

She leads them into an identical room across the hallway. “Which one of you will be in this room?”

Lup nudges him with her shoulder. “You stay here,” she says in a quiet voice. “Then you don’t have to walk the hallway alone.”

“Thanks, Lup,” Barry says, giving her a grateful smile. Nice of her to think of that.

Lup and the woman leave the room while Barry sits down on the medical bed. Every minute feels like an hour, and after a few minutes, he hears the woman’s voice over a speaker.

“Please lift up the pillow on the bed.” Barry does and sees fairly large red pill underneath. “Over the years, we have perfected our methods. All you need to do is swallow that pill and wait. Five minutes later, you’ll be a vampire.”

Barry picks up the pill. No doubt that Lup and Taako have already taken there’s already. There’s a glass of water on the nightstand and he picks it up; he’s never been able to swallow pills dry.

In a mock toast, he lifts his glass. “For science.”

Trying not to hesitate, Barry swallows the pill.

And the transformation begins.


	28. Cycle 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup is ready for some science. Taako wants to solve a mystery. The crew keeps getting smaller.

**Cycle Twenty-Eight**

If there’s anything Taako hates, it’s a mystery. Okay, so that might be exaggerating just the tinsy-est little bit. Most of the time, he doesn’t give a shit about mysteries. Why bother, right? Live and let live and all that.

The one exception (because of course there’s an exception) is his sister.

He and Lup? No secrets. Which means there should never, _ever_ be a mystery of any sort. Yet here he is, all mystified. And Taako doesn’t like it, not one bit.

So he decides it’s time to do a little investigating. Granted, Taako’s idea of investigating might be slightly different than a detective. Him? He’s gonna get Lup drunk and get her to spill the beans. Detectives would have a lot easier time doing their job if they tried his method.

Luckily, this is a cycle where alcohol is _everywhere_. Seems like making moonshine and brewing beer out of your backyard is the national past time in this cycle. And all of them like to think that their hooch is the best hooch. Which means lots of free samples.

He fucking loves free samples.

Taako grabs a couple bottles of moonshine and and starts walking towards Lup’s room. He’s prepared - of course he’s prepared for a night of drinking - with a full stomach and excellent timing. Lup’s hasn’t eaten yet, which means she’s gonna get drunk hella faster than he is.

Hey, she’s the one with the mystery. Not his fault he needs to pull out all his tricks to get to the bottom of things.

“Yo,” Taako says as he knocks on Lup’s door. “I’m coming in.”

“Cool!” comes Lup’s voice through the door.

She’s sitting at her desk, which isn’t really more than a shelf at desk height. All of their rooms are small, even Cap’n Port’s. But he’s got a dope ass office which makes up for that. Taako gets why the rooms are small. They were only supposed to be in use for two months. Not whatever the fuck year they’re on now. Still stinks when it’s the only private space they each have.

Lup’s got one leg under her and the other up on her bed as she’s writing. As she turns towards him, her eyes immediately go to the booze, as well they should. “We drinking tonight?” she asks ass she stands up and closes her notebook. “What’s the occasion?”

“Life? Because it’s free? Because I’m bored? Take your pick,” Taako says as he tosses a bottle to Lup.

She catches it with one hand, twists off the top, and immediately takes a chug. “Shit, this is strong.”

“So the good stuff, huh?” Taako asks.

She takes another chug. “Damn right it is.”

Taako sits down at the end of her bed, by her foot. “Braids?” he asks.

When they were kids, them against the world, trying to come up with the most elaborate braids they could was sometimes their only source of fun. It’s not something they do often now, but it always makes Taako happy when they do.

Lup stands up and grabs a brush from the top of her dresser. Once she’s settled, sitting behind him, she asks, “Any requests?”

“Nah, go nuts,” Taako says, closing his eyes as she starts to brush his hair.

Neither of them talk as she brushes. But both of them do drink. Taako’s feeling very pleasant around the edges as Lup separates his hair into sections.

Time to start being a detective or something like it. Time to slide into stealth mode.

“So what the fuck’s been wrong with you lately?” Taako asks.

Nailed it.

She pulls his hair as she braids. Taako just grits his teeth and takes another sip of hooch. Shit, Lup’s right. This stuff is strong. Might just through a wrench in the armor. Kink in the machine? Fuck it, metaphors can bite him.

“What are you talking about?” Lup says. “I’m never not at the top of my game.”

Not always true, but close enough that Taako will allow it. “Well,” he says, deciding to get real. “You seem a bit down lately.”

“Well, there’s only four of us left, right?” Lup says. “Always sucks when we’re not all here.”

She is right about that. Everyone is just in better moods when the whole crew is around. Things just feel off when one of them is missing. But that can’t be the only reason. There have been plenty of cycles when one or more of them have kicked the bucket.

“More booze,” Taako says as he stands up.

“Okay, I had like the most perfect braid in creation and you just ruined it,” Lup says. “Seriously, Koko, give a gal some warning.”

Taako shrugs and grabs another bottle of moonshine. This one has a cork, which he pulls out with his teeth. He takes a sip. _Fuck_ , this is strong. He needs to figure out where they picked up this booze cause he wants a millions bottles.

He hands the bottle to Lup as he goes to sit back on the bed, right next to Lup. “Anything else?” Taako says. He’s not letting this shit go until he’s figured it out.

Lup shrugs and takes a sip. “Nah, not really. Little bummed Barry died, though. We had some kick-ass experiments planned for this cycle.” She looks out the very small hole with glass that’s supposed to be some sort of window. “Well, there’s always next cycle.”

The way she says Barry’s name make a couple of puzzle pieces shake loose. Inexplicably, could Lup have some tender thoughts for Barry J. Bluejeans? _Fuck._ Taako thinks back a couple of cycles, to a conversation he had on the beach with Barry. _Double Fuck._

He’s not sure what to do with this newfound knowledge. It’s not like he can confront Lup, because he knows his sister. She’s not gonna do anything truly stupid that might endanger the mission. And messing around with Barry would be pretty stupid, in Taako’s mind.

Maybe she doesn’t even realize what’s going on. That would make the most sense. Lup tends not to notice the peeps that crush on her. So maybe she’s just telling the truth. That she’s bummed because she can’t so some science.

Taako takes a drink and decides to pretend he believes exactly that.

 


	29. Cycle 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup wants to change the world. Barry finds something new to study. The _Starblaster_ stays incognito.

**Cycle Twenty-Nine**

“Okay, so I’ve done some research and this Chantry system is absolute bullshit.”

Barry groans and puts his finger in front of his lips, silently asking Lup to be quiet. “We’re in one of their libraries right now,” he hisses.

“Oh, I know,” Lup says. Her voice changes to a sort of sing song. “And it’s bullshit.”

“I’m happy to debate the pros and cons of this cycle’s major religion but maybe not here in their library,” Barry says. He looks around, hoping none of those armed guards, those Templars, overheard them.

He’s done a bit of studying about the Templars. Apparently, in this cycle, they can keep wizards from doing magic. Barry really doesn’t want to find out if it would work on him and Lup, too.

“Fine,” Lup says, grabbing a book from the pile on the table. “I’ll be good.”

That makes Barry grin and his stomach clench. Lup acquiescing that easily is never a good sign. “Good? You?” Barry asks.  “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

She winks and opens the book. “It’s just stupid. They lock up their wizards here. Like in actual towers. Who does that?”

Barry knows. At first, he worried that everyone from the _Starblaster_ crew except Magnus would have to hide out for a year. But luckily, magic in this cycle works just enough differently that no one realizes they’ve got magic.

Hopefully things will stay that way or this will be a really long cycle.

“We can’t change everything,” Barry says.

Barry’s never been brave like that. Most of his life, he’s kept his head down, listening to other people, and keeping to his own personal philosophy. He may not be a doctor, but he prescribes to the theory of ‘do no harm.’

Lup, of course, takes that one step further. ‘Do no harm but take no shit.’ It’s one of the reasons he likes - no, admires - her so much. Maybe one day he’ll learn the secret to being brave like her.

“Says you,” Lup says, drumming her fingers on the table. “What’s the name of this city again?”

“Cumberland,” Barry says.

The Light’s nowhere to be found this cycle. None of them even saw it fall. And after almost a month of staying out of sight, taking turns watching for it, finally Davenport called off the search.

Which meant Barry has plenty of free time to do some research. The _Starblaster_ landed in an area called the Anderfells. For a time, Barry was content to study the area. But when he heard of a country called Nevarra and that it had something called the Great Necropolis?

He wasted no time packing for the journey.

The surprise was that Lup asked to come with him. So for two weeks they’ve been traveling together. Luckily, they’ve been able to trade for some wagon rides, so they haven’t been walking too much. Which means more time to spend in the Necropolis when they get there.

“And it’s not just magic users,” Lup says, crossing her arms over her chest. “You know how many people have sneered at me when they’ve seen my ears?”

“Yeah, I don’t get that,” Barry says. The elven race is respected back home. Here? It’s spit on and scorned. It makes no fucking sense. “At all.”

“Thank you,” Lup says, shaking her head. “Bull. Shit.”

“Language, _please_ ,” says an older woman at the table next to us. Her eyes narrow as she looks over at them.

“You’re gonna get us kicked out, Lup,” Barry says, pleading a bit.

She shrugs and brings up a hand to examine her nails. “That just means they’re denied my presence. Their loss, not mine.”

_Fuck_ , her confidence is beautiful. Barry pushes the thought away and closes the book in front of him. It’s pretty clear the library isn’t where Lup wants to be right now and honestly, he can’t say he blames her.

Yes, research is fun and fulfilling, but he’ll have plenty of time for that once they get to Nevarra City.

They’ll only be in Cumberland for one night, so they might as well get some value out of it. “Want to hit the bars?”

Lup slowly looks over the woman who just scolded her. “Fuck, yeah, I do,” Lup says, each word deliberate.

Barry’s barely able to stifle is laugh as the woman makes an indigent huff. “Come on,” he says. “First round’s on me.”

#

“So have you noticed no one wears jeans in this cycle?” Lup asks.

Barry snorts as he takes a sip of beer. The bar - wait, no, they call them taverns in this cycle - is busy enough where he and Lup can talk without worrying about anyone overhearing them.

Normally, Davenport has no issues letting them all go out and talk with the locals and tell them the truth. But there’s something a little more dangerous in this cycle. More war than other ones, plus they’re in the middle of something called the Blight? Whatever it is, it only affects trade a little bit. Not enough to worry about.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” he says. “I don’t think denim’s been invented yet. Been more than a few cycles like that. I pity them.”

Lup starts laughing and Barry can feel his cheeks reddening a bit. Over the years, he’s learned the cadence of her laughter. This one is a happy laugh. Making her laugh that particular laugh always leaves his stomach in knots.

Funny how things change. Fifteen years ago, he’d be a nervous wreck going on a long trip with Lup, especially when it’s just the two of them. But now he knows her well enough not to be intimidated any longer.

“Don’t you own jeans?” Barry asks. How can anyone get through life without them? They’re the most comfortable pants out there.

“I will admit to owning a few pairs,” Lup says with a shrug of her shoulder. “I’ll have you know I look damn good in skinny jeans. But I didn’t bring any with me for the journey.”

“So they’re lost to you forever,” Barry says, shaking his head. “Crying shame. I mourn their sacrifice.”

She laughs again, another happy laugh, and Barry picks up his beer, content. Whatever ends up happening with these cycles, he’s damn lucky to be able to consider Lup a friend.

 


	30. Cycle 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako brings the gang together. Lup wants to keep holding on. Barry doesn’t understand that reference.

**Cycle Thirty**

Fuck, she loves this cycle.

Lup closes her eyes and enjoys the way the breeze hits her face, just so. One of the perks of having an apartment in a skyrise. She leans on the railing of the balcony and looks out over the city, all the way to the lake at the border. She and Taako really need to get out to that beach one day.

In the distance, near the beach, she can see the _Starblaster_ parked. It’s been weeks since she’s seen anyone but Taako. Everyone else is doing their own thing, which is cool. After thirty years, it can be nice to get away, recharge and all that.

Doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss them, though.

“Yo, Lup, do me a solid and set the table, will ya?” Taako calls in from their apartment.

She takes one last look at the _Starblaster_ and heads inside, closing the door behind her. Out of all the places they’ve lived in the last thirty years, this is by far the best. She and Taako have a small two bedroom apartment with a fucking _huge_ kitchen. It’s better than anything they even had in their home cycle.

Too bad the Hunger will be here in a couple of weeks, ruining all their fun. Because this cycle’s been a blast. She’s learned some kick-ass magic and eaten basically the best food in the entire planar system.

Food like whatever Taako’s making right now. Smells fucking divine. As she starts to pull out plates, Taako says, “Set for three, kay?”

“Who’d you invite?” Lup says as she takes out the plates. “You were flirting pretty hard last night at the restaurant.” She waggles her eyebrows up and down. “Trying to impress someone with your cooking skills?”

“No need, Lulu,” Taako says. “I’m Taako and that’s pretty damn impressive all by itself.”

“True dat,” Lup says, taking out the glasses.

There’s a knock on the door and since Taako’s stirring something at the oven, Lup goes to answer. She opens the door and there’s Barry, looking like his usual self and holding a bottle of wine.

“Barry!” Without thinking, Lup steps forward and gives him a hug. It’s been months since she’s seen the nerd, since he’s been spending time at the monastery, learning who knows what.

The hug probably lasts a second or two longer than it should, but Lup can’t find it in herself to care. And Barry probably doesn’t even notice anyway. Cause who counts the seconds to a hug? She’s _missed_ him.

“Hey, Lup,” Barry says, pushing up his glasses. Fuck, she’s even missed his nervous ticks. He hands her the bottle of wine. “Taako said to bring wine. Gotta admit, I don’t know shit about wine. Hope it’s okay.”

Lup looks at the bottle, it’s a red, which won’t go great with the chicken and rice meal Taako’s preparing. But fuck it, it’s just wine. They’ll drink it anyway.

“So what are you doing here?” Lup says as they walk in the apartment. “Last I heard you were gonna wait out the Hunger in the monastery.”

“Taako wanted to get everyone back together for Magnus’s big game,” Barry says, sounding a little confused. “Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what that even means.”

“Oh snap, I wish I thought about that,” Lup says. They’re walking in the kitchen now and she looks at Taako. “What’s this you being thoughtful and shit?”

Taako rolls his eyes as he sprinkles a handful of spices on the chicken. “Hardly. I’m buttering Magnus up. You know how much room I’m gonna need in the cargo hold for all the ingredients I want to bring back to the _Starblaster?_ ”

“Brilliant,” Lup says as she starts to open up the bottle of wine.

“Fuck, yeah, it is. Magnus will be on cloud nine seeing us all again. Even better if his team manages to win. Then when he says how amazing I am for arranging this - Bam!” Taako claps his hands together. “I hit him with the news that I’m basically gonna need the entire cargo hold for my shit.”

Lup slides a glass of wine to Barry, who immediately takes not just a sip, but a swallow. She then slides one to Taako, who picks up the glass and stares at it, then back at her.

“Lup,” Taako says.

Because she knows exactly what Taako’s thinking right now, she says in her bossiest voice, “Taako.”

He gives her a _look_ and instead of grabbing a different wine, a wine that will go better with dinner, he chugs half the glass. Lup blows Taako a kiss as a thank you.

Taako holds out his glass for more and says, “This meal is just about as good as I can make it, which means it’s pretty damn good. Let’s chow down.”

# 

Who would’ve thought the game would be pretty damn exciting?

Lup’s jumping up and down, cheering for the Tesseralia Winners. The kids are playing so hard and Magnus is rocking out the coach look: pacing up and down the sidelines, yelling at the refs, encouraging the kids when he needs to. It’s all very Magnus-y and it’s really fucking cool.

What’s even better is that they’re all here. The entire crew of the _Starblaster_ , even Merle, who managed to get a night off away from the Monastery. For the first half of the game, Lup ignored what was going on down on the field and instead caught up with her friends.

But then the game started getting pretty fucking weird and Lup couldn’t look away.

There’s less than a minute left and Lup has one arm hooked with Taako and one arm hooked with Barry. She doesn’t know this game at all, and has no idea what’s happening. But looking at the scoreboard the Winners are losing by one? Maybe?

Magnus calls a time-out and pulls one of the bigger kids from the game. The crowd starts to roar as he motions to the smallest kid on the bench, a kid who Lup doesn’t think has played all night.

The kid runs to the sideline all while the crowd cheers.

“I have absolutely no fucking idea what’s going on,” Lup says to Barry. Loudly, so she can be heard over the roar.

“I looked up the rules so I’d be ready for tonight,” Barry yells. Of course he did. Of course he fucking did. “So if you really want to know-”

“Nope, don’t really care!” Lup shouts back, hoping he can hear her over the roar of the crowd.

The kid with the ball does something that doesn’t look really impressive, but what does Lup know. But then a buzzer sounds and all she can hear are cheers coming from her side of the stadium.

“Did we win?” Lup yells. “We totally won, right?”

Barry nods, a huge smile on his face. Lup tries to push away the thought that he’s got a really nice smile. But nope. It’s there now. In her brain. Probably forever.

“Magnus is going to be on cloud nine. He won’t say no to anything right now,” Lup says with a laugh. “Taako is a fucking genius.”

“I didn’t quite catch that,” Lup hears Taako say. “Care to repeat?”

Lup hits in Taako in the stomach. No way she’s repeating that. It’ll go to his head and he’ll start to believe his own press. That will only end in disaster.

“Come on,” Lup says to the group. To her friends that are just as happy for Magnus as she is. “Time to party!”


	31. Cycle 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle takes a vacation. Magnus wants to feel useful. Barry just wants to breathe some air.

**Cycle Thirty-One**

Well, shit.

All Barry can do is stare at the spot where Merle stood only seconds ago. “Fuck,” he says under his breath.

“Merle,” Magnus says as he walks into the room. “I want you to memorize these questions-”

“Gone,” Lup says. She’s sitting on the sofa in the common room, legs tucked underneath her. “Long gone.”

“The fuck? We’ve been in this cycle like two seconds,” Magnus says.

“Preaching to the choir, buddy,” Barry says, shaking his head. “I had questions I wanted him to ask the Hunger, too.”

Lup stands up and Barry tries to get his mind back on track. The start of a cycle is always the most stressful part. Not to mention the busiest.

“Same old, same old?” Lup asks.

After all these years, he and Lup have settled into a bit of a routine. She’ll check for signs of life, he’ll try to figure out what on the planet might try to kill them. It’s not a perfect system, but it works.

“Yeah,” Barry says with a grin. “Same old, same old.”

Barry walks to ops, humming under his breath. First thing to do is find out if the air is breathable. No one is allowed outside the ship until he’s figured that out. It’s only a problem they had one, a dozen or so cycles ago, but Davenport doesn’t want to take any chances.

“What song is that?” Lup asks.

Barry stops humming at once; he didn’t realize Lup was right behind him. “Umm, folk song from cycle fifteen, I think? Hard to keep track sometimes. The one with the all the gnomes.”

That’s how most of the crew keeps the cycles organized. _The one with the_ … Barry does his best to actually remember the number - it’s more scientific that way - but it can be a lot easier to talk about the other way.

_The one with the candy. The one with the vampires. The one with the clouds._

Thirty-one different cycles. But still no closer to stopping them.

Barry grabs his atmospheric pressure reader and looks out the big picture window of ops. He doesn’t see any clouds and the sky is a light green. Kinda pretty.

“What’s it look like below?” he asks Lup, who’s staring down at the world below.

“Definitely seeing some towns and roads. Nothing like Tesseralia, though. Fuck, I already miss it. Hope they’re all doing okay,” Lup says.

The city had its perks, but honestly? Barry was far happier whenever he got to see his friends. Being alone in a giant city, just reminded him of being back in cycle zero. And that’s why he joined the IPRE in the first place.

He starts the reader and waits for the results. The actual device is outside the ship, where it can take accurate readings. All Barry needs to do is interpret what he sees.

Davenport’s at the wheel of the ship, searching for some place to land. That’s another part of the routine. They stay out of sight until they’ve got a better idea of how the population will react. Some are cool and like having visitors from other planes. Some… aren’t.

Barry’s reader beeps and he lets out a sigh of relief. “Air’s good.”

“Temp?” Davenport asks.

“Kinda chilly,” Barry says. “I think we’re near the equator, too, so this world must be a cold one.

“Joy,” Lup says, rolling her eyes. “I _hate_ the cold.”

Lucretia’s entered ops, holding a journal and already writing furiously. It’s sort of amazing to watch her in action. One cycle, when Barry needed a break from science, he asked Lucretia to teach him that double-handed writing she does.

It didn’t go well. But at least he tried. These days, with all the different cycles, he’s willing to try almost anything at least once. Why not, right?

“I’m seeing a pretty big lake, Cap’n Port,” Lup says. “Don’t see any settlements near it.”

“Perfect,” Davenport says as he starts to land the ship. A few minutes later, the ship touches the ground smoothly. Davenport’s had plenty of practice.

Magnus walks into ops, sword on his back. Next thing to do is check the water supply. If they can drink safely from this lake, they’ve found their home for a bit. Ideally, the locals will be kind and willing to take in some strangers. But sadly, they’ve had too many examples of that not being the case.

“Ready?” Magnus asks.

“You know this is stupid, right?” Lup says. “Barry and I do not need protection out there.”

“Standard operating procedure,” Magnus says with a shrug. “Gimme this, okay? I can’t help you two figure out the water and shit, but at least I can try to keep things from killing you while you work.”

Lup looks like she wants to protest more, but Barry just says, “Thanks, Magnus.” 

Barry knows what it’s like to feel useless. It’s happened more than once in his life, hell, even in various cycles. If he can keep one of his friends from having that same feeling, he will.

  
Magnus leaves the ship first, followed by Barry, Lucretia, and Lup holding up the end. Barry shivers when a blast of air hits his face. He’s pretty sure this is summer for this area of the world. Well, can’t win them all.

Taking out a flask, Barry kneels down and scoops out some water. “Please be drinkable,” he whispers. If it’s not, best case scenario they need to boil all the water before they drink it. Worst case, they ration the cases of water they have in the cargo hold. Luckily, Magnus was able to stock up on plenty of supplies thanks to Tesseralia.

Barry starts the test and sways a bit back and forth on his heels as it runs. He looks at his friends. Lucretia’s sitting on a log, writing wildly, not looking up once at the world around her. Magnus is staring at some sort of wild animal. After all these years, Barry knows Magnus won’t hunt until he’s absolutely positive the wildlife isn’t sentient.

Lup’s putting her hair back in a braid, looking bored. He doesn’t blame her. This is the boring part. The next couple of days they’ll scout, they’ll test the food, they’ll try to figure out if this is a decent place to live for the next year.

Would be nicer if Merle was here. Barry feels a bit guilty about asking him to go back, but how was he supposed to know Merle would want to leave right away? They’ll have to make sure Merle waits until the end next cycle.

Barry’s device beeps. “We can drink the water,” he calls out to the rest of the group.

Lup spins her finger in a circle while rolling her eyes. “Taako!” she yells back at the ship. “Get your ass out here. Time to test the food!”

Barry’s been so focused on the water that he forgot to check the scenery around him. Always so weird to see how each different world can be so unique.

He looks down at the grass below. “Huh. It’s blue.”

Green sky and blue grass. Probably some mysteries here. Barry smiles to himself. He thinks he’s gonna like this cycle.


	32. Cycle 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle ups his game. Magnus does plenty of work. Barry keeps everyone informed.

**Cycle Thirty-Two**

Merle looks at himself in the small mirror. _Damn_ , he looks good. Of course, he always looks good, but today he’s brought it up to another level. He’s wearing his best dress shorts and a slightly see-through dress shirt and there are flowers in his beard.

“Showtime,” he says, flashing some finger bolts.

He’s _ready._

He walks out of the small outhouse and towards the building site. This will be the eleventh cycle where all the factors have aligned, letting him start a new congregation in the name Pan.

There’s a lot of violence this cycle, a lot of ugliness. Everyone on the _Starblaster_ is a little discouraged at how the local population seems to distrust them. Merle gets it. It sucks when people don’t like you. But it just means you need to work a little bit harder. Become a pest of some sort. Don’t disappear even when they swat you away.

If there’s anything that Merle’s good at, it’s being a pest.

More people are gathered than he expect; another sign that he made the right choice. Some cycles don’t need him and Pan. Some have plenty of religion already. Some cycles Merle would rather do something else, like dance or pretend to practice magic.

But then there are these cycles. When people - mostly good, an occasional bad egg here and there - are simply looking for some direction in their lives. Merle might not be able to do that, fuck, he can barely direct his own life, but he can help build a sense of community.

He does that? Nine times outta ten, the congregation will take it from there.

Merle looks around at the people all gathered together. Today they’ll be building the First Church of Gardenville. Took a couple of months to get to this point. At first, the townspeople wanted nothing to do with him. But he’s a stubborn bastard who doesn’t know how to quit.

“Good to see you all here,” he says as he walks to the front of the crowd. It’s a mix of humans, elves, and halfings. No dwarves that he can find this cycle. People remember the dwarves, but no one knows where they are. It’s a mystery, but one that will have to stay a mystery. Merle prefers to live in the now. The past? That’s over and done with.

Merle kicks his boot into the dirt. For a village called Gardenville, there’s not really any gardens. Or any greenery at all. It’s one of the reasons the town finally gave in and let him build here. Maybe if there’s a shrine to Pan, that he might see it fit to make the ground a little more hospitable.

Barry and Magnus are in the group, which is pretty darn decent of them. But they almost always help out in the beginning. Merle knows neither of them follow Pan, but just the fact that they’re willing to help

Well, it’s time to give his speech. Merle’s got it perfected over the years and it always brings down the house. He doesn’t expect things to be any different this cycle.

#

Okay, so maybe he shouldn’t have leaned on the jokes so much.

This cycle’s not got quite the sense of humor as some of the other ones. He’ll have to remember that for next time. Shame, though. His arugula joke usually brings down the house. But the important part is building has begun.

Merle’s not exactly built for hard labor, so he’ll need to be content bringing water and prayers to the good folk building the church. Shame. He’d love to be out there with them all, working in the name of Pan. Better for everyone, though, if he leaves the work to the competent people.

A few hours pass and Merle tells everyone to take a break. His future congregation's done good work. Already the frame has been built and soon actual walls will start going up. His vision is gonna be beautiful.

After he spends some time walking among the workers, he heads back to the food table, where Barry and Magnus are standing. Barry looks exhausted from the work while Magnus hasn’t even broken a sweat.

“So what’s the opening party theme gonna be this time, Merle?” Barry asks.

“I haven’t really given it much thought,” Merle says, which is an absolute lie, of course. He’s got almost the entire thing planned out. From the place settings to the finale, which would be some sort of group dance. He’s not completely sure of the choreography, but he’s got a little time.

“Sure you haven’t,” Magnus says with a laugh. “Gonna be tough to beat that year with the dancing dogs.”

Barry nods. “That was a pretty good year.”

“I’ll top it somehow,” Merle says, stroking his beard. He doesn’t think he put in enough flowers. He’ll need to add more next time.

He’ll definitely need glitter. Hmm. He’s not sure if there’s glitter on this world. If there’s not, he supposes he could always break into his personal supply. But the most important thing will be the dance.

“I’ve heard from Lup,” Barry says. “She and Lucretia will be here for the opening.”

“Davenport, too,” Magnus says. “Anyone heard from Taako?”

“He promises to make an appearance, but can’t promise more than that,” Merle says. Which is fine. His friends are busy people. Not fair to expect them to drop everything in their lives to come to the grand opening of his eleventh church. It’s good enough that’s they’re willing to make an effort. 

It will be something to talk to John about later on.

Merle pushes the thought away. He thinks about John too much these days and what good does it do him? They talk, John condescends, and then Merle ends up dead.

At least Merle’s decided to live a little each cycle before going back there.

He’ll get through to John eventually. He just knows it.

Until he does, though, Merle will be content with the First Church of Gardenville.


	33. Cycle 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup reveals some inside information. Turns out Taako was right the first time. Barry falls (again).

**Cycle Thirty-Three**

“Don’t look down,” Barry mutters to himself. “Don’t look down. Don’t look down. No, seriously, don’t look down.”

He looks down.

“Fuck,” he squeaks out as he skitters back onto the main platform. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck.”_

Maybe he doesn’t really need to go to the bathroom after all. He can hold it. He can totally hold it. Like forever. He’ll be _fine._

But damn he really needs to go to the bathroom.

And to get to the bathroom, Barry needs to cross a rope bridge that’s only, oh, a couple of hundred feet in the air. Cause the main species in this cycle are bipedal avians, complete with wings. Their entire civilization is up in the air, with all the buildings in trees.

Super tall trees. Trees so tall he can barely see the ground.

And he’s afraid of heights. Every step he’s taken in this cycle terrifies him. Which is why he’s spent most of the cycle the _Starblaster_. Alone.

The rest of the crew? They’re having a blast. Lup figured out how to make gliders, so all of them glide from tree to tree, not bothering to fear for their lives as they do. Barry doesn’t get it. Doesn’t get it at all. It’s like they’ve got no sense of self-preservation.

He knows if something happens they’ll all just come back next cycle. But even with the whole height thing, he likes this cycle. He’s not ready to kick the bucket because of a stupid mistake.

The trees are freaking amazing plus he’s gotten to study some of the specimens from the jungle below. Barry asked once if he could go down to the jungle, cause he tries never to let his fears keep him from sciencing, but was told no. Apparently no one is allowed down there except the right kind of priests. Well, at least they let him study what they bring back.

“Barold!”

He looks up and sees Lup with her arms out, gliding tight towards him. With the sun shining behind her, she almost looks like she’s got wings like a Celestial. But then he realizes he’s staring, so Barry turns his head.

“Hey Lup,” he says as she lands next to him. He tries to sound casual, like it’s no big thing, but he’s pretty sure he failed. Miserably.

“You left the ship!” she says and his hearts clenches a bit. She sounds so happy to see him. It’s nice, thinking that. Really nice.

“Yeah, there’s a new batch of plants from the ground they brought up. Their healers think they can improve their healing potions,” Barry says quickly. He grits his teeth, knowing that he’s babbling. Like usual when it comes to being around Lup.

“Sweet,” Lup says. “So you’re basically Merle this cycle?”

Barry smiles and makes the mistake of looking down at his feet. He can see over the edge of the platform and the murky darkness below mocks him.

“Sorta. It’s kinda nice having a change of pace. Studying healing instead of necromancy all the time,” Barry says.

“Makes sense,” Lup says. “I’ve been branching out myself.” She looks at him expectantly. In no time at all, she’s laughing. “You got that, right? Tell me you got that.”

“Did you have to do that?” Barry asks, trying to smile. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate a good pun. It’s just that he doesn’t appreciate a good pun when he feels like he’s teetering on the edge of certain doom.

“Uh, yeah? I absolutely had to do that,” Lup says with a laugh. “Not much choice. They’re not really big on fire magic here. Understandable, I guess.”

Barry thinks of what could happen to these structures if just one evocation spell goes wrong. Yeah, definitely makes sense that they don’t want flames out here.

“So what are you up to?” Lup asks and she actually sounds like she wants to know.

He glances across the bridge, towards the outhouse. “Um, just talking a walk. Clearing my head. That sort of thing.”

Lup follows his gaze right to the outhouse. “Ooh,” she says. “You’ve got to take a whiz, don’t you?”

Barry blushes, because that’s what he does. He just doesn’t want Lup associating him with the bathroom, okay? That’s just… No. “I’m fine.”

“You’re a fucking liar is what you are,” Lup says with a grin. “Dude.”

“Really, Lup. I’m cool. I’m just gonna go back and keep researching,” he says, ignoring how his bladder’s really starting to get a little mad at him.

He’s been putting off this trip for a couple of hours now.

But this bridge is _terrifying._

“Barry?”

He looks back at the research center, wishing he was back inside. “Yeah?”

“You do realize that below this entire city is netting, right?”

“Wait, what?” Barry asks, gripping onto the rope bridge like his life depended on it. “There’s netting down there? Actual netting? How did I not know that?”

“Yeah, like this entire area below us is netting,” Lup says. She leans in towards Barry. “I will deny this if you ever tell anyone but the other day I made a bad call when I was gliding. And I fell.”

“Oh shit,” Barry says.

Lup nods. “Thought I was toast. See ya next cycle type toast. But then I fell right into the netting.”

Netting. He’s been in this cycle for six months and didn’t know. _Netting?_

“That makes sense, having netting,” Barry says slowly. “I mean, there are kids flying around all the time. And not everyone can fly. Someone of them need to walk.”

Barry takes a step closer and is tip-toeing the edge. He doesn’t see the netting, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. But he’s not quite convinced.

“How’d you get back up?”

“That elevator that goes down to the surface? There’s a pit stop at the net level. You ring a bell and bam. The elevator comes and gets you,” Lup says. “Easy peasy.”

“That… doesn’t sound so bad,” Barry says.

“We could check it out right now, if you want,” Lup says. “I’ll jump with you.”

It’s tempting. It’s really tempting just to drop down using Feather Fall and hope that the net does it job. Then he can study the bark of these trees as much as he wants.

But his hands grip the rope bridge and he thinks about falling and what if the net gives out… “Dunno,” he says weakly.

“Barry J. Bluejeans, are you really gonna let fear keep you from sciencing?” Lup asks, hands on her hips. A small gust of wind hits her just at the right angle, and her hair billows out in the breeze.

He looks at her then, the sun shining down on her, and he thinks back to a conversation with Taako, a cycle a long time ago. And he realizes that Taako was right. Barry just didn’t realize it.

He loves Lup.

He _loves_ her.

And there’s not a damn thing he can do about it.

Hell of a place for a realization. But he pushes it aside, because what good is it gonna do? He’s never gonna do anything about it. She’s _Lup._

Well, he might not be able to deal with his feelings right now, but he can deal with his fear. “Let’s do it,” Barry says, taking out his wand. “Let’s fucking do some science.”

“That’s my boy,” Lup says with a grin. “Let’s fuck this science shit up.” She walks to the edge of the platform. “Feather fall?”

Barry nods and stands right next to Lup before he can change his mind. “On three.”

“Oh, countdown. Love it,” Lup says. “One. Two. Three!”

They jump.

Barry casts Feather fall right away and then grits his teeth, trying not to close his eyes. He looks around; the trees from underneath are _incredible._ Worth the price of admission alone.

“Almost at the netting!” Lup yells.

He doesn’t look down. Because looking below the netting will probably be a really big fucking mistake. A second later, he’s on his back, the netting cradling him.

Barry can see the trunk of the tree from here. He’ll be able to get some of his own samples now. Perfect. But even as he wants to triumph, a realization washes over him.

He really should have gone to the bathroom first. 

 


	34. Cycle 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus can’t catch a break. Barry wants to change course. Lup doesn’t mind getting cozy.

**Cycle Thirty-Four**

Fuck, it’s cold.

“Barry!” Lup says as loud as she can. The rain is freaking _freezing_ and with the wind, she worries he’s not even gonna be able to hear her.

When he doesn’t turn around, it looks like her worry was justified. Lup looks up at the sky, and the clouds feel like they’re practically on top of them. She and Barry are in the middle of a forest and some of the trees are swaying a little too much for her liking.

They really gotta get out of here. Finding the Light isn’t worth dealing with this storm. Magnus would probably disagree, but he’s the one who broke his ankle yesterday and can’t leave the ship for a few days.

“Barry!” Lup yells again. This time, Barry turns his head, like he heard something, but isn’t sure exactly what it is.

Only one thing to do. Lup jogs to catch up to him and puts her hand on his shoulder. _That_ finally catches his attention. She sees him say “Lup,” but the wind drowns out the sound.

Fine, they’ll have to get cozy. Lup takes a step in closer to Barry, so they’re almost touching. “We need to get out of here,” she yells.

He nods. Lup tries to think of where they can go. The _Starblaster_ is a two hour walk back and they need to get out of this storm now. Just when Lup’s about to say that, she realizes that Barry’s pointing at something.

Her eyes follow his finger and in the distance, she can see a small outpost, maybe a hunting cabin of some point. “Brillant,” she says, but she doesn’t think Barry can hear her.

A good fifteen minutes pass before they make it to the outpost. There’s a small window, with glass that hasn’t been busted by the storm. Lup looks inside and sees a cot, a chest of some sort, and a fireplace. And best of all, there’s no one inside.

She opens the door and they both run inside. Barry closes the door and starts muttering some sort of warding incantation. Perfect. They’ll be safe until the storm passes.

Closing her eyes, Lup conjures up a small fireball in the palm of her hand. “Think I can hit the fireplace without looking?”

“This is a wooden cabin, Lup,” Barry says. Even with her eyes closed, she can picture him scratching the back of his neck, like he does when he gets flustered. Freaking adorable.

“Meh. You’ll put out the fire if I miss,” she says, lobbing the fireball towards the fireplace. Lup opens her eyes just as her magic hits the logs. Raising her arms over her head, she adds, “She shoots, she scores!”

Barry just smiles as he goes to kneel in front of the fireplace. “That storm came out of freaking nowhere,” he says. “Considering it was like, what, eighty degrees when we left? And now it’s probably freezing? Almost makes me want to study the weather in this cycle.”

“Barold, I’d like to think we have far more important things than studying the weather,” Lups says with a laugh. But really, that’s Barry. He’s always finding new things to learn about, it’s really… rather endearing.

This is a decent cycle, as far as cycles went. Hunting is big in this cycle, really big, with people trying to get trophies to outdo each other. Only issue with that, is that they’re killing off all their big game. Which is so stupid. But at least that means there are plenty of little hunting shacks like this one.

“Seems like there’s something always more important to study,” he says, and Lup doesn’t think she’s imagining the wistfulness in his voice.

She also doesn’t think she’s imagining that he’s shivering. And now that she thinks about it, she’s pretty damn cold, too.

Without saying anything, Lup walks over to the cot. The mattress looks lumpy - is that a spring peeking out? - but it’s probably better than sitting on the floor. She starts to drag the cot towards the fire. Barry, smart as he is, picks up what she’s trying to do right away and helps her position the cot.

“Better than nothing, right?” Lup says, sitting down on one side of the cot. “Wish I knew that drying spell, make things a whole hell of a lot nicer.”

“Oh, shit. Right,” Barry says, taking out his wand. He gives it a wave in Lup’s direction and she can actually feel the dampness disappearing from her clothes and hair. Pretty nifty. “Sorry, I forgot I had that.”

Lup watches as he does the spell on himself and he immediately looks more comfortable. “You’ll have to teach me that one at some point,” she says.

“Yeah, sure,” Barry says in that over-eager way of his. He’s just so damn eager to please. Sometimes she worries she takes advantage of that. Some of the others do, absolutely. Lup usually calls them out on that shit, though, when it happens.

She leans in towards the fire and the heat feels fucking _wonderful._ Her eyes close and she thinks she could easily fall asleep. A nap sounds absolutely fantastic right about now.

Barry, though, is standing in the corner, his arms crossed over his chest, with his hands hiding in his armpits. Lup pats the space next to her. “My man, I can hear the wind outside still. That corner’s got to be cold.”

“I don’t wanna crowd you,” Barry says.

“No such thing,” Lup says, patting the seat again. “Sit your ass down in front of the fire.”

“Lemme check the chest, see if there’s anything we can use,” Barry says.

“That reminds me, you bring any food?” Lup asks. It’s ridiculous how quickly she can get hungry.

He nods as he opens the chest. A frown appears and he pulls out a blanket, and puts it up to his nose. “A little musty, but better than nothing,” he says.

“It could be the most awful stank there is and I’d still use it,” Lup says. The fire doesn’t seem to be quite enough against the wind, not when she can see slight openings between the logs of the cabin.

“Fair enough,” Barry says as he hands her the blanket.

He goes to sit on the other end of the cot and Lup shakes her head. “Oh no, this bounty ain’t just for me. We’re sharing this bad boy. It’s big enough for both of us.”

Barry hesitates for just a second, but enough that Lup wonders what his deal is. Does he just not like getting touched - which is cool, to each their own, and all that - or something else? But then he sits down next to her, close enough so that their shoulders are touching.

Lup throws the blanket around their shoulders and combining that with body heat and the fire? She might actually be able to deal with the wind for a while.

Her heart speeds up slightly, enough for Lup to remember that this is the closest she’s been to Barry in a long time. In fact, she can’t remember anything when they’ve been just next to each other like this.

“I think I might nod off for a bit,” Barry says. “You mind?”

“Hells, no. A nap sounds like great idea,” Lup says. “I’m gonna be a copycat.”

Lup closes her eyes and listens to the sound of the wind. Within minutes, the only other sound is Barry snoring softly.

She’s not sure how long it took her to fall asleep, but when she wakes up, she and Barry have scooted even closer together, her cheek resting against the side of his head. Lup could move, absolutely. But then she’ll wake Barry up and it’s better to let him sleep, right?

So she closes her eyes again and lets herself enjoy the warmth.


	35. Cycle 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle wants to spread the word. Barry doesn’t ever want to move. Lup decides to sit down.

**Cycle Thirty-Five**

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing wrong,” Merle says.

Barry closes his eyes, trying to concentrate on each word Merle says. Only trouble is, he’s pretty sure Merle is slurring all his words. And then there’s the little fact that Barry’s drunk, too. Why’s it so hard to hear things when he’s drunk?

“You’re Merle fucking Hightower fucking Highchurch,” Magnus says, pointing directly at Merle. “You can do no wrong.”

“Excuse me,” Lup says. She lets out a tiny burp. Barry leans back into his chair, hoping no one notices the smile on his face. That was the most adorable little burp he’s ever heard in his life. “Let the record show that my ‘excuse me’ was not for the burp. Y’all have known me for how long? Lup Taaco does not excuse herself for burping. It’s a bodily function - _we all do it_.”

“Speak for yourself,” Taako says, raising his hand above his head. “This elf does not burp. Or have bodily functions. That’s for lesser mortals.”

“We talking about gods now?” Merle asks, lifting his head off the sofa.

The five of them, well, Barry thinks there are five now. Davenport went to bed so _early_. And Lucretia… Lucretia is somewhere, right? Wait, no. That’s right. Lucretia is dead. Died today, which is why they’re all drinking their asses off in the common room.

“Oh shit, don’t do it, Merle,” Lup says, sitting up straight. She’s been lounging on one of the overstuffed chairs, a leg dangling over the arm. “Don’t you _dare._ ”

Merle’s on the sofa, laying on his stomach. He’s short enough that Barry’s sitting at the other end. And Merle’s clearly not paying any attention to Lup, because he says, “If we want to talk about gods-”

“He’s gonna do it,” Taako says.

“Fuck you, Merle,” Magnus says, throwing a throw pillow in Merle’s direction. Because it’s a throw pillow, Magnus’s aim is shit, and it plops down by Merle’s feet. Barry takes this as a sign and puts the pillow behind his head. Much better.

“Have I talked to any of you about the word of Pan?”

“Boooo,” Lup says.

Barry decides to get in on the action and knocks Merle’s feet off the sofa. He’s got to admit, even though the reason absolutely _sucks_ , it’s nice to have most of them together tonight. More and more, they all seem to be doing their own thing each cycle. Which he gets. They’ve spent a third of a century together. A little alone time is expected, really.

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss everyone. Especially… Barry looks over at Lup. She’s standing up out of her chair, looking pretty graceful, considering she’s drunk. But then she stumbles a few steps.

Okay, maybe she’s not so graceful. Or maybe Barry just thinks everything she does is graceful. Yeah, probably that one.

Lup walks over to the sofa and plops down, right on top of Merle’s ass. Barry wonders what that must be like. She’s never sat on _his_ ass before. “Merle, there is no talking about Pan tonight, got it?”

“You’re all the ones who brought him up!”

“Talk about the man behind the Fuck You Cloud again,” Taako says, his voice deadpan. He and Magnus are sitting on the other sofa in the room, facing Barry and Merle. “Please. It’s riveting.”

Barry starts to a laugh, one of those silent ones that make his belly jiggle a bit. This is one of the best nights he’s had this cycle. He’s been studying magic at some sort of small academy. Nothing too exciting, but it’s a chance to learn, which will never get old.

Lup decided to travel this cycle, so he’s only seen her a few times. He misses her. A lot.

Merle seems to dig into the sofa a bit and then looks up at Lup. “Only if you ease up on my ass.”

“If I had a gold piece for every time I’ve heard that one…” Taako says.

Magnus immediately reaches out to give Taako a high five. “Nice.”

“Fine,” Lup says, sliding down the back of Merle’s legs. Why the dwarf is wearing shorts in this cold weather Barry will never understand.

But then he realizes that when Lup slide down, she was sliding _towards_ him. And now he’s got a Lup sitting right next to him, their sides flushed together.

“Hi,” she says to him, her voice quiet. Then more loudly, adds, “I’m off your ass, Merle. Spill the beans about the man behind the Fuck You Cloud.”

Merle starts saying something but Barry’s brain is basically short-circuiting. He doesn’t hear a damn word that Merle says.

Lup’s. Head. Is. On. His. Shoulder. 

Barry doesn’t want to move, he doesn’t even want to breathe. Because he’s absolutely positive if he moves one iota, Lup will sit up and move back to the armchair where she was sitting.

He pretends to listen to the conversation. Something about Merle not wanting to die because of John anymore. Barry will probably need to talk to him about that at some point but not now. Definitely not now.

“Isn’t that right, Barry?”

_Shit._

“Um…” Barry says, trying to stall for time. He supposes he could just say he missed the question, but he doesn’t want anyone to think he’s not paying attention to them, cause that’s just rude.

“Barold doesn’t science when he’s drunk, Magnus,” Lup says, patting him on the knee. She patted his knee. Barry knows he’s internally freaking out like a teenager but _she patted his knee._ Fuck, he’s drunk. “You should know that by now.”

“You remembered,” Barry says, just loud enough for her to hear, not anyone else.

“Duh,” Lup says. She sits up straight, so she’s not resting her head on his shoulder any more. But she did put her hand on his knee, so it’s a pretty fair trade-off. “That’s like Barry 101. Intro to Barry. I’d totally ace that class.”

He smiles, hopefully not too goofy and looks at his friends. “I could ace all of you,” he says.

And it’s true. After thirty-five years, he knows his friends. He knows likes and dislikes. He knows some secrets. And of course there are some things he’d rather not know about. But he could totally pass a class about any of them.

“Yeah, you probably could,” Lup says. She crosses her legs and Barry thinks she means to sit next to him for a while. “Pop quiz tomorrow.”

“No tests,” Merle says, sounding half asleep. “Unless it’s multiple choice.”

“Don’t worry, Merle,” Lup says, tapping the dwarf on the ass. “You’ll pass. I think we’d all pass.”

Barry leans back into the sofa and looks at his friends. Yeah, they’d all pass. With honors.

 


	36. Cycle 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup decides to make some fun. Barry has a confession to make. Sildar makes a reappearance.

**Cycle Thirty-Six**

Her desk is a fucking mess.

Lup stands at the door of her room, looking at her desk. Which is a mess. She should really do something about that. Except that is quite possibly the last thing in the entire universe that she actually wants to do.

Her whole room is messy. Like, she gets that her room is basically a metaphor for her entire life, but it doesn’t need to be so in her face about it.

Problem is, she’s got nothing really better to do right now. This cycle is scary hot. Like, not full of hot people, hot. (She can’t _wait_ until they make it to that cycle.) Just really fucking hot. They can’t go outside for more than an hour or a time or their brain will explode or some shit. Or something like that. Lup’s not sure. She wasn’t really paying attention when Barry talked about it.

She can’t go outside. She can’t do magic, because her brand of magic is basically too awesome for the _Starblaster_. The ship simply can’t handle her. She gets it. There aren’t many things out there that can.

So Barry and she are trying to do some science, cause why not? But their experiment needs some time, so she’s got nothing to do for an hour. So she might as well clear off her desk.

Fun. Super great. How is this her life that she’s been reduced to cleaning for fun?

Whatever. Lup can make anything fun. That’s sort of what she does.

She knocks off a pile of clothes off her desk chair. Ooh, she wondered where that bra had gone. Hot pink and mesh. One of her favorites. The clothes she’ll deal with later. First, Lup wants to go through this pile of papers.

It’s various shit. Papers from some different cycles. A couple of things that Barry gave her, papers he wrote. When she told him she’d be happy to read them, she didn’t actually think he brought them with him on the ship.

“Nerd,” she whispers with a smile. Of _course_ he brought along his academic papers.

Lup lifts up the title page for one of the papers. “A Brief History of Chilblains in Necromancy by Sildar Hallwinter,” she reads outloud. Sildar Hallwinter? The fuck?

She starts going through the papers. Each one is by this Sildar Hallwinter dude. _Not_ Barry. Without meaning to, she starts to laugh. How typical Barry to take the wrong set of papers with him on this trip.

Something she definitely wants to tease him about. And since she’s looking for any and all excuses not to clean her desk, she goes off to search for Barry.

He’s right where she left him, at the science console in ops, hunched over a notebook, writing pretty damn quick. Almost Lucretia quick, which is impressive.

“Barold,” Lup says, bounding up to him then sitting down in what she now considers to be her chair. “My dude, remember when you gave me your academic papers to read?” She holds out the papers. “These are the wrong papers.”

“What? That makes no sense,” Barry says, grabbing the papers from her hands. He looks at the top page and his shoulders slump.

Shit, she didn’t want him to feel bad about it. Simple mistake, could happen to anyone.

“Actually, Lup,” Barry says, holding the papers out towards her. His voice quakes a little bit and now Lup is fucking invested. She wants to know what’s going on. “Sildar Hallwinter? That’s, um, yeah, that’s me.”

“Oh like a pseudonym?” Lup asks with a nod. “Bad ass. I like it. Kinda a stuffy name, though. I would chosen something cooler like Phoenix Firefiend.” She crosses her legs and decides she doesn’t like that name. “It’s a work in progress.” 

Barry leans back in his chair. And Lup gets the distinct impression that he’s nervous about something. Well, something bigger than his usual things. “Um, no. Sildar… Sildar is my actual name.”

Lup tilts her head, trying to take in the words Barry just spoke. Because if she heard him correctly, the man she’s been calling Barry Bluejeans for decades, isn’t actually named Barry Bluejeans.

“Sildar Hallwinter,” Lup says. She shakes her head. It doesn’t fit him at _all._ Barry’s not a Sildar. He’s _Barry_. “You’re telling me your name is Sildar Hallwinter.”

He blushes and looks so worried that Lup just wants to give him a hug or something. Too bad he’s not big on hugs. “Legally, yeah. I never bothered to get it changed,” Barry says. “But that’s not me. I mean, look at me. Do I look like a Sildar?”

“Nope, not at all,” Lup says. “But how the fuck do you go from Sildar Hallwinter to Barry Bluejeans?”

“Barry J. Bluejeans, I think you mean,” he says with a grin. “The J is the icing on the cake.”

“Damn right it is, but that doesn’t answer my question. How did you get the name Barry?” Lup asks. Like, she doesn’t even understand how that sort of thing happens.

Barry puts his hands out in an ‘I dunno’ gesture. “Started in college. And I sort of just ran with it,” he says. “I was named after my father…” His jaw clenches and Lup can tell there’s a bit of anger there. She’ll have to get the story out of him some time. Assuming he wants to share. “I’m better off not being named after that man.”

Lup blinks and realizes she wants to know more. A lot more. Not many people catch her attention like Barry’s somehow managed to do after all these years. She’s not sure how to process that.

“Hey, I get it,” Lup says softly. And fuck does she gets it, remembering back when she was young, before she knew just exactly who she was. She doesn’t talk about that time much, not even with Taako. What’s more to say than it sucked until it didn’t? Thankfully, now it absolutely does not suck. “I wasn’t born with the name Lup.”

“No?” Barry asks. Lup can see the curiosity in his eyes. Of course he’s curious. But there’s something else there. It doesn’t feel like he’s curious just for curiosity’s sake. It feels like he’s curious because they’re friends. That kind of curious Lup doesn’t mind. “Well, here’s to us not accepting status quo.”

She grins and feels a sense of relief. He’s not gonna ask. Maybe she’ll tell him one day, but it will be her choice to do so. It won’t simply be an answer to a question.

“I’d say twinsies, but I’ve already got one of those and as you know, Taako is shit at sharing,” Lup says.

“No kidding,” Barry says. He looks down at the pile of papers, all with the name Sildar Hallwinter. “I think if I ever write another academic paper, I’m gonna use Barry Bluejeans.”

“Fuck yeah, own that shit,” Lup says, picking up the papers. She’s shared enough for now and there’s still like thirty minutes before their experiment is done. “Speaking of, I’m gonna go read about the history of chilblains.”

Barry lowers his head in a mock hangdog look. “Be gentle. That was the first paper I ever published.”

“No promises,” Lup says as she stands.

With one last smile, Lup turns and leaves ops, going right back into her bedroom. Ignoring her messy desk, she flops down on her bed, grabbing her Beary J. Bluejeans plush as she does. Settling down into her pile of pillows, Lup starts to read.

 


	37. Cycle 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako embraces the single life. Magnus makes a bad impression. Lup wants to say ‘I do.’

**Cycle Thirty-Seven**

Barry’s looking out of one of the window’s of the _Starblaster_ , waiting for his test results. There’s something he doesn’t like in the soil of this world. But before he tells the crew not to eat anything from this cycle, he wants to be sure.

That’s when he sees Taako and Magnus running towards the ship as if their life depends on it.

“Shit,” he mutters as he stands up and opens the hatch. They were checking out the nearby town, trying to get the scope of things. From the looks of things, it didn’t go well.

Two seconds later, Magnus slams the hatch door closed behind him. “Well, that could have gone better.”

“No shit,” Taako says. “Well, fuck.”

“You’re both okay?” Barry asks. Because that’s what’s important.

Magnus nods, holding his side. “Just a little out of breath. I’m more of a long-distance runner. Not a sprinter.”

“So what’s the word,” Lup says as she walks into ops. Davenport joins the group from the front of the ship. “They love us yet?”

Magnus and Taako look at each other and Barry decides that’s a bad sign. He tries to figure out what might be wrong with this cycle. It looks plentiful enough. Bigger than average cities. Plenty of agriculture. No sign of any recent war.

“There’s a rule,” Magnus says slowly. “Once you become an adult, you can’t go outside without your spouse.”

“Wait, what?” Lup says and she looks _pissed._ “Are you saying they chased you out of town because two men can’t be married?”

“Oh hells no,” Magnus says at once, holding up his hands like in self-defense. Barry’s glad that’s not the case. Why’s it anyone else’s business who you choose as a partner? “They don’t care, just as long as it’s two adults that are married. Apparently you’re assigned a spouse when you turn eighteen.”

“Better but still fucked up,” Lup says, raising an eyebrow. “Not everyone wants to get married.”

“True dat,” Taako says with a nod. “But it looks like you can choose. Like would you rather just be friends with your partner or hopefully fall in love or raise a family.”

Barry shakes his head, remembering back when he was younger, when his mother tried to set him up with men and women, hoping one of them might lead to a relationship. Never did, but as embarrassing as it could sometimes be, he appreciated that she tried.

“Something doesn’t add up,” Davenport says. “Why’d they chase you out of town? Why didn’t you just pretend to be married.”

Magnus’s jaw clenches. “Because when they asked, Taako said-”

“Yeah, I’ll speak for myself, thank you,” Taako says loftily. “I said he wishes. And I might have started laughing. A lot.” He holds out his hands. “I didn’t know!”

Davenport pinches the bridge of his nose and Barry understands. Gonna be a long year if they have to pair up everywhere.

“Cap’n Port, I’ll go on clean up duty,” Lup says. “See if we can’t make things a little better with the locals.”

Barry’s heart skips a beat. He should offer to go with. He should offer to go with right _now._ For a cycle, he and Lup can pretend to be married. Well, at least in public.

“Up for a challenge, Barry?” Lup asks as Barry thinks he’s going to fall through the floor. “Makes sense for us to hang out in public, right? Then if we have science shit to do, we’re good.”

He clears his throat and hopes he doesn’t sound like a complete idiot. “Yeah, no, that’s a good plan.” He sounds like an idiot, he’s sure of it. “Let’s see what happens.”

#

“Townsfolk, two o’clock,” Lup says.

Barry keeps himself from flinching as she takes his arm. He wants to close his eyes, to try to memorize this feeling, but they are actually walking, and the last thing he needs is to trip and fall over like an idiot.

“You know they’re going to ask how long we’ve been married, right?” Barry asks. “That’s like a staple in these types of stories.”

“Ooh, someone reads romance novels,” Lup says with a laugh. “Let’s go with three years. Long enough they won’t expect us to act like newlyweds. And short enough that we won’t be asked for tips.”

Barry smiles, he can’t help it. “How’d we meet?” Another staple question. If he’s gonna get to live out a fantasy, he’s gonna do it right, damnit.

“Let’s stick to the truth there. That’s the easiest thing,” Lup says.

He nods in agreement. Always best to stay as close to the truth as possible. At least, that’s what the stories he’s read would lead him to believe. And yeah, he’s read his fair share of romance stories. There’s none in his real life, so he might as well read about it, right?

“So where’d you propose?” Lup asks, nudging him in the shoulder.

“Me?” Barry asks. “Maybe you proposed.”

“Good point,” Lup says. “But I say you proposed, so how’d you do the deed?”

Barry starts to wonder what would work best for Lup. But then his heart stutters, and he decides not to go too far down that path. Not now, when he’s pining like an idiot.

“Um, let’s say on a picnic. Something simple,” Barry says. “Easy to remember, too.”

“Good call. Like, I love elaborate plots in stories, but real life? Simple is better,” Lup says. “Sounds like we’ve got our fake marriage all planned out. Let’s do this.”

Barry watches as Lup lets go of his arm and up to a group of town folk. They’re a variety of races: humans and elves and dwarves. And all of them are staring right at him and Lup.

Lup holds out her hand. “Hail and well met,” she says. Even though her back is to Barry, he can still picture the smile on her face, how she just knows they’re gonna love her, no matter what happens.

Deciding to take a chance, Barry walks up next to Lup. She beams at him. “I’m Lup and this is very much my husband, totally legit in all laws of the land, Barry.”

If he opens his mouth, something stupid is gonna come out, he’s just sure of it. So he nods and hope that’s enough. Lup just called him her _husband_.

Kinda pathetic that this cycle gonna be one of the highlights of his life, just pretending to be Lup’s husband. But what else can he do?

_Tell her how you feel_ , a little voice in his head whispers, which he promptly ignores.

But he’s not gonna do anything about it. She’s _Lup._ He’s not gonna ruin the most important friendship of his life because of feelings. So he pushes those thoughts aside and instead concentrates on the way her fingers feel against his skin as she takes his arm again.

For a year, out in public, he gets to pretend. That will have to be enough.

 


	38. Cycle 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The supplies don’t lie. Barry learns a lesson. Lup doesn’t want to let go.

**Cycle Thirty-Eight**

“Holy shit, it’s a gravity well.”

It’s the excitement in Barry’s voice that gets Lup to look up.

They’re exploring a cave, one of many in this world. The whole fucking world seems to be one giant cave. But this is the one that looked the most interesting to Barry. Since Lup wants to go over some theories, she’s tagging along.

And now apparently Barry’s found a cave within the cave. Which is kinda cool. When you think about it.

“Show me,” Lup says as she walks up next to him.

“You got it,” he says, holding out an apple over the scary looking pit in front of them. “Lup, this is so cool. Seriously, this is so fucking cool.”

“Actions speak louder, and all that, my man,” Lup says, peering over the edge of the well. “Show me the good shit.”

Without any bravado, Barry drops the apple into the well. “Wait for it,” he says, bouncing up and down on his heels like a little kid. It’s really rather adorable, just how amped up he is for science.

Ten second pass, then twenty. Lup gives Barry a side-eye but he just grins and says “All good things…”

Ten seconds later, the apple is thrown back up from the well and Barry catches it. “You wanted the good shit?” he says. “May I present to you, the good shit.”

Lup takes the apple from his hand to examine it for herself. There are no apples on this world, from what she remembers, so Barry must have brought it from their supplies. And if there are no apples…

“Well, fuck, that’s pretty cool,” Lup says, tilting her head.

“You want to try?” Barry asks, holding out his hand.

“Pretty big leap from an apple to ourselves, Barold,” Lup says as she raises an eyebrow.

Lup looks over the edge, realizing she’s gotten herself into quite the pickle. She’s not scared, exactly, of jumping into a giant pit where she can’t see the bottom. Why would she be? If she dies, she’ll just come back next cycle. But she’s not exactly not scared, either. She likes this world and isn’t ready to say goodbye yet.

But then there’s the fact that Barry looks so damn excited, like he’s discovered the secrets of the universe today. Maybe to him, he has. It wouldn’t be nice to put a damper on his fun.

“Thought you were afraid of the dark,” she says, narrowing her eyes. He’s gotten himself out of a couple of shitty assignments with that flimsy excuse. “And I seem to remember a distinct fear of heights.”

“Oh, I am,” Barry says at once. “Absolutely fucking terrified. But I’m sure as hell not gonna let fear keep me from sciencing. You taught me that. Remember?”

She does remember. She remembers the fear on Barry’s face as they readied themselves to jump down into the netting. And she remembers how he did it anyway.

Lup weighs the pros and con - possible death or a really happy Barry - and with a start, realizes it’s not even a question. She’ll take happy Barry any time.

Shit. Oh _shit._

When did this inconvenient little crush of hers level up?

“Word of warning,” Lup says as she puts her hand in his. His hand is a little cold and maybe a little clammy. But she needs to stop herself from brushing the hair on his knuckles with the back of her thumb. “If I die, I will find a way to come back and haunt you before this cycle ends.”

Barry grin at her, then. A completely disarming grin that hits Lup right in the stomach. “I’ve got Feather Fall,” he says. “If this doesn’t work like I think it does-”

“And what’s the chance of that?” Lup asks. She’s in so much trouble. She’s making small talk. Fucking _small talk_. Anything to keep their hands together.

“Eh, gimme a five percent failure chance,” Barry says with a shrug. “We don’t get caught in the well, hold on to me, I’ll get us down without dying.” His brow furrows in that way of his when he’s thinking of something he should have already thought of. “Just don’t ask how we’ll get back up if that happens.”

“So five percent chance of falling to our death or not falling to our death and then starving to our death,” Lup says, pretending to think about it. No one else has died this cycle. They’ll be fine if this doesn’t work. “Fuck it, let’s do this. Yolo.”

Barry squeezes her hand and that coldness? That clamminess? Completely gone, leaving her with a hand she’d like to hold longer than she should. “On three,” he says, taking a deep breath. “One. Two. Three.”

And they jump.

For almost five seconds, they’re in a free fall. It’s exhilarating, even more so with Barry clutching her hand. Then without any warning, the gravity well takes hold of them and they start drifting down slowly.

“Told you!” Barry yells and Lup smiles at the happiness she hears.

“Nerd!” she shouts back, because if she doesn’t, he might get too full of himself and then where will they be?

Up until this moment, every time she’s called him a nerd, Barry’s blushed. Not this time. This time, he laughs and yells, “Fuck, yeah, I am! This is _amazing!_ ”

Their rate of speed slows a bit and just a couple of seconds later, they’re standing on the ground of the well. It’s dark, but not completely. But enough where she can barely see in front of her.

“Move out quick,” Barry says.

Lup lets him pull her out of the well, because she doesn’t want to let go. Not yet. But it’s gonna be weird if she doesn’t, so once they’re clear, Lup takes back her hand.

“Uh, Lup? You mind providing a little light?” Barry asks and Lup doesn’t imagine the slight quiver in his voice. “Please?”

For a sense of drama, Lup snaps her fingers while her hand is engulfed in flame. The circular walls immediately take on a soft glow. “Your wish, etc, etc,” she says.

She keeps her hand out as they walk over to one side. There are runes and pictures carved into the wall.

Barry’s taking out a notebook and pen from the back pocket of his jeans. “Obsidian?” he asks, running one hand over a carving.

With her free hand, she touches the wall. Definitely obsidian. “It’s beautiful,” she says. Looking up, she adds, “You think this whole cavern is?”

“There’s got to be a door or a tunnel or something around here,” Barry mutters as he’s taking notes. “No point to just come down to this.”

“Hide-out for gangsters?” Lup asks. “When things got too hot?”

“Or someone really wanted to be able to get away from it all,” Barry says. She watches as he traces what looks like a hint of seam with his fingers. “I think I’ve found the secret passageway.”

“Sweet,” Lup says. “Illicit lovers, for sure.” At the word lovers, it’s just light enough for her to catch a hint of a blush in Barry’s cheeks. Fucking adorable.

Barry pushes the palm of his hand into a slight indentation on the wall and part of the wall slides away, leading to a hallway. “Wanna find out for sure?” he asks, excitement pouring out of every word.

“Lead on, my man,” Lup says with a smile. “Lead on.”


	39. Cycle 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle learns a new way around town. Barry remembers the worst. Lup decides to indulge.

**Cycle Thirty-Nine**

He hates this cycle.

Jello? Fucking jello? How is that even possible to have an entire goddamn planet made of jello? What’s even more annoying is that the scientist in him is overjoyed. He wants to study every inch of this planet and learn how this jello world could have possibly evolved.

But on the other hand?

Jello.

Barry _hates_ jello, hates it with a passion of a thousand suns. Hates it enough that he’s pretty sure could refill the bonds engine if it ever came to that.

Doesn’t matter what flavor. Orange, Cherry, Lime, even the ones that try to be cool, like Blackberry Fusion or Strawberry-banana can go jump off a cliff.

Yeah, Barry knows he’s being a little overdramatic, but jello only makes him think of the worst two months of his life. And considering by now he’s been killed three times, that’s saying something.

Simply put? Jello is the reminder of the last two months of his mother’s life. When Marlena Hallwinter couldn’t be left alone any longer and Barry had no choice but to put her in a nursing home.

He did as much as he could before they got to that point. Moved back in with her so he’d be around more. Then even took reduced hours at work. Hired someone to be there when he couldn’t.

But then came the day when he knew if she wasn’t supervised all the damn time, she was gonna get hurt. Maybe hurt someone else. And that wasn’t something Barry needed on his conscious.

He visited every day, even after she started calling him Sildar and screaming what a terrible husband he was. Even after she stopped recognizing him completely.

Day in and day out Barry visited his mother after work. And when he did, he helped her eat a cup of jello. One spoonful at a time. Sometimes she eagerly ate the whole thing. Sometimes she’d spit it out, and half the jello cup would end up on the floor. Sometimes she screamed, refusing to take anything from strangers.

Those were the worst days. The days where he wondered what would happen when he was her age. He didn’t have a partner. He hardly had any friends. Who did he have in his life to be patient enough to feed him jello day after day?

Joke’s on him now, isn’t it? If they don’t figure out what’s going on with the Hunger and how to stop it, he’ll never get old. He wonders how long it will take before the crew of the _Starblaster_ gives up. Before they don’t bother dealing with new cycles? Just end their lives at the start of each one.

Be a while, Barry thinks. He’s not willing to stop yet. And he knows the rest of the crew isn’t either. If it weren’t for the Hunger, he might actually enjoy this existence. Go to a new plane, learn everything he can in a year, rinse and repeat. If it weren’t for the whole civilizations dying thing, it’d be a great life.

Except not on Jello World.

His back is fucking _killing_ him. There’s no hard surface to walk on when the world is made of jello. So he desperately tries to keep his balance and fails half the time.

Lup and Taako make walking on jello look easy. Barry’s not seen either one of them trip or stumble once. Magnus runs everywhere, putting barely any weight on his toes as he does. Merle just drops to the ground and rolls everywhere, which is a surprisingly effective way to get around. One Barry’s not willing to incorporate for himself. Yet.

Davenport and Lucretia are mostly sticking with the ship, this cycle. Maybe they have a secret hatred for jello like he does.

At least today he’s not outside, trying not to look like an idiot walking around. Today he’s in the galley of the ship, going over some calculations. He might hate every inch of this world, but he’ll do his best to figure it out.

Lup’s standing at the counter, making tea. This cycle, tea’s a luxury, since they can’t replenish their supplies. It’s one of the worst things about being in a cycle with no people. They’ve got to go through their stores and hope they can re-stock in the cycle after this one.

It’s a luxury Lup loudly declared she’s earned today, daring anyone to fight her if they have issue. Barry’s not a tea drinker himself. Coffee, black, and hot enough to burn his tongue is his preferred beverage.

“Barold, why do you keep rolling your shoulder?” Lup asks suddenly.

“Am I?” he asks, trying to figure out which one he’s rolling. Both of them hurt, so he’s not entirely surprised. “Just a bit sore.”

The kettle starts to whistle and Lup goes to work. As she does, she says, “Tell me about it. I have trouble walking anywhere in this place.”

“You, too?” Barry asks. “No shit, you don’t look like you’re having any trouble.”

Lup brings the mug of tea up to her nose and inhales deeply; Barry wonders what flavors she’s smelling. Such an inconsequential thing, but he wants to know. He wants to know everything about her.

Been a cycle or two since this kind of longing. Barry pushes it away - what other choice does he have? - and stretches his arms above his head. Immediately, he regrets it. “Fuck,” he mutters.

“You okay?” Lup asks, putting down her mug.

It’s the left shoulder that’s bothering him the most. He rolls it, purposely this time, and his body yells at him. “Might have to talk to Merle,” he admits. Hopefully the dwarf will have some sort of painkiller. “Glad he hasn’t left to parley yet.”

“Lemme try something,” Lup says, walking over to him. She stands behind him and it takes a second before Barry realizes what she means to do. Barry can sense her hands hovering just over his shoulders. “This okay?”

Another second passes before Barry can make himself speak. “Yeah, sure,” he says, his voice dry. “Thanks.”

And then Lup digs her fingers into his shoulders.

Barry’s never really been one for touching. He never really hugged his relatives or his friends. The few relationships he had back home weren’t the touchy-feely type. Even with the crew of the IPRE, he didn’t really have much physical contact. Over the course of forty years, there have been a few slaps on the back and a couple of hugs in relief.

Nothing like this. And suddenly Barry’s aware of every single minute of those forty years.

He’s about to groan when Lup hits a particularly tender spot, but somehow he manages to bite his lip and hold back. That’s when he realizes his jeans have become uncomfortably tight in the crotch area. _Shit._

He needs to get laid.

It’s been more than forty years at this point. Barry’s pretty sure everyone else on the ship’s gotten laid since their journey began. Some nights people just don’t come back to the ship until morning. Even Davenport disappears for a night every couple of years when they’re on a cycle that have gnomes. No one judges. Everyone needs comfort now and then.

Except Barry, apparently. He’s never been one for one-night stands. Just the thought makes him uncomfortable. It’s hard enough to expose himself to someone he cares about. A stranger? The thought’s horrifying. But maybe he should try. Might be easier than jumping and getting a semi anytime someone touches him.

Of course, that’s when Lup leans into the shoulder rub and Barry knows he’ll never be able to. How can even think about having sex with someone else when he’s head over heels for Lup? So until he’s willing to say something or put her behind him, which he’s pretty sure will never happen, his hand will have to do.

And he’s had enough touching for today.

Barry leans forward, enough that Lup gets the idea. He turns his head, not quite looking back at her, and says, “Your tea will get cold.”

An awkward silence fills the air and he wonders if he’s just hurt Lup’s feelings. _Fuck_ , her friendship is the most important thing in his life. If he’s hurt her feelings, he’ll do whatever he can to make up for it.

“Always looking out for me, aren’t you, Barry?” Lup asks, her voice quiet.

Behind him, Barry can hear her soft footsteps shuffle back to the counter. He takes a breath and looks down at his hands. He hasn’t hurt her. Thank _god._ “Yeah,” he says. “Always.”


	40. Cycle 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako is in his element. Lup thinks about what she says. Barry has a moment of courage.

**Cycle Forty**

Lup holds one of her knees to her chest, ignoring how her ass is getting slightly damp from the rock she’s sitting on. She’s surprised it’s damp - and fuck what an awful word _damp_ is - cause that seems to go against the aesthetics of this cycle.

Which is perfection.

Everything is perfect. Every single person on this planet has a symmetrical face. The golden ratio is _everywhere_ , especially in their architecture. No matter where you go, everything surrounding you is full of beauty. It’s their highest ideal.

Taako, of course, is in heaven. He thrives on beauty. It’s always inspired him. There’s a reason his cooking has been off the charts this cycle.

Lup? She likes things that are a little broken. To her something not perfect is far more beautiful than something that is.

“Hey Lup.”

Lup glances behind her shoulder to see Barry walking up to her. She’s sitting on a rock overlooking one of the most breathtaking valleys she’s ever seen. How do the people of this cycle not get bored of this shit?

“Hey,” Lup says, scooting over a bit so there’s room for Barry on the rock, too.

He climbs up, not exactly gracefully, but actually pretty graceful for him. “Shit, now this is a view.”

“Meh,” Lup says. “See one amazing vista, see them all.”

“Seriously.”

Barry looks down at the ground in front of them and Lup can tell something’s not quite right. But she can’t put a finger on it. With Barry, it could be a variety of things.

“Everything okay?” she asks.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Barry asks.

When he doesn’t look up at her, she knows something’s wrong. Barry’s the type of person who is engaged in a conversation when it comes to the crew of the _Starblaster._ He listens. He cares.

“Not buying it,” Lup says in a sing song voice.

Barry gives her a grin. Better. “Can’t get much past you, huh?”

“Nope,” Lup says. “So I ask again. Something bothering you?”

“Nah, I just… I figure I don’t fit in this cycle, you know?” Barry says, swinging his legs back and forth. Lup bets his ass is getting damp, too. Hmm. Would moist be a better word? She tries it out in her head. No, no it would definitely _not_ be better. “I’ve seen the looks some of the villagers give me. I don’t think they want to look at me.”

Which is ridiculous, Lup decides. Anyone who can’t see that Barry is a very good looking dude just isn’t paying attention. Makes sense for this cycle though. They tend only to care about the skin deep, and don’t really give a shit about the person underneath. 

Their loss. Barry is beautiful.

“They haven’t actually said anything to you, have they?” Lup asks. She’s not above using some choice words to bust some heads if they have. Anyone who tries to make Barry feel like shit needs to answer to her.

“Nah,” Barry says with a shrug. “Well, not really.”

“That suspiciously sounds like a yes,” Lup says, already feeling her blood beginning to boil. If someone said something to Barry about his looks, someone’s getting a fireball to the ass. Or maybe not, cause Cap’n Port would really frown about that sort of thing. So she’ll give someone a _look_ , instead. Basically the same thing.

Barry shakes his head. “Nothing to get worked up about, really. You just know how people say something and mean something else?” he asks.

“Sure,” Lup says. She’s not one for double speak like that. Much easier to simply tell someone what you mean than try to make them guess. But that’s who she is. It’s all there out on the surface.

_Except for one thing…_

Lup pushes the thought away. Fucking rude, invading a perfectly good monologue like that. And besides, lately it feels like she’s been so obvious when it comes to her feelings that anyone can pick them up. She hopes not, cause the last thing she wants is to make Barry uncomfortable.

“Just some woman complaining that beauty standards seem to have gone down hill over the past year,” Barry says and Lup can hear the sadness in his voice.

This will not do. An unhappy Barry makes Lup sad and she doesn’t want to be sad. Not now. Not when she and Barry are just spending some time together. No science. No experiments. No Light.

Just them.

So Lup decides to take a risk. She wonders how many times he’s been told he’s good-looking? From various conversations over the decades, she knows he’s had at least two serious relationships in the past, a girlfriend and then a boyfriend later on. Surely one of them said something?

“You know, Barry,” Lup says, trying to sound casual and not like she’s about to drop a truth bomb down on him, “I happen to think you’re very handsome.”

He pushes his glasses up on his nose. “Wait, what?” he asks, looking over at Barry. She nods and somehow manages to refrain from asking _did I stutter?_ “I’d ask if you’ve lost your mind but I’m pretty sure you’re all there.”

“I think you’d know if I wasn’t,” Lup says with a laugh. She leans back on her hands and looks into the valley. The sun’s gonna set soon. And like everything else, it will be the most perfect sunset in existence. One she’ll be glad to share with Barry.

“Thanks, Lup. Really,” Barry says and the sadness is gone from his voice. It’s replaced by something else, but she can’t quite tell what it is. “And it goes without saying, of course…”

“Of course,” Lup says, not actually expecting him to compliment her back. She realizes her hand is just inches away from his. What would happen if she moved her hand only slightly? Let her fingers brush his?

Barry clears his throat. Lup looks over at him and his face is bright red and his usual nervousness seems to be back. “Maybe it should be said, you know?” He looks out over the valley. “You’re beautiful, Lup.”

If anyone else from the _Starblaster_ said that to her, Lup would have tossed her hair over her shoulder and told them _duh._ But this is Barry. Barry doesn’t lie. He think she’s beautiful and now she’s got damn butterflies in her stomach.

“Thank you, Barold,” Lup says. Then to get them back onto the right track, she adds, “Excellent use of your observational skills.”

He laughs and Lup decides she’ll never tiring of hearing his laugh. “Hey, I’m a scientist. It’s what I do best.”

“Damn right it is,” she says, and looks back at the valley. Together in silence, they watch the sunset.

It’d be absolutely perfect, if only her ass still wasn’t getting damp.


	41. Cycle 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus goes on a wild goose chase. Lup has an unexpected moment. Barry stays behind.

**Cycle Forty-One**

“What do you mean she’s in another castle?” Magnus says, stomping his foot hard on the ground. “How many damn castles does this cycle have?”

Lup gets the feeling. Fuck, this cycle is ridiculous. At first, she thought she liked it. Constant blue skies and white puffy clouds. The grass was always green.

But then they met the plumbers.

Fucking plumbers, wanting them to go after a princess. Apparently this asshole keeps kidnapping a princess and holding her hostage. Her security must be atrocious.

They broke out into three teams this cycle, with Barry getting the short straw, which means he has to stay back on the ship. So she and Magnus, Taako and Davenport, and Lucretia and Merle are all searching for this princess.

The plumbers told them they were going to search, too. They better be.

“Do you know how many blocks we jumped up on? How many turtles and goombas we smashed?” Magnus says. “And for what? She’s not even here?”

The toadstool looks terrified, like it’s worried that Magnus might choose to smash it next. Well, at least they rescued _something_. That’s gotta mean something, right?

“Let it go,” Lup says, putting her hand on Magnus’ forearm. “Come on, there’s a pipe we can use to take a shortcut.

“I hate pipes,” Magnus says.

“You and me both, buddy,” Lup says. “You and me both.”

#

“Barry?” Lup says to announce her presence more than anything else. He’s never said anything, but she’s fairly certain he doesn’t like people sneaking up on him.

“Hey, Lup,” Barry says over his shoulder. “Any luck with the princess?”

“Nope,” Lup says at once. She’s sick of princesses. She’s sick of plumbers. But that’s not gonna stop her from going out and trying again tomorrow.

They’re on the observation deck of the _Starblaster._ It’s another beautiful day, just like every other beautiful day. Would it kill this place to have some variety in their weather? She thinks not.

She clutches onto the package in her hands, wondering for the millionth time if she’s being silly. It’s so weird to be unsure of this sort of thing. She’s never silly. Unless she specifically means to be.

And even then she’s so silly, she’s cool.

But this is _Barry_. Her best friend other than Taako. She depends on him almost more than anyone. And she’s starting to think she might be a little bit in love with him, too.

Lup’s never been in love before. Ever. So she’s not exactly sure. And to be perfectly honest, the idea scares her a little bit. So unless she’s one hundred percent, no questions asked, completely positively certain, she can’t say anything to Barry.

Cause she’s absolutely not gonna risk their friendship over anything less.

“What sort of wrapping paper is that?” Barry asks.

Lup looks up with a start. She was so distracted by her own thoughts, by her thoughts of Barry, that she didn’t even hear him walk up to her.

Trying to regain her bearings, Lup looks at the wrapping paper. It’s got mushrooms and turtles and what look to be carnivorous plants printed all over it.

“The general store’s selection is a little to be desired,” Lup admits. She shoves the package into his hands. “Here.”

Barry’s eyes light up. “You got me a gift?” he asks eagerly. “Really?”

Seeing how excited he is erases any worry of being silly she might have had. “Fuck, yeah, really,” she says. She motions over the the nearby bench and sits down. Barry joins her right away, holding the gift like it’s treasure.

“You really didn’t need to get me anything,” Barry says.

“Oh I know,” Lup says, trying to add a bit of casualness into her voice. “But I wanted to and that’s reason enough.”

Barry grins and opens the small package. Lup watches his face as he pulls out a scarf in a denim color.

“Now I know my timing sucks,” Lup says. “Who needs a scarf this cycle, right? You could have totally used it a couple cycles back. But I’m a slow knitter.”

He’s turning the scarf over in his hands. “You made this?” he asks, his voice soft.

“Yeah. There was a cycle awhile back that had some really cool yarn colors. This one jumped out at me,” Lup says with a shrug, wanting to sound like it’s no big deal. She’s not even made a scarf for Taako.

This is a very big deal.

“Thanks, Lup,” Barry says and she’s not a hundred percent sure but she thinks she sees tears in the corner of his eyes. “Really, thank you.”

“I’m really not the greatest at knitting, but I figure nothing’s perfect, right? For a long time, I thought I was, but knitting has shown me otherwise,” Lup says says with a grin.

Barry looks at the scarf again. “Looks pretty damn good to me,” he says.

Lup points out a stitch. “Totally dropped that stitch there. Fucker wouldn’t go back on the needle so I decided the scarf was better off without it.”

“My mom used to knit,” Barry says, putting the scarf around his neck. It’s seventy degrees out and he’s got absolutely no need to wear a scarf right now. Even so, Lup’s belly flutters a bit. “She always said that there had to be one mistake in every piece.”

“Why?” Lup asks, curious.

“If something handmade is absolutely perfect, it attracts demons. So you put in a mistake and the demons stay away,” Barry says, tugging on the end of the scarf. “You’re protecting me from demons.”

Lup starts to laugh. “That is fucking awesome. I love it. Demon protector scarf,” she says. But then she thinks about what she just said. “Wait. That sounds like the scarf is protecting the demons. Oh, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do,” Barry says. “And thank you.”

His words sound so heartfelt that she needs to return in kind. “You’re welcome, Barry.”

Their eyes meet and Lup has a moment of _what if_ before she comes to her senses. Pushing some hair behind her ear, Lup gives Barry one last smile. Then she heads back into the ship, wondering if she has enough yarn left to make Barry a sweater.

 


	42. Cycle 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davenport regrets expense reports. Lup doesn’t have a care in the world. Barry worries about his waistline.

**Cycle Forty-Two**

The inn looks crowded.

Barry fights his way through the people in the main room, trying to get to the front desk. A woman with white curls and glasses stands behind the counter when he gets there.

“Looks like you two came in from the storm, Nasty out there, isn’t it?,” she says. At Barry’s nod, she adds, “How can I help you tonight?”

“We’re looking for two rooms, please,” Barry says. “Just one night.”

The woman bites her lower lip. “You two aren’t the only ones looking to ride out the storm. I’m afraid I only have one room left,” she says apologetically. “It yours if you want it.”

“We’ll take it,” Lup says at once. She looks over at Barry with a grin. “We’ll have a sleepover. It’ll be fun.”

Barry’s stomach’s already in knots at the thought of sharing a room. But then he does his best to remain calm. He and Lup have traveled together lots of times. They’ve camped outside in a dozen cycles. Sometimes even just the two of them.

This will be absolutely no different. No different at all.

The woman slides two keys across the counter and Barry takes out his wallet. Luckily they have plenty of local currency, so money isn’t an object. The room’s a little more expensive than he thought it would be, but he doesn’t blame the woman for trying to make a bit of coin during a storm.

#

“Okay, they totally price gouged us,” Lup says as they’re walking down the hallway towards their room. “Not cool.”

Barry shrugs. “She’s just trying to make some money. I doubt it’s malicious.”

Lup stops suddenly. Barry turns around and looks at her. Her head tilted, she says, “You really do see the best in everyone, don’t you?”

“Better than seeing the worst, I guess,” Barry says. He’s not really given it much thought before. But yeah, he likes to think people mean to be mostly good in this universe. He hopes that doesn’t change.

She smiles and starts walking again, also without any warning. It takes Barry a couple of steps to catch up. And before he knows it, they’re in front of the room. _Their_ room. The room where they will both be sleeping tonight.

His heart is beating so loud he’d be surprised if Lup didn’t hear it pounding against his ribcage.

Lup takes out her key - Barry’s glad she did because he’s pretty certain his hands would be shaking - and opens up the door.

“Home sweet home,” Lup says with a laugh, gesturing for Barry to head inside.

He does. And immediately his nerves go into overdrive.

_There’s only one bed._

Lup bounds into the room like she doesn’t have a care in the cycle. Barry watches as she sees the bed, then shrugs. Right after that, she starts going through all the drawers in the room’s dresser and nightstands.

Barry hasn’t moved. Not since he saw the bed. Not able to stand it any more, he blurts out, “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Lup stops her rummaging and looks up. “Barold, my man, that is not a couch for sleeping.” He looks over and it’s true. It’s more of a loveseat. Not even that, really. It will be an uncomfortable night. “The bed’s big enough. We can share.”

He starts to stammer. Cause he’s nervous and that’s what he does. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he says quietly.

A bit of hair has fallen out of her ponytail and she pushes it behind her ear. “You could never make me uncomfortable, Barry,” she says.

She sounds so sincere that something loosens in his chest and his heartbeat starts to go back to normal. But then he realizes that he’s going to be sharing a bed tonight with Lup and it goes right back up again. “Thanks, Lup,” he says. Was that normal sounding? Oh he hopes it was normal sounding.

Lup grins and opens a binder she’s holding. “Now let’s get room service and send the bill to Davenport.”

#

“Now I’m sleepy,” Lup says, putting a hand on her stomach. “That was way too much food. So good, though.”

If Barry could have one trait from elves? It’d be their ability to eat as much as they want without seeming to ever put on weight. If Barry tried to keep up with Lup tonight? He’d need to go up a jeans size.

And considering how few cycles have had denim, he doesn’t want to risk it.

Barry’s actually had fun this evening. Early on, they agreed no talking about the Light. So they talked about past cycles and their lives before the IPRE. A few of Lup’s stories Barry thinks he’s heard before. After forty-years, it’s hard not to repeat a story or two.

But underneath everything, Barry felt a current of nerves rushing through him, waiting for this exact moment. The moment when they actually need to go to bed.

A bed that they’ll be sharing. Together. Next to each other.

Without a word, Barry goes into the bathroom. “Just chill,” he whispers to himself in the mirror. As he does his business, he tries to remember the last person he shared a bed with. Probably Theo, his last relationship. And tomorrow, it will be Lup.

He walks back into the room, where Lup has taken off her sweater and is wearing just a tank top and her leggings.

“All yours,” Barry says as he walks to what he already considers his side of the bed.

As Lup goes into the bathroom, Barry sits down on the side of the bed. A decision needs to be made. He _hates_ sleeping in his jeans. A weird hang-up, but weird hang-ups is basically the story of his life. Would it be too awkward if he took them off and slept in his boxers and t-shirt?

If he’s under the covers by the time Lup leaves the bathroom, she never needs to know. As quickly as he can, Barry takes off his jeans, and leaves them on the floor. Then he dives under the covers, pulling them up to his chest.

A few minutes later, Lup walks out of the bathroom. Without saying anything, she gets into bed. “Ooh, I’m liking this mattress,” she says, stretching her arms above her head.

“Yeah, it’s a good mattress,” Barry says. Then he shuts his mouth because his nerves are going a million miles a minute and if he doesn’t stop talking now, he’ll never stop talking.

“Well, good night. Don’t let the bedbugs bite, and all that jazz,” Lup says.

“See you in the morning,” Barry says as he turns off the light.

He turns on his side, his back towards Lup, and tries to remember to breathe.

#

He didn’t actually expect to fall asleep.

Fall asleep in a bed with Lup? Shouldn’t be possible. Barry must have been far more tired than he thought. It’s that moment when he realizes there’s an arm around him. And a Lup pressed up against his back.

That explains everything, actually. He’s not really awake. He’s still dreaming and he’s dreaming of Lup. Barry hasn’t dreamed about her all that much over the years, to be honest.  While he might be head over heels, it’s also really important to him to be respectful. And dreaming about Lup doesn’t really feel all that respectful.

He wonders if he should try to fall back to sleep in his dream? But then he decides not to. A chance like this might never come again.

“Oh, shit. Sorry, Barry,” Lup mumbles.

Barry tries not to be too disappointed when she takes her hand off his stomach or as she moves back onto her side of the bed.

Without thinking, he moves to lay on his back, turning his head towards Lup. To his surprise, she’s laying the exact same way, her head towards him.

The room is silent enough that he can hear the wind howling outside. He’s pretty sure he can hear his heart beating crazy loud as he and Lup simply look at each other in the darkened room.

“I’m glad we’re friends, Barry,” Lup says quietly. Even in the dark, he can see the soft smile on her lips.

He can feel his cheeks redden at her words. “Me, too, Lup,” Barry says. “Me, too.”


	43. Cycle 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus just wants to finish his workout. Taako just wants Magnus to do his job. Lup just wants to do some science.

**Cycle Forty-Three**

“Where’s Lup?”

Magnus pauses mid-crunch, thrilled to have some sort of distraction. Sit-ups are the absolute _worst._

Taako’s standing in the doorway to the small storage room that Magnus transformed into a gym years ago. It’s got everything Magnus needs. A open space for sparring. A little alcove with mats for crunches and squats. And a rack for the different sets of weights Magnus has managed to collect over the years.

Too bad he’s really the only one who ever comes in here. Wait, that’s not fair. Lucretia’s been spending some time here lately. It’s been kinda nice, going over some of the basics and teaching someone else.

But right now, Magnus is alone in the room. A room which Lup hardly ever steps into. Her exercise is running outdoors. And the one time he tried to speak to her about weight training, she laughed for about five minutes. Got up, told Taako what he said, and then they laughed for five minutes more.

So why Taako would be looking for her here, Magnus has no idea. “No clue,” he says with a grunt as he sits up. His abs are already pre-hurting for tomorrow. Whoever decided sit-up were a thing needed to be canceled.

“She’s not on the ship,” Taako says. “We’re supposed to cook dinner together. I got some kickass new ingredients.”

“Maybe she forgot,” Magnus says. He stands up and tries to remember where he put his shirt.

“Forget that she’s supposed to spend time with me? I think not.” Taako says. Magnus holds back a laugh, knowing he’s offended Taako. “Well?”

Magnus grabs his t-shirt off the floor and throws it on. “Well, what?”

“Find her,” Taako says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “That’s your job, right? You’re security. Secure some shit.”

Rolling his eyes, Magnus grabs a towel and wipes off his brow. “That’s really not how it works, Taako. It’s not like I keep tabs on all of you. You’re adults. If something goes wrong, see ya next cycle.”

“Fine, if you won’t take this seriously, I will,” Taako says in a huff.

He wants to say that Taako’s being overdramatic, but honestly, at this point, Magnus doesn’t think Taako has any other setting.

“Alright,” Magnus says. “Let’s go find Lup.”

“Don’t you want to get dressed first?” Taako asks, raising an eyebrow.

Magnus looks down at his t-shirt and gym shorts. Perfectly acceptable clothing for around the ship. Nothing he’d wear if they were going into town, though. But the ship? “I’m fine, Taako.”

“You say so,” Taako says as he turned around and starts stomping up the stairs.

“When did you last see Lup?” Mag

“This morning at breakfast,” Taako says, walking into the hallway. “She said she’d help Barold in the morning on some experiment and me in the afternoon.”

Magnus sighs. Clearly the experiment ran long and she’s not back yet. Case closed. “Did they leave the ship?” he asks, trying not to sound too resigned.

Not that there’s anything worth leaving the ship for. This cycle’s a fairly boring one, as cycles went. Mostly farming communities who are fairly isolated. At least they’re happy to trade, which means a cycle of not going through the _Starblaster’s_ stock of supplies. That alone makes Magnus happy.

He knows inventory isn’t the most exciting job on the ship, but it’s something he actually enjoys. Yeah, technically his job is security, but he knows the truth. After forty plus years, his crew mates don’t really need protection. All of them are so accomplished with magic at this point, that sometimes Magnus feels like he just gets in the way.

At least if he’s in control of the supplies, it gives him some sense of importance. And that’s really all Magnus wants out of life. A sense of purpose and belonging. And here he’s got both.

Magnus is a pretty lucky guy.

“Taako, I know you said you’ve searched everywhere, but have you actually called out or something? Maybe she’s taking a nap,” Magnus says.

“She’s not in her room, I checked,” Taako says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And maybe it is. Taako doesn’t seem to have any issue barging in on people.

That’s enough for Magnus. He plants his feet on the floor and takes a deep breath.

“Lup!”

Magnus holds up a finger, asking for quiet. He listens as hard as he can, trying to hear some sort of movement or something in the ship. An indication that Lup heard him.

The door to Barry’s quarters open and Lup sticks her head out. “You rang?” she asks. “And can I just say, _damn_ , Magnus. I had no idea what a set of pipes you had.”

Magnus looks over at Taako and holds his arms out towards Lup. “Found her. And here’s another case closed thanks to the Burnside Detective Agency.”

Taako narrows his eyes. “That’s Barry’s room.”

Barry walks out of the room, holding on to like three notebooks. “Hi guys,” he says, sounding somewhat sheepish. “I’m gonna, I’m gonna go do some science now.”

“See you at dinner, Barold,” Lup calls out behind Barry as she closes the door to his room. She looks at Taako, who is still staring at her. “What?”

“Why were you in Barry’s room?” Taako asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

Magnus shakes his head. Apparently searching the entire ship means something different for Taako than it does for him. Why wouldn’t he have checked Barry’s room? Barry and Lup work together all the time. It would have made a lot more sense than interrupting Magnus’s workout routine.

“Science shit,” Lup says. She shrugs  “We just didn’t want to be disturbed. No biggie.”

“So science is more important than helping me now,” Taako says, raising his chin. “No, no. I understand. I’ve been replaced by science. I suppose science will be able to make a better roast than I ever can.”

Taako can be a bit insufferable when he’s like this, and frankly, Magnus doesn’t want to hear it unless he has to. So with a wave, he starts back towards the gym.

Those sit-ups won’t complete themselves.


	44. Cycle 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle takes a metaphor literally. Lup has a window of opportunity. Barry ponders about the weather.

**Cycle Forty-Four**

“Still raining?” Barry asks, not bothering to look from from the book he’s reading.

He and Lup are in the local library, checking out the selection. Nothing very exciting, but it’s giving him a couple of ideas of how to tweak a necromantic spell or two.

“Yep,” Lup says as she sits across the table from him. “But they think there’s going to be a forty-five minute window in seven minutes. Thought we might want to make our escape. I heard your stomach rumbling earlier.”

This cycle’s a strange one. It rains constantly. Not a normal water rain, but a horrible acid rain that is deadly to the touch, as Magnus found out early in the cycle. To combat that, no one goes outside when it’s raining. And when people do go outside, they wear these special coveralls that are closer to beekeeper outfits. It stands up against the rain at least.

But because those rainless windows are so important, weather forecasting is one of the most important jobs there is. Only the smartest people on the planet are trained to become meteorologists.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea, Lup, thanks,” Barry says. His stomach has been growling; he just didn’t realize it was loud enough for Lup to hear, too.

He starts to clean up after himself, because Barry Bluejeans treats libraries with respect, thank you very much. Lup helps and within five minutes, they’re in the lobby, suiting up.

“There’s an noodles place not too far from here,” Lup says as they’re putting on their suits. “Taako wants us to check it out to see if it’s worthy of his presence when he comes to visit.”

“Is anything?” Barry says with a grin.

Lup laughs and it’s the good sort of laugh and Barry swears it goes all the way down to his toes. “Hey, it’s stopped,” she says.

They walk outside, on the covered sidewalks. It’s a boring ass looking town. Just concrete blocks. No style or anything like that. He gets it. The rain cuts through a lot of materials, too. Why bother making things beautiful on the outside when the rain is going to ruin it?

The cycle does try to make up for it on the inside, though. Brightly colored walls and so many types of art. He and Lup have spent countless hours going through museums of all sorts, just enjoying the art and histories.

It’s been a good cycle that way.

“There’s the noodle place,” Lup says, pointing in the distance. Her voice is muffled from her protective gear.

There’s a concrete building with the word _noodles_ beautifully painted on the inside of the window. “Nice,” Barry says. He is pretty damn hungry.

They take a few more steps and an alarm starts to ring. “Shit!” Barry says. That’s the alarm when the rain’s about to fall again.

“This is so not forty-five minutes,” Lup says. “You wanna run?”

Barry absolutely doesn’t want to run but he’s never tested this suit out in the rain and honestly, he prefers the idea of never actually testing it out. He takes a couple of seconds to weigh the pros and cons of each when the rain starts to fall.

They run.

Well, more like Barry jogs. What’s surprising is that Lup doesn’t go ahead. She stays right next to him, even though he knows she’s a fast sprinter. He’s seen her run before. She can book it if she needs to.

But she stays by his side.

“You can go ahead,” Barry says, trying not to pant too loudly as they jog.

“Nah, I’m good here,” Lup says, not sounding winded at all.

Thankfully it doesn’t take too long to make it to the noodle shop. Barry’s about to walk into the decontamination room - a room every building has, sucks up any rain on the suit so a person can safely take it off - and trips.

He’s convinced he’s about to fall flat on his face and make a fool of himself, but before he does, Lup’s standing in front of him, keeping him upright. She’s got hands on either side of his waist and his hands are on her shoulders and they’re closer than they’ve been in a while, even with the suits between them. “You okay?” she asks.

Barry looks up at her and nods. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

For a second, neither one of them move.

Or maybe they did and Barry’s trying to convince himself otherwise, cause now Lup’s pressed the decontamination button and he hears that weird suction noise.

And then they walk into the restaurant.

They grab a table by one of the windows, which overlooks a lake. Can’t swim in the lake of course, unless you want to be dissolved by acid water. Merle’s thinking of not parleying this year, simply to jump in the acid lake when the Hunger comes. He’s never died by acid. Well, not the poison kind. Barry’s got no clue if Merle’s done any drugs.

“It’s kinda beautiful in a strange way, you know?” Lup says quietly. She’s looking out the window at the lake.

Right now? Barry’s only got eyes for Lup. The humidity from the constant rain gives her hair this cute sort of wave, and right now, it’s framing her face. “Yeah,” he says, just to respond. He doesn’t want her to think he’s not paying attention. “It is.”

A waitress comes to the table and they quickly order their food. A red sauce for his noodles and a peanut sauce for hers. Once the server is gone, Lup tucks some hair behind her ear and Barry swears his heart stops as she gives him a smile.

And he wonders if this is enough.

If having Lup’s friendship like this, if getting to spend time alone together, which they’re doing more and more often lately, is enough. Some days Barry doesn’t think it is, but it’s got to be. If he says something, if he tells her how he feels? 

She’s not gonna feel the same way and it will break him. He’d rather be in this awkward state when he’s pining away like an idiot but at least Lup hasn’t said no.

So he tucks away his heart as they start talking about the Light until Lup starts telling him a story about wanting to run away to the circus with Taako as a kid. Within minutes, they’re both laughing and his heart doesn’t want to be silent.

But it doesn’t matter. Because he’s not going to ruin the best friendship he’s ever had.

This will have to be enough. 


	45. Cycle 45

**Cycle Forty-Five**

“Oh shit, we’re taking a selfie in front of that,” Lup says, not even caring how excited she sounds right now.

She is really digging this cycle. Reminds her a lot of Tesseralia, honestly. Maybe a little smaller, a little less cosmopolitan, but definitely a step up from cave men and acid rain.

The Light is out of the question this year, since it fell into a volcano on the other side of the world. Even Magnus gave up the idea of trying to retrieve it. Which means they get to have some fun this cycle.

“In front of what?” Barry asks.

Lup points behind him at a sculpture of a cow. It’s probably twice her height and she already loves it.

“That’s a really big cow,” Barry says.

“And the winner to the observation contest is Barry,” Lup says, laughing. “Come on down. Lemme tell you about your prizes.”

There’s always a split second after she teases him when she worries if he’s going to take it in the wrong way or not. This time he smiles and chuckles and Lup’s brief moment of anxiety disappears.

Then she realizes that she can’t actually remember the last time he’s taken her teasing the wrong way. Years, at least. Maybe even a decade or more. Good for him.

“You really want to take a selfie in front of this?” Barry asks. “Why?”

“Cause we can, obs,” Lup says. She stands in front of the statue and waves Barry over. These polaroid cameras in this cycle are really the best thing ever. She’s lost count of how many pictures she’s taken over the last few months. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Sometimes I think we have very different ideas of what fun is,” Barry mutters.

“We both think running science experiments is a blast,” Lup says.

If this was Taako next to her, she wouldn’t hesitate to put her arm around his shoulders to get a better selfie. But it’s Barry and he doesn’t exactly like to be touched. The last thing she wants is to make him uncomfortable, so she makes sure there’s a little bit of room between them. She’ll still be able to get a good angle.

Then she feels Barry’s hand on her waist. “This okay?” he asks, sounding more nervous than usual.

“Yeah, let’s own this,” Lup says, putting her arm around Barry’s shoulder. She holds out the camera, leaning her head in towards Barry. “One. Two. Three.”

She presses the photo button and off goes the flash. Inside the camera, she can hear the picture processing. Usually this would be the time when she would happily look at the photo, ready to add it to her collection.

But neither she or Barry move. Lup doesn’t want to move. She wants to simply stand here, close to Barry, with his hand on her waist.

“Maybe I’ll take another one, just in case,” Lup says, hoping she doesn’t sound like an absolute idiot.

“That’s a good idea,” Barry says with a bit of a stutter. “Then we can both have a copy.”

She doesn’t imagine his fingers curling in on her waist. At least, she’s pretty sure she doesn’t imagine it. Okay fine, she really hopes he’s doing that on purpose but why would he?

Lup thinks back to a couple of cycles ago, to that night when they needed to share a bed. How nice it was to wake up and to start her day with Barry. How nice it would be to wake up like that every morning.

But it’s _Barry_. There are moments, like this one, when Lup wonders if she should say anything. Cause now she knows. She knows that she’s in fucking love. It’s strange and beautiful yet awful at the same time because she doesn’t know how Barry feels.

Sometimes, though, she’s almost certain he might feel the same way about her. Other times, though, she’s convinced that it’s all in her head and that he wouldn’t look twice at her.

And even more times, she wonders why she feels the need to change their friendship at all? Even if Lup wasn’t in love with Barry, she’d still love him, like she loves all of the crew of the _Starblaster._

Look at the two of them. Perfectly happy to be touring a sculpture park and taking selfies. They’ve got their kickass experiments they’re working on. And the amazing magic they’re learning. Why mess with that? Maybe what they have is enough.

(She knows it’s not enough.)

“Lup?”

“Oh shit, sorry,” Lup says, forcing her head out of her ass. If she’s gonna let her mind wander, the least she can do is enjoy the way it feels to have his arm around her, right? She just wasted like a minute, not even thinking about that.

She takes the selfie and tries to act like it’s no big deal when Barry takes a step away.

“What do you think?” Lup asks, holding out the picture to him. It’s not the greatest picture in the world, but it’s something.

“My eyes are closed,” Barry says as he looks at the picture. He looks down at his feet. “Maybe we can take it again?”

Lup takes the picture and says, “Can’t have that now, can we?”

Her timing is just a little off, enough to make her words sound a bit awkward. This won’t do. She’s Lup fucking Taaco and she does not do awkward. Not even when she’s flailing about internally about standing next to her crush.

She takes a step in towards Barry, who seems to nervous again. But that does seem to be his default state. Trying to be as casual as possible, she puts her arm around his shoulder and does her best not to lean into him too much as his hand settles on her hip.

“Ready?” she asks. At his nod, Lup holds out the camera. “One. Two. Three.”

She takes the selfie. The photo comes out and they wait for the results. “There we go. Perfect selfie,” she says, handing it to Barry.

Their fingers linger together, probably too long, but Lup can’t make herself step away.

“Any other statues you want selfies in front of?” Barry asks as he puts the photo in his pocket.

“Look at this place,” Lup says. The sculpture garden has so many amazing thing. A huge cow is just the beginning. “I want pictures in front of _all_ of them.”

Barry grins and Lup tries to remember that the mission needs to come first. The mission is the most important thing to both of them.

“Sounds like we’ve got some work to do,” he says. He points at an abstract sculpture made of copper. “Clockwise okay?”

“I’m more partial to counter-clockwise, but for you, Barold? Clockwise it is,” Lup says with a laugh as they start to walk towards the copper sculpture. 

Her heart’s still beating faster than it should and she tells it to get over itself already. They’ve got science. And they’ve got friendship. That’s enough.

It will have to be enough.

(She knows it's not enough.)


	46. Cycle 46

**Cycle Forty-Six**

Barry scratches at his cheek, a little more than annoyed at the scruff he finds there. He’s not had a chance to shave in a day and he hates when his beard grows in too much. Yeah, the easy solution would be to take ten minutes and do a quality shave. But right now, Barry doesn’t have ten minutes.

Not when his experiment is on the line.

He’s in what Lup’s dubbed the science corner, trying to make some goddamn sense of the Light. It’s so rare that they actually find it, that when they actually do, he wants to spend every minute he can with it.

Yeah, it’s even creepy sometimes, this crazy hold the Light’s got on him, but understanding the Light, and understanding why the Hunger wants it so bad, could be the key to stopping the cycles.

There’s something in the arcane power of the Light, something he needs to be able to quantify. He’s got to figure it out. He’s got to.

Barry takes another glance at his work; the quasmafier is ticking away, recording any bursts of arcane energy. He’s got this theory, this crazy theory that the Light actually wants people to want _it_. And if the quasmifier hits a certain threshold… BAM. Theory confirmed.

Trouble is, the quasmafier is tricky and the slightest nudge can make it stop working. Barry wants to run this experiment for twenty-four hours, so he and Lup are taking turns babysitting it. Only three hours to go.

To try to distract himself from his itchy cheek, Barry bites down on a fingernail before he stops himself. He’s been trying to break himself of that habit for how many years? He doesn’t want to think about it.

“Any luck?"

Barry looks behind him and sees Lup holding two cups of coffee. She’s in sleeping clothes, a t-shirt and shorts, looking like she’s ready to take over.

“No, nothing,” Barry says. “The output is getting stronger, but not at the levels I thought it’d be at.”

Lup takes a sip of coffee. “So am I right in assuming you’re not gonna leave for the last three hours even though you have been watching this thing for how long now?”

Rubbing his temple, he says, “You know I trust you, Lup. More than anyone. I just need to see this with my own two eyes.”

“Which is why I brought you coffee,” she says, holding out the cup.

He hoped, but he didn’t want to assume. “You’re a lifesaver,” he says, holding out his hand.

She places the cup in his hand and already the warmth from the coffee is waking him. And then he’s an idiot and doesn’t move away, and then their fingers are brushing. But she’s not moving away, either.

This isn’t the first time this has happened and every so often, his brain decides to be an asshole and whispers _what if she feels the same way._ That’s when Barry always needs to tell his brain to shut the fuck up because she _doesn’t_ and why would his stupid brain think that for a moment?

Barry takes a breath and says, “Hey, Lup?” Just as Lup says, “Barry?”

And that’s when the alarm goes off.

Barry puts the coffee cup down on the table and runs over to the quasmafier, which is blinking like crazy. “Oh shit,” he says, looking at the seismic readout. “Lup, you gotta look at this. Look!”

Lup’s next to him almost that same instance. She grabs the readout and Barry watches her as she takes in the numbers. “Holy shit, you were right!”

She puts her hands on her cheeks and Barry can’t stop grinning. He probably looks like an absolute idiot right now, but he doesn’t care. Science is the absolute _best._ These are the moments that make all the late nights, all the studying, and all the incorrect hypotheses worth it.

“Barry, do you know what this means?” she asks, her eyes shining. “I’m so proud of you.”

He’s about to answer, what he’s got no idea, because Lup just says _she’s_ _proud of him_. And then the next thing he knows, Lup throws her arms around him in a hug.

Normally, this is the time he’d freeze up and try to step away without hurting Lup’s feelings. But for once in his life, Barry decides to give in.

He hugs her back.

Barry wraps both his arms around her waist and hugs her back like he’s never going to get another hug again after this. He closes his eyes and instinctually wants to snap away cause this isn’t what he does. He doesn’t hug like this. Not with anyone from the crew.

But this? He doesn’t ever want to let Lup go. Not when she’s hugging him back like this and resting her cheek against his temple.

The hug lasts just long enough that Barry doesn’t feel too awkward. Lup would’ve stepped away if she was uncomfortable, right? At least, he hopes she trusts him enough that she could do that.

That’s when Barry realizes while they might not still be hugging, their arms are still wrapped around each other. His heart is beating about a million miles a minute and he wonders _what if his asshole brain is right?_

“Barry,” Lup says, sounding almost nervous, which is weird, because Lup doesn’t do nervous. She’s never nervous. So why would she be nervous here?

“Yeah?” Barry asks, wondering how in the world did their faces get so close together. Cause it feels like they’re really close together and that could only mean one thing and-

“Whaddup, losers, I heard yelling,” Taako says out of nowhere.

Barry takes a giant step back feeling like a balloon that’s just been deflated. _What the fuck just happened?_ That was a moment, right? That definitely felt like a moment and now he doesn’t know what to do because that moment is absolutely one-hundred percent gone.

“Since when do you hang out in the science corner?” Lup asks as she walks over to the quasmafier. She looks calm as a cucumber, which makes Barry wonder if he’s wrong. Maybe it wasn’t a moment. Or worse. Maybe it was only a moment for _him._

“Since I heard yelling,” Taako says, looking down at his nails. “But now you’re not yelling so I’m bored. Toodles.”

With a flourish, Taako waves before walking right out of the corner.

Lup picks up the readout, which fell to the floor during the excitement. Barry watches as she looks at the numbers again and she smiles. “Do you know what this means? Your theory is right. There’s definitely something in there that attracts the scouts.”

He can feel his damn capillary loops expanding, letting blood rush to his cheeks. “Yeah, cool, huh?”

“Hella cool,” Lup says, handing the readout towards him.

Barry takes the paper but this time their fingers don’t linger together. And all at once, he is fucking _exhausted._ Now that the experiment doesn’t need to be babysat anymore, he could really stand to grab some shuteye.

“I think I’ll turn in for the night,” he says finally. “We can look over everything in the morning and figure out the next step.”

Lup opens her mouth and Barry wonders if she’s going to say something, but then she closes it again. “New game plan tomorrow. I like it,” she finally says with a nod.

Barry nods back then walks to the door. He turns back, thinking maybe he should say good night, say _something_ , but Lup’s already looking out the window.

So with a sigh, he heads towards his room, wondering if they’ll ever have a moment like that again.

 


	47. Cycle 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The music ends. Time stops. A new story begins.

**Cycle Forty-Seven**

Barry’s not really good at running.

But right now, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that eventually they’re gonna stop running and he’s gonna be all red-faced and out of breath. He doesn’t care _at all_.

Because Lup loves him.

She’s not even said the words yet but Barry’s never been more certain of anything in his entire life. Not after that performance. Not after they just poured out their entire souls into one piece of music. He knows. Lup. Loves. _Him_.

And just as important, he’s fairly damn sure that Lup knows that he loves her back. He also thinks that anyone who watched that performance probably has an inkling about their feelings for each other. But again. He doesn’t care. The only thing on his mind is Lup.

They make it to the conservatory, still holding hands. Lup looks ready to talk, but the foyer of the building won’t do. They were the last ones to perform. Sooner or later - and with his luck, sooner - people are gonna come pouring into the building.

Barry holds up a finger, silently asking for a moment to think. “I’ve got an idea,” he says after a second.

They walk into one of the nearby practice rooms, a small room with soundproof walls. Once the door is shut safely behind them, Barry locks it tight, with magic. No one’s gonna waste a spell slot opening that up.

“Barry,” Lup says quietly, reaching up and placing her hand on his cheek. Her touch is quiet, intimate, and his heart is fucking ready to burst from happiness.

After that performance, they should probably talk. But talking could lead to doubts, could lead to discussion of the mission, and their roles in said mission. Talking could end up making them talk their way out of this. 

Barry doesn’t want to talk. Not now. Not when he’s actually got this chance. They might never have a chance like this again. For once in his life, he’s gonna be brave.

So he gently pushes Lup against the wall, hands on her waist. He pays attention, tries to notice if she’s uncomfortable or trying to move away, but she’s smiling and definitely encouraging him.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks softly, with a tenderness he wasn’t sure he’d ever get to explore again.

His heart is going crazy, and before he’s got even a chance to worry about her answer, Lup’s kissing him. Barry gets lost in the kiss and time doesn’t seem to have meaning any longer because he and Lup are _kissing._

They kiss over and over again, until Barry thinks his knees are gonna go weak and what sort of impression will that make? He breaks away, keeping his hands on Lup’s waist. “I think I need to sit down after that,” he says, with a smile, hoping Lup will smile, too.

She does.

“Always wanted to sweep someone off their feet,” she says, kissing his cheek.

Barry looks around the small room and there’s an overstuffed chair in the corner. Perfect. He interlocks his fingers with Lup’s and they walk over to the chair. He sits down, and immediately Lup straddles his lap.

He wants to kiss some more - and maybe more than just kiss - but there’s something he needs to say first. She already knows, but he needs to hear the words out loud. 

“I’m in love with you, Lup,” he says and it’s the truest thing he’ll ever say in his life. His mind races through the last almost fifty years and he’s fairly certain he’s been in love with her for most of them.

Lup grabs hold of his tie, making him lean forward a bit, and _fuck_ , if that’s not one of the sexiest things ever, he doesn’t know what is. “I’m in love with you, too, Barry J. Bluejeans.”

His eyes start to mist up because of course they are. The most important moment in his freaking life and he’s about to cry. But fuck it. He’ll own it. These are the happiest tears of his life.

Lup pulls up his glasses and puts them on the top of his head. Barry doesn’t even want to breathe as she places her hands on his cheeks, wiping away a couple of tears with her thumbs. “You okay?” she whispers.

“Yeah,” Barry says, leaning back in the chair. “Just a little overwhelmed at the moment.”

“I do tend to have that effect on people,” Lup says with a smile. She leans forward with her arms crossed and resting on his shoulders so she’s flush up against him. “We got all the time in the world, Barold. We don’t need to rush anything.”

Instead of agreeing out loud, Barry kisses her again. But this time, he takes his time, and like the scientist he is, he experiments and makes careful observations. Like the way she moans when he sucks on her earlobe. Or the way she presses her hips down against his own when he uses a hint of teeth at her neck.

He could catalog her responses to different stimuli forever.

He’s not sure how long they kiss. However long, it’s not nearly enough. But it’s plenty long for Barry’s pants to get a bit tight in the crotch area. For a second, he wants to be embarrassed, but why should he be?

Lup pulls away, the palm of her hand resting on his neck. “I think you’re gonna get a hickey,” she says.

Barry lets out a snort. He doesn’t think he’s had a hickey since high school or college. But he doesn’t mind. Not at all. Cause it’s a hickey that Lup gave him. “I don’t care,” he says.

“Think you’ll say that tomorrow when Taako teases the shit out of you?” Lup says with a laugh. “He’s gonna be impossible about this.”

“Taako can say whatever he wants,” Barry says. “It won’t matter, cause I’ll have you.” He winces at his words. They sound possessive and slightly archaic. “I mean, you’ll be next to me.” Still too possessive. “If you want to, that is. And I hope you do cause I would really like you-”

Lup puts a finger up against his lips, shutting him up pretty damn quick. “You do have me,” she says. “And I have you.”

His heart is growing another million sizes and he’s not exactly sure how to respond to a declaration like that. Cause that’s what it felt like, like she just branded his skin.

So instead of saying anything, he opens his mouth, just a little bit. Just enough for her to slip in her finger, which she does. He keeps eye contact with Lup the entire time he gently sucks on her finger, twirling his tongue around as she slowly slides it out of his mouth.

“ _Barry,_ ” Lup says, eyes wide as she sits up straight, putting her hand on her chest. “Okay, I did not expect that. _Fuck._ ”

He grins, probably looking like idiot, but he’s Lup’s idiot, so it works. Barry puts his hands on the side of her thighs, just happy to be close to her. He’s still a little overwhelmed. He went almost fifty years trying to have as little human contact as possible to making out like a teenager in a locked room. Understandably, his nerves are a little overwrought right now.

“We should probably talk,” Lup says, looking down at his obvious boner, “about that.”

Barry gulps, not sure what there’s to talk about. They made out and now he’s got a boner. It’s not like he thinks they’re gonna have sex in a practice room in the conservatory. Though that would be kinda hot but also something he’ll never have the nerve to do.

“Yeah, sure,” Barry says, trying to shift his weight, willing it to go away. It’s pretty clear makeout time is over and soon he’s probably gonna have to go walk out of this room and he’d really prefer not to be at attention when that happens. “What do you want to talk about?”

Lup looks away and almost looks shy, which is endearing as hell. “I haven’t been in a lot of relationships, Barry, and the ones I have been have been not so great,” she says. She takes his hands off her thighs and entwines their fingers. “I tend to just fall in bed with people and then I mess things up.” She leans forward and rests her brow against his. “I really don’t want to mess this up.”

“You won’t,” Barry says softly. “Lup, I promise you, we won’t mess this up.”

She leans back again and smiles, placing her hand on his cheek. “Thanks for that,” Lup says and it’s amazing to Barry that she might actually be as nervous as he is when it comes to what’s between them. Something to remember.  

He turns his head just enough so he can kiss the inside of her wrist. “Any time,” he says.

“Okay, so here’s what I’m thinking,” Lup says, sounding serious. “You cool if we wait until next cycle before we have sex? Make sure this is what we both think it is?”

Barry nods at once. He’s never had the strongest of libidos, so the idea of waiting is absolutely fine with him. “Yea, I’m cool with that,” he says.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Lup says, leaning back up against him. “We are going to make out a _lot_ until then.”

He gulps. “I’m cool with that, too,” he says after a moment. Cause he is, thinking of the downtime as they wait for experiments to finish or after a study session. He is very cool with that.

She smiles and out of all the smiles she’s thrown at him over the years, and after forty-seven years, he’s seen a lot of smiles, this one is the most beautiful. This is one for him and no one else.

Lup moves so that she’s not straddling him any longer and instead moves to the left side of the chair, with her legs dangling over the right. “Think we should go face the hordes?” she asks, putting her arms around him.

His arm goes around her waist, resting on her hip. His boner is gone, so Barry doesn’t mind leaving the room for now. There’s about a month left before the Hunger will arrive and who knows? Maybe they’ll end up in here again at some point before then.

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Barry says. He thinks about how that might sound and adds, “You know I don’t mean it like in sex, right?”

“You’re fine, Barry, promise,” Lup says as she stands up.

He already misses how close she was and holds out his hand. She helps him up and their hands stay together. Barry can’t imagine ever wanting to hold another pair of hands.

“The crew’s gonna look at us different,” Lup says.

“I’m not worried,” Barry says at once. He gives her a sly grin. “My stock’s about to go way up when people find out I’m with you.”

Lup laughs and nudges him in the shoulder. “Nerd,” she says with a whisper.

Taking the chance for one last kiss before they leave the room, Barry lifts his chin. Lup gets the picture right away and they kiss.

Barry opens the door and takes a breath. “Let’s see what happens,” he says.

And together they leave the room, hand in hand.


	48. Cycle 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry has opinions. Lup gets the answer to an important question. Their world will never be the same.

**Cycle Forty-Eight**

Lup wakes up with a start thanks to some stupid dream involving parsnips. Her brain is just too much sometimes.

Still laying down in bed, she becomes acutely aware that she is not in her quarters. And then she’s smiling such a ridiculous smile that she needs to bring the sheet up to cover her grin.

Cause she and Barry had sex last night. _Twice._

Lup turns to her side and looks at Barry. He’s still sleeping, flat on his back, mouth open as he snores. She wonders when he put on a t-shirt because she distinctly remembers them both being naked when she went to sleep.

But whatever. Maybe he was cold.

She starts to fight the urge to push some hair off of his forehead but then does it anyway. He’s her boyfriend now and if she wants to push some hair off his forehead, she’s gonna. Unless he doesn’t want her to, of course.

_I’m Barry’s girlfriend_ , Lup thinks to herself and she’s getting so warm and mushy inside that she sort of wants to punch herself. She is not going to be the type that lets themself be defined by their partner. First and foremost, she is Lup fucking Taaco.

It’s still a little strange, though, being in a relationship again. More than fifty years have passed since she last tried the whole relationship thing. And that didn’t end so well. This definitely isn’t the time to think about bad relationships, not when she’s currently in a very, very good one.

Which now includes having sex.

Lup pulls the sheet over her head, trying not to giggle cause she now knows what Barry’s ding-dong looks like. What is she, twelve?

Apparently, because now she can’t stop blushing as she thinks about the sex. Truth be told, not great. But it’s been like fifty years since Barry had sex and fuck, maybe like fifteen for her? So they have some work to do.

Points in Barold’s favor, though? He is very good at listening to directions and _very_ thorough. They will have a rocking sex life in no time.

It’s then Lup realizes Barry’s stopped snoring. So she lifts the sheet over her head, only to see Barry looking at the ceiling with a huge grin on his face. Maybe even bigger than the one she had on her face earlier.

“You are such a nerd,” Lup says, her voice still sleepy.

Barry turns his head towards her. “Yeah?” he says with a smile. He squints, then adds, “Lemme put on my glasses, I want to see you.”

Lup props herself up on her elbow as Barry grabs his glasses from the bedside table. He looks different without his glasses, not quite himself. She’ll be glad when he’s wearing them again, as silly as that might sound.

“That’s better,” he says once he’s on his side, so they’re facing each other. The sheet’s raised a bit now and his eyes go low, and she doesn’t mind at all as he stares at her boobs for a second. “You’re gorgeous, Lup.”

They’re far too apart, Lup decides, scooting closer to him, so they’re flush together. She can feel his morning semi nestled between her thighs and she does believe that’s an _excellent_ way to wake up today.

Lup looks at her boyfriend. His hair is sticking up in a couple of places and he’s got a day’s worth of growth on his face. All and all? She can dig it. “This whole rugged morning look you’ve got going on?” She leans back just far enough to give him a thumbs up.

Barry grins as he rests a hand on her ass. If their month-old relationship has taught her anything, it’s that Barry J. Bluejeans is an ass man. Lup doesn’t have the greatest ass in the world, it’s sort of non-existent, but her boy doesn’t seem to care at all. She loves it.

Loves him, even more.

He clearly starts to lean in for a kiss, but Lup puts her hand over his mouth. “Morning breath,” she says. “For or against?”

“Fuck if I care, I just wanna kiss you again,” Barry says and he sounds so earnest it makes Lup’s heart melt a bit.

“I’ll put you down on the record as for,” Lup says with a nod, before leaning forward and kissing him.

It’s a soft kiss, much softer than anything they shared last night, when they were both working off years of sexual frustration. Hands can only help so much with that sort of thing. And yeah, there’s some morning breath, but nothing she can’t handle.

The kiss ends and Lup pulls at his t-shirt. “When did you put this on?” she asks.

“Uh, probably after you fell asleep last night, after round two,” he says. There’s a hint of pride in his voice, which Lup highly approves of. Own it.

She raises her eyebrow, silently asking a question as she dips a finger down the waist of his boxers. That was a surprise last night. She had pegged him for briefs.

“Yeah, I’m a little overdressed, aren’t I?” Barry asks, rubbing the back of his neck. One of his nervous moves. Hopefully he’ll learn soon that he never has a reason to be nervous with around her. “Never really liked sleeping in the buff, to be honest. Not sure why.”

Lup doesn’t quite get it - she sleeps naked all the time - but that’s her. Not him. “You cool if I sleep naked?” she asks, nuzzling his cheek. She hopes he is, but if he’s not, she does have some really cute night clothes.

“Yeah, yeah of _course,_ ” Barry says, squeezing her ass. “It a bad thing to say that I really like looking at you naked?”

“Nope,” Lup says. “And right back at you.”

She can tell on the look on Barry’s face that he doesn’t quite believe her. Self-consciousness. She gets it, she totally does. Well, he’ll believe her some day, Lup will make sure of that.

And then his face goes into a deeper frown. Lup pulls back slightly and gives him a _look_. There should be no sadness today. Not after they had sex for the first time. “Barry, you have me naked in your bed and you’re thinking about work. I don’t know whether or not I should be impressed or insulted.”

“Impressed, I hope,” Barry says weakly. Lup lets him pull her back, resting his brow against hers. “This is gonna be a bad cycle.”

“Yeah,” Lup says quietly, some of the joy from last night fading a bit.

This is a desert world, with only three sources of water they can see on the entire planet. And the people who live by those sources guard them like fanatics. Magnus almost died on the very first day, but luckily Barry was able to save him.

So hardly any water and barely any vegetation. Gonna be an ugly year.

“Is it too cheesy to say at least we’ve got each other?” Barry asks.

She laughs, which is exactly what she needs right then. “Nope,” she tells him. “Also, for the record, I’m very much digging the early morning sexy gravel voice.”

Barry’s eyes light up like he just discovered something new about necromancy “You think it’s sexy? I am very okay with that.”

“Good,” she says, leaning forward to give him a kiss.

The kiss turns a little more urgent and the next thing she knows, Barry is pushing her onto her back. Yes, _please_ , more of that. Take charge Barry is something she will definitely encourage.

She looks down at him and wonders again how she could have gotten so lucky. But then they’re kissing again and he touches her _there_ and she decides not to think for a bit.

 


	49. Cycle 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew gets a respite. Barry can’t walk the walk. Lup is asking important questions.

**Cycle Forty-Nine**

“So we’ve been together, what, fourteen months now?” Lup asks.

Barry nods. “One month in cycle forty-seven, all of forty-eight, and one month of forty-nine,” he says.

They’re walking hand in hand on a beach. This cycle reminds him of that mental health year they took, just with a lot more people around them. It’s nice, though. At least this sand isn’t trying to kill them. Not like the sand demons they faced last cycle.

Barry takes a bad step - all of his steps are bad, he’s simply not meant to walk on sand. Not like Lup, who looks like she’s gliding along - and just manages to catch himself before he trips to the ground.

“Dude, this is what happens when you wear shoes,” Lup says as she squeezes his hand. Her sandals are in her other hand and she looks like she was born to live on the beach.

“I just hate getting sand between my toes,” he mumbles. It sounds like a stupid reason when he says it out loud. There’s going to be a ton of sand in his socks and shoes and he’s pretty sure the sand will get between his toes anyway.

He doesn’t need to look at Lup to see her rolling her eyes. “Nerd,” she says softly. Then she brightens. “How’s this? Take off your shoes and socks so you can actually enjoy the beach and then we’ll shower together later. Make sure we get all that sand out from between your toes.”

Barry’s already kneeling and taking off his shoes before she finishes her sentence. “Now who’s got the good plan?” he says with a grin.

“This gal,” Lup says, pointing both her thumbs at her chest. “And you totally knocked my question off course.”

“I answered your question,” Barry says, holding out his hand, silently asking Lup to help him up. No way is he finding the leverage to stand up in the sand. “Was there another? Did I miss it?”

Once he’s up on his feet, Barry takes a quick look around. Seeing that there’s no one else around on the beach, he pulls Lup in close, raises his chin, and gives her a kiss.

It still sort of amazes him that he can do that now. He can kiss Lup whenever he wants, assuming she’s cool with that, of course. Last cycle they barely had any time to work on being a couple, so to speak. Not with angry villagers trying to raid the ship and sand demons coming up out of the ground. They needed to spend most their time surviving.

This cycle? This cycle they can relax. He feels like he’s learned more about being Lup’s boyfriend in the past month than he did all of last cycle.

Being her boyfriend means knowing she might start the night in her own quarters but show up at his at three o’clock in the morning. It’s making sure she gets plenty of alone time and plenty of Taako time and understanding that they’re sometimes the same thing and sometimes different. It’s eating the croutons she takes out of her salad because she hates croutons but doesn’t feel like she should waste them. It’s being consistently awed by her arcane talent and being determined to catch up with her one day.

Basically, being Lup’s boyfriend is the best thing ever.

“Now you’re just trying to distract me,” Lup says with a grin as she pulls away.

“Nah, I just like kissing you,” Barry says. Hey, it’s true. He really, really does. “So we’ve been together fourteen months. And?”

“Ooh, there’s a shack up there. Let’s grab some grub,” Lup says as she starts walking again.

Barry’s reaction time is a little slow, so she ends up pulling him along for a step or two before he catches up. “Now who’s distracting you?” he asks.

“Nah, my dude, I am on point,” Lup says. “I know exactly where I’m going with this. I was just thinking. This is officially the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. Crazy, huh?”

“So your longest relationship was thirteen months?” Barry asks.

They haven’t really talked much about their pasts when it comes to relationships. But reading between the lines, Lup’s had a couple of not-great relationships. Which stinks, cause not-great relationships aren’t fun.

His longest relationship lasted almost two years, with Theo, a piano player with the most beautiful hands Barry had ever seen. And that was probably about six months longer than it should have lasted, because neither he or Theo liked dealing with confrontation, so neither one of them was willing to start the break-up process until they hit rock bottom.

“Something like that,” Lup says. They step onto the patio of the food shack and she crosses her arms over her chest. “Funny, though, I can’t quite remember. Does cycle zero ever feel fuzzy for you?”

Barry knows exactly what she means. Makes sense, when you think about it. Cycle zero was almost fifty years ago at this point. People, places, things, all of it is a little blurry at this point.

“Yeah,” Barry says. Then he decides to come clean. “It doesn’t really feel like home anymore. We’ve been with the _Starblaster_ longer than we lived on our home cycle.”

“Weird, right?” Lup asks.

She walks up to the counter and orders two beers. At least most of the cycles they’ve been to has had alcohol of some sort. Except that one weird cycle that never figured out how to farm hops. Or how to ferment grapes. Luckily, the _Starblaster_ had plenty of their own supplies to get them through that cycle.

She hands him a beer and says, “Come on, longest boyfriend.” Lup looks off to the side and a smirk crosses her face. “And I’m pretty sure I mean that in _every_ sense of the word.”

Barry doesn’t even try to hold back his blush. There’s no stopping his capillary loops from widening, even if he’s secretly ridiculously pleased at what Lup just said. Not that he’s ever really been curious. Not really. He’s pretty satisfied with what he’s got down there. Comparing with others is just showboating.

“Fuck, you’re adorable when you blush, babe,” Lup says, throwing her arm around his shoulder. Without hesitating, Barry puts his arm around her waist. “Come on, let’s go watch the sunset and be so lovey-dovey that it’s obnoxious.”

All and all, that’s basically Barry’s idea of a perfect end to a pretty great afternoon.


	50. Cycle 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry needs to relax. Lup stays cool under pressure. Davenport has a decision to make.

**Cycle Fifty**

Davenport flips through the IPRE employee manual one last time, trying to make a decision.

In a perfect world, this little book would hold the answers to any situation that Davenport might come across. However, in a perfect world, this mission would have ended forty-nine years and some months ago.

He doesn’t care how many committees met in order to write this manual. None of the could ever come up with a situation like the one the crew of the _Starblaster_ finds themselves in.

So really, the usual rules shouldn’t apply in this situation. At least that’s the justification Davenport’s using to make himself feel better. Rules and regulations keep this mission going. Keeps everything running smoothly.

And now two of his crew are flaunting those rules.

Just then, there’s a knock at the door. Standing in the doorway of his office is Barry, hands deep in his pockets. Lup is next to him, resting her forearm on Barry’s shoulder. Davenport gestures them inside. “Thank you for being here,” he says.

Barry nods, visibly nervous, There’s a slight sheen on his forehead and he’s swallowing far too much. Lup, on the other hand, looks cool as a cucumber. “Everything okay?” he asks, his voice shaking slightly.

“Babe, you really need to chill,” Lup says.

“Please sit down,” Davenport says. “We’re just going to have a conversation.”

“Yeah, okay,” Barry says, sitting down in one of the chairs across from Davenport’s desk. He grips the arms of the chair so tightly that his knuckles start going white. Lup sits in the other, draping one leg over the arm of the chair.

“Breathe, Bluejeans. That’s an order.”

“It’s just, we’ve had plenty of conversations over the years, you know? But none of them involved sitting in your office,” Barry says as he takes off his glasses and wipes his forehead. “What’d I do wrong?”

“You really need to stop assuming you’ve done something wrong if someone wants to talk to you,” Lup says, patting Barry on the hand.

“You have done nothing wrong,” Davenport says, putting his hand on his desk. Technically not true, but if he opens the conversation with that, Barry might have a heart attack. “I wanted to talk to you two about your relationship.”

Lup throws back her head and laughs. “Coming straight to the source for the goods, huh? Ship’s gossip not good enough?”

Davenport smiles and pushes the IPRE employee handbook across the desk. His desk was specifically made for gnomes, so they look down at him a bit. But he doesn’t mind. He may be the captain of the _Starblaster_ , but after fifty years, basically everyone’s equal to everyone else.

“Do you remember signing this back in our home plane?”

Lup picks up the handbook. “This is like a relic now,” she says, flipping through the pages.

“Feels like it was forever ago,” Barry says, leaning over towards Lup.

“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Davenport says, keeping his voice matter-of-fact. “Relationships between crew members is strictly forbidden.”

Barry’s jaw drops. Literally drops like in a story. “Are you telling me you want me and Lup to end things?”

Lup slides the handbook back across the desk. “Cap’n Port…” she says, her voice trailing off.

“I’m not telling you anything,” Davenport says, holding his hands up in mock self-defense. “We just need to discuss a couple of things.”

There’s a tension in the office now, a tension that Davenport completely understands. He might not be well-versed in love or relationships, but even he can tell how much the two people across from him care about each other.

And as much as he’d like them to be able to go off and live happily ever after, Davenport’s got to look at the bigger picture. Mainly figuring out a way to defeat the Hunger and maybe even try to find a way back home, if it’s even there anymore.

“I worry that your feelings for each other could compromise the mission,” Davenport says.

“Nah,” Lup says at once. “Won’t be an issue.”

“You sound quite certain of that,” Davenport says, folding his hands one over the other.

“I mean, it’d be pretty different if we didn’t have the reset button, but I’d be cool if Barry had to leave me behind to make sure the _Starblaster_ got out,” Lup says with a shrug.

Barry clears his throat, looking not quite as uncomfortable as he did when he entered the office. “I’d want Lup to leave me behind to save herself, absolutely,” he says.

“We’ll figure out a way to get out together,” Lup says, reaching over and patting Barry’s knee.

Davenport gets the distinct impression that the conversation has moved away from him. And now that they’re here in his office, he can’t quite remember what he wanted to accomplish in the first place.

“Captain?” Barry asks, raising up his hand slightly. “I’d do the same for any of you. It doesn’t matter who. I’d tell any of you to leave me behind. Really. At this point, I care about everyone on this boat.”

A weird sort of warmth pools in Davenport’s stomach. Even after fifty years, he’s always felt the need to keep a bit of distance from the crew, so that he could be seen as their _captain_. Doesn’t help that most of the crew is far younger than him, except for Merle.

So to hear Barry say he cares, well, turns out that means a lot to him. He won’t let it show, though. Maybe someday, if this mission ever ends. Maybe then he can let his guard down.

“But you care about me differently,” Lup says with a smirk.

“Well, yeah,” Barry says, his cheeks reddening. “Obviously.”

“Well, thank you for that, Barry,” Davenport says. He stands up and rest his hands on the desk in front of him. “This is what, the third cycle since the conservatory? I haven’t seen any cause for alarm yet, and I’ll trust you two to keep it that way.”

“Definitely,” Barry says at the same time Lup gives off a salute.

“We’ll be no trouble, Cap’n Port. Promise,” Lup says.

“I know you too well to believe that, Lup,” Davenport says with a smile. “But I trust both of you with my life and more importantly,” He pats the wall, “with this ship.”

Barry lets out a deep breath and reaches out for Lup’s hand. “Thank you, Davenport,” he says. “That means a lot.”

“Ditto,” Lup says, taking Barry’s hand. “Now we free to skedaddle? We were in the middle of an experiment.”

“Oh,” Davenport says. He didn’t realize. “Yes, go. Go do whatever it is you were working on.”

Lup beams at him and that warmth comes back. She really just has a way of making everyone feel like the center of the universe. “Toodles,” she says as she stands up.

Without another word, Barry and Lup leave his office. Davenport picks up the discarded IPRE employee manual off his desk and shoves it into one of his desk drawers without a second thought.

The _Starblaster_ crew doesn’t need a manual. They have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, we're halfway done. Thank you to everyone who's read so far! <3


	51. Cycle 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry makes a sacrifice. Merle's forced to do his job. Lup becomes the center of attention.

**Cycle Fifty-One**

“Lup, you got to get Taako out of here now,” Barry says.

Lup’s propping a barely conscious Taako up, trying to look past Barry down the cave. They managed to trap the wyverns following them for a time, but she can hear their screams, which are getting closer. Too close to outrun any more.

And Taako’s almost unconscious and she’s out of fucking spell slots.

“I leave, the wyverns are gonna kill you, babe,” Lup says, almost too quickly to be understood.

“You stay and we all die,” Barry says and somehow, he actually sounds calm, not like Lup, whose heart is going a million miles an hour.

She tries to tap into her arcane power, tries to find something that could give her a bit of a spark, but she’s completely tapped out. Stamping her foot on the ground in frustration, she yells, “ _Fuck.”_

“Lup, I got this. I’ll hold them off long enough so you can Taako can get out of here,” Barry says.

She gives herself two seconds to make a choice, then pulls Barry in for a kiss. It’s sloppy and desperate but Lup doesn’t care, because they’re not gonna kiss again for four months. It’s fucking nightmare fodder. She’s pretty sure she’s had this one before, this exact situation where she’s not able to save both Barry and Taako and has to lose one of them.

“Come on, Taako,” Lup says, hoisting him up a bit more on her shoulders. He’s barely alive and wouldn’t that be the way it works, not just losing Barry this cycle but Taako, too.

“I’m fine,” Taako slurs. But he’s a little steadier on his feet. Enough that she thinks the two of them might actually make it out of here. “Lemme at ‘em.”

Lup gives Barry one last glance - she is gonna welcome the shit out of him at the start of next cycle - and yells “I love you!” over the scream of wyverns.

“I love you, too,” he shouts as he blasts a wave of energy down the cave, making some of the rock drop down from the cavern. “Now go!”

She’s certainly not gonna let Barry die in vain, so Lup struggles to get Taako moving. The cave exit isn’t horribly far, maybe half a football field. A little yelling, a little mockery, a little bribery, and she and Taako make it out of the cave.

Lup’s ready to collapse, but she’s got to get Taako to Merle. Merle might be the worst healer in the history of healing, but he can usually stabilize them all enough until they can find the time for a long rest.

“Come on, Koko,” Lup says as they take a step. Then another. “Let’s get you patched up.”

And somehow she doesn’t look back.

#

Lup’s flipping through one of Barry’s old scientific papers when the door bursts open. She doesn’t bother looking up, cause it’s Taako. He’s the only one who’ll burst in her room like this. Barry doesn’t even do that, knocking respectfully before he lets himself in. Cause Barry’s a fucking gentleman.

“Magnus, Davenport, and Lucretia just came back from the cave,” Taako says as he sits down at the end of her bed, putting her feet in his lap. Two days have passed and he still looks a little paler than he should.

“And?” Lup asks, grabbing Beary Bluejeans. The stupid teddy bear’s been her constant companion for the last two days. She kisses the bear on the head. She didn’t mean to call him stupid. That was mean.

“They found his body surrounded by like four dead wyverns, so go him,” Taako says.

She should have gone with them. But the thought of seeing Barry broken and who knows what else, hurt more than she cares to admit. So Lup stayed behind. “What’d they do-”

“Burned it, like you asked,” Taako says. He puts his hand on top of Lup’s foot and she’s got to admit, just having that contact is nice. “You doing okay?”

Lup makes Beary Bluejeans dance on her stomach. The truth is it sucks. She misses Barry. Misses waking up with him. Falling asleep with him. Misses how he likes to sneak in a kiss when he thinks no one is looking. But that’s private shit.

She loves Taako but he doesn’t need to know how much she hates this.

“I’ll be fine,” Lup says, well aware her breezy voice doesn’t sound so breezy. “Just got used to getting laid on a regular basis, is all.”

“Right,” Taako says with a snort. He moves Lup’s feet off his lap. What is she, his puppet? Lup’s got a mind to say something when he adds, “Got to have another stupid treatment, cause Merle didn’t get it right the first time.”

“Heal already, will ya?” Lup asks, turning to her side.

She should get out of her room. Maybe talk to the other crew. If there’s one thing Lup isn’t, it’s a wallflower. So she stands up and follows Taako out of the room.

He peels left and she turns right, heading into the common room. This and ops are the two rooms she and Barry haven’t had sex in yet. They’ll figure out how eventually. Maybe next cycle.

Lucretia’s sitting at the main table, writing in one of her journals. Lup grabs the chair across the table and turns it around, sitting in it backwards. “So whatcha up to?” Lup asks, resting her chin in her hands.

“Same old, same old,” Lucretia says, still writing. Lup swears the woman could write through anything. The Hunger could be surrounding them all, ready to make it lights out, and Lucretia will still be writing. There’s definitely something to admire about that.

“Coolio,” Lup says. She takes Lucretia’s meaning and doesn’t ask any more questions. After each one of them dies in a cycle, Lucretia writes it all out. Really trippy to read about your death the next cycle. Barry gets a kick out of it. Hopefully Lucretia will be able to immortalize just how kick ass he was.

“Actually, Lup,” Lucretia says, putting down her pen. She picks up something from the chair next to her. “I hope you don’t think this too forward.”

Now Lup is all sorts of curious. Lucretia slides a journal across the table. And not just any journal. One that’s covered in denim. “Where in the world did you get this?” she asks with a grin as she opens it up.

“A couple of cycles ago. I thought I’d give it to Barry at some point, but I think it makes more sense to give it to you,” Lucretia says, sounding almost shy. “Writing my thoughts down always helps me to process everything.”

Lup looks at the light blue pages, with dark blue lines. She’s never been one for journal writing, but she supposes it won’t hurt to give it a try.

“Thanks,” she says as Lucretia slips a pen across the table.

“And just a warning, I know Magnus wants to go running with you and Merle is going to give you a plant to take care of and Taako’s planning a meal of all your favorite things-”

“So basically they’re gonna smother me?” Lup asks and just like that, she’s laughing. A real laugh. Cause she can. Taako’s safe and Barry will be back in four months. And the everyone else cares enough to try to smother her. _Fuck,_ she loves this crew.

Lup picks up the pen, takes a breath, and tries to decide what to write.


	52. Cycle 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew gets a night off. Lup’s competitive streak won’t be ignored. Barry tries something new.

**Cycle Fifty-Two**

Lup watches everyone in the crew, except for Barry, walk out of the ship. They’re off for a night on the town. Normally, she and Barry would happily dress up and join them all. But tonight is special.

She’s done some math and she’ll admit, she’s not the greatest at math, but she thinks today is their fifth anniversary. Five freaking years.

It doesn’t seem possible that she could actually be with someone for that long. Normally people bore her after a few months and she goes her merry way. But Barry. There is just no getting bored of her boy.

Speaking of, Barry walks out onto the bow of the ship, hands in the pockets of his jeans. “You gonna tell me why we’re staying behind?” he asks. He doesn’t sound annoyed at all, just curious, which is understandable. Barry’s curious about _everything._

It’s one of the reasons she loves him.

She drapes her arm over his shoulders. “Because I think today is our fifth anniversary,” she says, tracing a finger along the shell of his ear. “And I want to celebrate.”

Barry shivers, cause he always does when she does the ear thing. “Today? Huh.”

“Huh? Don’t ‘huh’ me,” she says with a laugh. “I would think our five year anniversary of being a kick-ass couple would warrant more of a ‘huh.’”

“Oh absolutely,” Barry says, squeezing her ass. Fuck, she loves it so much when he does things like that. “We are totally celebrating. I just thought it was tomorrow.”

Lup narrows her eyes. “Tomorrow? You realize those might be fightin’ words, Bluejeans. I did my calculations like three times to get it right.”

Barry takes her hand and walking backwards, leads her back into the ship. “I think you need to show me your work,” he says and somehow, he makes the idea sound so sexy it’s not even _fair._

#

How is this her life?

Here she is, doing math problems with Barry and probably having more fun than she would have if they went out to a bar of a club. Of course, the fact that it’s basically strip math helps a lot.

They’re on the floor, and Lup’s draped across Barry’s thighs, laying on her stomach, wearing only her bra and leggings. Barry’s taken off his shirt and she sort would rather still be making out right now, but first, they absolutely need to figure out which one of them is right. And why it’s her.

She looks at the piece of parchment again. “Okay, so how did you get this number?” she asks, pointing down at one of the calculations. “There were only twenty-two hours in a day three cycles ago. And we were there for a full year, which was three-hundred and sixty days for them.”

Barry’s hand is on her ass, rubbing a small circle. She’s got to admit, it feels really nice. “Right, their year was three hundred and sixty days, but we were there on a leap year. So there was an extra day,” he says.

“Shit,” Lup mutters under her breath. She didn’t include the extra day, which means their anniversary probably really is tomorrow. And she did those damn calculations three times, too.

“Got to remember all the variables,” Barry says. He doesn’t say anything else for a moment and Lup’s about to say something in response when he adds, “You’ll remember that next time.”

Then the next thing she knows is Barry taking his hand off her ass and then bringing it down again. Hard.

She freezes, hardly believing what he just did. It’s like her entire world view has just been rotated upside down.

Barry J. Bluejeans just spanked her.

_Spanked_ her.

And she really fucking liked it.

It’s not like she hasn’t been spanked before. The couple of times one of her partners spanked her in bed, Lup just wasn’t into it. But this? Barry spanking her? Barry, of all people, being confident enough to spank her?

She bets he has no idea just how hot that is. 

Lup scrambles up and moves so that she’s facing Barry, straddling his lap. He looks absolutely terrified like he’s just fucked everything up. She puts her hands on either side of his face. “You just spanked me.”

“I’m so sorry, Lup. I don’t know what came over me,” he says, his brain clearly moving faster than his mouth. “I’ll never-”

She kisses him. She’s found that’s an effective tactic in getting Barry to stop talking over the last few years. The kiss is hard and sloppy and when they break apart, Lup starts to laugh a bit, because she doesn’t think she’s ever seen Barry look so confused before.

“You can add that to your repertoire,” Lup says, leaning forward and sucking on that spot he likes, where his neck and jaw meet. She spends some quality time there, but not long enough to leave a mark. “Just dole it out with care. Don’t want to overuse that card.”

Barry nods like he’s committing her words to memory. “So you’re not mad?” he asks.

“Fuck, no,” she says. “Just know this means I’m gonna probably spank you some time.”

“I’m okay with that,” he says, sounding plenty eager, making her think of some other things they can do. Good to know that five years hasn’t made them boring in the bed department.

“Good,” Lup says.

They start kissing, pretty fiercely, and just when Lup’s grinding down a bit on Barry’s boner, he breaks off the kiss. “We still don’t know which one of us is right. We need to finish the math, Lup.”

Fuck, he’s right. If they don’t figure it out, it’s gonna bug her and she doesn’t need that negativity in her life. “Whoever wins gets to pick how we’re sexing tonight,” she says, picking up the parchment off of the floor.

“Deal,” Barry says, picking up his own parchment. “Lup, I’m telling you, it’s that leap day. Anniversary is tomorrow.”

She’s like ninety-nine percent sure he’s right, but her competitive streak is screaming at her. “Tell you what,” Lup says, dropping her parchment. She takes off her bra and throws it across the room. She is not above distracting Barry with her breasts. They are very nice breasts, after all. “We’ll say it’s a tie. You choose the sex tonight. I’ll choose tomorrow. We both win.”

Lup can see Barry mulling it over in his head so she grinds her hips against his own a bit. “Only if you agree to make this a yearly thing,” he says with a grin. “We both try to figure out when our anniversary is every cycle.”

“Babe, are you trying to bribe me about our math competition with more math?” When Barry just nods, Lup kisses him. “You are the biggest nerd in the planar system and I don’t think I can love you more than I do right now.”

“That a yes?” Barry asks.

His hands are on her breasts now and it’s just not fair when he does that. Cause he is really good with his hands. “Yes,” she says, lifting her hips so she can unbutton the button to Barry’s jeans. “We will do math every year like nerds and it will be amazing.”

And as they start to kiss again, Lup knows she’s not even exaggerating. It’ll be absolutely amazing.


	53. Cycle 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus takes a stand (and falls). Lup appreciates the little things. Barry leaves the door open.

**Cycle Fifty-Three**

“Honey, I’m home,” Lup says as she walks in the door to the apartment she’s sharing with Barry. She looks into the small studio and Barry’s not even there. Her greeting was wasted on an empty room. “Well, shit.”

“You say something, Lup?” Barry yells out from the bathroom.

“Close the door if you’re going number two,” Lup calls back. Their studio is small, ridiculously so, and if someone poops with the door open, it stinks up the entire place.

“Just number one!”

Lup flops down on their futon, which doubles as their bed, and stares at the ceiling. Her entire day consisted of standing in one spot and assembling parts for a car. And like most nights when she comes home, everything hurts.

This cycle can bite her.

The only thing the people of this cycle care about is money. Yeah, money’s cool if you have enough, but no one except like two families do. The rest of the people in this cycle are left chasing after crumbs, if they’re allowed to chase at all.

The leaders of this plane impounded the _Starblaster_. Magnus literally died trying to keep that from happening, but it did. They can get it back if they pay the right amount of credits. But of course, being new to this cycle, they don’t have credits.

So the entire crew went out to find work. They discovered that there was no magic this cycle. Should have been easy to make bank, using their powers.

Well, Taako tried that and now he’s dead, which means none of them get to use magic out in the open and have to rely on their other skills.

Lucretia found work easily as a businessman’s personal assistant. But the rest of them haven’t been so lucky. They want degrees and shit for the higher paying jobs and none of them went to school here.

So while Lup could have easily been a consultant on any sort of pop culture, fashion, or basically anything, but she’s stuck working in a factory. And Barry works cleanup in a science research lab when he should be running the place.

“Hey,” Barry says as he walks into the living area.

She doesn’t answer cause she’s _tired_. It’s not often she gets down like this, but this cycle is basically the worst. No one cares about each other here. It’s just _mine mine mine._ Like, she knows she’s hella selfish herself, but she actually gives a fuck about the people around her.

“Shoulders or feet?” Barry asks as he sits down on the sofa next to her.

And he’s not even joking. Lup knows that if she said either word, he’ll be giving her a massage within minutes. Because Barry is basically the best.

“Nah, I’m okay,” Lup says as she leans into him. “Think we got the money to take a hot shower tonight?”

Yeah, and that’s another thing that sucks about this cycle. They’ve used up a ton of their resources, so basic things like water and the cost of heating it for something like a shower costs a crazy amount of money. Most days they don’t even both to shower, instead using washcloths to clean themselves.

So it’s probably not a coincidence she and Barry aren’t having nearly the same amount of sex this cycle. Cause they both smell. Well, that and they’re fucking exhausted from twelve hour shifts, six days a week. All because the five of them that are left need to save enough money to get the _Starblaster_ out of storage.

Barry puts on his thinking face, which is one of Lup’s favorite Barry faces. Her absolute favorite face is the moment right before he tells her he loves her. That’s his best face. Her second favorite face is the moment right before he nuts. Because Barry’s O face is fucking hilarious.

“I can pull an extra shift at the lab so we don’t have to take the money out of savings,” he says. “Then if we keep it to ten minutes, we should be okay.”

“You have made me the happiest woman to have ever existed,” Lup says, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Okay, so shower is on. Let’s plan the rest of the night.”

“I’m starving,” Barry says at once.

“Excellent response, because I am, too,” Lup says, jumping up off of the sofa. She is a woman on a mission cause tonight she’s gonna take a fucking _shower_.

Their kitchen is slightly pathetic, with a hot plate and a toaster as their only cookware. “Noodles with peanut sauce?” Lup asks. That’s been their staple since living here. Meat is out of the question cause it’s so expensive. Spices, too. The food situation is basically Taako’s version of hell.

But they can melt peanut butter and boil water like the best of them.

It’s really not so bad, working together in their tiny kitchen, talking and laughing and occasionally kissing. When their schedules line up and they can spend a few hours being domestic together, Lup finds she rather likes it. And no one can ever accuse her of being domestic.

As they’re eating, Lup decides to ask the important question. “Are we having sex before or after the shower?”

Barry practically chokes on his noodles. He’s getting better about the whole talking about sex thing, but it’s still flusters him most of the time. “That’s a tough one, Lup. I’m kinda gross right now-”

“So am I,” Lup says with a shrug.

“So maybe sex first then shower? Hell, let’s go all out and change the sheets before we shower,” Barry says.

“Shit, son,” Lup says, slapping her hand down on the table, loud enough to make Barry jump. “I am shaving my legs then, cause there is nothing better than slipping into clean sheets with freshly shaved legs right outta the shower.”

This night is just getting better and better.

She will say this about this cycle, it’s forcing her to appreciate the small things. Cycle zero Lup would laugh her ass off at the idea of a shower and shaving her legs being one of the best nights she’s had in a while.

But cycle zero Lup didn’t have Barry, so she can laugh all she wants. In the meantime, cycle fifty-three Lup will be showering and shaving her legs right along side with the person of her dreams.

It’ll be a good night.


	54. Cycle 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup makes an early exit. Taako won’t take no for an answer. Barry just wants to do some science.

**Cycle Fifty-Four**

Barry doesn’t bother to open his eyes and reaches over for Lup. He pats empty air and for a blissful moment, he thinks she must be in the bathroom or something.

And then he remembers.

Lup is dead.

“Stupid,” he whispers to himself. It’s stupid to be broken up about this even after a week. But over the past fifty years, she’s barely died ever. And if he’s remembering right - which when it comes to Lup, he is; he remembers everything when it comes to Lup - she’s only died three times now.

It’s one area Barry’s got her beat. He’s died five times at this point. Nothing compared to Magnus or especially Merle, if you count the parley thing. Which of course Merle counts because he always feels the need to be the best at something and apparently he’s settled on being the best at dying.

Not having her here basically is the worst. It’s not just Lup he misses, though he misses her a lot. They had plans this cycle. Science plans. Without her, he’s either got to change the experiments so that one person can handle them or wait until next cycle. And they might not have the Light next cycle.

Best to adapt the experiments to run solo, he decides as he starts getting dressed. Breakfast first and plenty of time for science. Just about the perfect day, if Lup was here.

#

“Hey Taako,” Barry says as he sits down at the galley table and pours himself a cup of coffee.

“What’s your poison?” Taako asks. He’s standing at the counter in front of a carton of eggs.

Barry smiles. “Thanks, but you don’t need to make me anything,” he says.

Taako puts both his elbows on the counter and rests his chin on his hands. “Barold,” he says, sounding as serious as Barry’s ever heard. “I don’t make offers like this often, my man. But when I do, they are sincere.” He looks back down at the eggs and then back at Barry. “Now what’s your poison?”

Considering Barry planned on only having a slice of toast for breakfast, the thought of a well-cooked meal instead is fucking fantastic. “How ‘bout scrambled?” he asks, not wanting to be too much of bother.

Taako takes a deep breath through his nose. “Natch. Spinach and cheese omelet, it is,” he says, already grabbing spinach and feta cheese from the ice box.

Barry looks down at his hands. That’s Lup’s favorite breakfast. And Taako would make it for her whenever she wanted. Sometimes when she didn’t even want omelettes, she confided in him once. But while Lup might never have an issue with speaking her mind to the rest of the universe, the one thing she never does is risk hurting Taako’s feelings. So she’s always eaten those omelettes, even when she didn’t want to.

Neither one of them bother with awkward small talk, cause that’s not the sort of friendship that he and Taako have. They’ve never actually sat down and talked about Barry getting together with Lup. Well, with the exception of whenever he leaves his room with a hickey and Taako teases him mercilessly about it. Which, okay, happens a lot. It makes Lup happy and what, is he supposed to say no? Making Lup happy makes him happy.

Not too much time has passed before there’s a warm meal in front of him. Barry’s not a huge spinach fan, but Taako doesn’t need to know that. He takes a bite and it’s really freaking good. But most anything Taako makes is good.

“You need anything else?” Taako asks. “I was thinking of making some orange juice.”

Another favorite of Lup’s.

“Taako?” Barry say with a sigh as he sets down his fork. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Taako says, sounding like he knows exactly what Barry is talking about.

Barry waves to the plate in front of him. “This. I get that you’re upset Lup is gone-”

“No, see you don’t get it,” Taako says, throwing the towel that’s over his shoulder down on the counter. “I don’t have a choice here.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Barry asks. That doesn’t make any sense. “Of course you have a choice.”

Taako shakes his head. “If Lup comes back next cycle and discovers that I let something happen to her boy, she’s gonna kill me. And then I’ll be dead.”

Barry does his best not to laugh and it almost works. Just his stomach jiggles a bit but the counter’s blocking him, so he’s pretty sure Taako can’t see that. “Taako…”

“Lemme finish,” Taako says, holding up a finger. “She’ll then probably kill me the very next cycle just to make her point.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to me,” Barry says, knowing that he can’t guarantee that. This isn’t the nicest of cycles they’ve been to. It’s suspicious people who don’t like strangers. He could easily look at someone the wrong way. Just like Lup did.

“And we both know that’s bullshit,” Taako says, crossing his arms over his chest. “So eat my damn breakfast. And let me help with whatever stupid experiments you’re planning on running later.”

Barry rests his chin on his hand. With a grin, he says, “You want to help me do some science?”

“No, I want Lup to help you do some science, but since that’s clearly not happening, you get an upgrade. Me.”

“You know, Lup would say you’re the next best thing,” Barry says.

Taako rolls his eyes. “We should be above such pettiness,” he says loftily. After a moment’s silence, he adds, “I have better hair.”

“I don’t think she’d argue that one,” Barry says. He takes another bite of his omelette. It’s really not bad, even with the spinach. “Having an extra pair of hands for my experiments will help a lot, Taako. I was thinking I’d have to redo them all with the change of logistics.”

“And would that have made Lup sad next cycle?” Taako asks.

Barry nods. “Considering the amount of time she and I put into planning them, yeah. Yeah, she’d be sad,” he says.

“Then I’m doing science with you,” Taako says.

“Thank you, Taako,” Barry says. “I mean it.”

Taako flicks his fingers, like he’s shooing him away. Barry gets it, he does. There’s only so much bonding any of them can do before it’s too much bonding. Considering how much science time Taako’s signed up for, Barry won’t push his luck.

So Barry picks up his plate. He’ll finish breakfast in the science alcove where he can finalize his experiment schedule for the next week. “Meet me in the science alcove in an hour,” he says. Already he’s feeling better about not just Lup being gone, but basically everything. Funny how that happens.

“We’ve got science to do.”

 


	55. Cycle 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry delivers some bad news. Merle makes an early exit. Lup just wants some time alone.

**Cycle Fifty-Five**

Something’s wrong.

Barry should have given them the all-clear by now. Everyone’s waiting in the ops center, ready to start their boring beginning of a cycle routine. A routine they can do with their fucking eyes closed at this point.

But before they can do that, Barry needs to give them the all-clear. “I’ll check on him,” Lup says after Taako gives a ridiculous sigh. This isn’t like him to keep them all waiting.

“This is dumb,” Magnus says as he picks up his axe. “I’m just going to out and take-”

“Do not open that door!”

Barry runs into ops and puts his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. “Don’t,” he says as he pants.

“You got to give us more than that, babe,” Lup says, crossing her arms.

He straightens and pushes his glasses up onto his nose. Still adorable. Lup doesn’t think it will ever not be adorable. “The air. It’s poisonous. Three breaths and you’ll be dead. Let that air in here? We’ll all be dead.”

“Well, shit,” Magnus says, taking a huge step away from the door.

Davenport puts his hands behind his back, looking serious in that way only Davenport can. “Bluejeans, you’re sure?”

“Like ninety-eight percent sure,” Barry admits. Which in Barry talk, is basically asking _did I stutter?_

“So there’s a two percent chance you’re wrong,” Taako says, looking out the window. “We will all be miserable if we have to stay on the ship for the entire cycle.”

“We’ve got gas masks,” Magnus says, perking up. “We’ve got enough for everyone. Maybe it’ll be just like the mushroom cycle. That wasn’t completely horrible.”

“No, I’m pretty sure that was the worst,” Taako says.

Lup goes over to Barry and puts her arm around his shoulder. “Masks enough?” she asks.

Barry shakes his head. “Yeah, so remember that acid rain world? Where we all had to wear those hazmat suits whenever we went outside?”

“Oh, oh, I think I have a couple of those still,” Magnus says, his face lighting up. “Lemme check.”

“Don’t bother,” Barry says. “This place makes that acid rain look like a light drizzle.”

Davenport puts his hand to his forehead, which is basically him screaming at the top of his lungs. “Burnside? Can we last the cycle without restocking?”

Magnus throws a leg over a nearby chair and sits down, resting his arms on the back of the chair. “That business world did a number on us, Cap’n Port. They took most of our supplies. We’re lucky they didn’t take the stuff in our room.”

Barry puts his arm around Lup’s waist and she can tell by the slight sheen on his forehead that he’s getting nervous. Really nervous. Well, maybe they can have a quickie once this conference is over. That always makes him feel better.

“How bad?” Davenport asks.

“Recycling our pee for drinking water by the end of the cycle bad,” he says. As the entire group starts to moan - except for Davenport, who stands and looks stoic - Magnus adds, “Do you want me to be honest or do you want me to lie?”

“Lie, for the love of all things holy, lie next time,” Merle says. He looks out the window. “Fuck it, I’ll go and parley now. One less person to worry about. I am _not_ drinking my piss again.”

And just like that, Merle is gone. Even after twenty-five years, still creepy.

“Even with him gone, we’re still going to be drinking pee by the end of the cycle.”

Lup puts her other arm around Barry. It’s gonna be a long cycle.

#

Lup’s trying to meditate, well, sort of. She’s sitting on her bed, back straight, legs tucked under her, with her eyes closed.

What she’s really trying to do, is ignore Barry.

Ten months they’ve been stuck on this ship. Ten months. Lup is about to lose her freaking mind. She needs freedom, she needs adventure in this great wide somewhere. She needs it more than she can tell _._

But her quarters will have to do instead. They don’t even really feel like her quarters anymore. She’s basically been living in Barry’s room since they hooked up. They measured, and his quarters were like six square inches bigger than hers. Not a ton, but enough to make her move in with him instead of the other way around.

And if they ever make it back to cycle zero, she’s sure as hell gonna raise a ruckus that his room was bigger than hers. They have the same rank. They should have been equal.

But back to Barry. He’s just been needy and peckish today. She’s tried the patient girlfriend routine but it wasn’t enough. It just got to the point where she couldn’t take anymore, so she skedaddled to her room. Problem solved.

She takes a deep breath and just as she exhales, there’s a knock at her door.

“What?” she asks, raising her voice.

“Can I come in?”

It’s Barry, because of course it is. “Yeah,” she says.

“Where’s the quasmifier?” he asks. “It’s not in the science corner.”

“What am I? The quasmifier’s babysitter? I’ve got no idea where it is,” Lup says.

Barry pinches the bridge of his nose. It’s a move he does when he’s annoyed with someone. In this case, annoyed with her. “You were the last one to use it, Lup,” he says.

“Ugh,” Lup says, trying to remember what the hell she might have done with it. She was looking at some set of numbers and probably put it down at her desk.

She starts to look, picking up papers and opening drawers, when Barry says, “Maybe if you kept your stuff a little neater we wouldn’t lose expensive science equipment like this.” Lup just rolls her eyes and keeps looking. “If we were following procedure, anytime a piece of equipment leaves the science corner, we’d have to sign it out.”

“Well, you haven’t been following procedure, have you?” Lup says. Maybe the bookcase?

“Cause you asked me not to,” Barry says.

“Cause why do we need to follow procedure after fifty-five years?” Lup shoots back. _Fuck_ , where did she put it?

“Cause maybe we need to,” Barry says, breathing loudly through his nose once.

“Will you stop breathing so loud?” Lup asks, pounding her fists on her thighs once.

“I think I’ve getting a cold,” Barry says, turning away from her. “So excuse me for breathing.”

And she can’t handle this anymore. She needs to get away. From Barry and from everyone. “Fine,” Lup says as she stomps to the door. “Whatever. I’m outtie.”

“Fine,” Barry snaps back as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Fine,” Lup says with a snarl as she opens up the door. Without a second thought, she marches out of the room.

She knows they’re just both being stupid and tomorrow things will be fine, well, close to as fine as it can be after being stuck indoors for a year. But for now, she just wants to go to her room, where she can be alone, and chill.

That’s when she remembers that’s exactly where she just left. “Fuck a duck,” she says, marching right back into the room.

“What?” Barry asks with his back towards her.

“This is my room. You get out,” she says, holding open the door.

“Okay,” he says at once.

At the sound of his voice, Lup’s heart clenches. “Barry?” she ask, all of her anger disappearing in a wisp smoke. “Are you crying?”

“Just a little,” he says, wiping his eyes. “But they’re angry tears. Really, really angry tears.”

“Yeah?” Lup asks as she walks over to him.

“No, not really,” Barry says, holding out his hand. She puts her hand in his and lets him bring her in close. “I think that was our first fight.”

She holds out her fist. “Look at us, fighting. Go us.”

Barry bumps her fist with her own. “I really do need to find the quasmifier, though.”

Lup racks her brain and tries to think where she used it last. “It’s probably on your desk, cause it’s not here.” She puts her hands on his shoulders. “But you can find it later.”

“I kinda want to work on that experiment,” Barry says. “I mean-”

She kisses him. “Barry,” Lup says as she starts to tug on his t-shirt tucked into his jeans. “Experiment? Or make-up sex?”

“Our first time having make-up sex,” Barry says, sitting down on the side of the bed. “That’s sort of like an experiment. So both.”

Lup laughs as she pushes Barry back onto the bed. Both it is.

 


	56. Cycle 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry really just wants a break. Lup gets hot and bothered. The secret is ‘plastic.’

**Cycle Fifty-Six**

“I’m gonna die,” Barry mutters to himself as he pushes his plastic traveling ball. “No more Barry this cycle. Lup will be better off without me.”

The plastic hamster wheel comes to a stop as Barry’s willpower fails him. So this is truly how he’s gonna die. Running out of air in a giant hamster wheel. Seems poetic, almost.

He doesn’t even want to stand anymore so he sit down, legs crossed under him, and looks outside. The world is tinged in yellow, thanks to the the tube he’s traveling in. But that’s sort of the theme this cycle. Plastic everything.

Barry once thought the cycle with the talking animals to be interesting. This cycle? With giant people-sized hamsters? Talking giant people-sized hamsters? He thinks they might just have the talking animals beat.

The main mode of transportation are these giant hamster balls traveling through hamster tubes. Pretty ingenious if you’re a hamster. If you’re Barry and out of shape? Nightmare.

All he wants to do is get to the science lab, which is at least another ten minute hamster ball ride away. Yeah, if Barry was desperate, he could go into one of the hamster co-op balls. But those are for people with mobility impairments and the elderly. Not a chubby thirty-three year old man.

_Babe?_

Barry grabs his stone of Far-speech. “Lup?” It will be good to hear her voice again, once last time before he perishes. He knows he’s being ridiculous and that after a short rest, he’ll be right back up on his feet, but every so often, he channels his inner drama queen. This is one of those times.

_Are you planning on moving any time soon? I’m right behind you._

As if to show him, Barry’s plastic ball suddenly lurches forward, just a little bit. But enough for him to get up off of the floor.

“I’m moving, I’m moving,” he mutters under his breath. Hopefully loud enough for Lup to hear him.

With a sigh, he places both of his hands on the plastic ball and starts pushing.

#

It still sort of amazes Barry that Lup will just put her hand in his whenever they’re near each other. After ten years, he thought he’d be used to it, but apparently ten years isn’t enough. He’s not sure if there will ever be a time when he just takes it for granted. He hopes there isn’t.

“So what was that all about?” Lup asks as they start walking towards the science lab.

“Just got tired of pushing my way through this city,” Barry says. He glances up and sees all the plastic traveling tubes criss-crossing their way towards their destination. “You know I’m not in great shape.”

Lup tilts her head. “After ten months of pushing your way through this city, you’re in a lot better shape than you think, babe,” she says.

He stops and looks down. Lup stops, too and turns towards him. It’s actually sort of true what she’s saying. Barry’s jeans are looser than they’ve been in a long time. But it’s also true that in two months, he’s gonna go right back to how he was before.

“You know I love you no matter what you look like, right?” Lup asks.

She does that thing, the one where she scratches the front of his stomach with her nails and Barry doesn’t even bother to try to hold back his sigh. How does she always manage to hit the exact right spots? “Yeah, I know,” he says.

It’s a constant he’s never had in his previous relationships. All two of them. Then he always worried if he packed on a couple of pounds his partner might not find him attractive anymore. Granted, back then he never understood why his partners were with him, which probably says more about him than them.

But with Lup? He’s got none of those self-esteem issues. He knows she loves him. She knows he loves her. End of story. And somehow, with all of that, Lup finds him attractive, too. Barry’s not gonna question his good luck.

“If you’re happy, I’m happy,” Lup says. She sits down on one of the plastic benches - he is really sick of seeing plastic everywhere - and pats the seat next to her. “So the question is, are you happy?”

Barry sits down and thinks about the question. Growing up, his mom had him on a diet by age twelve and when you’re thinking about counting calories that young, it sort of screws with your head. Back in cycle zero, he tried all sort of fad diets and normal ones, too. None of them ended up sticking. And he figured this must be who he is, a guy with a bit of a belly.

It’s the guy with a bit of a belly that Lup fell in love with, so he can’t think of any reason that he’d be _un_ happy being that guy. Something to think about.

“I think so,” Barry says.

“Because if there’s anyone who understands not being happy with what they’ve got,” Lup points both her thumbs at her chest, “it’s this gal.”

Over the past few years, Lup’s started to share a bit about her transition. The fact that she trusts him like that means more than anything to Barry. It also means he thinks he can say something without being rude. At least, he hopes he’s not being rude. 

“True,” Barry says, nodding his head to the side. “But Lup, there’s a big difference between what you went through and me losing twenty pounds. I’ve got nothing on you.”

“Touche,” Lup says with a grin, putting her hand on Barry’s knee. With a squeeze, she adds, “Well, just know you get me hot and bothered no matter what you look like.”

Barry turns his head and kisses Lup’s temple. “Same,” he whispers.

They stay on the bench for a bit, watching the plastic hamster balls roll by. He wonders if the hamsters in the science lab will let him live there for the rest of the cycle. Seems much more practical to put a cot in a storage room somewhere than have to go back and forth between the lab and the _Starblaster._

But if he lives in a storage room, that means he won’t get to have sex with Lup for two months and that sort of puts a damper on the whole plan.

Standing up, Barry holds out his hand to Lup. Together, they walk hand in hand towards the science lab, surrounded by plastic and hamster wheels.

 


	57. Cycle 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry makes an early exit. Lup spills the beans. Taako eats them right up.

**Cycle Fifty-Seven**

“Lup?”

Taako holds out a bottle of wine as sort of an offering as his sister looks up from her desk. It’s weird to see her in her cabin now. She’s basically moved in Barry’s cabin at this point. But Barry was killed a month ago and she’s slept in her own room since then.

Her eyes immediately go to the wine bottle. “It’s like you read my fucking mind,” she says, closing the tome in front of her. It’s a heavy looking book with a plain cover. That’s how Taako knows it’s a serious book. The more decorative the cover, the more bullshit inside the pages, he’s learned over the years.

Taako goes and gracefully flops onto her bed, scooting so that he’s leaning against the wall. “Figured you could use a break,” he says.

Lup joins him on the bed, grabbing the wine from his hands. As she unscrews the cap, she asks, “So is this a bribe? Or an apology?”

The moment the cap is off, Taako grabs the wine and takes a sip. “I figured it was high-time to do the whole protective older brother bit.”

“I was born first,” Lup says with a laugh as he hands her the wine.

“We’re non-identical twins, Lup,” Taako says loftily. “How can anyone know for certain?”

“You do realize Barry and I have been together for ten years now, right?” Lup asks, raising a brow. “A little behind the times, don’t you think?”

Taako knows that look. A lesser elf would be intimidated by that look. But Taako is no lesser elf. “Numbers bore me,” he says. What’s ten years to them when they’ve already lived an extra fifty-seven? They might be immortal for all the fuck they know.

Lup leans into his shoulder, so he does the brotherly thing and holds out his arm. She takes the bait and rests against him. Even with Barry on the scene, at least this hasn’t changed. No matter what happens, it will always be the two of them against the world.

“He really makes me happy, Koko,” she says almost in a whisper.

She sounds as vulnerable as he’s ever heard her, which is almost scary. Lup isn’t vulnerable. She’s fire and light and all that’s good in this fucked up universe. And somehow, she’s decided that Barry is the one she wants.

He doesn’t get it - hell, he might never understand - but it the end, Lup’s made her choice. Taako’s just got to hope that Barry’s up for the challenge.

“Well, I’m glad that’s settled,” Taako says, cause he doesn’t need to hear details about Lup and Barry’s feelings. There’s another aspect to their relationship he’s much more interested in

Lup takes a large gulp of wine. “Good talk,” she says with a laugh.

“You know I have to ask…” Taako says, letting his voice trail off as he takes the wine bottle.

“I cannot believe it took you ten years to ask this,” Lup says, hiding a smile. She knows exactly what he wants to ask her. Of course she does. Because if their positions were reversed, she’d want to know.

“Lulu,” he says, drawing out each syllable. “Bumping uglies. Hiding the salami. Introducing Charley-”

“That is not a euphemism for sex,” Lup says, palm of her hand on her forehead. But she’s laughing, which is exactly what he hoped. Making Lup laugh is one of his favorite things in the world. Not that he would ever admit that. It’d go to her head.

Taako nods. “Taako would never lie to you. Heard it a couple of cycles ago. I’ve got more. Want more? Slapping bellies. Knocking mops. Churning butter.”

She holds up a hand and he stops. Perfect timing, really, cause he couldn’t think of any more. “I’m giving you one chance to back out of this,” she says. “Because if you choose to go down this road, you might hear things you may regret.”

“Fuck it, yolo,” Taako says. And he means it. Who else is Lup gonna be able to girl talk with? She and Lucretia don’t have that sort of friendship as far as he knows. Lup deserves to talk about boys with someone and it might as well be him. “Hit me. I want to know all the details about how you two do the nasty.”

Lup grabs the bottle of wine and takes a sip. “Shit, this is weird,” she says. “Have we ever talked about someone who wasn’t a one-night stand?” She takes another sip, this time it’s like more of a gulp. “Like, you’re gonna see Barry next cycle and know how he likes to fuck.”

“But does he?” Taako asks, grabbing the bottle of wine from Lup. “Barold seems like the type that’s always _making love._ ”

“You’d be proud of my boy,” Lup says as Taako takes a drink of wine. “Maybe in the beginning there was a little too much rose petal bullshit. But now? After ten years? Dude knows how to fuck.”

“That’s something I’m having a bit of a hard time reconciling,” Taako says. “Barry. And fucking.”

Lup looks way too pleased with herself. “We’ve had ten years of practicing, Taako,” she says.

“See that in itself just…” He doesn’t think he can explain it. Ten years. How are they not bored in bed yet? He can’t even remember the last time he slept with the same man twice. “That’s a long time.”

She brings her knees to her chest. “Yeah, I was worried, too,” Lup says and Taako can hear the confession in her voice. “The first year or so wasn’t great, to be honest. Barry hadn’t had sex since the mission started and-”

“Hold up,” Taako says. Everything else Lup said is inconsequential compared to the bomb she just dropped. “Are you telling me Barry hadn’t nutted for fifty years?”

“Of course he jerked off,” Lup says with a wave of her hand. “But he’s not a one-night stand sort of person and so he never had sex once the mission started.”

Taako blinks, trying to imagine what life would be like without sex for fifty years. His brain basically short-circuits at the thought, so he pulls himself up out of that particular rabbit hole. “Well, fuck,” he says. “Even Davenport goes out and gets some gnome ass every couple of years.”

“Right?” Lup says, shaking her head. “Well, at least Barry won’t have to worry about that again.”

There’s something so final in the way she says that. It makes him think of time and the differences between humans and elves. This won’t be in their favor.

“You know, Lup, if we ever get out of this…”

She takes the wine bottle. “I’m finishing this.”

“All yours,” he says as a way to waste a few seconds. Now that the thoughts entered his mind, he’s not sure if this is the right time or place. But if not now, when? “He’s human, Lup.”

The moment he says that her face does that thing, where it wants to crumple, but she’s trying to look like nothing’s wrong. That’s the one face Taako hates more than anything, cause clearly he’s scored a direct hit.

She shrugs a shoulder as she drinks the last of the wine. “We’ll get maybe fifty years together if that day ever comes. Not a lot, I know, but it’ll be a good fifty years.” She starts to play with the label on the bottle. “I’d rather have fifty good years with Barry then none at all.”

“That is if we ever escape the Fuck You Cloud,” Taako says with a tilt of his head. They should transfigure some more wine. He’s not drunk, but semi-drunk, and semi-drunk is a state he doesn’t like to be in. Either sober or drunk is preferred.

“We’ll figure it out at some point,” Lup says. There’s a confidence in her voice that Taako likes. He’s good with magic but not science and research is not his strong suit. Best to let Lup and Barry take the lead there. And knowing Lup thinks there might be a light at the end of the road? Makes him think so, too. “Only a matter of time.”

“We’ve got plenty of that,” Taako says.

Lup starts to laugh as she brings out her wand. “Fuck yeah, we do,” she says as she transfigures another bottle of wine.

Taako grabs the new bottle from her hands. She’s not the greatest at transfiguring alcohol but he’s never been one to turn down free booze. “Now,” he says with an air of authority. It suits him, he thinks. But the thought of actually having any sort of authority is a little terrifying. “I need to know. How often do you two roast the broomstick, so to speak?”

“Oh my god,” Lup says, taking back the bottle. She takes a sip, a long enough one that Taako knows she’s serious. “I need to be like fifty percent more drunk if I’m going to go into specifics.”

“Then let’s go,” Taako says. “You said it yourself. We’ve got time. Let’s get trashed.”

“You know, the beautiful thing about this plan is that we’ll probably get drunk enough that you won’t remember anything I tell you,” Lup says, handing Taako the bottle. “I’ll start spilling the beans as soon as we’re done with this bottle.”

And so they drink.


	58. Cycle 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry’s content to stay still. Lup barges full steam ahead. Taako’s just along for the ride.

**Cycle Fifty-Eight**

“Okay, whoever had this idea for a picnic day?” Lup says. “A plus decision. You get props from Lup.”

“Lup?” Barry asks, stroking her hair. She’s got her head in his lap and her eyes are half-closed. He’s not sure if she’s even listening, but he’ll try anyway. “It was your idea.”

Davenport and Magnus laugh as Lup sits up. Barry tries not to sigh in relief a bit. Even after more than ten years, he’s still not all that comfortable with PDA. What’s he gonna do? Tell Lup she can’t put her head in his lap? Well, yeah, he could do exactly that and he knows Lup would respect that.

But there’s still a part of him that wants to show off a bit. It’s a stupid part, one that’s full of pride and other not great emotions. Basically all the bullshit that is Barry Bluejeans. And there’s a lot. He likes to act like there’s not. It’s there, though. Luckily, since being with Lup, that stupid part doesn’t bug his brain nearly as much any more.

“Of course it was,” Lup says, standing up off of the ground. “Cause I have awesome ideas.”

“Don’t forget to give yourself props,” Magnus says. He’s leaning back on his hands, face pointing towards the sun, looking more relaxed than Barry’s seen in a long time.

Off in the distance, Lucretia and Merle are flying kites. The wind in this cycle is crazy, in the good can’t wait to study and learn everything about it crazy. This wind isn’t simply breezes. The wind here almost seems to dance. Plus, the wind changes colors as it changes temperatures. And it changes temperatures a lot.

So watching the kites flying high in the sky is almost a trip. Lucretia and Merle seem to be holding onto their kites for dear life. The kites aren’t just floating in the sky. They’re flying all over the place. They’ll be high in the air one moment and then practically touching the ground the next.

Barry’s happy to study the wind, but fly a kite? The kite practically looks like it’s gonna lift Merle off the ground.

“Oh no worries there,” Lup says. “I always give myself props.” She leans down and whispers in Barry’s ear. “You can give me props later, too.”

He blushes, because of course he does. That’s what Barry seems to be best at. Blushing when Lup makes an innuendo in public. But he’s trying to be braver lately, just because he knows how much a response makes Lup happy. “I’ll prop you all night long,” he says in a whisper, because the thought of someone other than Lup hearing him say that is mortifying.

The words might be basically meaningless. He might have stammered through them a bit. And yeah, his capillary loops have widened to an insane degree. But seeing the delighted smile on Lup’s face? Absolutely worth it.

“Stop telling secrets,” Taako says, sounding bored. He’s on his back, legs crossed at the knee with his hands behind his head. With the wind, he’s taken to wearing his hair in a braid at the nape of his neck. Lup decided to fight the wind with a pixie cut, which looks amazing. But she always looks amazing.

“No secrets,” Lup says, raising her hands over her head to stretch. She stands up off of the ground and holds her hands out to Barry. “Come on, let’s fly a kite.”

Barry lets her pull him up but shakes his head. “I’ll watch you, how’s that?”

Lup turns to Taako. “Taako, let’s fly a kite.”

“Second fiddle, I see how it is,” Taako says, even as he stands.

“Never,” Lup says with a laugh. She bumps Taako’s hip with her own. “I take turns. Next time I’ll ask you first.”

“That’s far too much work to remember,” Taako says.

“Agreed,” Lup says.

Their hands are still together, but Lup brings them to the edge of the cliff. Well, Lup walks to the edge of the cliff. Barry stays back a bit. He’s still not great with heights and somehow he doesn’t think that will ever change.

She’s basically balancing on the edge now, which is making Barry’s heart speed up and not in the good way. He hates that he notices, cause if Lup wants to walk at the edge of a cliff, she should be able to walk at the edge of the cliff.

Especially cause it’s not like he doesn’t have magic. She falls? Barry’s pretty sure he’s quick enough to cast Featherfall on her. And if he isn’t? He’ll see her next cycle.

The thought of actually telling Lup what to do is almost laughable. Not something he would ever want to do, that’s for sure.

As if she’s reading his mind, Lup takes a giant step away from the edge and throws her arms around him. “You were worried about me,” she says in a sing-song voice.

“Nah, I’ve got Featherfall,” Barry says, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. That’s just not an attitude he can pull off. He cares. Deeply. And he doesn’t think that’s ever gonna change. He doesn’t think he wants it to change.

She kisses him on the cheek, even as Taako pretends to gag.

Then without any warning, Lup runs and jumps off the cliff.

“Shit!” Barry yells as he grabs his wand. Without even thinking, he goes to the very edge of the cliff and looks for Lup. She’s got her arms and legs stretched out as she falls.

He casts Featherfall just as she’s about out of range, but the spell holds, and she slows. Barry can only shake his head when she gives him a thumbs up as she touches the ground.

“Well, fuck that,” Taako says. “What’s good for the gander, etc, etc.”

And then he jumps.

Barry’s not sure if Taako has Featherfall or not and he doesn’t want to risk it. So he casts the spell again and Taako slows.

He watches as Lup puts her arms up in victory as Taako touches the ground. And then he steps back. Away from the cliff. Cause he is not a lemming. What’s good for Taako’s gander is not good for his. No way is he jumping.

There’s a path that leads down the cliff not too far away, so Barry starts the trek over there. This is when he’s thrilled that Taako’s willing to to do shit like this with Lup so he doesn’t have to. Barry will simply be there with words of encouragement at the end of the day.

And maybe hot chocolate, too. Cause everything, even jumping off the edge of a cliff, is better with hot chocolate.


	59. Cycle 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is oblivious. Lucretia is restrained. Lup discovers a secret.

**Cycle Fifty-Nine**

It starts with a look.

Lup’s always been pretty observant to the world around her, not like Taako. Growing up, she’s the one that’s made sure the few times they accepted help, they were by people who actually wanted to help. Not wanted to take advantage. She always found the places to hide or the schedules of people throwing out trash so they could dumpster dive in peace.

Granted, she’s got one big ol’ exception named Barry J. Bluejeans. When it came to him? Her observation skills were basically non-existent. She should have realized he hella loved her decades before she did. And she should have realized the same about him.

Whatevs, they’re together now and so happy it’s really sort of ridiculous. Like the type of happy where she’s kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop. She’s gonna enjoy it while she can, though, and not think about the horrible things that are probably waiting for them down the line.

But back to the look.

She and Lucretia are chilling with Fisher. It’s not something she does often, cause really? She’s not all that interested in Fisher. Once, she and Barry tried studying him and Magnus basically went postal on their asses, ruining a perfectly good date night.

And yes, she and Barry consider sciencing date nights because if Lup is gonna nerd it up? She’s gonna go all out until she is the queen of the fucking nerds.

Long may she reign.

Lup’s reading a magazine when she hears Magnus come into the room. She doesn’t even need to look up to know it’s Magnus. No one else on the ship has such a heavy footstep. If he ever tried to stealth, Lup would laugh until her stomach ached and then probably laugh some more.

“Hello Magnus.”

Now at that, at the sound of Lucretia’s voice, Lup looks up. But not at Magnus. At Lucretia. There’s something in her voice that sounds a bit off, that sounds just different enough from her normal voice that it catches Lup’s attention.

Magnus doesn’t seem to notice anything as he waves and goes to Fisher’s tank, taking out some sort of treat. The bond between those two is sort of weird, but it makes Magnus really fucking happy, so who is she to judge, right?

Lup’s about to go back to her magazine - but really, does she need to read another article on how to please a man in bed? Barry’s got nothing to complain about in that department - when she realizes that Lucretia’s still looking at Magnus.

Lucretia shakes her head as if to dispel some magic or something, then starts to go back to her journal. Not that there’s a lot to write about this cycle. It’s a perfectly average cycle with average magic and average technology.

Basically boring, but a boring cycle here or there never hurt anyone.

Now keep in mind that Lup isn’t full on staring at Lucretia right now. Cause that’d be weird. She’s just watching Lucretia from the corner of her eye. Which isn’t weird at all.

That’s when the look happens.

Lucretia looks back over at Magnus and her face softens.

Which basically makes Lup go _oh shit oh shit oh shit._ Lucretia doesn’t do soft. She’s hard lines instead of curves and nothing throws her girl off balance. Except apparently something does.

It doesn’t quite seem possible that Lucretia might be crushing on Magnus. But Lup thinks about that look and a couple of other pieces fall into place and now she’s like ninety-nine point nine percent sure.

Lup’s trying to figure out how that might work in her head. Magnus? And Lucretia? But then she stops herself because she’s pretty sure the rest of the crew thought the same thing when she and Barry hooked up.

Not to say that it _couldn’t_ work, just… Lup’s never seen Magnus take an interest in anyone since this trip’s started. She’s pretty sure he’s not pulling a pre-Lup Barry and going celibate for a million years, but besides that? He’s not talked about dating, he’s not talked about past relationships. Nothing.

“Later you two,” Magnus says as he puts away the bag of treats.

Lucretia says, “Goodbye, Magnus,” and there’s just something in the way she says his name that reminds her of the way Barry says hers.

Which begs the question. What is Lup gonna do with this new knowledge?

Lucretia’s writing in her journal for real this time and Lup sits back in her chair, pretending to read her magazine. This isn’t the type of thing that she can bring up with Lucretia. She’s almost certain Lucretia would deny it and then do her best to make sure no one else thinks that.

It would push Lucretia away from the rest of the crew and that’s the worst thing that could happen. The seven of them need each other. They’re family.

So not saying anything to Lucretia is definitely the right option. But Lup can’t just leave it like this, can she? The thought of not doing anything is basically the antithesis of who she is.

Talk to Magnus? Try to plant the idea in his head? Nah, knowing Magnus, he’ll breakout the rulebook like Cap’n Port did a couple cycles back. Maybe she could play matchmaker and try to get them to come together on their own?

Lup thinks back to the couple of times she tried to do that back in cycle zero. Yeah, she swore never to do that again and for good reason.

So no talking to Magnus.

That still leaves her with a secret and she hates keeping secrets. Oh she’s kept them before. She just hates doing it. Maybe she could tell Barry.

But then she stops herself. That would be the worst idea ever. Barry wants everyone around him to be happy because that’s the type of amazing person he is. And he’ll get it in his head that if Lucretia and Magnus are together, they’ll be as happy as him and Lup.

Which is really fucking happy.

Barry, for all his awesomeness, can’t keep a secret. He’ll do all the wrong things for all the right reasons and she can’t imagine it’d end pretty. So telling Barry really isn’t an option.

Lup sits up, realizing what she’s going to have to do. She’s going to have to keep a secret from Barry. She’s never kept a secret from Barry. Granted, she’s not told him everything yet because there’s plenty of time for all of that.

But this? This she’s going to have to actively not tell him. Which is really going to suck. Because she wants to tell him everything. But she can’t tell him this.

Well, the best thing Lup can do is put that look out of her mind and let Lucretia go about her business with no interference from her.

That’s gonna be fucking harder than it looks.


	60. Cycle 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle finds an interesting new way to die. Lup tries a new spell. Barry just wants everyone to see reason.

**Cycle Sixty**

“You can’t bribe me with sex, Lup,” Barry says, resolutely staring down at his notebook. “Ten years ago, sure. Now? I’m impervious to your charms.”

Which is absolutely not true. Well, the being impervious to Lup’s charms part. If there ever comes a day when he _isn’t_ charmed by Lup, something really, really bad’s happened. He hopes that day never comes.

But the whole can’t be bribed by sex? Mostly true. Any sort of sex bucket list Barry might have had in his head was crossed off several cycles back. And he’s pretty certain Lup’s not gonna want to stop having sex because of a disagreement. Some of the best sex they’ve had was the direct result of a disagreement.

“Fine,” Lup says.

Barry looks up at the innocent tone of her voice. Something’s off. She just doesn’t acquiesce like that. “Fine?”

She nods. “Fine. I just assumed you’d want to help out a tribe full of people and keep them from getting eaten.”

He leans back in this chair and sighs. There’s no winning this fight. He might as well follow Lup out the door now. “Eaten by dinosaurs,” he says. “Dinosaurs, Lup.”

“Not big ones,” Lup says with a scoff. “They’re totes in their evolving into birds phase.”

“They’re still dinosaurs,” Barry says. Why isn’t anyone else on the crew seeming to understand this? The best thing they could do is simply live on the ship for a year. But no, somehow his completely reasonable suggestion is ignored.

“And we’re using wards,” Lup says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Babe, these people are just getting magic for first time. Didn’t you tell me once that you would love to be able to see the evolution of magic. Here’s your chance.”

Barry thinks about what she just said. “I told you that like twenty cycles ago,” he says, already well aware he’s gonna be in on whatever crazy scheme Lup wants him in on. “You remembered that?”

Lup raises an eyebrow. “I was sort of crazy crushing on you then. So yeah, I remembered all those little things you said.”

That’s absolutely impossible to say no to. Standing, Barry closes his necromancy book. He’ll pick it up again later. He’s got some history to watch.

#

Thank fuck for comprehend language.

Barry knows Taako’s not exactly thrilled, since the spell needs salt and the _Starblaster_ has a limited supply at the moment. But what other choice do they have? There’s absolutely no way for them to understand this tribe without the spell. Luckily, there is plenty of soot, at least.

“We only got like fifteen minutes before the spell wears out, Lup,” Barry says, looking at his watch. At least he thinks it’s about fifteen minutes. From what he can tell, this plane does time a little differently. Like fifty-eight seconds to a minute instead of sixty. And fifty-eight minutes to an hour. It’s gonna make figuring out their anniversary this year an absolute blast, that’s for sure. “Maybe leave the fashion talk for later, if there’s time?”

Lup barely bothers to glance in his direction and he can feel the frostiness from here. He should have known better. There’s never a wrong time to talk about fashion, according to Lup.

But this really might be the wrong time. These people are wearing animal skins. They’ve barely figured out dyes yet.

And there are freaking dinosaurs out there. Magnus’s already been eaten by one. And Merle’s decided to get eaten by one, too, at the end of a cycle. That’s a death he’s never had before. Probably won’t be able to recreate that one ever again, either.

Maybe this would have been better if they came here during the day. When there was light out. When it wouldn’t be possible for _fucking dinosaurs_ to sneak up on them and attack the camp.

That’s when the roars are heard.

The entire camp breaks into action while Barry and Lup reach out for each other’s hand. “Merle and Cap’n Port are back on the ship, right?” Lup asks.

Barry can barely hear what she’s saying over the tribe as they work. “The ship?” he asks. “Davenport and Merle should be there.”

The children of the tribe are taken off to a nearby cave, which is when Barry has a realization. “That cave is outside the ward,” he says. “Shit.”

Wasting no time, he and Lup run over to the cave. While they do, Barry’s already working on expanding the ward, making sure the cave is included.

“Oh fuck, that’s a dinosaur,” Lup says and Barry can hear the hint of fear in her voice she’s trying to hide.

Somehow Barry doesn’t turn around and only concentrates on his ward, willing it to expand so it protects the kids. “Cover me?” he asks.

“Done,” Lup says. There’s a sudden heat and Barry guesses Lup must have brought up some flames. “No one is gonna touch you, babe.”

From what he’s heard from the tribe, they purposely don’t hunt the dinosaurs, since that tends to piss them off a lot and gets more people killed. It forces them to be nomadic, trying to find home in a place where there aren’t dinosaurs. And from the scans they’ve taken on the _Starblaster_ , that doesn’t leave many options.

The ward’s covering the cave entrance now, but Barry won’t be satisfied until the entire cave is covered. Sweat’s already working its way down his face, but he can’t break his movement. Not now.

“I’m gonna try something,” Lup says behind him. “If it doesn’t work, see ya next cycle.”

Barry keeps his focus on the ward, but hears Lup make a quick druidic chant. “Did you just cast _speak with animals?_ ” he asks over his shoulder.

“Fuck yeah, I did,” Lup says. Her voice turns forceful. “Now stop.”

The roar stops and Barry hears a thud, which is desperately hopes wasn’t Lup. He thinks the ward is as good as it’s gonna get so he turns around…

Only to see a small dinosaur sitting in front of Lup, an alert look on its face. Even sitting, its barely taller than her. “Lup?”

“Who’s a good dinosaur?” Lup asks the dino. “Is it you? Yes, it’s you.”

It makes a quick roar and Lup cocks her head. “Okay, so the dinosaurs hate fire. It scares them, which is why they attack.”

She starts talking softly to the dinosaur, too quiet for Barry to hear. So he looks around at all the tribespeople. They all look absolutely stunned and no one seems to want to move, in case something goes wrong.

“Okay,” Lup says as she turns to the tribe. “So this little guy is a scout. He’s gonna tell his friends that the tribe needs fire to live. Problem is, there are some bad dinosaurs out there. But he thinks if his tribe and your tribe work together, the bad dinosaurs won’t be a problem.”

The dinosaur runs off suddenly and the tribespeople start talking excitedly. It takes a second before Barry realizes that he can’t understand them any longer. So he throws down more soot and salt and casts _comprehend language._

More than twenty minutes pass before Barry hears the sound of a lot of dinosaurs walking towards them. At least that’s what he assumes is the sound. Not like he actually knows what that sounds like.

Lup walks towards the sound, her shoulders back, and Barry thinks she looks like an absolute goddess right now. Totally not the right time for that sort of thought, but whatever. They might all die by dinosaur, so if he wants to think his girlfriend is a goddess, he’s gonna think his girlfriend is a goddess.

Barry can count at least a dozen dinosaurs standing in front of Lup and he’s pretty sure there are more he can’t see. One of the dinosaurs is bigger than the others and looks to be the leader. Lup motions over to the leader of the tribe and waves him over.

A half an hour later, a pact is formed and Lup is hailed as a hero. Barry smiles quietly. There’s nothing better than seeing Lup get the recognition she deserves.

Later, Lup and Barry are sitting on a log, watching the tribe and the dinosaurs work together. The scout from earlier walks over to them. Barry tries hard not to flinch, especially when it licks Lup’s cheek and sits down right next to her.

“I think I have a pet,” Lup says happily as she scratches the dinosaur’s nose. “I’m naming him ‘Scaley.’” She laughs and Scaley seems to wag its tail. “Magnus is gonna be so jealous when he hears about this.”


	61. Cycle 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako makes an early exit. Barry tries something new. Lup just needs more wine.

**Cycle Sixty-One**

It’s always the day after Taako dies that sucks the most. Like, the day of sucks, especially if there’s no warning. But the day after is even worse. Cause most of the time? She forgets when she wakes up.

You’d think after sixty plus years she’d remember that they’ve basically all become recyclable. But no. She woke up in a good mood, thanks to Barry and his skilled hands, and then promptly remembered that her brother is dead.

Early in the cycle, too. Which totes makes it worse.

Whatever. She’s going to deal with things like the mature, rational adult she is.

Which means drinking.

Lup grabs a bottle of white wine for her and a bottle of whiskey for Barry. She can tolerate whiskey, but tonight she wants to get drunk. And her go to for that is wine.

Without even bothering to grab glasses - why bother? - Lup heads into their room. Barry’s sitting at the desk, pouring over an ancient looking tome. He really does love his ancient looking tomes.

He looks up and smiles when their eyes meet. Lup’s breath catches; she will never tire of the way Barry looks at her. _Never_. “Need anything?” he asks quietly.

He doesn’t waste time with obvious questions, like ‘everything okay?’ or ‘how are you feeling?’ Because the answer to those questions are obvious to anyone who isn’t an idiot. And Barry isn’t an idiot.

“Catch,” Lup says, tossing the bottle of whiskey to Barry.

He catches it easily and without hesitating, starts to unscrew the cap. Lup decides to forgo manners and pulls out the cork from her bottle with her teeth. She doesn’t take a drink yet, though.

“We toasting?” Barry asks.

Lup sits on the edge of the bed and closes her eyes. This bed, a bed that used to be Barry’s but is now _theirs_ , is one of her favorite places in the universe. It’s the place where she and Barry bone, or _make love_ as Barry is want to say when he’s in a sentimental mood.

It’s more than that, though. It’s where they talk late into the night. And sometimes they don’t talk at all. But it’s here where Lup realized not just how much she’s loved, but even more important, how worthy she is of that love. And yes, she’s absolutely rolling her eyes at herself right now.

Basically the bed makes her happy and she’s done being all cheesy about it.

“Fuck, yeah, we’re toasting,” Lup says, patting the space next to her. “You can get trashed tonight, right? No experiments need tending?”

“We’re good,” Barry says as he stands up. He raises his arms over his head to stretch, exposing a bit of his belly. As far as she’s concerned, he’s got the best belly in the entire freaking universe and somehow she manages to keep herself from giving him raspberries or something.

She’s a superhero.

Once he’s sitting next to her, Lup brings up her legs so they’re tucked underneath her, while Barry puts his arm around her shoulder. They had a toast at dinner last night with the rest of the crew, but it never seems enough. Not for Taako.

“To Taako,” Lup says, raising her bottle of wine. “Bastard got himself killed while wearing my favorite leggings. They’re ruined forever now. So fuck you, Taako.”

“We mourn not just the man, but also the leggings,” Barry says. He’s trying to keep a straight face and it’s not quite working and it’s absolutely adorable.

“Hey, my ass looked really good in those leggings,” Lup says as she takes a long swig of wine. It’s not the best wine she’s ever had, but she highly approves the alcohol ratio, so it will do.

Barry chugs way more than she expects for the first swallow. She hopes her boy’s not drinking on an empty stomach, cause otherwise he is gonna be trashed. And _soon._

“You know your ass always looks good,” Barry says, kissing her temple.

She doesn’t, actually, but the reminder helps. “So,” she says after taking another sip of wine, “now that we’ve gotten the formalities out of the way. Truth or dare?”

“Why not?” Barry asks with a little laugh. “But I’m setting up ground rules this time. No nakedness outside our room.”

“Then what’s the point of even playing?”

“You’re not the one who had to explain themselves to Davenport,” Barry says, pointing at himself. “I did.”

“And it was fucking hilarious,” Lup says as she moves to straddle his lap. “You were so embarrassed. You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.”

Lup doesn’t move as Barry leans forward and kisses her. “Thought you said I was always cute.”

She laughs and gives him another kiss. A big ol’ lingering one. With tongue. “And you are. But you were extra cute when you were talking to Davenport. Covering your ding-dong with a book.”

“I’m sort of trying to block that traumatic experience from my memory, Lup,” Barry says. “I’m just grateful no one else saw.”

It’s true that no one else saw him in the hallway except Davenport. But it’s also true that Lup told Taako about the incident in detail the next day. And she’s pretty sure Taako told Magnus. Who might have told Merle. Who then probably blabbed to Lucretia.

But no one has said anything to Barry about it, so it’s basically like she kept everything to herself. She’s an excellent girlfriend that way.

Lup takes another chug of wine - and by chug, she means _chug_ \- and realizes it’s going right to her head. Probably a good thing. Drunk like this, the pain from losing Taako is dulled a bit. That and just spending time with Barry helps.

“So truth or dare?” Barry asks as he presses his lips against her throat.

“I never agreed to your conditions,” Lup says with a smile. She’s gonna, of course. The last thing she wants is to make Barry uncomfortable. But it’s the principle of the thing. “But okay. Only nakedness in our room.”

She’s getting a little uncomfortable, straddling Barry like this, so she stands up and perches herself on the edge of the desk. Most of the time with these games, she chooses dare, cause yolo, right? But tonight she decides to mix it up and says, “Truth.”

“Wait, what? Shit,” Barry says before taking a swallow of whiskey. “Way to put me on the spot. Now I’ve got to think of a question.”

“I’ve got complete faith in you,” Lup says, crossing her legs to show them off at their best.

Barry blows out some air from his lips. “Fuck, I’m so bad at this,” he mutters. Lup just folds her hands on her lap, trying to look as innocent as possible. “Wait, I’ve got one. What is your favorite thing about yourself?”

Lup takes a moment and really thinks about the question. If anyone else asked her that, she’d flip her hair and say something like _there’s too many to choose from and I hate playing favorites._

But it’s Barry who’s asking and he gets her best, even when it’s answering a silly truth or dare question. “Physically or like personality?”

“Let’s say both.”

“Then that totally counts as two questions and I’m gonna make you do two dares or two truths next round,” Lup says. “Fair is fair.”

“Fair is absolutely fair,” Barry says. “So what’s the answer?”

She drums her fingers on her thighs, trying to figure out the answers. “Well, I think you’ll agree that physically, my legs are fucking amazing.”

“No argument here,” Barry says with a grin. “Just like your ass. And your breasts. And your arms and your shoulders and basically everything.”

Lup laughs, cause how can she not? Give the boy an inch and he’ll take a fucking mile. She loves it. “Then mentally? Dunno. Give me a second to think.”

Barry nods, taking a swig of whiskey. He’s got to be drunk by now. She certainly is. And now she’s got to think of answers to questions. _Ugh._ She should have just chosen dare.

“Well?”

“No rushing,” Lup says, waving her hands at him. She opens her mouth to answer, but then closes it. Then she finally settles on an idea. “I don’t take people’s bullshit. And that’s for anything. If I see bullshit, I call it out and do something about it.”

Lup tilts her head, thinking of that answer. Everyone on the _Starblaster_ would answer that question differently, she’s sure. But that’s one of the reasons they all work so well together as a team. They all bring something different to the table.

“That’s a good answer,” Barry says softly.

She smiles and it dawns on her that she’s not feeling quite as crappy as she did before. Taako’s death is still weighing on her a bit, but she’ll see him in a couple of months. Him not being here won’t keep her from being amazing.

“Truth or dare,” she asks, trying to think of a question, cause she’s pretty sure even with the conditions, Barry’s gonna say _truth._

“Dare.”

Lup bites her lip. Ooh, she did not expect that at all. She loves it when he keeps her on her toes. Putting the bottle of wine down next to her, she hitches her finger at him. “Come over here and I’ll show you.”

The game simply becomes Dare after that.

 


	62. Cycle 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako has news no one wants to hear. Lup can’t turn herself away. Barry has a last hurrah.

**Cycle Sixty-Two**

Barry can’t stop looking at his wrist. It doesn’t look like anything’s there. Nothing. Nada. But then he just needs to flick his hand like so…

“This is the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Barry says, bringing up his very own omni-tool.

The color is weird and he doesn’t quite get the interface, but he’s learning.

If there was such a thing as tech overload? Barry thinks he might have it. Cause this cycle is fucking amazing.

Well, for him anyway. For the people here on Terra Nova, things aren’t so great. Apparently the crew of the _Starblaster_ just missed a crazy ass war where giant robots tried to wipe out all life in the galaxy. Now that he thinks about it, that’s a theme all too familiar.

Huh.

“Lup?”

“Yeah, babe?”

Barry’s still playing with his omni-tool, searching the ethernet. He’s gonna have to figure out a way to charge this baby back on the _Starblaster_ because if he can’t bring this bad boy to other cycles, he’ll probably up and cry.

“We should do some research and compare the Reapers with the Hunger,” Barry says, leaning back on his hands as he closes his eyes.

They’re in a park, one of the few places on the planet where the Reapers left alone in the war. It’s nice to actually sit on actual grass and be outdoors for a bit. Not that he’d want to do this all the time, of course. But every so often doesn’t hurt.

Lup’s laying on her stomach next to him. “Same concept, yeah. But the Hunger’s organic. The Reapers were synthetic. Pretty big difference,” she says with a yawn.

“Sorry,” Barry says quietly. They promised themselves an afternoon of nothing, where they can just chill. After weeks of helping the community out with rebuilding, they both can definitely use a little down time.

“No worries,” Lup says as she jumps up off of the ground. She holds her hands out to him and Barry wonders what’s next. “Come on, I want to take a look around the park.”

Hand in hand, they start to stroll around the park. It’s a bit dull, as parks go. But again, it’s intact, which is a lot better than the rest of the planet.

“Statue,” Lup says, pointing towards a humanoid statue. “Let’s check it out.”

A couple of minutes later, they’re standing in front of the ugliest statue that Barry’s ever seen. It doesn’t even seem possible that anyone could be that ugly. But here they are, a person with a statue.

“Holy shit, someone got beat up by an ugly stick,” Lup says as her eyes go wide. “Wait, no. This has got to be wrong. Maybe I’m looking at his side?”

Barry tilts his head as far as he can, trying to figure this dude out. “No, I’m pretty sure that’s his nose.”

Lup goes and stands in front of the plaque. “Truck Shepard, hero of the Milky Way. Your sacrifice will never be forgotten.”

“Guess it doesn’t really matter what you look like, right? As long as you can do something cool and save the galaxy,” Barry says. He wants to look away, but he _can’t_. There’s just something about this dude’s face that’s off.

“True dat,” Lup says, grabbing his hand. “Come on, Barry. I don’t want to look at this guy any more.”

They continue their trek around the park, only to find Taako sitting on the bench near the entrance. Barry sits down on the bench next to him, wondering why Taako’s here. He’s not really one for nature.

“Bad news, homies,” Taako says, crossing his legs at the knee.

That doesn’t sound like Taako’s _someone’s dead_ voice. But it does sound like his _this is actually serious even if I’m pretending it’s not_ voice. Easy to confuse those two, though.

“And?” Lup says, leaning back against Barry’s shoulders. “Hit me, bro.”

Taako raises his hand. “This thingamajig? The omni-whatever? Doesn’t work on the ship.”

Just like that, five little words cause the Barry’s world to crash down around him. “You’re shitting me.”

“Nine times out of ten, yes. Absolutely,” Taako says. He rests his chin on his hand and looks more than a little grumpy. “This time, sadly, I am not.” 

“I think I need a minute,” Barry says, standing up. He stares at his wrist. Oh, the hopes, the dreams, the science he could have done, if only he could bring his omni-tool with him on the _Starblaster_.

After a couple of minutes looking at some sort of plant without really seeing it, Lup walks up to him. “Just heard from Davenport. Taako’s right. Omni-tools don’t work on the ship.”

“This is the saddest day of my life,” Barry says. He’s joking, of course. Mostly. He can think of at least five days sadder than today. But that also means he can think of a hell of a lot more days that are happier.

“We survived without omni-tools before,” Lup says. “We’ll survive without them again.”

Barry sighs, a deep-seated sigh that goes all the way to his toes. “I just… I just need some time.”

Lup kisses his forehead before squeezing his hand. “Take all the time you need.”

#

“Babe, the Hunger’s here.”

Barry reaches out for Lup’s hand. No way are they making it back to the _Starblaster_ in time. Not when they’re on the wrong side of the planet. He doesn’t particularly want to die, doesn’t want that feeling of dreadful cold sneaking up around him. But it’s not like he has a choice.

At least in an hour or so, he and Lup will be back on the ship, trying to figure out a new cycle. There has to be a better way, though. Dying over and over and over. And over gets really fucking tiresome some times.

A thought tickles the back of his brain and Barry tries to push it away. He fails, of course, and the thought threatens to take root.

_What if he doesn’t have to die?_

But then the agents of the Hunger are starting to appear and Barry doesn’t have time to think about those sort of huge ideas any longer. He’s got to concentrate.

Looking down at his wrist, he knows this is it. Time to say goodbye. His eyes start to tear up a bit. They could have done so much more together, but

“Are you crying over the omni-tool, Barold?” Lup asks, arm around his shoulder. He nods, not even trying to hide his tears. “Let’s kick some ass instead.”

Barry looks up at Lup, her tech armor already up around her. She winks and lets out an overload with a scream.

Lup’s right. She’s absolutely right. This is his omni-tool’s last hurrah. Together they will go out in a tech-fueled glory taking out as much as the Hunger as they can.

Barry plants his feet. Omni-tool up and ready and his wand in his other hand. As he brings out a combat drone while casting firebolt, he knows he will never forget this fight. Ever.

It’s what the omni-tool would have wanted.


	63. Cycle 63

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup is unforgettable. Taako takes the lead. Barry needs a reboot.

**Cycle Sixty-Three**

“What do you think, babe?” Lup asks as she stretches her arms over her head. She turns her head towards the sun, feeling a bit like a sunflower, wanting every inch of sunlight. “This cycle is definitely in the top ten.”

Lup looks over at her boy, who’s laying down on a towel. They’re on the observation deck of the _Starblaster_ , getting some sun. His eyes don’t even open as he says, “Maybe even top five.”

“Okay, I can maybe see that,” Lup says, leaning back on her hands.

They’ve been here for almost six month and every day has been beautiful. Not perfect, like that one stupid cycle where every day was the same. This cycle? Every day is beautiful. Even their bad days are gorgeous. Like a thunderstorm a couple of days ago. All the lightning were different colors. The entire crew of the _Starblaster_ watched the storm from ops. Merle even made popcorn.

The people are pretty decent, too. Very generous, which is good cause they left the last cycle pretty much empty. Magnus ended up giving away a lot of their supplies to the colonists. Which is cool and all, but what if they ended up in a cycle like that awful one where they couldn’t leave the ship?

For all they know, the _Starblaster_ is the only thing keeping the Hunger in check. If they all die, who’s gonna stop that bastard from eating up the entire galaxy?

And now her mind is going places she doesn’t like.

“Barold?”

“Hmm?” His eyes stay closed and his hands are folded over his belly. He looks so calm and peaceful that Lup doesn’t really want to mess with that. But she’s got to get the thought out of her head.

“Do you ever wonder why a deity hasn’t stepped in yet and fucked John up a bit?” she asks, looking out over the ocean where they’re parked.

She can hear him sigh, not one of his annoyed sighs, but one of his sighs of agreements. Barry has so many different kinds of sighs and she thinks at this point, she can name them all.

“What if they can’t?” Barry asks, his voice quiet.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Lup says. Some of the joy’s gone out of the afternoon, all because her brain decided to be dumb.

She’ll get over it, though. She always does. Besides, she and Barry promised themselves a day of no work. No science, no spells, nothing but the two of them. And she’s not gonna let her brain get in the way of that.

“Why don’t we get off the ship?” Barry asks as he sits up. “Maybe go on a picnic.”

A memory from years ago stirs and Lup grins. “You gonna ask me to marry you?”

It’s something she’s sort of given a little bit of thought to lately. Just a tiny little bit. Marrying Barry. Becoming Mrs Bluejeans. Or maybe he could become Barry Taaco. Or maybe they do the combo thing. Bluetaaco. Or Taacojeans.

She never really thought she was the marrying type. But after more than fifteen years. It sorta kinda feels like the natural progression of their relationship. Well, at least, she’s not completely opposed to the idea.

She glances over at Barry who is absolutely frozen. Her boy has not moved a muscle. Another five seconds pass and he still hasn’t moved and Lup decides he needs a reboot.

“Oh, shit, babe, did I break you?” Lup asks as she stands up. She holds out her hands for him, but he still doesn’t move. Damn. That’s commitment. “Barry?”

Maybe using his actual name breaks him from whatever self-imposed time-out he put himself in. “Marry?”

“I did break you, didn’t I?” Lup says with a laugh. “It was a joke, babe. You remember that one cycle, when we had to pretend to be married-”

“I remember,” Barry says, putting his hands in hers. She helps him up and put her arms around his neck. “I don’t think I could forget anything we’ve done, even if I tried.”

He’s so ridiculous like this. She loves it. “Unforgettable Lup, huh?”

There’s a split second where Lup sees he wants to answer but decides to kiss her instead. Which she’s totes okay with. Kissing Barry is basically her favorite thing in the universe.

When they break apart, there’s the sound of slow clapping. She doesn’t even need to look at the door to know who it is. “Damnit, Merle. How many times do I have to tell you not to watch me macking on Barry?”

“Hey, this is a public space. You don’t want to be watched? Don’t do this in public,” Merle says. She can hear the shrug in his voice.

“Come on, babe,” Lup says, taking Barry’s hand. They thread their fingers together easily. She really does like holding his hand.

They walk into the ops center, where Davenport and Magnus are talking. Magnus flashes them a thumbs up sign, so apparently it just wasn’t Merle who saw them making out. Her? She doesn’t care. But she knows how embarrassed Barry can get.

As they start to pass through the kitchen, Barry stops. “So, it’s not that I wouldn’t want to…”

Oh, right. That. “It was a joke. We’re awesome as we are, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Barry says, looking down at the floor. But then he looks up, right into her eyes, and adds, “But we will some day.”

There’s a conviction in his voice that she’s only heard a couple of times. And at that moment, Lup knows, she _knows_ , that one day, she’ll commit the rest of her life to this man. Whatever that means.

“We’ll go on a picnic,” Lup says with a smile. “And we’ll both know.”

Barry nods with a grin. “Exactly.”

They’re still looking at each other, and Lup is pretty sure she has a ridiculous smile on her face, but it’s absolutely earned. “So let’s make some lunch and take it to eat outside,” Lup says. “Cause it really is nice outside.”

Taako comes bounding into the kitchen then. “Alfresco lunch? Love it. Let’s whip something up.”

Lup looks at Barry, who’s looking right back at her. Funny how everything’s the same but now everything has changed.

Barry squeezes her hand. “Lemme sit down and I’ll get out of your way. Lup can be sous chef.”

“Natch,” Taako says, already slathering butter on some bread.

Word of the lunch gets around quickly. Twenty minutes later, the entire crew is leaving the ship to eat their lunch outdoors. And as Lup and Barry stroll down the ramp, hand in hand, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

 


	64. Cycle 64

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry is the good cop. Lup is the bad cop. Merle tries a lifestyle change.

**Cycle Sixty-Four**

This isn’t working.

“Merle, this is serious,” Barry says, grabbing his notebook off the table and standing up. He and Merle have been talking about the Hunger. Well, Barry’s been talking about the Hunger and Merle’s attention’s been elsewhere.

“I’m always serious,” Merle says, sounding somewhat indignant. His straight face lasts for just a couple of seconds before he breaks out laughing. “Good thing we didn’t have Zone of Truth up that time. I wouldn’t have made it.”

“Merle, _please_ ,” Barry says.

This is the chance Barry’s been waiting for. Merle finally decided to start parleying again. Mostly cause he’s curious if the Hunger - Barry can’t get used to the idea of calling him _John_ \- has changed at all.

Merle’s actually thinking long term for once, which Barry’s got to admit, is a bit impressive. Most of the time Merle thinks in the moment, only seeing what’s right in front of him.

“What?” Merle asks, hands on his hips. “That was a joke. A pretty damn funny one, too. I tell ya, I am just getting better with age. I’m like a fine wine, Barry. A damn fine wine.”

Barry rubs his temples. “So will you ask the Hunger the questions or not?” he asks.

Merle just shakes his head. “You really don’t seem to get how it works with John. It’s like a give or take. Tit for tat. A repartee, if you will,” Merle says, sounding far too smug for Barry’s liking. “You try to introduce some structure to our conversations, and well, everything goes out the window.”

“So you won’t ask the Hunger the questions?”

“All I’m saying is that there’s better ways to get answers,” Merle says, “than asking questions.”

Barry doesn’t think he can take any more from Merle, so he leaves ops and walks to the science corner. Lup’s there, leaning over an experiment they’ve been working on. Her hair is falling in her face and all he wants to do is push it behind her ear.

A little war starts within himself. Mess with her hair or let her keep working? But then Lup takes the matter out of his hand by standing up and pushing the hair behind her ear herself.

Her brow furrows. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

Putting his hands deep in his pockets, Barry says, “Nothing.”

“You are such a bad liar and you know it. What’s wrong?” she asks again, this time walking over to him.

Barry looks up at her and wonders for the hundred millionth time just how he ended up being so lucky. “How do you always know when something wrong?”

“Because I’ve known you forever, babe,” Lup says, reaching up and putting her hand against his cheek. The move is so familiar and comforting that Barry actually remembers to take a deep breath. Breathing is pretty damn important and sometimes when he’s flustered, he forgets. “What’s wrong?”

Before he answers, Barry turns his head slightly, just enough so that his lips brush her wrist. “Merle’s just not taking this seriously. What’s the point of him starting up the parleys again and talking to the Hunger again if he’s just gonna joke around?”

“I think that’s the only way he can actually comprehend John, you know?” Lup says. “Like, John’s this insane concept that none of us can actually get. So joking about it makes us feel a little better.”

“I get that,” Barry says. “I totally do. But all I want is for him to ask like two questions. Nothing even hard. And I can’t even get Merle to do that.”

“Lemme guess, you were really nice to him about it?” Lup puts her finger to his lip. “Don’t bother. I already know the answer.” 

“Well, yeah,” Barry says. “What am I gonna do, be mean about asking questions?”

Lup purses her lips to one side, in what Barry considers her ‘thinking’ face. Then she turns and starts walking towards the ops center. “I’ll deal with it.”

“Wait. What?” Barry asks, following her into ops.

Already Lup’s got her wand out. “Merle!”

Merle looks up and his eyebrows shoot up at the sight of Lup. “What’s going-”

Barry can only cover his mouth as Lup storms up to Merle, flames dancing around her closed first. It’s actually kinda hot, watching her like this, but he knows that’s a really inappropriate thought right now. So he saves it for later.

“You need to take the Hunger seriously, okay?” Lup says, pointing her wand right at Merle’s heart. “Or you’ll regret it.”

Merle’s eyes go wide and he holds his hands up in the air. “Whoah, whoah, whoah,” he says, a hurt look on his face. “There’s no need to resort to violence, Lup. I’ll have you know I’m a pacifist.”

It’s a tense situation and Barry knows he needs to take it seriously. But he can’t help it. He starts to laugh.

“You’re a pacifist now?” Lup asks, crossing her arms over her chest. “Dude, you do you and all that. When did this start?”

Merle stands up a little straighter. “About…” Barry can only watch as Merle suddenly picks up a nearby book and slams it onto the table. “Sorry. Spider. Hate those little fuckers.” Putting the book down on the table, Merle says, “About thirty seconds before you threatened to kick my ass, okay?”

“That’s quite the life change,” Barry says, sitting back down at the table.

“Yeah, well, maybe it is. Something I can talk to John about, at least,” Merle says, his eyes not leaving Lup’s wand, which is now behind her ear. He looks at Barry. “What were those stupid questions again? I’ll ask them.”

Barry picks up a sheet of paper from the table and hands it to Merle. He made the questions as simple as possible so that Merle might actually remember them. “Here.”

Merle reads the paper, then crumbles it up and tosses it over his shoulder. “Got ‘em.”

There’s nothing to do but sigh. At this point, maybe it’s best just to let Merle be Merle. He’ll go parley and say stupid shit and not get any relevant information. But at least it will let him feel important. With Merle, that’s something he needs. To feel important.

“I tried,” Lup says, squeezing Barry’s hand as she leaves ops. “I thought the bad cop routine might actually work with him for once.”

“Yeah, we tried,” Barry says as he picks up the paper off the floor. Merle’s just whistling away, looking out the port side window. “We tried.”


	65. Cycle 65

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia is alone.

**Cycle Sixty-Five**

“Fisher,” Lucretia says, splaying her fingers across the glass. It’s ridiculous to talk to the creature like this, but it’s the only living thing on this planet that doesn’t want to kill her.

So late at night, if she’s in a place where she’s safe - relatively safe, she might never be safe again - Lucretia sits across from Fisher and talks to the fish.

“I think I figured out the bond engine,” she says as she goes to lean against the wall. Slowly, she slides down, until she’s sitting cross-legged on the floor. Her body is _aching_ and all she wants is to sleep for a million years, but her mind won’t stop.

Out of habit, she brings out a journal and pen. She gets as far as putting the tip of the pen to the page before she stops. Writing isn’t what she wants. She wants to talk. No, she wants more than that. She wants her family back. She wants…

Lucretia pushes those thoughts away. What she wants simply doesn’t matter right now. Not when she’s got at least two more months before the Hunger arrives.

“The reason why the bond engine isn’t working like it should?” She shakes her head at the simplicity of it all. For months, she’s been pouring over any technical manuals about the ship she could find. None of them could give her quite the right answer.

Fisher does a little flip in its tank and Lucretia smiles for what feels like the first time in months. “There are no bonds on the ship,” she says quietly. “All of them are gone. Even if one of them made it out of that trial alive, we could have worked on a bond and the ship would be in better shape. But I’m here alone.”

Her fingers curl into fists and she tries not to become upset. Anger is not an indulgence she has time for right now. “Want to make a bond with me?” she asks and realizes she’s not even joking.

She rests the back of her head against the wall. “I think copper might help, though.”

A copper wire tied around the engine will give it enough of a kick, at least that’s what she thinks, if she’s reading the manuals right. That’s all she needs. A little kick, to make sure that when the Hunger arrives in two months, the _Starblaster_ would be ready.

And then she’ll have her family back.

Before she came down here to talk to Fisher, she checked her stock of supplies, all laid out nice and neat in the store room. Not a piece of copper to be found. And that means…

“So I have a choice,” Lucretia says. She swears that Fisher is actually paying attention to what she’s saying. That’s comforting somehow. “I can make a trip to a village in the middle of the night. Or I can go through everyone’s rooms again and see if I missed something.”

Just her imagination or did Fisher make a disapproving sound. “I had to scavenge for supplies, Fisher,” she says, wondering how this had become her life. How she’s trying to justify the choices she’s made to stay alive to a fish. “I’ve been able to trade thanks to those spices Taako had.”

He’ll kill her when he finds out she’s gone through at least half his stash. But there are some villages that haven’t heard she’s a wanted criminal yet. Trading for supplies with those villages has kept her alive and the _Starblaster_ running.

Fisher twirls in his tanks and Lucretia sighs. “I didn’t enjoy looking through everyone’s personal items,” she says. “Do you think I want to know that Barry and Lup keep fuzzy handcuffs next to their bed? Or that Merle keeps plant leaves next to his?”

She tries to picture the rooms again. It’s been months since the only time she went in them, but she’s always had a good memory. Davenport’s room was spotless and hardly looks lived in. Taako’s room was neater than she expected. Merle’s room was the mess she thought she’d find. Lup’s room was basically empty, since she stays in Barry’s now. Their combined room made her smile. It had all the mess she expected from Lup, but clearly attempts from Barry to keep everything neat.

And then there was Magnus’ room. A room that broke her heart. She didn’t expect him to be a packrat, but that’s exactly what she found. But a closer examination told the truth. The odds and ends he kept in his room? A momento from every cycle they’ve been to.

“You’re right,” Lucretia says finally. “I’ll make a trip to a village. I don’t need to go into their rooms again.”

#

“I can trade,” Lucretia says quietly. “I have cooking spices.”

Her hands shake, but she hides them behind her cloak. Behind the counter of the village store, she sees a spool of copper wiring, exactly what she needs to fix the bond engine.

A woman all but stomps into the store. “Heard there was a stranger in town,” she says.

Everyone’s eyes are on her and it’s terrifying. What she wants at this moment, more than anything in the world, is to be on the ship, writing in one of her journals. But she’s here, and the copper is within arms reach.

The woman pushes her hair out of her face. “Jonah,” she says to the man behind the counter. “The Enforcers are looking for strangers.”

Lucretia doesn’t hesitate. She lets out a spell, knocking the man and woman off of their feet. Then she reaches out and grabs the copper wire, tying it to her belt.

And she starts to run.

Behind her, she hears yelling and screaming and the telltale sound of metal footsteps. The marauders are here.

She doesn’t look behind, doesn’t want to look behind. The only thing in her favor is that she’s about to run through a swamp and the metal boots of the marauders will slow them down.

If she can just get to the ship with enough time to spare.

She can’t breathe. But she has no choice. Lucretia knows if she stops running, she’ll die. And if she dies, her family dies. She can’t let her family down. She _won’t._

The _Starblaster_ is in sight now and Lucretia tries to move even faster. For months now, she’s practiced both short and long distance running, just for situations like these.

And it pays off. A burst of adrenaline washes over her and she makes it to the ship faster than she thought possible. Her hand slams the console, lowering the door and before it even touches the ground, Lucretia jumps back into the ship.

She can hear the marauders outside the ship, yelling and screaming, all wanting her death. But she’s made it to the ops center and with practiced ease - thanks to months of flying the ship by herself - the _Starblaster_ takes off.

Lucretia stands at the wheel, hands at ten and two, taking big gulps of air. As she tries to catch her breath, she steers the ship. She’ll travel halfway around the world, to another of her secret places she’s found for herself. Hopefully there, she’ll be able to fix the bond engine and rest for a few days.

Hopefully.

Hours later, once the ship is settled in a secret place and Lucretia’s had a bite to eat, she sits down in front of Fisher’s tank.

The copper coil hasn’t left her hands since she picked it up. “I made it,” she says, slouching against the wall. She’s tired and scared and lonely but as Lucretia closes her eyes, she realizes that she’s even too exhausted to cry. “I made it.”


	66. Cycle 66

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia needs some time. Barry reveals a slight. Lup does something out of the ordinary.

**Cycle Sixty-Six**

Lup should have stepped in earlier. Rookie mistake. She _knows_ better.

“Barry, I’m okay,” Lucretia says, even though Lup can tell she’s absolutely _not_ okay. “I appreciate your concern.” Another lie, one Lup’s pretty damn familiar with. “But I’m _fine._ ”

“But-”

“Babe, I need to ask you something,” Lup says, keeping her voice casual. The second Barry turns away from Lucretia, she flashes Lup a grateful look and hurries out of the science corner.

Barry flops on the small sofa. It’s barely big enough for the two of them sitting side by side. Lup loves it anyway. Not including their bed, this is probably where they’ve boned the most in the ship. Sometimes, she thinks it always smells a little bit like sex, which she doesn’t mind at all.

“I’m worried about Lucretia,” Barry says.

Lup perches herself on the arm of the sofa. But then Barry pulls her down onto his lap. “The entire ship knows you’re worried about Lucretia,” she says, kissing him on the cheek.

His worry is sweet, but Barry tends to smother people when he’s worried about them. Lup gets it. It’s his way of showing people he cares. She’s been on the receiving end of the smothering more than once and it gets pretty tiresome, pretty quickly.

“You’re not worried about her?” Barry asks.

“Of course I am, but Lucretia needs to work through this herself,” Lup says.

Being alone for almost an entire cycle is literally one of Lup’s nightmares. She’s not meant to be alone. The thought of not having one of the _Starblaster_ with her and being truly alone? She doesn’t think she could do it. She really doesn’t.

And Lucretia managed to do that for the entire cycle. She’s basically a superhero and one day, once things have calmed down a bit and she’s cool with talking about things, Lup will tell her so. But not until Lup thinks Lucretia is ready.

Barry? He wants to fix things _now_. He wants to make sure Lucretia knows she’s loved and appreciated and he’ll do whatever he can to make it happen. Because he loves the crew and doesn’t care who knows it. One of the reasons why she loves him so much.

“I guess,” Barry says sounding like he doesn’t agree at all.

Lup somehow manages not to roll her eyes. “Just give her time,” she says as she moves to straddle his lap. A thought comes to her then. “Unless this isn’t about Lucretia and you want to talk about things?”

Which actually makes more sense and now Lup’s kicking herself for not seeing it earlier. Barry’s super good at hiding his own issues with concern for other people. He’s basically perfect, except for that. Well, and the fact that he’s way too neat and doesn’t appreciate her organized chaos when it comes to science.

Lup is the definition of organized chaos. Just with not so much emphasis on the organized part.

Barry looks away and Lup knows she’s right. She thinks back to that day. Judgement day is what the crew is calling it. Way too on the nose for her taste, but whatever. Things were crazy that day, but she does remember what those assholes charged Barry with.

“Sooo sloth and envy, huh?” Lup asks quietly. “Wanna talk about it?”

He leans back his head so it’s resting against the wall. Lup simply sits there, knowing she’s just got to be patient and he’ll start to talk. “Maybe?” Barry says.

Lup decides to settle in and moves so she’s leaning against the arm of the couch. She drapes her legs across Barry’s and isn’t surprised when he starts running his hand up and down her legs. She’s wearing leggings, so it’s not quite as fun as it sounds.

“Maybe works,” Lup says, taking his one free hand in hers. “You pled not guilty.”

“Cause that’s the only thing that made sense. But sloth, well. Yeah, I can get lazy sometimes, but who doesn’t, right?” Barry says.

She nods. Though it’s pretty fair to say that their idea of lazy is some people’s crazy active days. But it’s not sloth she’s worried about. “What about envy? You don’t still feel like that, do you? Cause I’ll have you know we’re hella living.”

Barry chuckles, but it doesn’t sound like a laugh chuckle, more of a ‘I agree chuckle.’ Whatever it is, Lup doesn’t know if she likes it.

“When I was younger, yeah,” Barry says. “I got jealous a lot. I didn’t have a lot of friends and my old man made me study all the time.”

He’s holding something back. Lup bites the inside of her cheek and gives it fifty-fifty odds that he tells her. Twenty years ago, she thinks the odds would be in favor of him not telling her. But lots of things have changed since then.

“What about now, though?” she asks, sort of afraid of the answer. But those are the questions that most need asking.

“Not now,” Barry says, quick enough that Lup believes him. “But before…” He sighs and Lup ups the odds to eighty-twenty in her favor. “It’s just bringing up some shit I don’t want to remember, okay?”

“Babe, we don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, you know that,” Lup says. It’s one of their rules. They talk when they want to talk. No pushing.

He brings her hand to his lips. It’s so damn romantic when he does that. “I know,” he says. “Might as well get it all out, right?”

“Right,” Lup says.

“I was so damn excited when I was assigned to the _Starblaster_. But then we had that first team meeting and everyone else seemed to get along so well and I was out on the fringe right away,” Barry says with a sigh. “I was jealous of you all. I was.”

Lup’s memories of that time is a little hazy, but she does remember trying to impress the others. She’s awesome. Everyone knows that. But she tried to make herself even more awesome by bringing Barry down and that isn’t awesome. At all.

“And then we came to the press conference…” Barry trails off and Lup’s stomach drops.

So much has changed since that day. If someone told her the day of the press conference that Barry fucking Bluejeans would be the love of her life, she would have probably died from laughing too much.

“It feels stupid, you know? Still getting upset about that day when you’re right here,” Barry says and he’s holding her hand a little tighter than she likes, but she can take it. “And I know you love me and I love you and it’s just dumb.”

“It’s not dumb,” Lup says, putting her hand on his cheek. Just a little effort on her part gets him to look her in the eye. “I was an asshole that day. I’ll totally own that. We were fucking flying high and what do I do? Shit on your part of the press conference. You deserved better and I’m…”

It’s probably not much of a surprise, but apologizing doesn’t come easy to Lup. She’s usually right at the end of the day, so saying sorry isn’t something she’s very practiced with. But for Barry? She’ll do her best.

“And I’m… _Fuck,_ ” Lup says. This is harder than she remembers. She’s apologized before, right? It’s just, she can’t really remember when? Or more importantly, how, to actually apologize.

Barry’s grinning now, probably because he knows exactly what she’s trying to do and he knows exactly how hard it is for her. Smug bastard. “You’re what, Lup?”

“Fuck you, Bluejeans,” Lup says.

“Yeah, you will. Later,” Barry says with a smirk and normally she loves it when he does that sort of thing but right now, it’s just pissing her off. Well, kinda. Not really.

“Ugh, fine. I’m _sorry_ ,” Lup says and that wasn’t nearly as awful as she remembers. Probably because it’s Barry and she knows Barry won’t hold that over her head for a hundred years like Taako would. “I was mean when I didn’t have to be and that’s not cool.”

Barry sighs again, but it’s like one of those cleansing sighs, not a sad or annoyed one at all. “Apology accepted.” Lup stays still as he pushes some hair behind her ear. “I appreciate that.”

Now that the worst part of apologizing is over, Lup can afford to be a bit magnanimous. “You’re welcome.”

Suddenly Barry’s hand is on her breast, which she does not mind at all. “Lup?”

“Yeah?” Lup asks, glancing over at the door to make sure it’s closed. Thankfully, Lucretia closed it behind her.

“Lust, huh?” he asks.

“ _Hella_ ,” Lup says, pulling him in for a kiss. “Let’s be guilty of some lust right now.”

They’re laughing as they start to kiss and Lup knows she will _always_ be happy to plead guilty to that one.


	67. Cycle 67

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus senses magic. Barry gets lost in science. Lup is devious.

**Cycle Sixty-Seven**

Snow. Snow snow snow snow snow. So much stupid snow.

Barry pushes his gloved hands deeper into his coat pockets. He fucking _hates_ snow. Hates how soggy everything gets and how no matter how hard he tries, he always ends up freezing his ass off.

And now he gets a cycle full of snow. Stupid ice planet, with it’s stupid underground ice caverns and stupid vortex blizzards.

All he wants is to go back to the _Starblaster_ , where the heat has been cracked up - cause it’s not just snow, this planet is cold, too, because of course it is - and settle into bed with a book and some hot chocolate.

But no. That’s not his future, all because he’s far too seducable by science.

“Magnus?” Barry yells out.

He’s walking into a cave of some sort. Not one of the nice, heated underground ones, but one of the topside ones. The wind is blowing hard enough it’s making him tear up and worse, his socks are damp. Ugh, he hates that word.

There’s no answer. Normally, he might start to worry. Magnus did just use the stone of Far-Speech to drag Barry away from the _Starblaster_ because apparently he found something so science-y that even he can tell it’s important. And now there’s no answer.

Even though Barry’s probably more annoyed than he should be, he takes out his wand. There’s an energy to this cave, something not quite magical but something not quite normal, either.

“Magnus?” Barry calls out again.

Still nothing. The cave is pretty dark and from the sound of the echo, pretty damn deep. Magnus must be in the back. Well, Barry’s not gonna let that keep him from science-ing. The energy is stronger as he takes another step into the cave, enough that he can feel the crackle tingling his skin.

If this is what Magnus felt, no wonder even a warrior like him knew it was science-y.

Barry takes out the quasmifer as quickly as he can. He fumbles a bit, thanks to his heavy gloves - which still don’t completely shut out the cold - and turns it on, wanting to take as many readings as he can.

He’s deep into readings and starting to perform some tests on the moss and lichen covering the walls when he hears someone behind him. For a second, he debates if he should drop the quasmifer and bring out his wand when he hears, “Babe?”

The sound of Lup’s voice relaxes him at once. “Over here, Lup! You’ve got to see this.”

Hardly any time passes before Lup’s standing next to him. “Are we science-ing?” she asks.

“Hells, yeah, we are,” Barry says, handing her a sample of moss. It’s got a slight luminescence quality to it and he wants all the readings he can get. “Up for some tests?”

“Sweet talker,” Lup says with a grin as she takes out the portable tester from Barry’s pocket. “Bet you say that to everyone.”

Barry’s capillary loops widen and he wonders if there will ever be a time when Lup doesn’t make him blush. He sort of hopes there never will be. “Only the cute ones,” he says with hardly a single stammer.

Lup laughs and leans down to kiss him. As they kiss, Barry knows life basically doesn’t get better than this. Kissing his dream girl in a cave full of science and magic and exploring the secrets together.

He thinks about the Judgment cycle, how it still weighs on him a bit. If only his younger self could know what was in store. Life would have been so much easier. But at least whatever bullshit he went through then made him into the person he is today. And that person is loved by Lup.

The next hour passes ridiculously quick. And thanks to Lup deciding that what they really needed was more body heat, Barry isn’t even all that cold. Having her press up against him helps a lot.

Granted, it is slowing down the sciencing a bit, but hey. Life’s about making compromises sometimes. Lup’s taught him that lesson well.

A noise catches his attention. “Do you hear that?” Barry asks.

Lup tilts her head. “Coming from behind one of the walls,” she says, taking out her wand.

Barry looks at the ground. “Look,” he says. “There’s a light coming from somewhere.”

He’s pretty sure Lup will follow, so Barry starts tracking the light. Pretty soon, he’s in front of a small opening, just enough for him to step through.

“Risk it?” he asks Lup, already knowing the answer. He still wants to give her the choice, though.

“Duh, of course,” Lup says. “Let’s see what’s in there.”

Barry tries to think of the possibilities. His mind is racing and he hopes he’s going to learn something new today. Because those are the best days.

The light is getting brighter and he can feel steam. “Might be a hot spring of some sort,” he says over his shoulder.

And then he steps into the cavern.

“Surprise!”

Barry can only stand there, mouth open like an idiot. The rest of the _Starblaster_ crew is in the cavern, all lounging around on the hot springs. The heat is delicious and even though he wants answers, Barry finds himself shedding his outerwear. “Lup?” he asks, looking in her direction.

“Happy Birthday,” Lup says, putting her arm in his. She kisses his cheek. “You totally forgot, didn’t you?”

“Well, yeah,” Barry says. When you turn the same age year after year, birthdays get a bit old. He’s not even celebrated one in probably close to a decade.

“This one is special,” Lup says with a laugh. “Bet you can figure it out.”

Barry thinks for a second and the answer comes to him pretty quickly. “I’m a hundred years old.”

Fuck.

Sort of hard to believe that he’s been alive for a hundred years. And he’s been thirty-three turning thirty-four for sixty-seven of those years. A hundred damn years. He’ll need to really think about that someday. Someday soon. Just not when the entire crew of the _Starblaster_ is staring at him.

“You don’t look like a day over a hundred and one,” Magnus calls out, holding up a beer.

“Eh, closer to a hundred and two,” Taako says.

Barry looks up at Lup. Trying to figure out what day his birthday’s on must have been a really fun math equation. “When you were doing your calculations, did you-”

Lup leans forward and whispers in his ear. “You can check my work later.”

“Damn right I will,” he whispers back. He’d like to check her work right this second but being surrounded by their friends sort of takes that option off the table. Instead he adds, “Thank you.”

She kisses him then, just a brief one, cause they’re in public.

“Stop being gross and get in the springs,” Taako says, splashing some water at them. “This is the first time I’ve felt actually warm in months.”

Barry just looks at Lup as she laughs and starts to undress. Underneath her clothes is a bikini, one that’s metallic gold color. She looks pretty amazing, but then again, she always does.

Long gone are the days when Barry’d be shy about wearing just his boxers in front of the crew. So he strips down and joins his family in the hot springs.

Science. Lup. And family. This is just about the best birthday he’s ever had.

 


	68. Cycle 68

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup wants to double down. Barry plants a seed. A thought takes root.

**Cycle Sixty-Eight**

When his shoulders start to ache, Barry always knows he’s been hitting the books a little too hard. It’s just, he can’t seem to help it. Especially this cycle, where magical research is the foundation of their very society.

If Barry could stay in this cycle forever, he would.

But he’s only got about three months left and a whole hell of a lot of books to read before the Hunger shows up. So best to forget about his creaky shoulders and get back to work.

Besides, the atmosphere is perfect. He’s in a library close to a thousand years old. The lights are low with candles all around him. All he can hear is a breeze from a nearby open window and the library bats flying up in the rafters above.

Can’t beat this for studying.

Barry leans back, lifting his arms high over his head, feeling each vertebrae in his back stretch and groan. Just how long has he been sitting? He starts to check but decides it’s probably best if he doesn’t know.

Instead, he looks towards the next book in his pile. It’s a plain looking book. Dark leather cover with some sort of faded lettering down the spine. The lettering is plain, not even in cursive.

He holds his breath as he reaches out and places his palm on the cover. In his experience - and yeah, Barry’s had a lot of freaking experience with old, magical tomes - it’s the books that look simple on the outside that have the most to teach him.

These are the books that don’t have anything to prove. Not like those flashy magic books, full of fancy lettering and gilded in silver or gold. The worst ones might even have jewels encrusted on the cover.

Barry learned a long time ago not to waste any time on those types of books.

His eyes close, and Barry’s pretty sure he’s not imagining the slight hum of magic between the pages of the book.

“Come to papa,” he whispers, pulling the book towards him.

He looks at the spine of the book, which spells out _The Modern Necromancer_. Kind of a funny title when he can tell that this was probably written hundreds of years ago. Well, that’s one of the beautiful things about magic. It ages well.

As carefully as he can, Barry opens the book. The pages are slightly yellow with age, but the words are still bright and crisp, and more importantly, easily readable. That’s something else books with no substance will do. Use as many flourishes as possible so that the actual words can hardly be read.

Barry’s heart starts beating a bit faster by the time he gets to the third chapter.

_Lichdom._

When was it? Maybe forty some-odd years back when he spent a year studying necromancy with that one witch. What was her name again? Barry closes his eyes, trying to remember.

And he can’t. He can’t remember the name of that witch who showed him a book and told him not to follow as he explored that magic. Twenty years ago, he would have remembered. Hell, maybe even ten.

But after so many years of starting over and meeting new people and discovering new places, they’ve all started to jumble up a bit. Some he’ll never forget, like the year at the Conservatory. Most of the others? He’ll never be able to keep them all straight.

He pushes those thoughts away and tries to concentrate on the book in front of him.

For a lot of necromancers, becoming a lich is the ultimate step. A way to conquer death itself. Others think it’s a step too far. That it’s unnatural.

Barry? He’s never given himself much of a chance to think about it. But he does remember that essence, that feeling of absolute power he sensed all those years ago. Nothing’s ever come close to matching it.

He wasn’t ready then. He didn’t have the control, didn’t have the power to follow down that path.

Not to toot his own horn, but he’s pretty sure he does now. He’s a hell of a lot stronger necromancer than he was forty-years ago.

A seed plants in his brain. A seed plants in his brain and now the thought is in his head _forever_. He thinks of Lucretia, still a little broken from her year alone. He thinks of the last time Lup died, how much that hurt. How much it hurts when _anyone_ from the _Starblaster_ kicks the bucket.

And the seed is there and he doesn’t ever think that he’ll be able to dig it up. Roots are already making themselves at home in his brain.

_Fuck._

“Hey, babe.”

Without thinking, Barry slams the book shut in front of him, all thoughts of lichdom gone from his head. “Hi,” he says in a voice barely above a whispers. They are in a library still, after all.

Lup, of course, sees through his bullshit every day. Because that’s what she does. She sits down at the table without another word and takes the book from him. “Ooh, plain cover,” she says, opening up the book. “This is the good shit, isn’t it.”

Barry eyes the book and lets out a breath when he realizes she’s opened up the book halfway, far past the lichdom section. She won’t have any idea what he was looking at and that’s perfectly okay with him.

It’s not that he wants to keep something like this from Lup, it’s just that he has no idea what he wants to do with the seed planted in his brain. Until he does, it’s probably best if he doesn’t say anything.

Lup looks up then, eyebrows raised. “There is some really fucked up shit in here, you know that, right?”

Barry shrugs and desperately tries to sound casual. “Yeah, always a risk with necromancy.”

She grins. “I’m kinda digging. I’m gonna double down.” She pushes the book back towards him. “Didn’t mean to steal this.”

“Thanks,” Barry says, forcing himself not to turn back to the lichdom chapter. He’s got plenty of time to read that when Lup isn’t around.

Lup grabs the next book in the pile. One just as plain as the one in his hands, just with fancier font. “Not as cool as yours,” she says. “But it will do.” She taps her finger against her lips. “Research date?”

Now that gives Barry a reason to smile. They’ll spend the next hour researching then take turns presenting their findings. Always a good time. “Let’s do it,” he says.

Barry can only watch as Lup blows him a kiss before tucking some hair behind her ear. And then she’s reading, ignoring the world around her.

A protectiveness surges inside him. Which is completely stupid because Lup can handle herself. Way more than he can. But if there was anything he could do to help? He’s pretty sure at this point he’ll do anything for Lup. Maybe even…

Barry pushes the thought down for now. Instead, he looks at a list of the top ten ways to do magic with a fresh corpse. The thought doesn’t want to stay hidden, though, no matter how hard he tries.

He looks at Lup, clearly absorbed in whatever it is she’s reading and Barry wonders how quickly that seed in his brain will take to blossom.


	69. Cycle 69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup gets a nickname. Barry shares a worry. Merle will have new questions for John.

**Cycle Sixty-Nine**

She should let him sleep.

It’s strange sometimes sharing a bed with someone who has a different sleep schedule. Barry’s been asleep for about two hours now. He started on his side, facing the wall, but now he’s on his back, letting out some big ol’ snores.

Once upon a time, Barry’s snores was the worst thing about him. But after twenty years, she’s used to them. Even missed them the couple of times he’s died before the end of a cycle.

She really should just let him keep snoring.

But Lup and meditation seem to be fighting tonight. When that happens, she starts to think too much. Thoughts that don’t even make sense. It's a nice enough cycle. This is a boring world with pleasant people who were happy to trade supplies for knowledge. They’ve got the Light of Creation. She and Barry’s had like four months to study it now.

Maybe she should go back to her own cabin? Only issue with that, though, is it doesn’t really feel like her cabin anymore. This is her cabin now. The cabin she shares with Barry. Yeah, it might have started as his a million years ago, but now it’s _theirs._

That’s when Lup makes an executive decision. If she’s not getting any rest, neither is he.

“Barry?” she asks in a quiet voice, not sure why she’s asking. He’s snoring. He’s clearly asleep, but that won’t do, so she pokes him in the stomach. “You up, babe?”

“Hmm?” he asks, not opening his eyes. “Loopy, what’s wrong?”

There’s a weird warmth in her stomach at the nickname. It’s something he’s only just started doing and only when it’s just the two of them. She’s only had one other nickname in her life, from Taako. Cause why would she need a nickname when her name is freaking _Lup?_ But she’s not gonna stop Barry from calling her Loopy.

“Do I need my glasses for this?” Barry asks. The weariness in his voice gnaws at her, makes her feel a bit guilty. She should have let him sleep.

“Nah, I’m just being overdramatic as usual. Go back to sleep,” Lup says, forcing a bit of cheer into her voice. It sounds super fake and super lame and she’s not even surprised when Barry turns over to face her.

He looks younger, like this, in the middle of the night in the dark. Without glasses and without worry lining his face.

“Come here,” Barry says, his voice a bit rough from sleep. Lup scoots a bit closer, so they’re flush together, legs tangled. It’s a bit ridiculous how safe she feels when Barry puts his arms around her. How in the world did she survive the first fifty cycles without this?

“Hey,” she says, leaning her head forward, so their foreheads touch.

“Tell me what’s wrong?” he asks quietly.

There’s not a drop of pressure in his voice. She could tell him no and she’s absolutely sure he wouldn’t push her to say a damn thing. Instead, he’s offering her an invitation. _Fuck_ , she loves him so damn much.

“Oh you know how it is,” she says, putting her hand on his hip, running her thumb over the waistband of his boxers. “Pondering fate’s mysteries in the middle of the night.”

“Yeah, I know exactly how that goes,” Barry says with a nod. “Been pondering a few mysteries myself lately. What’ve you been pondering?”

What doesn’t she ponder is the better question? She hesitates just for a moment before diving right in. He did ask, after all. “The Hunger’s getting faster. His scout’s, too.”

“Yeah, that does sorta suck,” he says. “But we’re still here at least. We’re still fighting.”

Lup nods, because what else can she do? There’s no other choice. They fight or they die.

“I think we all worry about that, though,” Barry says. “What if he just gets faster and faster and we don’t?”

Something unlocks in her chest when he says those words. It’s the little sliver that’s been in the back of her head for so long. To simply hear the words out loud, to know Barry has the same fear, makes things a little more manageable somehow.

There’s more she could talk about. Like what happens if one day this crazy experiment stops? What if they never reform after a cycle? But those are questions that she’ll never have an answer for. Best to acknowledge them and let them go on their merry way.

“What worries you?” Lup asks, sliding her hand back around so it’s resting on his ass. He really does have the cutest ass. Not the best ass. She will concede that there are better asses out there. But Barry has the cutest ass, and as far as she’s concerned, that’s much more important.

Barry sighs, sounding far older than usual. “The ship. Mission was only supposed to last two months. It’s almost been seventy years.”

“Sixty-nine,” Lup says, drawing out each syllable. “Ooh, we haven’t done that this cycle, have we? We absolutely have to sixty-nine before the Hunger comes.”

“What, you want to race him or something?” Barry says with a smirk. “You know we’ll kick his ass.”

She realizes what she just said and starts to laugh, a real laugh, one she can feel all the way down to her toes. “Oh shit,” Lup says, still breathing hard from laughing. “I don’t even want to think about the Hunger having sex. How would that even work?”

“Let’s get Merle to ask him next time he parleys,” Barry says and Lup definitely notices as his hand slips down her panties to cup her ass. “I mean, what it does is a form of reproduction, right? There are viruses who reproduce by absorption like that. I read this cool study once-”

While science might usually be enough to get a girl hot and heavy, Lup’s ready to stop talking for a bit. So she does the one thing she knows will work, and kisses Barry hard on the lips.

When they break apart, Barry’s smiling. “So was that a ‘stop talking about asexual reproduction methods ’ kiss or a ‘keep talking about asexual reproduction methods’ kiss.”

“Oh my god, you are such a nerd,” Lup says with a laugh. She pushes Barry onto his back and climbs on top to straddle his hips. Curling her hands to fist the front of his t-shirt, she adds, “Alright, nerd. Talk to me. What else you got?”

“Fission. Budding. Fragmentation. And that’s where I’m gonna stop because I can’t remember any others,” Barry says as he slides the palms of his hands up her thighs.

Lup leans down and gives him another kiss, this one soft and slow. “Science lectures in bed. You’re damn lucky you’re cute, Bluejeans,” she says.

“That’s Professor Bluejeans,” Barry says, kissing her back, but with a bit more force. “You should pay attention. I’ll be giving an exam later.”

She grins at the line, ready to volley back to him. As she starts to pull his boxers down, Lup asks, “Written or oral?”

Barry laughs, which quickly turns to a moan as Lup starts to work. She’s pretty sure she’ll ace this exam.

 


	70. Cycle 70

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako has a simple question. Merle finds a new plan for Pan. Lucretia just wants some quiet time.

**Cycle Seventy**

This is the _life._

Barry looks up at the sky, a lovely orangish-red color. He’s not sure what about it makes him miss the sky from his home cycle. There haven’t been a lot of purple skies in the different worlds they’ve been to.

Such a simple thing, really. Missing the right color sky. But this isn’t time to be maudlin. He’s laying on his back in a field of yellow grass, Lup curled up next to him.

Normally, PDA like this makes him uncomfortable, but he and Lup took their lunch - not a picnic, just an alfresco lunch - to a nearby pond. The rest of the crew is either in the ship or going to the local town, so there’s no one to see them. And if there’s no one around, Barry doesn’t mind having an arm around Lup as she draws nonsense circles on his stomach.

“Wanna make out?”

The question is so sudden that Barry forgets to breathe for a second. “What?” he asks, and tries not to wince as his voice comes out in basically a squeak. “Here?”

Lup pushes herself up onto an elbow. “Well, yeah, babe. When the mood strikes, etc, etc.”

“But anyone could see us,” Barry says.

He has two distinct part to his brain. One part wants to kiss Lup. Because kissing Lup is one of his favorite things to do. But the other part of his brain really, really, _really_ hates the idea of someone catching them kissing.

The non-kissing part of his brain puts up a valiant fight and almost overcomes the kissing part of his brain. But in the end? Kissing Lup wins out. Kissing Lup almost always wins out.

As discreetly as he can, which is not very discreet, Barry looks around to make sure no one of there to watch them. He already knows they’re not, but it never hurts to double check.

“You know the drill,” Lup says, her hand slipping under his t-shirt. She scratches his belly a bit and damn, if that doesn’t feel good. “If you’re uncomfortable for any reason, we stop.”

“Yeah, I know,” Barry says. He takes a deep breath. He does know. He trusts Lup completely, especially with this sort of thing. With his free hand, he glides his fingers across the back of her neck. “Let’s make out.”

Her smile is a sight to see, almost bright enough that he thinks it will still be in his mind once he closes his eyes. She’s leaning forward now, almost there-

“Whattup losers.”

Barry immediately sits up and pulls down his t-shirt. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he says.

Taako, for his part, looks bored. As he examines his nails, he says, “I blinked here. Magic? You know that thing we do and I’m brilliant at?”

“I believe my paramour means to ask why the fuck are you here, my dude,” Lup says. She doesn’t look nonplussed at all, just casually resting her head in her hand. Even if Barry practiced for a hundred years, he’d never be able to reach that sort of ease. “Thought you were food shopping.”

“I am, but someone wasn’t specific in their list,” Taako says with a wave of his hand. “Red, yellow, or green bell peppers?”

“I can’t believe you have to ask me that question,” Lup says, her hand over her heart. “Do you even know me?”

Taako sighs. “Red, it is. Alright, I’m outtie.”

And just like that, Taako disappears. Barry does have to question his friend’s use of spell slots. But at the end of the day, they’re Taako’s, not his.

“Where were we?” Lup asks, wagging her eyebrows as she sits up in the grass. Barry blushes, because that’s what he does. He blushes. Lup starts to scoot over to him but then her shoulders fall.

“What?" Barry asks. “What’s wrong?”

“Merle.”

Barry turns around and sure enough, the dwarf is walking this way. Once he notices that Barry and Lup are looking at him, he waves, a smile on his face.

A smile that Barry can’t find to return.

“This is just about the prettiest spot in this whole word,” Merle says as he sits down. Barry can just look as Merle leans back on his hands, confident in his welcome. “If I had more time, I think I’d start a shrine to Pan here.”

“Merle,” Lup says in what Barry calls her diplomatic voice, “I thought you were watching the ship with Davenport.”

A recent rule change, since the year Lucretia spent alone. Two people stay on the ship at all times. A pain, sometimes, sure, but better than another one of them having to solo a year.

“Yep, but then Magnus came back early, so I took the chance to commune with nature.” Merle looks around, his eyes lighting up at the basket they used to pack their lunch, a basket that’s most certainly not a picnic basket. “May I?”

“There’s no nature in that basket, Merle,” Barry says, resting his elbows on his knees.

“All food comes from nature, Barry,” Merle says, sounding content as he starts to rummage through the basket. “Even…” He pulls out a bag of Zest-o’s, one of the most popular snacks on this world. Also one of the messiest. Anytime Barry has some it takes forever for the orange powder to get off his fingers. “These babies. Nature is beautiful.”

Barry looks over at Lup, who is rolling her eyes. “Hey Merle?” Lup asks.

“What?” Merle says, his mouth already full of Zest-o’s.

“Go enjoy nature somewhere else, will ya?” Lup says.

Merle gives them a wink, which makes Barry just more uncomfortable than anything. “I gotcha. You want some private time,” he says as he stands up. “Well, don’t let ol’ Merle get in your way.” He waves his hands in the direct of the ship. “I’ll just be over there. Somewhere. Not here.”

Merle starts to walk away, far too slowly for Barry’s taste. “What’re the odds that he just gets out of sight and comes back?” he asks.

“Nah, he loves those Zest-o’s,” Lup says. “That’s all he’s gonna think about for a while.”

Lup’s sliding over to him and Barry’s heart starts to race again, that good sort of racing. He starts to check around them and sees another figure walking towards the lake.

“Lucretia,” Barry whispers.

Lucretia’s holding a journal as she sits down next to a tree. She’s not even that close to them, so Barry waves, which Lucretia returns at once.

Barry looks back at Lup and defeat is written across her face. He puts his hand against her cheek, fairly certain that Lucretia can’t see, from the way his back is turned. “We’ll make out outdoors at some point,” he says. Cause it’s clear to him that this is something Lup wants. And he likes making her happy. “Promise.”

The words seems to cheer her up a bit. “I’m gonna hold you to that,” Lup says as she stands up. “Just not in public.”

Their outdoor lunch seems to be at an end, so Barry stands up as well. “Appreciate that,” he says with a grin, picking up the lunch basket.

Lup holds out her hand, which Barry takes at once. Holding hands he doesn’t mind doing in public. Too much at least.

“Come on,” Lup says. “Let’s just go bone back on the ship. Least we know we’ll get some privacy there.”

All Barry can do is squeeze her hand. Right now? The ship sounds great. But to keep things interesting, he lets go of her hand and starts to jog. “Race you!”

They laugh the entire way back to the _Starblaster._


	71. Cycle 71

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is unwelcomed. Taako hates everything. Everyone relies on Lup (Natch).

**Cycle Seventy-One**

Lup’s just about to fill up a bucket of water when Magnus comes running out of the forest.

“Huh,” Lup says to herself as she stands up without filling her bucket. There’s probably a funny metaphor there, but she’s tired and slightly off her game. Just slightly, though.

They’ve been on this cycle for less than a day and apparently Magnus has already pissed off the locals. She looks back at the forest, waiting for Lucretia to run out, too.

“Back on the ship!” Magnus yells as he runs past.

“Lucretia?” Lup asks.

“Dead. Get inside!”

“Ah fuck,” Lup mutters as she pulls out her Stone of Far Speech. Davenport and Merle are on the ship, but Barry and Taako went out to forage for some food. With a tap, the stone turns on. “Babe? Get back to the ship. Pronto.”

_But I just found-_

“We’ll check it out later,” Lup says. “Something’s wrong.”

_You okay?_

Even with Lucretia dead and Magnus freaking out, Lup manages a small smile. That Barry’s first thought is of her will never get old. “I’m fine, promise. Magnus will update us.”

_Be there in five._

#

Three minutes later, the remaining crew of the _Starblaster_ stands in ops. “So what the hell, Magnus?” Lup asks as she crosses her legs. Someone dying within the first day of arriving is never a good thing. That it’s Lucretia, of all people, doesn’t bode well.

That’s a good word. Bode. She needs to use it more.

“Do we need to leave the area?” Davenport asks from his spot on the bridge.

Lup hopes they don’t. She likes this place. It’s just the right temperature and there’s plenty of water. Maybe even some hunting, once Magnus decides the animals don’t talk. No beach, but the nearby village doesn’t hurt.

Magnus has his hands on his knees as he catches his breath. “Sorry, just need a second.”

Taako crosses his arms as he leans against the wall. “Liar,” he says. “You’re in better shape than all of us combined. You’re just stalling.”

Lup laughs, she can’t help it, cause she was thinking the exact same thing. No way does Magnus need more time.

“Fine, you win,” Magnus says as he straightens up. “I just…”

His face crumples a bit and Lup bites the inside of her cheek to keep herself from saying anything. It’s not often when Magnus shows emotion like this.

“You okay?” Barry asks as he puts his hand on Magnus’ shoulder. That’s her boy.

“Lucretia died for me,” Magnus says, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. “She’s not supposed to die for me. None of you are supposed to die for me. That’s _my_ job.”

Lup puts her hands under her thighs and looks over at Taako, who shrugs. She gets it, sort of. Magnus is security. But at this point, after more than seventy years, they’ve all died for each other who knows how many times.

Magnus straightens up and looks over at her. “You get to be the star of the show this cycle,” he says.

Her nose crinkles at that. Lup’s always the star as far as she’s concerned. “Details?”

“There are no men in this cycle,” he says. “At least, that’s what we figured out before people started shooting at us.”

Lup tilts her head and tries to comprehend. “No men at all?” She looks at the rest of the crew. “I can’t be the only one who wants to ask this next question, right?”

Magnus lets out a bitter laugh. “Didn’t have time to figure out how they have babies, Lup. I was too busy trying not to die.”

“Touche,” Lup says. “But I’m not the only one who’s curious, am I?”

“Nope,” Merle says. He’s sitting on the floor and leans back on his hands. “No men at all? Have they ever even seen a man before?”

“Oh they have,” Magnus says. “Which is why they _tried to kill me._ ”

In theory, Lup is all for an all ladies society. But not if they try to kill every man. That’s just not cool. Like, she knows that plenty of men are horrible, like Greg fucking Grimaldis. But there are plenty of good men like Barry who make up for them.

“Do we need to stay in the ship?” Davenport asks, his hands behind his back, looking all captain-y, cause that’s what he does best.

Magnus shakes his head. “I had people chasing me, but I think I zigged and zagged enough to lose ‘em. We just can’t go into town. Well, except for Lup.”

It’s then she realizes that all five male members of the crew of the _Starblaster_ are staring at her. “Wait, like right now? You want me to go to town right now?”

“Yep,” Magnus says. He looks up at Lup and she can see there are still a few tears in his eyes. “We need supplies. Bring me back some candy?”

#

Three hours later, she has everything sorted out. How? Because she’s Lup.

“Listen up, everyone,” Lup says to the rest of the crew.

They’re all back in ops. Davenport is at the helm, Barry and Merle are at their stations. Taako’s looking bored and Magnus is going through the crate of supplies Lup brought back with her.

“Did you really need to get so many popsicles?” Magnus asks as he holds up a box of cherry, her favorite.

“Obviously,” Lup says, hand on her hip. “We never have enough. But that is totes not what we’re talking about.”

“What did you find out, Lup?” Davenport asks quietly.

Lup takes a breath, knowing that they’re not gonna like everything that she has to say. But them’s the breaks. “So, first things first. They use tech to have kids, basically cloning themselves.”

A collective ‘ohhh’ comes from the crew. She figured that’d be the thing to start with since everyone was curious. Including herself.

“It’s been like three hundred years since there have been any men,” Lup says. She didn’t ask for a ton of detail. There’s plenty of time to learn more over the next year. “And none of the women I spoke to want that to change.”

“So no men and we have to stay in the ship,” Taako says. “This cycle is the _worst._ ”

Lup holds up her hand. “Negative. You can come into town if I escort you. One at a time.”

It won’t be fun, that’s for sure. But at least everyone won’t be stuck on the ship.

“Is it just town we need an escort?” Magnus asks. “Or anytime we leave the ship?”

“Any time you leave the ship,” Lup says and suddenly the enormity of what she’ll have to do hits her.

Magnus runs almost every day. Merle likes to practice his interpretative jazz dancing outside. Barry will want to spend a ton of time at the library. Davenport will want to meet with the civil leaders of the cycle. And Taako? Taako will want to check out as much of the culinary scene as he can.

And she’ll need to be there for all of it. For all of them.

Lup sighs and leans back against the wall. It’s gonna be a long cycle.


	72. Cycle 72

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davenport tries to share his knowledge. Barry makes excuses. Lup just wants to know the truth.

**Cycle Seventy-Two**

“You know, generally I like to think of myself as someone who’s pretty fucking smart,” Barry says, throwing down the piece of parchment. He shakes his head, annoyed at just how _small_ this is making him feel.

Then he remembers who he’s speaking to and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Sorry about that, Captain.”

Luckily for him, Davenport just smiles, in that infuriatingly patient way of his that makes him such a good captain. “You want to try it again?”

“Yes, please,” Barry says, picking up the parchment only to put it right back down. “So how did you learn all of this, anyway? You’re an illusionist.”

“I didn’t start out as an illusionist,” Davenport says as he takes the piece of parchment off of the table. “Just like you didn’t start out as a rogue.”

Barry snorts. “If I can ever get half as good as thieves cant as you are as illusion magic, I’ll be thrilled,” he says.

Learning thieves cant, but written and spoken, is something he’s wanted to do for a really long time now. Funny how with all the time in the world, it seems like there is always something else to do.

At least that’s what he’s telling himself.

“Next you’ll want to pick up a sword and shield and train with Burnside,” Davenport says as he writes.

“Would you believe me if I said I’ve thought about it?” Barry says. Not necessarily using a sword and shield. Just the thought of actually using a sword to kill someone sort of makes him nauseous. He’s seen some of the carnage Magnus has left behind. It’s not pretty.

Not that his preferred method of fighting is much cleaner. But at least he’s at a distance.

Davenport picks up the parchment and blows on it. “Here, try this one.”

Barry takes the parchment and studies it. He’s never been good at languages, as much as he would love to learn some. Maybe some of the basic languages like Elvish or Dwarvish. Or maybe something cool like Infernal or Celestial.

But for now, he’ll be happy if he can just learn thieves cant.

He takes another look at the parchment and sighs. “What’s this symbol again?”

#

“Babe, why is this thieves cant thing so important to you? We’ve been doing this whole reset thing for seventy years now. Why is it this cycle that you have to learn this?” Lup asks.

Barry closes his eyes, not wanting to think about anything other than the way Lup is running her fingers through his chest hair. But of course he actually does need to think about other things. Lup just asked him a question. Be rude not to answer.

“Remember the evil plant cycle?” Barry asks, turning to this side. Already he misses her hands.

“Good thing Merle’s not here,” Lup says with a smile. “He’d say they were just misunderstood.”

“The most misunderstood plants in all of existence,” Barry says, rolling his eyes.

It’s pretty apparent they’re gonna talk for a while and even after twenty-five years with Lup, he still doesn’t really like being just naked in bed. So he sits up and tries to figure out where his t-shirt might have ended up.

Meh, not worth search, so he gets out of bed, making sure not to pull back the covers too much, cause he doesn’t want Lup to get cold. He walks over to the dresser to pull out a fresh t-shirt and boxers.

As he starts to dress, Lup says, “You stalling now?”

“Nah,” Barry says once he’s dressed. As he walks back to the bed, he adds, “I was just thinking about that cycle and how once Davenport went light’s out, we had no one who could open that safe. Or read the thieves cant map we found.”

“So because ten years ago, Taako threw a temper tantrum because we couldn’t open a safe, you decide to become a rogue?” Lup asks.

He slides back into bed, resting his hand on Lup’s hip. “Not like this is any different than when I’m trying to learn a spell from a different school of magic.”

“I guess,” Lup says. “But you know magic. You’re kick-ass at magic. This is like you’re starting over.”

“I just want us to be prepared,” Barry says finally, cause that’s the truth of it. “We really need to make sure more than one person knows how to do things.”

Lup seems to be studying his face, like she doesn’t quite believe him. “Just seems weird to be thinking about this after seventy years, babe.”

Barry stills, thinking about Lucretia and how they found her after the Justice cycle, as they’ve dubbed it. None of them should need to go through that. And if he truly starts going down this lichdom research path, none of them will have to.

He’s not sure why he hasn’t told Lup yet what he’s thinking. She’s his partner, she deserves to know. It’s not that he’s worried she won’t support him. It’s that he worries she’ll support him so much that she’ll want to join him.

If she decides to do this with him - and he’s not even certain that it’s what he actually wants to do; way more research is needed - it’ll be her choice. Barry won’t stop her or say she can’t. He’ll never take away that sort of agency from her.

Maybe that’s why he wants to learn thieves cant and lockpicking. Cause if he’s spending time learning other things, he’s not researching lichdom, therefore not needing to make a decision.

That probably makes him a coward, but eventually he’ll run out of things to learn and go back to that book of dark arts. He thinks back to that one cycle, with Erash - that was her name - the witch. She told him then he wasn’t ready to follow.

Barry knows he’s ready now.

And it terrifies him.

“I know,” Barry says quietly. “I still want to learn, though." 

“Well, I’ll never get in the way between you and learning,” Lup says, leaning over to give him a kiss.

She turns so her back is to him and without thinking, he moves forward to spoon her, kissing the back of her neck.

A long time passes before he falls asleep.


	73. Cycle 73

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has the best cycle ever. Barry thinks about family. Lup finds something that’s lost.

**Cycle Seventy-Three**

“Here, boy!”

Barry looks over to Lup, who’s hunched over, her hands on her knees. “You calling for me or the dog?” he asks with a grin.

Lup just rolls her eyes as a puppy starts running towards her. “That’s a good boy,” she says to the puppy.

Though puppy doesn’t seem to be the right word to describe the dog. Cause it’s pretty damn big for a puppy. But that’s this world for you.

An entire planet of dogs. Basically, Magnus has been on cloud nine the entire time. Not a single person on this planet. Just wildlife, being mostly dogs. Talking dogs.

And such good dogs, too. They welcomed the _Starblaster_ with open arms. Been a bit since they’ve had such a welcome. It’s nice not to have to worry if the world is gonna kill them before the Hunger does.

The puppy stumbles over it’s too big feet just as he’s getting to Lup. Barry thinks it’s some sort of retriever, but he’s not sure. He’s never been good at cataloging different types of dogs. Not like Magnus.

“Oh, poor baby,” Lup says, picking the puppy up. “Where are your people?”

The dogs on this planet seem to raise their puppies communally, taking the idea of ‘it takes a village’ quite seriously. So for there to be a puppy just out in the woods like this, is very rare.

The puppy doesn’t say anything, probably too young to speak. Instead it just whimpers and nuzzles Lup’s neck. “We’ll find your family,” she says, giving the pup a kiss on the head.

Looking at Lup, the puppy in her arm, makes Barry’s heart clench. He’s had some thoughts about the two of them, thoughts for when they finally defeat the Hunger once and for all. Thoughts he’s never told Lup, probably because he’s scared what she would say.

Barry takes a deep breath. He’s already locked one secret thought away, about lichdom, he doesn’t want to lock away another.

Lup glances over at him, raising an eyebrow. “You know I know that look, right? That’s your ‘steeling yourself to say something’ look.”

In spite of himself, he grins. She knows him too well. Well, actually, she knows him just the perfect amount. “This planet has me thinking…”

“Magnus has already checked. I don’t know if the dogs will make it through to the next cycle on the _Starblaster_. They’re way more advanced than Fisher.”

Barry nods, already having come to that conclusion. “It’s not that… It’s just…”

Now that he has the chance to actually say the words and start the conversation, his mind is coming to a complete blank. _Fuck_.

Even with the puppy in her arms, Lup reaches out towards him with one of her hands. “Everything okay?” she asks, her voice gentle.

“Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine,” Barry says at once, not wanting her to be concerned. Even though his heart is racing a million miles an hour now, there’s nothing he can do except blurt out the words. “Have you ever thought about us having kids?”

Lup goes still, even with a squirming puppy in her arms. At the look on her face, like a mask descended over her beautiful features, Barry’s ready to take the question back,

“You know I can’t get pregnant, right?” Lup asks softly. Barry can hear a hint of hurt in her voice and it just about kills him.  The last thing he wants is for her to think that’s something he needs.

“I should have phrased that better,” Barry says quickly, squeezing her hand. He knows they can’t have a biological child of their own and that’s not something that worries him at all. Lup being worried about that is what worries him. “Have you thought about us raising kids? Plenty of kids need a home out there.”

The mask disappears and Barry thinks he notices tension leaving her shoulders. “The thought might have crossed my mind. Possibly.” She smiles, a little shyly, which is something Lup doesn’t often do. Be shy, that is. “ Okay, maybe definitely.”

“Yeah?” Barry asks, knowing he’s got a ridiculous grin on his face and doesn’t even care right now. “And is that a good thought that crossed your mind? Or a not so good thought that crossed your mind.”

“Nerd,” Lup says, stroking the puppy’s head. The pup looks like it’s fallen asleep with his head on Lup’s shoulder. “Good and you know it.” She looks him in the eye. “I think you’d make a really good dad.”

His heart is ready to burst at her words. Having a family is something he’s always thought about, just never thought he’d get the chance to have. One thing he knows, he’ll do a better job raising their kids than his father ever did. Barry promises himself that right then and there.

“You’d make a good mom,” Barry says, reaching out and stroking her cheek. “We’ll make a good family.”

“With four crazy uncles and a responsible aunt. It will be an amazing family,” Lup says. “Already is.”

They both stare at each other for a moment and Barry knows there’s not much more to be said. Now they just need to figure out how to defeat the Hunger and all these plans can move forward.

“Come on,” Lup says and Barry hears the smile in her voice. “Let’s go find this little guy’s family.”

There’s a nearby village, which makes the most sense in where to start. After only a minute or two of walking, Barry hears dogs calling out. “Baker!” “Baker!”

At the name, the puppy in Lup’s arms perks up. “Looks like this little guy is Baker,” Lup says with a laugh.

Two minutes later, Baker is reunited with the village. All Barry can do is squeeze Lup’s hands as the dogs fawn over little Baker.

His mind lingers over the hurt in Lup’s voice when she said she couldn’t get pregnant. Magic can do amazing things. Barry decides right then and there that once the Hunger is defeated, and he and Lup have a home, if that’s something Lup wants, they will find a way to make it happen.

But for now? He’s happy to just enjoy the time he has with Lup. And the rest of his family on the _Starblaster._


	74. Cycle 74

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry tries to keep up. Magnus keeps a steady pace. A decision looms.

**Cycle Seventy-Four**

“Okay, I’m ready,” Barry says. “Let’s do this.”

Magnus leans back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. The last thing he wants to do is hurt Barry’s feelings. But there’s really just no way around it. “You’re sure you want to do this?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Barry says and Magnus can hear the forced eagerness in his voice. Magnus raises an eyebrow. One solitary eyebrow and that’s enough. Barry slumps against the wall. “Of course I don’t want to fucking do this.”

“Then why…”

Barry rests the back of his head against the wall. “Exercise is the _worst_.”

“Again, then why are you exercising?”

For Magnus, working out and training is practically a religion. It clears his head, keeps him focused, and most importantly, lets him stay in shape so he can do his damn job, which is protecting the crew of the _Starblaster_.

Barry doesn’t need to have that same commitment, not when his job is to be all sciencey. Which makes Magnus absolutely respect what he’s trying to do, though. Cause Magnus has been there. He’s tried to improve himself, just like Barry’s trying to do.

Every so often, if the conditions are right, like they have the Light of Creation and there are no obvious threats, Magnus likes to try to educate himself a bit. He’s never really told anyone, though Lucretia did catch him reading a book about literature a dozen or so years ago. He thought she might tease him, but instead answered some questions he had.

Hey, the brain is a muscle, just like his arms. Best to work out the old brain once in a while, right?

“Just a mile, right?” Barry asks. “I can handle a mile and then you can go run as much as you want.”

“Alright, let’s do it,” Magnus says.

He starts at a deliberately slow pace, but not too slow. The last thing Magnus wants is for Barry to think he’s patronizing him. But the steady pace is nice, honestly. Gives him a chance to really look around the world.

They’ve only been here for three days, and today’s the first time they’ve been allowed out, now that they know the world isn’t toxic at all to them. Seems like a perfectly normal world. They just haven’t found out if there are any people on the world yet. Hopefully so. Magnus hates the idea of having to go through their stores two cycles in a row.

A comfortable silence settles between them as they run.

Just as Magnus wonders how long Barry can keep up this pace - it’s been fifteen minutes, not bad - he realizes his friend has lagged behind.

“Can we… Can we just stop for a second?” Barry asks, wheezing as he does.

“Of course,” Magnus says. He’s not even winded as Barry puts his hands on his knees and breathes deeply in and out. “You okay?”

Barry nods before flopping down onto the grass. A second later he’s flat on his back, arms and legs spread wide. “Oh this fucking sucks.”

Clearly Magnus isn’t going to be raising his heart rate anytime soon. So he sits down on the ground next to Barry. “It’s worse for you,” Magnus says honestly. “Every new cycle, I’m just maintaining what I’ve already got. That’s a whole fuckton easier than starting over.”

“No shit,” Barry says with a sigh. “Let’s just sit here for a second. You okay with that?”

He’d rather be running, but he’s not going to leave Barry alone. Not when he’s not sure of all the threats the world might have yet.

“Sure,” Magnus says.

As Barry rests next to him, his mind starts to wander a bit, specifically about last cycle. Those puppies would have loved a field like this to play in. They deserved a field like this to play in.

“Magnus?” Barry asks.

“Hmm? What?” Magnus asks, looking down at Barry.

“I asked if you wanted to start up again,” he says, his brow furrowing. “You okay?

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Magnus says quietly. “I just miss the puppies. Those were some really good fucking dogs.”

“Yeah, they were,” Barry says. “Almost wish some of them would have come with us. They would have been able to, like Fisher.”

“They were so damn loyal,” Magnus says, remembering how he tried to convince some of them to come with them on the _Starblaster._ But not a single puppy was willing to leave their homeworld.

Thank _fuck_ they found the Light of Creation last cycle. At least that gave the puppies a chance. Hopefully they’ll be able to do the same for this cycle, too. Maybe there will be dogs on this world...

Now that he’s sad about puppies, Magnus doesn’t particularly feel like running. He doesn’t particularly feel like doing anything, really. He just wants to sit here and be sad.

But Barry doesn’t need to know that. So he thinks about something they can talk about - not puppies - and goes back to the beginning of their afternoon together.

“Hey, Barry?”

“Yeah?”

Magnus pulls up a blade of grass and starts shredding it a bit. “You know, you never did answer my question. Why are you exercising? You don’t need to put yourself through this, you know.”

“Yeah, I do,” Barry says. With a huff, he sits up, legs crossed under him.

“No, you really don’t,” Magnus says. “With your magic-”

To Magnus’ surprise, Barry cuts him off. Which is really weird. Because Barry doesn’t cut anyone off. He’s like the anti-cutter-offer. “You’re not the only one who’ll do anything they can to protect the crew.”

There’s an intensity in Barry’s voice that Magnus can only respect. “I get that,” Magnus says. Then to try to lighten the mood, because things just got really weirdly tense, he adds, “Well, fuck, I guess that means I need to learn magic now.”

Barry chuckles, which is exactly what Magnus hoped. “Learn from Lup. She’s a much better teacher than I am,” Barry says.

Magnus smiles and tries to think back to when Barry wanted to start exercising. Back when he and Lup hooked up? No, that’s too long ago. Sometimes it’s fucking hard to remember when shit happens. Cycles seem to jumble in his head all the damn time. Which, of course, is when he remembers. Right after the Justice cycle. Makes sense, really. That was a really shitty cycle.

“Fair enough,” Magnus says. Well, if Barry wants to do anything he can to protect the crew, the least Magnus can do is help with that. With one quick move, he stands up off of the ground, holding his hand out to Barry. “Ready to keep going?”

Barry puts his hand in his and Magnus helps him up. “Yeah,” Barry says. “Yeah, let’s do this.”


	75. Cycle 75

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup makes a confession. Barry learns yet another new trade. Silence is golden.

**Cycle Seventy-Five**

If a Lup screams in the forest and no one is around to hear her, does she actually scream?

This cycle is a fucking trip.

Something about the vibrations in the air makes it impossible for sound to travel. So everything is silent. They try to talk? No one can hear them. Magic? Makes absolutely no sound.

Makes things really weird. In the ship, they all write things down for each other. Outside, they’ve developed hand signals. Barry’s gone as far as to learn how to read lips.

One thing the place has going for it? She and Barry can bone as loud as they want and no one will hear them. Lup’s all about finding the bright side of life. And that is definitely a bright side.

But she misses hearing people laugh. She misses Merle’s off-key humming and Lucretia’s softly sung folk songs.

She misses hearing Barry tell her he loves her most of all.

Well, eventually this cycle will end and another will begin. And who knows what sort of craziness the next cycle will bring?

Lup reaches out and puts a gloved hand on a dead tree in the middle of a forest. She and Barry have been spending a lot of time in this forest, trying to figure out what makes it tick. With no sign of the Light this cycle, they might as well be nerds about other things.

Like this forest.

Over the six months they’ve been studying it, she’s come to love it. Most of the people in this cycle live in small villages just on the outskirt of this place, a forest that covers almost half this continent.

Some people say it’s cursed, but that just means there’s something cool to discover.

And Lup wants it to be Barry and her who do the discovering. Cause that’s kinda what they do. Be awesome at discovering things.

There aren’t a lot of dead trees in this forest, and there definitely aren’t a lot of dead trees surrounded by plenty of healthy ones. She takes a closer look and there’s some sort of goo-like substance oozing out of the bark.

Fuck, yeah, that’s the good shit.

“Hey babe?” Lup asks.

She shakes her head. You’d think she’d remember that he can’t hear her after all these months, but you’d be wrong. At least no one can hear her make that mistake.

So she places her hand on Barry’s shoulder to get his attention. He’s been staring off into the heart of the forest, towards the dark spaces where rumor has it nothing ever comes out. Lup can’t decide if she and Barry should go there at some point. Maybe with a month to go or something. Could be fun. Could also be a disaster, which just about sums up everything they try these days.

Barry finally looks at her, eyebrows raised, showing her he’s asking her what she wants.

“There’s goo,” she says, pointing at the dead tree.

It’s strange, having Barry watch her lips when she talks instead of her eyes. But it saves them from both having to write out questions and answers, so it’ll work.

Barry stares over at the tree, without even a second glance at her. And then he just stares. He doesn’t walk over to the tree. He doesn’t take out the quasmifier. He doesn’t ask any questions.

He just stares.

Until Lup waves her hand in front of his face, that is.

“Everything okay?” Lup asks, even though she knows it’s not. He’s been withdrawn lately and is spending more and more time alone reading. At first, she assumed it was cause of the whole no sound thing. But that excuse only worked for the first month or two. It’s been almost seven.

He nods and doesn’t even bother taking out a notepad and quill to write a more detailed answer.

When you’ve known someone for more than seventy-five years, and boned them for almost thirty, you learn to hear what they’re not telling you. And Lup knows that Barry’s holding something back.

And it hurts more than she cares to admit. She’s told him _everything_. Okay, well, not everything. She hasn’t told him about Lucretia crushing on Magnus, just because that’s not her secret to tell. But everything else? He knows.

“Okay, babe,” Lup says. Even though she knows he can’t hear her voice, just reads her lips, she tries to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

Barry turns his back towards her and is clearly trying to look like he’s studying the goo on the dead tree.

It’s not working. He’s obviously not studying. She knows how he looks when he’s studying. How he tends to stand on the balls of his feet like he’s ready to pounce on knowledge or something. How his shoulders are relaxed because learning is a joy to him.

How he never, _ever_ , holds something back from her.

And yet.

“What are you hiding from me, Barry J. Bluejeans?” Lup asks, hardly above a whisper.

It doesn’t matter that he can’t hear her, not on this planet. At least she’s finally spoken those words out loud, gotten them off of her chest.

She shouldn’t be this upset about things. It’s not like they’re one entity. They don’t share a brain or anything. Lup is most certainly her own person. Barry’s the same. Neither one of them are defined by the other.

He’s allowed to have secrets. Lup’s just gonna repeat that over and over to herself until it becomes a fucking mantra. Barry can have as many secrets as he wants.

But what if the secret is about her? What if he’s not sure about her any more? No, no, that’s just silly. If Barry wasn’t sure about them, she’d know. And she’s got no doubt.

So maybe it’s something else. One of the other crew? The mission?

Lup takes a breath. She’s gonna lose her mind if she stays on this path. So she pushes the thoughts away, with one last _Barry is allowed to have secrets_ , and walks over to him.

“Come on, babe,” she says. “Let’s go do some science.”


	76. Cycle 76

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup has disappeared. Davenport takes someone’s place. Barry is disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very brief mention of suicidal thoughts in this chapter.

**Cycle Seventy-Six**

Every little noise makes Barry jump.

Every. Single. One.

Three months. Three months he’s been in prison. And Barry hasn’t had a single full-night of sleep since. He doesn’t trust _anyone_ here, not after seeing a brawl break out in the dining hall on his very first day.

Three months of thinking he’s gonna get shanked at every little sound. Three months of constantly looking behind him to make sure no one is following him.

Three months without Lup or the rest of the crew.

That’s the thing that gets him the most. He misses his family. Desperately. This prison is so strict that he’s not even allowed letters. Just a visit from a family member once a month.

At least that’s today. A half hour visit with Lup for the next six months is all he has to look forward to. Sometimes, when he’s half asleep and a bundle of nerves, he wonders if those visits are worth it. Or should he just end things for this cycle.

But he’s never done that before. Even though this situation absolutely sucks, that’s a path he’s not willing to walk down. Barry’s doing his best, at least. He’s helping more than one prisoner earn their secondary school certification. Better than nothing, right?

“Bluejeans, visiting hours,” a guard says from outside his cell.

Barry climbs off of the top bunk, being extra careful not to jostle the bottom; he doesn’t ever want to see his cellmates reaction of getting woken up like that again. Once he’s standing in front of the prison bars, he puts his hands behind his head, like they’ve taught him.

The door opens and a guard runs inside, handcuffing him almost immediately. “Let’s go,” the guard says.

Barry doesn’t react, just counts his steps, knowing each one will bring him closer to Lup. He might not be able to touch her in the visiting room, but honestly? At this point, looking at her will be enough.

Finally the walk ends and the guard opens the door and Barry can’t help but rush in a bit.

And then he deflates.

It’s not Lup sitting at the table.

It’s Davenport.

Barry’s disappointment and worry start warring in his head and worry ultimately wins out. “Where’s Lup?” he asks as he sits down across from Davenport. He shakes his head. Way to make Davenport feel unwanted. “Not that it isn’t great to see you, Captain, but I thought…”

That’s when Barry swears he feels fingertips on the back of his neck.

He’s not supposed to make any sudden movements. Not when he’s out of this cell. But he can’t help it. Barry swivels in his chair to look behind him but nothing is there. Must have been his imagination.

“Is Lup alive, at least?” Barry ask as he turns back around. He hates how dejected he sounds, but he can’t help it. For thirty days he’s dreamed of seeing her again and she’s not here.

Davenport nods, but he’s not looking at Barry. He’s not really looking at anything. Just staring into the corner. Barry looks over his shoulder to the spot where he’s looking but there’s nothing there.

“So how’s the rest of the crew?” Barry asks, drumming his fingers one by one on his thighs.

He had such high hopes for this cycle. Plenty of interesting science. But this is a law-abiding world, which is why Barry eventually found himself in a maximum security prison.

When Davenport doesn’t answer, Barry knows something’s wrong. He’s just about to ask when he hears Lup’s voice whisper in his ear. “Don’t flinch and stand up slowly.”

Barry’s heart is ready to burst. This is a jailbreak of some sort. The crew cares about him enough to risk breaking him out of prison. As odd as this sounds, this is one of the happier days of his life.

He stands as slowly as he can, eyes on the guard. The guard makes no movement of any sort, like he doesn’t realize anything is amiss. Once Barry’s standing, Lup - who he still can’t see - shoves a vial in his hand.

“Drink,” she tells him, soft enough that the guard can’t hear.

Well, Barry’s got nothing to lose, so he drinks the vial in one gulp. He can’t quite place the taste. There’s a sense of illusion in the potion, but he’s got nothing more specific than that. But then he looks down and realizes he’s gone invisible.

_Fuck yes._

Pocketing the empty vial, Barry glances over at Davenport, who is still staring in that corner. And Barry also sees himself, still sitting on that chair, and Davenport’s visit suddenly makes a whole lot of sense. He’s really gonna have to start studying Illusion magic at some point.

Invisible Lup grabs Barry’s hand. Three months. Three damn months since they’ve touched. Barry’s ready to cry a bit at the simple touch, but holds it back, not wanting the guard to hear. If this is successful, he is gonna thank her for this prison break all night long.

There’s a tug and Lup whispers, “Follow.”

Nothing left to do except listen to her instructions. Together, they leave through the archway and walk into the hall. There are guards and civilians walking on both sides. This will be the most dangerous part. Getting through the hall without bumping into anyone.

But somehow they make it through. And then it’s just a matter of waiting until someone leaves the building so they can follow them out.

And far sooner than Barry could have ever dreamed, he’s outside. It’s an ugly day with the sun covered by clouds, but honestly? It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.

They’re not out of danger yet, though. They walk a good mile before Lup pushes him up against a tree and they start kissing.

“Oh stop with the kissey face.”

Barry pulls away from Lup at the sound of Taako’s voice. “Taako?” he asks.

“Forget about him,” Lup says, kissing his neck. “We’re invisible.”

“Davenport’s heading our way,” Taako says, sounding bored.

“I can’t believe you pulled this all off,” Barry says, squeezing Lup’s hand.

Lup’s arm is around his waist and Barry can’t even remember the last time he was this happy. “Took longer than I wanted. Taako and I had to learn a couple of illusion spells to make it work.”

“Barry!” Davenport says, with a tip of his hat. “Sorry for the non-responsiveness back in the room. I was channeling your duplicate and had to make sure everything was perfect.”

Barry nods, but remembers he’s invisible. “Thank you,” he says. “Thank you so much.”

Davenport starts walking, so Barry starts to follow. Another mile, and Magnus is waiting with a cart and two horses. “Everything go to plan?” he asks. “You doing okay, Barry?”

Barry looks down at his hands and realizes he can see them again. He looks at Lup and sees her beautiful face again for the first time in a month. “Never better.”

And he means it. His heart is full when he thinks what his friends risked for him. How did he ever get to be this lucky? “I’ll tell you one thing, though,” Barry says.

“What’s that?” Lup asks as she scoots next to him. Ignoring Taako rolling his eyes, he puts his arm around his girlfriend.

“I am _never_ jaywalking again.”


	77. Cycle 77

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The _Starblaster_ is fairly empty. Lup wants to try something new. Barry makes a confession.

**Cycle Seventy-Seven**

“I thought this’d be more fun,” Lup says with a sigh encompassing her entire body. She stands in the middle of an empty ops center. Well, empty except for Barry, who’s pouring over a tome of some sort. “Barry, you listening, babe?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure, of course I am,” Barry says, not looking up from his work. Lup clears her throat - enough to finally get his attention - and he looks up at her. “Oh shit, you’re naked.”

Barold, bless his heart, doesn’t even look back down at his book. Lup smiles as she poses for him, doing her best to show off her breasts. Even after thirty years together, he’s always made her feel ridiculously wanted. “Glad you noticed,” she says.

One might wonder why Lup’s walking around the _Starblaster_ naked as the day she was born. And the answer is simple. _Because she can_.

This cycle hasn’t gone so great, and with almost two months until the Hunger comes, Lup and Barry are the only ones left. They’ve never lost so many in one cycle, not since what they call the Justice Cycle, where Lucretia found herself alone. At least Lup has Barry this time around.

But it makes them both nervous. This cycle is violent, the people on this world not willing to help strangers. They have some sort of projectile weapon that easily kills. And after Magnus was killed a few days ago by one of those weapons, Barry and Lup had enough.

The _Starblaster_ is hidden from view and neither one of them even suggests to attempt finding the Light of Creation. If the Hunger wants this world? It can have it.

So they’ll stick to the ship, using up some supplies. Their stores are jam-packed right now and Barry thinks they can go another three cycles without replenishing if they need to.

And if Lup and Barry are the only ones on the ship? Fuck it, Lup’s gonna walk around naked, because she can.

His eyes still not leaving Lup’s body, Barry says, “Do you, um, want me to get naked, too?”

That right there, right there, is why she loves him _so fucking much._ Barry doesn’t like getting naked, not completely at least. Even when they have sex, half the time he leaves on his socks. Lup doesn’t get it, but he probably doesn’t get why she’s walking around the ship naked, so it’s pretty even.

Yet here he is, willing to get naked because she is. Lup knows he’s not exactly comfortable with his body, even as much as she loves it. And she does, because it’s _his_. She loves everything about his body: his slight belly, the weird birthmark on his back, and the way she can see grey hairs at his temples by the end of each cycle. If they ever manage to break out of the cycles and start growing old, he is going to be one hell of a silver fox.

“Just once,” Lup says, walking over to him. She’s willing to give him a bit of incentive, if needed. “Let’s do it on the ops floor, just cause we can. Then you won’t need to get naked in ops ever again.”

She can see him warring within himself and it’s fucking adorable. “Barold,” she says, sitting on edge of the table next to him. She crosses her legs and does her best to look seductive. “We might never get this chance again…”

“But the floor?” Barry asks and being the smart bastard he is, makes a move. He places a hand on her knee, then slowly drags the tips of his fingers up her inner thigh.

“The table, then,” Lup says, leaning back so she’s resting her forearms on the table. Anything so that he doesn’t stop touching her.

Instead of answering, Barry stands up and takes off his shirt, throwing it to the ground. “I’m leaving my socks on,” he says as he starts to unzip his jeans.

“Deal.”

#

“See? Wasn’t that fun?” Lup asks drowsy-like. She’s sitting up on the table, Barry standing between her legs as he’s lightly running his nails up and down her back.

He chuckles, which Lup can feel in her own body. “Always fun,” he says before kissing her temple. “But I’m gonna go get dressed now.”

“I need to pee anyway,” Lup says, standing up as she squeezes his hand.

When she comes back into the ops center, she’s wearing Barry’s robe. It’s a thick, red plaid flannel and she steals it every chance she gets. Barry, predictably, is sitting back down at the table, fully dressed, and reading that tome again.

“Anything interesting?” Lup asks, more to pass some time than anything else. She’s got a few books to read herself, to see if she can’t learn a little more control in some of her more obscure evocation spells.

“Maybe,” Barry says. He says the word in just the right tone of voice to catch Lup’s attention. “Been thinking…”

Lup sits down next to him and pulls the book towards her. On one page, she sees a drawing of what looks like an energy cloud. But as she stares longer, she sees more details. A skeletal face, partially hidden by a robe.

“What is this?” Lup asks, her voice low. “Lichdom? This looks a little darker than your usual necromancy, babe.”

Barry leans back in his chair. Lup watches him take a deep breath and because after almost eighty years, she knows him, she knows he’s working up some courage. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while.”

And suddenly, everything makes sense. This is the secret he’s been holding onto for the last five cycles. It’s got nothing to do with her or the ship or the crew. But with necromancy. A weight leaves her shoulders. She should have realized the secret would be a nerd secret.

But it’s actually a scary nerd secret.

“Barry J. Bluejeans, are you trying to tell me you want to become a lich?” Lup asks. Already her pulse is racing. Liches are dangerous, they’re wild, and uncontrollable. All things she would never, _ever_ associate with Barry.

“Not yet,” Barry says, grabbing her hand, and sounding as earnest as she’s ever heard him. “I haven’t done enough research yet. But this could save us, Lup. Look at us, the only two left. What if something happens to one of us? That year alone almost broke Lucretia. No one would have to worry about being alone if I’m a lich.”

Lup doesn’t say anything as she tries to read some of the tome. She’ll have to study it, try to get a better idea of what exactly this entails. Good thing she likes to read.

“It’s just… It’s been so long, Loopy, and I think we’re all tired. And when we’re tired, we make stupid mistakes. This means a mistake isn’t our death sentence.” He stops and pushes his glasses up on his forehead before rubbing his eyes. “Look, this is just research right now. This would be a fucking big decision and definitely not one I’m ready to make yet. If I do this-”

“We,” Lup says, turning to look Barry right in the eye. If Barry’s a lich, then she’s a lich, simple as that. It’s not something she’s ever considered before. Ever. But she trusts Barry, and of course Taako, more than anyone else in the universe. If he thinks this is something to consider… He’ll never have to walk a path like that alone, not while she’s here. “If _we_ do this.”

She can tell he wants to protest, but he’s known her long enough to know she’s not backing down. So instead, Lup’s stomach flutters as he takes her hand and brings it to his lips. “Yeah,” he says, taking a faltering breath. “We.” 


	78. Cycle 78

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle has an important question. John has a surprising answer. The Hunger keeps going...

**Cycle Seventy-Eight**

“Have you ever been in love, John?”

Merle watches John’s reaction out of the corner of his eye. It’s not quite what he expects. After twenty-seven meetings, he likes to think he’s got a beat on the guy. But maybe not. Instead of waiting for an answer, Merle looks at the chessboard in front of him.

These are the meetings Merle likes the most. The ones where neither one of them piss the other off too quickly, leading John to do what John does. Which is killing Merle.

But today, they’ve almost made it through an entire game of chess. John’s kicking his ass, but Merle’s never been one to give up. He’s made a habit of beating the odds.

“Why do you ask?” John asks.

Merle leans back in his chair and interlocks his fingers over his stomach. This was a good cycle they found themselves in. One with good food and beverages. More importantly, with a people who weren’t trying to kill the IPRE. He might have indulged a bit over the past year and it might be showing a bit in his stomach. Luckily he’ll go right back to good ol’ Merle once his meeting with John is done.

“Just trying to get to know you,” Merle says with a shrug. Hasn’t that been what he’s been trying to do on and off almost fifty years? “Been pretty clear that’s what I’ve been wanting to do, right?”

John chuckles and adjusts his tie. “That is true,” he says with a tilt of his head. “You certainly are an open book, Merle Highchurch.”

“I’d like to think I’m a little more complicated than that, but whatever,” Merle says. “Open book, closed book. Book with lots of dog-eared pages. Maybe I’m like one of those books you find in a thrift store with a half torn off cover. But you’re so excited to find a first edition, you don’t even care.” He sighs, thinking of the beauty of books. He might not read a lot, but he does like to look at books. “Yeah, I think I’m maybe like that.”

A few minutes pass. They play their game. Merle somehow keeps up; he’s not too proud to admit he’s been practicing. Barry’s great at chess and is always up for a game. Taako’s willing to play, too. And he’s unpredictable, which helps Merle keep John on his toes.

Merle thinks about moving on. Maybe it was a stupid question, but hell. He’s full of stupid questions. And if he doesn’t ask them, there’s no chance of an answer. But he has an inkling John’s not gonna let this one go.

“So what brings up the idea of being in love?” John asks, looking over the chessboard.

Heh. Merle called it.

“Eh, just thinking about two of the crew,” Merle says. He knows he’s talked about the IPRE to John before, but he can’t remember how much he’s told John. “I’ve talked about Lup and Barry, right?”

An almost thoughtful look crosses John’s face. Merle wonders if he’s managed to make his friends real people to John. That’s one of the things he’s tried to do. To him, that’s the important shit. More important than the scientific stuff Barry wants or the tactical information Magnus hopes for.

Merle? He just wants John to understand that he and his friends are _real_.

“The scientist and the arcanist?” John asks.

“Yep, got it in one,” Merle says, studying the chessboard. “They’re in love.”

And how.

Merle thought it was a joke at first, finding out that Lup and Barry were together. But then they stayed together. And after thirty years, they’re still together. Lup’s the type of gal who can choose anyone she wants. Apparently, she wants Barry. Well, they’re happy so that makes Merle happy.

“I always wondered if anyone would pair off in our little family. Honestly? I thought it would be-”

“Barry and Lucretia?” John says. Merle holds back a smile. Son of a bitch, the man’s been paying attention. What else might John remember?

“Yeah, exactly right. Pair up the nerds, I thought,” Merle says with a laugh. “Some matchmaker I am.”

John moves his knight and Merle’s not quite sure what to do next. As he thinks about his next move, John asks, “So have you ever been in love?”

“Uh-uh, mister,” Merle says as he moves his rook to protect his queen. “You never actually answered my question. Gimme an answer, and then it’ll be my turn.”

John crosses his legs at the knee and takes a breath. “The answer, Merle, is no. I was too busy trying to motivate other people and then once I stopped… Well, I was too busy contemplating the state of the universe.”

“Oh come on, Johnny boy. I can’t imagine you lived like a monk. Never once in all that time? No one ever tugged on the ol’ heart strings?” Merle asks, seeing the mistake he made with the rook. He should have moved his bishop.

John takes advantage and take the rook with a pawn. “I had plenty of dalliances,” he says, sounding bored of the topic. “But nothing permanent and nothing I would consider to be true love.”

Merle’s gonna lose this game. Probably within five moves or so. And when the game ends, John usually decides he’s had enough. Shame. But that means Merle can take his time figuring out his next move without guilt.

“I do believe it’s your turn to answer the question,” John says.

“I am a man of my word,” Merle says. “I fall in love a half a dozen times a day, John. And not just with people. With the _world_. With the seasons and the oceans and beauty. Especially beauty.” 

John raises an eyebrow and Merle can already tell that the man doesn’t understand. Well, maybe Merle will try to explain a little better. “Falling in love is easy, John,” he says. “I do it all the time. But staying in love? Like Barry and Lup? That’s different. That I haven’t been as successful at.”

“But you have stayed in love?” John asks. “Even just for a little while?”

Merle thinks about the few people he’s stayed in love with over the years. But every single time, that love eventually fades. “Never managed to stick the landing,” he admits. “But I’d like to think… You ever decide to stop chasing us and we stay in one place for more than a year? Yeah, I wouldn’t mind trying again. Might be a nice change of pace.”

“I suppose it is inconvenient, having to pick-up and move every year,” John says, looking at the chessboard. Merle can tell he sees the same thing he does. That John’s gonna win within two moves.

“You don’t know the half of it, buddy,” Merle says. But the Hunger is never gonna stop, not until the IPRE stops it, and he and John both know that.

Another silence falls between them. Merle fidgets with one of John’s pawns, waiting for him to make the move. “I think I’ve had enough for today,” John says and maybe Merle’s imaging it, but he thinks he hears a hint of regret in John’s voice.

Merle waits for the touch that will kill him. At least he waited until the end of this cycle before calling the parley. “Thanks for the game,” he says.

“Until next time,” John says, reaching out his hand. Merle feels the cold press of John’s fingertips against his forehead and then everything goes dark. 


	79. Cycle 79

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus leads an expedition. Lup starts an important conversation. Barry’s not ready to listen.

**Cycle Seventy-Nine**

“This is bullshit,” Lup says, flopping as dramatically as she can on the sofa. And she can flop with the best of them.

She looks over at Barry, who’s only got eyes for the quasmifier right now. He totally missed her flop. It was a damn good flop, too. Very dramatic. She’s got half a mind to get up and do it again when he looks up. “Yeah,” he says, putting the quasmifier on the table and finally looking at her. “This really is.”

“I had to use a match to start a fire yesterday,” Lup says, crossing her arms over her chest. “A _match_. What am I? A barbarian?”

She flicks her wrist, hoping to feel the familiar tickle of flames, but there’s nothing there. And it’s the same for the entire _Starblaster_ crew.

This plane doesn’t have magic. At all. Even after three months, it’s really tripping her out.

“I kept hoping I could fix the quasmifier so we could run some tests-”

“But magic?” Lup asks, raising an eyebrow.

“But magic,” Barry says with a sigh as he stands up. “We’re lucky the ship-”

Lup’s off of the sofa in an instant and covering Barry’s mouth with both hands. “Don’t say it, don’t even _think_ it.” That’s the last thing they need, something happening to the ship. Because no way in hell is this where the crew is ending up. No way.

There’s a knock on the doorway then and Magnus clears his throat. “You two still want to go hunting?”

The obvious answer is no. Well, that’s not true. The obvious answer is actually hells, no. But after last cycle and going through a lot of their supplies, even all of their health potions, Magnus wants them hunting and foraging as much as possible.

And without magic it sucks. Super duper sucks. Even using one of Magnus’s secondhand swords can’t make it better. Though Lup’s got to admit, she looks pretty damn sexy with a sword.

“Let’s go hunt,” Lup says, stretching her arms over her head. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

#

“This is bullshit,” Lup says weakly, trying to snuggle up to Barry as close as possible. She wonders if she’s truly dying. She’s died before, of course. But the few times she has, it’s been quick. This is dying by degrees and she doesn’t like it.

Of course, there’s a way she wouldn’t have to die…

Lup turns the thought over in her head. She and Barry haven’t talked the whole lich thing through all that much, but they’ve agreed to research. And they have been. Over the last eighty years, they’ve totes got one of the best necromantic book collections probably ever assembled. Barry takes his shit seriously.

“Yeah,” Barry says, stroking her hair. “This really is.” His lips brush her temple and Lup lets out a sigh. “Lemme check the bleeding.”

It’s so unfair. If they had magic, she’d be healed already. Or even if they had a stupid potion. Instead, she’s gonna have to die in a cave. Ugh. Talk about undignified. But it’s her own fault, really. She’s the one who wanted to go exploring a bit after their hunt with Magnus.

And she’s the one who led them into a cave full of some kind of wild animals. They took out the animals, but not before the animals basically took out her.

All cause she wanted to make out with Barry. She’s not gonna tell him, though, cause then he’ll feel guilty and Lup never wants him to feel like that. At least the rest of the crew knows where they are, thanks to their Stone of Farspeech. But they also know that Lup’s probably not gonna be going back to the ship.

Well, guess she and Barry can talk about dying and not-dying now. Perfect time, really.

“I think we can put this experience under the pro-lich column,” Lup says softly. No one is around to hear them, but just talking about lichdom makes her want to keep her voice down for some reason.

“You want to talk about this _now_?” Barry asks, his grip on her hand becoming tighter.

“Hells, yeah. When better?” Lup says. She’s about to say more, but then she’s coughing. A violent cough that racks her entire body. After she wipes her hand over her mouth, there’s more blood than she’d like to see.

Barry holds out a skin of water for her and Lup can barely lift it to her lips. But the water tastes fresh and clean and cold. Right now, it’s the best thing she’s ever tasted in her life.

“So you want to make a list of pros and cons?” Barry asks. He’s holding her again and Lup decides it’s really not so bad, dying in the arms of the person you love. She’s died worse ways.

They all have.

“Something like that,” Lup says. Her words are slurring now. Well, at least there will hopefully be magic again when she wakes. This no magic bullshit is… bullshit.

“Loopy,” Barry says. Lup closes her eyes at the anguish in his voice.

“Did someone request a bandaid?”

Lup glances up at the sound of Merle’s voice and she wonders why there are two of them. The dwarf has a ridiculous look on his face as he saunters in the cave.

“Not enough, Merle,” Barry says, tensing up behind her. “But thanks.”

“Maybe this will help.”

Merle holds out a vial to her. Lup squints, not quite sure what she’s seeing. But that’s okay. She’s just gonna go to sleep and wake up again when there’s magic.

She’s so fucking _tired._

“Holy shit, is that a health potion?” Barry asks, grabbing the vial out of Merle’s hand. “I thought we were out.”

Without any warning, Barry pushes Lup up into a sitting position. “The fuck?” Lup asks, wanting the world to stop spinning.

“Here, Loopy, drink this,” Barry says.

Lup never wants to deny him anything, so she’ll drink whatever he wants. Cause she loves him and he’ll never do anything to hurt her. Maybe it’ll help her go to sleep. That’d be something he’d do. Give her something to help.

She doesn’t have the strength to lift the vial and Barry quickly figures that out. He puts the vial next to her lips and the liquid starts to coat her throat. A familiar taste.

A couple of seconds later, Lup decides she’s not gonna kick the bucket this cycle. The skin on her stomach already is knitting itself back together. Yay for not bleeding out. Not bleeding out is the absolute _best._ “Thanks, Merle.”

“Found it under my bed,” Merle says with a grin. “Not sure how old it is, but who cares if it does the job, right?”

“Dude, Greg Grimaldis could have spit in this potion and I would have drank it,” Lup says, wondering if either Barry or Merle understands just how profound that is. “But thanks for the assist.”

Merle’s down to only one Merle, which is a definite improvement to two Merle’s. She must be getting better.

“Let’s wait a bit before we get you back to the ship,” Barry says, sounding absolutely relieved. Which she gets. No Lup makes the _Starblaster_ far less interesting. “Why don’t you nap a bit?”

And that’s why she loves this man. Because he knows what she wants before she wants it.

So she closes her eyes and doesn’t even mind that when she wakes up, she still won’t have magic. She’ll have Barry, at least, which is a pretty decent compromise.

 


	80. Cycle 80

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako inserts himself where he’s not wanted. Lup needs some breathing space. Barry puts his foot it in.

**Cycle Eighty**

Barry knows he shouldn’t say anything. Knows he needs to just keep his big mouth shut. Lup is a grown woman who can make her own choices. Saying something will just make him look pathetic and most likely just piss her off.

Even so…

Lup’s putting on what he’s come to consider her armor. Black leather pants with a matching duster. Her crop top reveals only a hint of her stomach, cause anything more than that would be impractical. Then black boots and fingerless gloves finish off the outfit.

She looks amazing in this getup. Always has.

Because she’s wearing her armor, Barry knows she’s taking things seriously. So he really should just keep quiet.

And yet…

“Are you sure you want to go out there, Loopy?”

Lup stills. Doesn’t move a muscle and Barry hates himself. Just as he’s about to say something, anything really, Lup holds up her hand and says, “Just have enough respect for me not to ask again, okay?”

_Shit_.

“Lup, I didn’t mean anything,” Barry says as he stands up from the bed. Damnit, why’d he have to open his big mouth?

“Yes, you did,” Lup says, looking at him through the mirror over their dresser. “Barry, we’ve been stuck on the ship for almost six months. We keep running around in circles over the lich thing.” She turns and crosses her arms over her chest as she leans against the dresser. “I love you, but I just need some fresh air.”

Thanks to a cease fire, the warring towns below have finally stopped bombing everything that moves. It’s only supposed to last three days and Lup and Taako want to take advantage. Barry? He wants to stay on the ship where he knows he won’t be bombed to oblivion.

Well, that and he knows Lup needs some Taako time. So if he needs to stay behind for that to happen, he will.

While he can’t stop them from leaving, he can worry about them. Barry just wishes his worrying didn’t make him look like he didn’t have faith in Lup.

They haven’t even really been able to explore the world below because of all of the fighting. They’re using some kick-ass projectile weapons infused with magic. Just the type of thing that Barry and Lup would go nuts over. But they haven’t been able to leave the ship

Barry supposes he should be grateful that the world hasn’t actually bombed the ship, just the people in it if they leave, like Merle discovered. At least Merle hadn’t died that way yet. Amazing how after eighty years, Merle’s still learning new ways to kick the bucket.

“Gimme a kiss before you leave?” Barry asks.

“That’s more like it,” Lup says with a grin. Barry stuffs his hands into the pocket of his jeans while she walks over to him.

“I’ll miss you,” Barry says as she puts her arms around his shoulders.

“You’ll catch up on your reading. You won’t even know I’m gone,” Lup says.

It’s not true, of course. Well, the reading part is absolutely true. Just the not knowing Lup is gone part’s not true.

But this isn’t the time to discuss that, not when Lup is kissing him and he’s kissing her back, his hands settling on her hips, trying to bring her in as close as possible. Trying to give her something to remember him by, even if it’s just for three days.

They break apart, and Lup gives him a mock salute. All Barry can do now is wait.

#

Three days pass and Lup and Taako aren’t back.

Barry tries not to assume the worst, but that’s what he does. He assumes the worst. He’s lived without Lup before, remembering a cycle some twenty-five years back. It sucks, but he’ll manage to make do.

On the fourth day, he’s tinkering in the science corner, trying to make an adjustment to the quasmifier, maybe seeing if he can’t make it a little more sensitive. It’s something he’s wanted to do for a while, but there’s always been something more important to do.

_Like me_ , Lup’s voice says in his head.

“That’s right, Loopy, like you,” Barry says quietly as he picks up his screwdriver.

Time passes. He’s not sure how long, cause it’s easy to get lost in the little details of his work.

_Babe,_ comes Lup’s voice out of nowhere. Barry’s heart clenches and he braces himself to listen to the message, expecting bad news. But if she’s sending a message, Lup’s still alive and really, that’s all that matters. _Next cease-fire, go to the library in the closest town. Worth it. Promise. I’m gonna try to end this war. I love-_

_Taako rules!_

And the message cuts off thanks to Taako hitting the word limit. Barry smiles in spite of himself. There’s already talk of having a second cease-fire next month. Lup’s ended wars in other cycles. Why not this one, too?

Of course, this does mean that he’s got a Lup-free month ahead of him, which is never great. But that means one very important thing.

He can catch up on his studying.

More specifically, he can throw himself into studying lichdom. 

Lup wasn’t lying when she said they’ve been talking in circles about his lich idea. It’s just… It’s just such a huge monumental change.

When it comes to making a decision about becoming a lich, Barry’s still not sure. The selfish, attention-seeking part of him wants to do it. Wants to show the universe just how powerful Barry J Bluejeans truly is, that he’s become a master of life and death.

The other part thinks they need to leave well enough alone. That messing with someone’s soul is dangerous and probably not worth the risk.

The two parts are warring in his brain constantly. One of these days, they need to make a decision. Because Barry knows it’s got to be a decision for both of them.

So Barry puts down his screwdriver. The quasmifier can wait.

He stands, stretching his arms over his head, trying to shake off the rust on his spine. And he walks to the bookshelf, pulling down some of the oldest tomes in their collection, the ones with plain covers and no embellishments.

If he’s got a month before he’ll see Lup again? Barry’s gonna make sure he makes every minute count. That way, no matter what they decide, no one can say he didn’t make the absolute most informed decision possible.

Barry sits down, opens the book, and gets to reading.


	81. Cycle 81

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia is a catalyst. Taako helps speed things along. A decision is made.

**Cycle Eighty-One**

“Lucretia’s dead,” Lup says, dropping her bag onto the floor of the science corner.

Barry’s face crumples and Lup scolds herself. She can be that brusque about death with Taako, but Barry? He still takes each death personally, even after eighty damn years. It’s one of the ridiculous amount of reasons she loves him so much.

“Were you there? Are you okay?” Barry asks.

He’s sitting on the floor for some reason with a couple of notebooks surrounding him. Lup sits down across from him. “I’m fine. Killed the asshole who killed Lucretia,” she says.

This is an ugly cycle, just like last cycle. People are territorial and all she and Lucretia did was go into the wrong store. Death by shopping. Even Merle’s not had that death yet. What a stupid way to die.

“Good,” Barry says, putting down the notebook he was holding. “You didn’t answer my question, though. Are you okay?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” Lup says, which sounds pretty deep, considering the mood she’s in. “It’s always weird when it’s Lucretia or Davenport who kick the bucket. They’re like the adults on this boat.”

Barry grins at that, though she can see the sadness still in his eyes. “We’ll toast her at dinner.

“She didn’t deserve this,” Lup says, feeling a little choked up.

“I know.”

“What has she ever done to anyone except be kind and write freaky fast?” Lup asks. She’s on the verge of tears and that’s not acceptable. Lup fucking Taaco does not cry. Ever.

Fuck, maybe she’s becoming like Taako, almost numb to each world and the people in them. She doesn’t want to think that. She hates that this mission seems to be turning her into someone who just doesn’t care as much.

Because she wants to care. She wants to care so much, but it’s so fucking hard to when year after year any roots you put down are torn up again and again and again.

“I just want to go home,” she says in a whisper.

Home could be anywhere at this point. Any world where they don’t have to escape the Hunger year after year after fucking year. All Lup wants is a small house with Barry.

She can even picture it. She’ll paint the outside a different color every year. Barry’ll let her choose. He barely pays attention to that sort of thing. She’ll decorate the inside with the tackiest, garish thrift store furniture she can find.

And they’ll never have to run from the Hunger again.

“I know, Loopy,” Barry says. He holds out his arms and Lup doesn’t even hesitate. She scoots over and leans back against him. It’s a little awkward, cause she’s taller than him, but there’s no place she’d rather be right now. “We’ll find home eventually.”

He sounds wistful, which is exactly how Lup feels. Home. Some days, it’s an impossible concept. Most days, really.

Lup’s had just about enough feeling sorry for herself when Magnus appears around the corner. He clears his throat and Lup looks up and meets his eye.

Her stomach clenches. She knows that look. That’s Magnus’s ‘someone is dead’ look.

“Who?” she asks, squeezing Barry’s hands, like it might ward off the hurt or something.

Magnus looks down at the floor and Lup _knows_. He doesn’t even need to say Taako’s name. “I’m sorry, Lup-”

“How?”

“We crossed the wrong street or something,” Magnus says and he sounds tired. So fucking tired, just like the rest of them. Kicking at the floor with his boot, he adds, “I don’t know what happened to the body.”

Lup closes her eyes. She’s lived without Taako before. He’s lived without her. They always managed, but there’s something always off in a cycle when they’re not together. “Thank you, Magnus.” 

There’s not really anything else to say so she keeps her eyes close until she hears Magnus leave the science corner. Barry’s holding her hands tight now, tighter than she was earlier. But it’s not what she needs right now.

Without saying a word, Lup stands, and heads to the ops center. It’s empty, which is good, cause she doesn’t want anyone to see her step onto the deck of the ship. Maybe she can be alone with some fresh air for once.

Lup walks to the railing and looks down at the world below.

And she makes a decision.

She might not quite understand the necromantic arcane as well as Barry, but she does understand. She loves him, _fuck_ how she loves him, but she’s made her decision. She’s becoming a lich. Maybe he’ll join her. If not? Well, at least Lup knows he’ll help and support her however he can.

“Lup?”

She waits until she hears the door shut behind him before saying anything. The last thing she wants is for someone to overhear this conversation.

“I’m done, Barry,” Lup says, using his name to let him know she’s being serious right now. “I’m so sick of worrying and wondering and-”

Next thing she knows, Barry’s kissing her. Kissing her _hard_. Lup is a bit suspicious that he’s turning the tables on her favorite tactic: quieting Barry by kissing him. But whatever, this is a good kiss and she still loves kissing Barry, even after more than thirty years.

She’s not quite sure how much time has passed when they finally break apart. He’s still holding her close so Lup rests her brow against his.

“Let’s do it, Loopy,” he says and there’s a real urgency in his voice. “I know we’ve sort of thought about it and talked it over and over and over. But fuck it. Let’s be liches.”

Lup can’t help it. She starts to laugh. Not maliciously or anything like that. Never at Barry. Never ever. Her laugh is joyous, because she should have known they were on the same page. Drinking from the same glass. Walking the same path. And if she were feeling more creative right now, she’d think of more metaphors.

“I love you,” she says. Every time she says those words she means them more than the time before. Lup takes Barry’s hands in hers and knows her entire life is about to change.

It won’t happen this cycle, not when Taako is dead. But next cycle? Assuming it’s a place where magic thrives and has people who will leave them alone? They will absolutely become liches.

The Hunger won’t fucking know what hit him.

“Let’s be liches.”


	82. Cycle 82

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Souls evolve.

**Cycle Eighty-Two**

“Oh nice, you got Taako to make french toast,” Barry says, sitting down at the kitchen table.

The _Starblaster_ is somewhat abandoned this morning, which is fine by him. One of the nice things about being on a planet with no people is that none of them are tethered to ship like in most cycles. They are all free to come and go as they please.

“Grab some before I eat them all,” Lup says in a sing-song voice.

Barry doesn’t need to be told twice. He puts a couple of slices onto his plate. Breakfast is usually quiet by rule, since most of the crew aren’t morning people. Even with just the two of them, they keep to the rule, giving Barry a chance to really enjoy breakfast.

Once they’re done, he looks at Lup. “What should we do today?”

Even on an empty planet, there’s plenty to do. While he might be spending most of his science time with the Light, he does sort of want to crack the secrets of this world and figure out where all the people have gone.

“Science in the morning, then just chilling in the afternoon, I think,” Lup says.

She starts to run her foot up Barry’s calf and even though no one is in the ship but the two of them, his capillary loops widen. “Lup…”

“What?” she asks oh so innocently, batting her eyelashes at him. But then she laughs. “Come on, let’s do some science.”

#

“This is amazing!” Barry yells out, listening to the echoes dance around him.

They found their way to a nearby valley. Any noise louder than just talking bounces around the hills surrounding them, making some epic echoes.

“Let me try,” Lup says, excitement in her voice. She brings the back of her hand to her lips and blows, making a loud raspberry sound.

As the sound of the raspberries echo, Barry starts to laugh. And that laugh echoes.

They’re silent as the echoes wind down. “You know,” Lup says, “I don’t even know how echoes work. Bet that’s some sweet science.”

“You wanna know?” Barry asks, perking up. He loves talking about any type of science. Sound waves aren’t exactly his cup of tea, but he knows enough to give Lup the basics.

“Fuck, yeah, gimme the good shit,” Lup says as she sits down on the ground.

Barry follows suit and as Lup hands him a sandwich, he starts to talk about sound.

#

“Okay, so I think we should start planning my day,” Lup says as they get back to the ship.

They walk up the ramp, hand in hand, and Barry’s a little surprised to find that the _Starblaster_ is still empty. The rest will be back later. They’re adults.

“Yeah?” Barry asks. “I’m game.”

He wants to give Lup an amazing day, a day that she can always think back to if things start to get out of control. Soon, they’ll have to figure out a day for him, too. It gnaws a bit at the back of his head, thinking about his day. But Barry’s determined not to worry about it now, not when Lup wants to plan hers.

They make their way to the science corner. Lup plops down on the sofa as Barry puts the Light into a cabinet. They’ll both know it’s there - that tug is hard to miss - but it’s easier to think about other things when they can’t see it.

“So what are you thinking?” Barry asks as he joins her on the couch.

“Dunno,” Lup says, draping her legs over his thighs. “It just needs to be awesome.”

“It will be,” Barry says as he curls his fingers around one of her ankles.

They talk for hours, trying to figure out exactly how to make the best day ever. Lup tosses out more and more outlandish ideas and Barry agrees to all of them. Simply because if that’s what she wants, that’s what she gets.

But Lup finally decides on the carnival. A couple of miles away from the ship, there’s an abandoned carnival. All the games and rides are still there. Just none of the people. So he and Lup will spend a couple of days fixing the place up, magicing the rides to work again, and freshening up the prizes.

Then they can spend the whole day there if they want. Doing whatever they want. A perfect day for Lup.

After that, then he can worry about a day for himself. But he’s not gonna think about it now.

Just as they finish planning, Barry can smell something in the kitchen. “Sounds like everyone’s back,” he says.

The food smells delicious and Barry’s stomach is growling. Even with the french toast from this morning and a sandwich later on, he’s suddenly _starving_.

“Come on,” Lup says as she hops off the sofa. “Let’s see what’s going on.”

The entire crew is back, sitting in the dining area as Taako’s whipping up dinner.

“Is that fantasy New York pizza?” Barry asks as he sits down at the table. “Oh shit, that’s my favorite.”

Been a couple of cycles since Taako’s taken the time to make pizza, because of course the dough needs to be hand-made. But every time he does, Barry’s happy. No one can make pizza like Taako.

The next couple of hours pass quickly, with the crew all just shooting the breeze. First over pizza, and then over salted caramel brownies that Taako baked. Barry’s not sure who’s looking over him today, but to get french toast, pizza, and brownies in one day?

He’s a lucky guy. And that luck’s never been on more display as he looks at Lup, as they spend the evening with their friends.

#

Barry’s laying on his back, trying to catch his breath. “That was…”

Lup doesn’t answer in words, but instead starts pressing her lips against his neck. Good enough for him, Barry decides. He pulls her closer, so that she’s right up next to him. She can never be close enough, as far as he’s concerned.

Once his breathing is under control, Barry’s acutely aware that he’s very naked. He would have hoped that thirty-five years would cure him of being uncomfortable naked, but that’s the way his brain works.

So he gives Lup a kiss on her temple and gets out of bed, looking for his boxers and t-shirt.

“Check by the desk,” Lup says.

He does and there they are. Barry quickly puts on his boxers first. “You know,” he says as he starts to put on his t-shirt, “this really has been an amazing day. One of the best…”

Barry trails off, pulling the t-shirt over his head, trying to gather his thoughts. His thinks about today. How perfect it had been, from start to finish, almost like someone might have planned it. He looks at Lup, who’s propped up on her elbow, looking uncharacteristically nervous.

“This was it, wasn’t it?” Barry asks quietly. Lup pats the space next to her and without hesitating, he goes to her. As he gets back into bed, his mind whirling, he adds, “This was my best day.”

Lup’s curled up next to him now, resting her chin on his chest. “Got it in one,” she says, her voice soft. “A little science. A little sex. Then all of the fun of planning an amazing day but then not actually having to spend the energy doing those things.”

Barry’s eyes are starting to mist up a little, so to distract himself, he runs his fingers through Lup’s hair. Never in a million years would be have guessed that this was what she planned. “How do you know me so well?” he asks.

“Kinda my thing,” Lup says. “I’ll always know you.”

He smiles at that, wondering again for probably the billionth time just how he got so lucky to have Lup in his life. But it does bring up a question.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks.

Lup kisses his chest. “Because if you knew today was the day, you would have been anxious all day. You would have worried that it wasn’t epic enough or if we were doing things wrong.”

“Yeah, that sounds like me,” Barry admits. And she’s probably right.

“So I took things out of your hands and instead you got a fantastic day where you didn’t worry once,” Lup says, beaming. “Cause I’m that good.”

“Damn right you are,” Barry says. He takes a breath, thinking of what they’re gonna do in just over a month. It’s terrifying and liberating all at the same time. Now that it’s closing up on them, he knows he’d never be able to do this by himself. He needs Lup by his side and wants her there even more.

He’ll always want her there.

“My best day,” he mutters to himself as Lup cuddles up to him. “It’s perfect. _You’re_ perfect.”

Something to remember for the rest of his life. And more importantly, his afterlife, too.


	83. Cycle 83

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup wants to go rogue. Barry’s about to lose his nerve. Davenport has an important realization.

**Cycle Eighty-Three**

What just happened?

The very beginning of a cycle always throws Davenport off balance. While the transformation doesn’t seem to throw off any of his crew, every single time he needs to vomit. And this is no different.

They’re used to him rushing off after the first couple of seconds, heading to the fresher. But this time is different. This time he doesn’t understand what just happened.

“Okay, so blowing it up didn’t exactly work,” Lup says with a smile that could warm planets. “But we’re close. We’re real fucking close.”

It takes every ounce of strength Davenport has to keep his nausea at bay. “Bluejeans. Taaco Lup. My office. _Now._ ”

Without looking back, Davenport marches into his office. As he does, he hears Taako whisper, “He broke out the surnames. You two are in _trouble._ ”

Davenport steps into his office, trying to find his usual sense of peace from the familiar place. But there’s no peace to be found. Not now. Not when his crew has clearly been keeping secrets from him.

Can he truly be considered the captain if his crew isn’t willing to confide in him?

He sits down at his desk and everything is exactly as it is at the start of the cycle. Over the next few days, he’ll make some changes. The quill holder and ink pot will move to the right side of the desk. His favorite books will be put on the shelf behind him. After eighty plus years, Davenport knows exactly how he office should work for best efficiency.

Lup and Barry walk into the office, exactly how Davenport would expect. Lup’s chin is held high, as if daring him to scold her. Barry’s wringing his hands and there’s already a bead of sweat on his brow.

“Cap’n Port,” Lup says.

“Sit,” Davenport says, trying to keep his voice calm. He’s never been one to lead by strict rules and regulations. Maybe that would have worked if this mission had only been the original two months. But after all this time? He and the crew are more equals than anything else.

They sit. Barry’s got his hands clutching the arm rests and Lup’s got one hand over Barry’s.

Davenport takes a breath. Lup’s face is still defiant and there’s a part of him who wants to go there, to yell like she expects. Instead, he decides to tell them the absolute truth.

“Do either you have any idea how frightened I was when I saw you both jump off the side of the ship?” he asks, folding his hands on his desk.

A captain is supposed to hold themselves slightly away from their crew. Don’t get too involved, an old mentor of his always said. But holding himself to that standard for this long would have been impossible. And so he’s willing to admit it; he loves his crew. He loves all of them like family.

And watching Lup and Barry die like that only to transform into something else terrified him.

Lup’s face softens. “But it was really cool looking, right?”

“I told you we should have told him,” Barry says quietly.

Davenport holds up a hand, asking for quiet. “What exactly have you two done?”

“You know, this would be a lot easier if you were mad,” Lup says. “Then I could be all indignant, slamming my hand on the desk, saying _but we did it for the crew!_ ”

“How about this?” Davenport asks. Over time, he’s learned that it’s best to treat Lup with a little humor. She appreciates that more than anything. “I reserve the right to get angry once you actually tell me what you’ve done.”

“Deal,” Lup says, holding out her hand. “Shakesies?”

Davenport holds out his hand and they shake. Lup’s hand feels a little cooler than usual. What have they _done?_

“Explain.”

The bravado in Lup’s face disappears a bit. “We… That is, Barry and I…”

“We’re liches,” Barry blurts out, holding Lup’s hand like it’s the only thing tethering him to the ship. “We prepped a ritual and the conditions were right last cycle and we’re liches.”

Davenport leans back in his chair, trying to remember anything he can about liches. His general arcane knowledge is limited, having been so focused on illusion magic. As much as he hates to admit it, he’s not sure exactly they’ve done.

But he does know that liches are dangerous. Incredibly dangerous.

“Liches,” he says slowly. “You’re liches. You both look very human to be liches.”

“You saw how it works, though,” Lup says, sounding a bit eager. “We only become liches when we die. No more worrying if we’re all gonna make it through the cycle. Barry and I are like the ultimate insurance policy.”

Of his crew, if he is to trust any of them with dangerous arcane magic, Barry and Lup are the ones he’d choose. Their idea might even work. Davenport still feels a slight twinge of guilt when he thinks about the judgment cycle and how Lucretia needed to live on her own for so long.

He is still so incredibly proud of her, that she managed to somehow survive that year.

“Assuming I’m able to concede that there are some benefits to what you’ve done,” Davenport says, “that’s doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me about your plan. Do you truly have that little respect for me as the captain of this ship after all this time?”

Both Lup and Barry’s faces seem to crumble and Davenport knows he’s scored a direct hit. “That’s totally not fair,” Lup says. “You’re our Cap’n Port. Nothing will ever change that.”

“Then why?”

Barry clears his throat. “We needed things to be normal until the ritual,” he says. “Too much emotion could have made the whole thing go south real quick. If we had told everyone and they tried to talk us out of it or if they got mad… We didn’t need that. Lup told Taako and we didn’t tell anyone else. Sir.”

Davenport sits up straight, and any anger or disappointment he feels disappears. It’s that moment he knows he truly doesn’t have any sort of hold over the crew any longer. After this long, it makes sense. They might call him captain, but it’s an honorary title only now.

It will be rough - his entire identity is wrapped up in this ship and in this mission - but he’ll accept the way things are eventually.

“Are you still liches?” Davenport asks. “Or is something you’ll need to do every cycle?”

“Oh snap, son, I’m not sure,” Lup says. She looks at Barry. “Babe, what if we reset and got kicked out of the lich club?”

“I’m like ninety-nine percent sure that didn’t happen,” Barry says. “It’s a hell of a lot harder to reset a soul than it is a body. We can check at the end of the cycle, though, just to be sure.”

To Davenport, Barry’s ninety-nine percent is a regular person’s certainty. So this is it, then. Lup and Barry are liches. He trusts them, of course he trusts them.

Even so, he’s going to hope that they never come to regret this decision.

 


	84. Cycle 84

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle takes one for the team. Barry makes a bet. Lup wins either way.

**Cycle Eighty-Four**

“Howdy there, partner,” Lup says, touching her finger to the brim of her ten-gallon hat. This hat is amazing and she is never taking it off. _Ever._ “What can ol’ Lup do for you?”

She fucking loves the aesthetics of this cycle. Dirt roads and tumbleweed. A small town full of wooden buildings. A saloon with dancing girls. Everyone wearing lots of leather. It’s basically perfect.

Except for the fact that an out of town gang plans on robbing the local bank tonight, just when it’s dark. Luckily, the crew of the _Starblaster_ has something to say about that.

Barry grins and tugs on the front of Lup’s fringed vest. She looks fucking great in fringe. But then again, she looks fucking great in almost anything, really. Her burden to bear.

She leans down to give Barry a kiss, since she hasn’t seen him at all today. They’ve both been too busy making plans. And considering the sun will be setting soon, she deserves a kiss.

“Gross!” Taako yells from across the street.

Lup gives Taako the finger while she breaks off the kiss. “Sorry,” she says with a smile. Barry doesn’t really like public affection all that much. She knows this. But sometimes, he’s really just irresistible so it’s kinda his fault.

He blushes, because even after almost forty years, she can still make him blush and she _loves_ that. “Don’t be,” he says. He leans forward and in a whisper, adds, “We’ll pick this up again tonight.”

Barry keeps whispering in her ear, explaining in detail just what exactly they’ll be doing tonight and now Lup is the one with red cheeks. And she doesn’t blush easily. Ever. But Barry will always be her undoing.

Once he steps back, there’s a sheepish look on Barry’s face, like he can’t believe he just did that. He is too fucking adorable for words. “Are you gonna help us save the town?”

“Fuck, yeah,” Barry says. “Magnus really wanted to join in, so Merle said he’d go back to the ship. You and I just have to decide which one of us hightails it back to the _Starblaster_ if things go sideways.”

They’re pretty sure nothing can happen to either of them in their lich form, bu neither one of them want to test that theory out. Someday, they’ll have to. But not today.

Lup holds out her hand at the same time Barry does. Time to play ‘boulder, parchment, dagger.’ “One. Two. Three.”

She puts her hand in a fist at the same time Barry holds out a finger. “Fuck, how do you always beat me?” he asks.

It’s cause nine times out of ten, he chooses dagger, but she’s not gonna tell him that. “Cause I’m that good, babe,” she says with a wink. “But things aren’t gonna go sideways.”

“Hope you’re right,” Barry says, twirling his wand in his hand.

“Course I am. Tell you what,” Lup says. “I’m right? I’ll get one of the girls from the saloon to lend me one of their dancing dresses.”

Barry blushes even more, not that his original blush had disappeared yet. A blush on top of a blush. A double blush. Blush squared. Perfect. “What if you’re not right?” he asks.

“Then I ask one of the girls to lend _you_ one of their dresses. Win win, really,” Lup says, leaning against the wall of the general store. “Unless one of us goes all lich form, of course. But I really want to get laid tonight, so let’s not do that.”

Barry kisses her shoulder and walks off, muttering about the plans they’ve set up for the night. Lup’s done her prep work. The road leading into town is trapped with fire bombs. That will hopefully spook the horses, making the invading gang come in on foot.

“Sun’s about to set,” Magnus says in her Stone of Farspeech. “Everyone ready?”

The six of them check off as the sun sets. Any minute now, the robbers should come around the bend in the road, and the fun can really begin.

Lucretia sees them first. “Eight men,” she says through the stone. “Two swords, two staves, a mace, and three of those pistol things.”

“Shit,” Lup says. She hates pistols and firearms of any kind. Luckily they’ve only had to deal with them in a couple of cycles. They almost seem like they’re cheating. And Lup hates a cheat.

The first fire bomb goes off. “Oh fuck, that is a beautiful sound,” Lup says.

“They’re all off the horses,” Lucretia says. “Took one guy out.”

“How am I this good?” Lup asks to the air around her. But she pushes the thought away as she hears shouts.

One of the bad guys turns the corner and Lup hits him with a fireball. Just an easy one. A warmup. He still goes down just the same. Cause her warmups? Other people’s best effort.

“Down to six,” Lup says into her stone.

“Better join the main party, Lup,” Magnus says.

There’s something in his voice that Lup doesn’t like, so she takes off at a sprint towards the front of the town.

She immediately sees the issue. One of the robbers has their hand on a kid’s shoulder. “We’re taking the money or this kid gets it,” he says, his voice muffled by the bandanna covering half his face.

The robber is a mean looking son-of-a-bitch. In a fair fight, Lup’s got no doubt that she could take him. Easily. Probably the other ones, too. But involving a kid? It pisses her off and she’s not afraid to let them know.

“That’s a fucking dick move and you know it,” Lup says, hands on her hips.

The robber looks at her, as if he’s surprised that she’s speaking to him. Behind him are three men, which means that Magnus and Barry took out another two. Excellent. The odds are in the good guys favor.

“Well, yeah, I guess it is,” the robber says. “But so were those fire bombs. What if one of my horses got hurt?”

So that’s how he wanted to play it, huh? Lup’s always ready to go. She catches Barry’s eye, who nods. Hopefully that was a nod of understanding what she was gonna do instead of a nod of what the fuck are you doing?

“We only put those fire bombs there because you want to rob our fucking town,” Lup says. “Ultimate dick move.”

“We only want to rob your town because we need to feed our families!” the robber says.

“Wait, seriously?” Lup asks, tilting her head. This just got complicated. “There’s a shit ton of unused farming land around this town. Wouldn’t it be easier to farm instead of stealing? It’s tough work being an outlaw.”

The robber relaxed his grip on the kid’s shoulder. “Yeah, it really is. I mean-”

Without any warning a Mage Hand throws the kid out of the way. Lup took out her own wand and trained it on the robber while Barry softened the kid’s landing with Feather Fall.

The four robbers all looked defeated with the hostage out of their grasp. One went as far to put her pistol on the ground.

“Hey, Mayor?” Lup asks in a loud voice.

A solid woman with steel-grey hair wearing worn leathers stood up from behind a barrel. “Yes?” she says.

“Weren’t you just telling me you needed more people to farm the land around this place?” Lup asks.

The mayor nods. “I see what you’re thinking, Ms. Taaco,” the mayor says. “But how can we ever trust them?”

Lup walks up to the leader of the group. “I think me and my friends will stick around for awhile,” she says. She pokes the leader in the shoulder. “Hear that? Cause any trouble and you’ll answer to me.”

The robber looks over at the mayor, looking like his prayers have been answered. “You mean that? We can have some land?”

Half an hour later, the deal’s done. Lup doesn’t think she can wipe the smirk off her face if she wanted to. She is too fucking _good._

With the drama of the day behind them, Lup walks over to Barry. “Looks like neither one of us is a lich,” she says, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “So I’ll see you later tonight.”

Barry blushes - that will seriously _never_ get old - and says, “Where are you going?”

Lup smiles slowly. “I seem to remember a wager.”

Then with a tip of her hat, Lup turns around and walks towards the saloon. Time to find a dress.

 


	85. Cycle 85

**Cycle Eighty-Five**

He used to have pudgy fingers.

Barry stares at his hands, his now skeletal hands, and wonders if he’ll be able to hold a quill. Will he be able to turn a page of a book? Will he be able to turn on the quasmafier?

But those questions can wait. The most important question on this mind right now is if he’ll be able to hold Lup’s hand without completely freaking her out.

This is the first time either one of them have been in lich form for a prolonged period of time. In theory, Barry should be thrilled that he has a chance to really study what life is like as a lich.

In reality, he really just wants to hold Lup.

“Babe? You doing okay?”

Her hand lands on his shoulder but she immediately takes it back. Great. Now he disgusts her in this form. Gonna be a long ten months.

“Shit, sorry, Barry,” Lup says, her hand going back on his shoulder. Well, that’s something at least. Maybe she’s not completely repulsed by him.

He’s not even sure what he should do right now. Only twelve hours have passed since he died and Barry’s completely clueless on how to handle things. At least they’re in their room now and now out in ops. Far too many eyes on him in ops. Here, it’s just Lup.

“I don’t know…” Barry starts to speak, but hearing his voice, a deep raspy voice that doesn’t even sound like him, sort of freaks him out. And if he’s freaked out by this, how’s Lup taking it.

“You know what I think we need?” Lup says. She picks up a notebook and quill from the desk. Barry looks at her hopefully, wondering if she’s maybe figured things out. “We need some fucking science.”

She always does know how to cheer him up. “We should have started a list,” he says, trying not to wince at his voice.

Lup settles herself on their bed, legs crossed underneath her. “Okay, I’ve had one question since this whole thing started and there hasn’t been time to answer it.”

Barry grins. Well, he thinks he grins. He doesn’t exactly have lips any longer. Or muscles. Or skin. So it probably really isn’t a grin at all. “I bet I have the same question,” he says.

“Yeah?” Lup says, reaching out her hand.

His instincts tell him to walk over to Lup. But Barry immediately recognizes his problem. He doesn’t have feet. Or legs, really. He thinks back to the first time he became a lich to fight the Hunger. He could move easily then, even fly into the air.

But simply moving over to Lup seems like an impossible feat right now.

“Babe, I can already tell you’re way over thinking things,” Lup says. There’s no pity in her voice, no judgment, for which Barry is grateful. She pats the space next to her. “Come here.”

Barry tries not to think - which is harder than it looks because he’s always thinking - and floats towards Lup. “Fuck, it’s like learning how to walk again,” he says. He settles on the bed, well, settle isn’t really the right word because he can’t exactly sit, can he? But he’s next to Lup and that’s what matters. “So what’s your question?”

She turns towards him and reaches for the clasp of his red cloak. “Does this thing come off? Tell me you’re curious, too.”

“Of course I am,” Barry says. He’s curious about _everything_. “Ready to document our findings?”

“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” Lup says with a grin, picking up the notepad and quill again. “Strip.”

Only a couple of seconds pass before Barry gives up in defeat. “I think the robe is staying, Loopy.”

Lup taps her chin. “I suppose there are worse things.” She reaches out and rubs the hem of the robe between her fingers. “This isn’t exactly fabric, is it? Like, ten months is a long time without scraping that thing against a washing board.”

“You’re worried about me keeping my robe clean?” Barry asks. He’s got to admit, that’s an excellent question. “Write that one down. We’ll be able to figure that out in a couple of weeks.”

Barry tries to think of some more questions while she writes, but he’s not exactly at this best. The transition between life and death is _exhausting._

“Now the most important question…” Lup gets off the bed and stands in front of him. If he were human right now - and he’s gonna need a second to process those were words that just went through his brain - he’d immediately put his arms around Lup. But he’s not human right now. So he waits.

Barry stays as still as he can as Lup takes his hands. He waits for her to flinch or move away but she just keeps looking right at him.

There’s none of the usual comfort in holding her hand. He can’t feel her warmth, can’t feel her smooth skin. Nothing.

“Weird, right?” Lup asks. “This is really weird.”

“Yeah,” Barry says, hoping that there’s no disappointment in his voice. Ten months he’ll have to live like this. Ten months of being with Lup and not being with her at the same time.

“I’m racking my brain, Barold,” Lup says. She turns so that her back is flush with his chest. Still nothing. “I don’t think we’re gonna be able to bone until next cycle.”

“You’d sleep with a lich?” Barry asks.

“Oh, like you wouldn’t.”

She’s got a point. If things were the other way around, he’d want to figure out how to be with Lup, too. “True,” he says, holding back a bit of a sigh.

“Guess this just means you’re gonna have to watch me touch myself for the next ten months,” Lup says. Without any warning, she jumps on the bed and leans back against the pillows. “But I bet we can do all sorts of freaky stuff if we try hard enough.”

“I like how you think,” Barry says with a laugh. He doesn’t laugh long, though, because of how strange his laugh sounds in his ears. Wait. He doesn’t even have ears any more. Ear canals? And of course this makes him wonder just how exactly how he can see when he doesn’t have eyes. Just eye sockets.

“You’re overthinking again,” Lup says, her voice a whisper.

Barry floats to her outstretched hand and joins her on the bed. Sort of. More like floating just on top of the bed. But he’s close to Lup, even if he can’t feel any of her warmth. Close is certainly better than not close. Close he can live with.

Close will have to do.


	86. Cycle 86

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus wants to run away. Lup wants what she’s owed. Barry’s willing to do whatever it takes to help.

**Cycle Eighty-Six**

“Hey Barry?”

Barry tries to hold back a grin. That’s Lup’s ‘I’m incredibly satisfied with myself and I want everyone to know it,’ voice. But considering he’s pretty sure what she’s about to say, it works. “Yeah, Lup?”

“Do you remember a certain wager I made with Mister Burnside last cycle?” Lup says.

“Oh no, Lup,” Magnus says, getting out of his chair in ops. “That was a joke. That was just a joke. We didn’t shake on it-”

“Yeah, you did,” Merle says from his station, sounding bored. “We were all there.”

“Shut up, Merle, no one asked you,” Magnus hissed. “We’ve got a lot of work to do. Start of a cycle and all. I better go outside and make sure there’s nothing out there trying to kill us. See you all later.”

He takes a couple of steps to the door when Lup says, “Babe, if you wouldn’t mind?” Barry knows exactly what she wants and reaches out with his hand, casting _freeze_ on Magnus, who stops mid-step. “Stop fighting this, Magnus. One way or another, this is happening.”

Barry can see the exertion on Magnus’ face as he tries to overcome the spell. Magnus might be able to; Barry didn’t bother casting at a high level. So he just sits back and watches the show.

“Magnus,” Lup says, crossing her arms over her chest. “We had a bet.”

“That I should have easily won,” Magnus says, his face practically red from trying to break the spell. “You must have cheated.”

Barry doesn’t know the particulars, but he also knows his girlfriend - yep, still a thrill to say that after forty years - isn’t above making things work out in her favor. “Lup?” he asks.

“Totally did not cheat,” Lup says earnestly. Barry knows her voice well enough to know she’s actually telling the truth. Because she’s also not above telling the occasional little white lie to make things work out in her favor. “Honest.”

Davenport walks in from the bow of the ship. He glances around the room, a puzzled look on his face. “Usually you all go right into action when a new cycle starts,” he says, his hands behind his back.

“Magnus and Lup are fighting,” Taako says as he crosses his legs at the knees and rests his chin on his hand. “I don’t know if I care enough to figure out who’s winning.”

“I am,” Lup and Magnus say at the same time.

“Lup’s definitely winning,” Barry says. He’s not really sure if that’s true, but he’s got to support his girlfriend, right?

“Thanks, babe,” Lup says, not taking her eyes off of Magnus. “I totes am.”

Davenport rubs his temple and Barry’s just got to wonder how many times he’s done that over the course of the last eighty-six years. Probably a lot. “Do I need to intervene?” he asks, sounding tired just of the thought.

“Nah,” Lup and Magnus say together.

“We’ve got this, Cap’n Port,” Magnus says.

Davenport nods and looks around the ops center, where the entire crew is milling around. “Please feel free to do your actual jobs at any time.”

“Thanks, Cap’n Port,” Lup says with a smile. “Just as soon as we sort this out.”

“You cheated,” Magnus says.

Lup puts her hands over her heart. “Do you have any idea just how hurtful that is?” she says, sounding pretty wounded. Barry’s impressed. She’s not usually able to pull wounded off. “Name one time I cheated at anything.”

The rest of the crew starts listing off incidents, like a cards or races, over the last eighty-six years and Barry can’t help but chuckle. He knows he probably shouldn’t, but Lup catches his eye and grins at him, so he’s not gonna be in too much trouble.

“You do have a competitive streak, Lup,” Lucretia says once people were done making lists.

“I didn’t cheat this time. I won that beat fair and square and now it’s time for Magnus to pay the consequences,” Lup says.

Barry sees a gleam in Magnus’ eye, one that generally means trouble. “Tell you what, I’ll do it if the rest of the crew does it, too.”

“Deal,” Lup says. She turns to the rest of the group. “You’re all cool with this, right?”

“Including you,” Magnus says.

“What? No. Absolutely not. That defeats the point of the bet,” Lup says.

“Take it or leave it,” Magnus says.

Lucretia clears her throat. “What exactly was this bet again? I don’t have it written down anywhere.”

“Winner’s got to shave their head,” Lup says. “And _I_ won, which means Magnus needs to shave his head, sideburns and all.”

“And you want the rest of us to do it, too?” Merle asks, sounding outraged. “Do you know how long it took to grow out these luxurious locks?”

“They’ll be back next cycle,” Lup snaps. Barry holds back a laugh. She must really want to see what Magnus looks like without his sideburns. “Come on, everyone. It’ll be fun. Team building exercise.”

A silence settles over the room while everyone seems to look at everyone else. Finally Barry shrugs and says, “It’s just hair. I’m in.”

Lup points at him and claps. “And that’s why I love you.”

“Gnome hair grows rather quickly,” Davenport says. “This won’t inconvenience me at all.”

Lucretia agrees next. Followed by Taako after a long stare down by Lup.

“I’m not shaving the beard,” Merle says. “The hair can go, but the beard stays.”

“Wait a second, if Merle can keep his beard, I can keep my sideburns,” Magnus says.

“That wasn’t the bet,” Lup says, sounding far happier than she did five minutes ago. “Sideburns come off, too.”

Magnus breathes angrily through his nose. “Fine. But only because everyone else agreed to do this, too.”

“Score!” Lup starts to run out of ops. “Barold, I’m grabbing your razors and shaving shit,” she calls out over her shoulder.

A half an hour later, the entire crew of the _Starblaster_ has a shaved head. Except for Magnus, and Lup’s shaving his head now.

“Alright, the head’s done,” Lup says, practically sounding giddy. This is like a life-long dream for her. Barry’s heard her wonder what Magnus looks like without sideburns more than once. “Now it’s time for the burns. And of any of you wondering, I absolutely pronounced that with a z at the end.”

As Lup mixes the shaving cream a bit more, Barry runs his hand over his head. He can’t even remember the last time he had no hair. Maybe summers when he was a kid? Whenever it was, he doesn’t think he likes it. Lup looks good, though. But Lup always looks good.

“The fuck?”

Barry looks over at Lup, who’s trying to put shaving cream on Magnus’ sideburns. And Magnus is just sitting there, looking as smug as smug can be. “Having trouble?” Magnus asks.

“Why is the shaving cream disappearing?” Lup asks, her eyes narrowing.

“Oh, that?” Magnus says, standing up. “That would because I had them charmed on back before I met any of you. Nothing is going to take these babies off my face.” He lowers his chin, looking almost menacing. “Nothing.”

That’s when there’s a knock on the door of the _Starblaster._

“This isn’t over, Burnside,” Lup hisses out of the corner of her mouth.

Davenport opens the door while the rest of them get into defensive positions. They have absolutely no idea what’s on the other side and better safe than sorry.

A group of Halfings are there, holding baskets. “Welcome! We’re always happy to have visitors,” says the leader.

Davenport welcomes them in and all of the Halfings keep looking at their heads. Barry hopes it’s not a cultural thing, cause all of the Halfings have long, curly hair. He’ll have to do some research. The groups make introductions with promise of trade later on.

Later that day, Barry and Lup walk into town and every single person they meet has a shaved head. Even the ones they met earlier in the day.

And that’s how Lup started a planet-wide fashion trend.


	87. Cycle 87

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle decides to get philosophical. Barry ponders about an important question. The Hunger lingers...

**Cycle Eighty-Seven**

He misses John.

Merle kicks a bit of dirt with his boot and wonders again if he’s done the right thing. Almost ten years have passed since he told John he won’t be back. And he’s done just that. Kept his word. Hasn’t parleyed once.

And he misses the son of a bitch.

Merle does his best not to let anyone of his friends know. They don’t need to be worrying about him, not when there are so many other things to be worried about. But even so, every cycle, each time he sees the Hunger - sees _John_ \- come into view, his heart stings a bit.

Not like he had any choice. What John said that last meeting? It’s the opposite of everything Merle believes, everything he cares about. He kicks another clump of dirt, then immediately feels guilty about it. Damn dirt didn’t do anything to him, better off leaving it alone.

There’s the rub.

Why can’t John just leave well enough alone? Why’s he gotta go out and destroy whole planes like he does? If he wants to be miserable, why bring everyone else in the planar system down with him?

Hell if Merle knows.

And if he can ever figure that out, he’ll be Pan’s favorite son. Wait, he already is, cause he can’t imagine someone as wise as Pan playing favorites.

With one of his better long-suffering sighs, Merle enters the greenhouse. Weird cycle they’re in this year, one with absolutely no animals, so the people are vegans. Merle doesn’t mind it so much, but the others? Magnus? Taako? As far as they’re concerned, it’s the worst one they’ve ever been to. Magnus threatened to off himself early when he realized there’d be no bacon for a year.

Barry’s standing at one of the large planters, brow screwed up tight, as he studies some sort of plant. “Work or play today?” Merle asks as he picks up a watering can.

The community here’s welcomed the crew of the _Starblaster_ with open arms. Seems like they needed more people to work, and well, no one from the IPRE is afraid of that.

“Play,” Barry says, not taking his eyes off of the plant. “I’m gonna figure this thing out and why it doesn’t need water.”

Merle starts watering some of the plants, the low-rising ones he can reach easily.

“Ah, who am I kidding?” Barry asks, rubbing his eyes. “I’ve been staring at this thing for weeks and I’m not any closer to figuring it out.”

Maybe Merle might take a peek at it one of these days. He might be no scientist, but he likes to think he’s got a pretty good rapport with nature. That might just be what the plant needs.

Merle continues to work while Barry rolls his shoulders and puts away some tools. Just when Merle thinks Barry’s about to leave, he walks over. “Merle? You got a minute?”

“Sure,” Merle says as he walks over to refill the watering can. “What’s on your mind?”

“Well, you see- I guess I was wondering…”

Merle waits and lets Barry get whatever nerves he’s got out of his system. He’s learned the trick there. Ages ago, near the beginning of the journey, Merle would’ve told Barry to get on with it, which would only lead to more nerves.

Now? Barry will talk when he’s ready. And Merle’s in no hurry. He can wait.

“You’re a cleric, right?” Barry asks. “So, do you have the power… I dunno. To marry people?”

Merle grins. About damn time these two wanted to take the next step. “You two crazy kids thinking about tying the knot? Losing the key to the ole ball and chain?” he asks with a laugh. “I can marry you two right now, if you want. Marry you every new cycle, just in case.”

“Shit, Merle, I didn’t mean-” Barry says, stammering a bit like he does when he’s nervous. “Not like I wouldn’t want to, I mean, I’m the luckiest guy in the entire freaking universe and I don’t care who knows it. It’s just that, it’s a big step.”

Merle narrowed his eyes. Something’s not adding up. “How long you two been together now, anyway?”

“Forty years,” Barry says almost instantly. “Crazy, I know.”

Stroking his beard, Merle says, “Forty years and you’re worried it’s a big step?”

“Well, yeah,” Barry says, sitting down on a nearby bench. Merle walks over to sit next to him, hopping up onto the bench. Too bad there are no dwarf-sized benches here. “It’s just…”

Merle waits for Barry to finish his sentence. No reason to rush these days.

“Death do you part, right?” Barry says.

“That’s the general idea.”

“Merle, with Lup and me, there’s no death. We’re liches. We’re never gonna die unless we want to,” Barry says.

In all the crazy lich talk since that all happened, this is something he’s never heard before. “Wait, liches can die on purpose?”

“Well, we think so,” Barry says. “I’ve found a couple of books that seem to indicate it’s possible. Not like that’s something Lup or I are gonna want to try out for a long, long time.”

“So what’s the issue?” Merle says. Shit, he’s not a relationship expert. Never has been, probably never will be. But it’s clear Barry needs someone to talk to and that he can do. He can lend an ear. “Worried you don’t love her enough for eternity?”

Barry glares at him, looking offended at the very thought. “No,” he says. “That’s not an issue. Far as I’m concerned, there’s no such thing as too much time with Lup.”

Worry must be the other way around then. “Worried she won’t love you for eternity?”

Barry’s face softens a bit. “Thirty-nine, thirty-eight years ago, maybe. Now?” He chuckles and sits up a bit straighter. “Not worried at all. She loves me. Will for eternity.”

That sort of certainty is almost beautiful to see. Merle wonders if he’s ever been that certain about anything in his entire life. Maybe about Pan. But even then, like any true believer, he has his moments of doubt and anger.

Barry and Lup are damn lucky to have that sort of certainty in their lives.

“Still not seeing the problem, Barry,” Merle says. “You love her. She loves you. What more do you need?”

“I dunno. Maybe it’s just that sometimes, it feels like all we’re doing is playing pretend. Resetting each cycle…” Barry shakes his head. Merle watches him take a breath, and the worry starts to leave his face. “I wanna marry Lup. But not until we’ve figured this shit out.”

“Sounds like you know what you want, then,” Merle says, slapping Barry on the back. “Make sure you invite me to the bachelor party.”

“Pretty sure my bachelor party won’t involve strippers,” Barry says, a grin on his face. Now that’s what Merle likes to see. Start of a conversation, Barry was worried. Now? He’s smiling. Nothing better than that. “Probably some fun board games, though.”

“Well, soon as we figure out J- ...the Hunger, I’m game. You tell me where to be and I’ll be there,” Merle says. “Strippers or no strippers. Promise.”

Merle looks out the large glass window and wonders in which direction he’ll see John next.


	88. Cycle 88

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus worries he let someone down. Lup is ready to experiment. Barry takes the long way home.

**Cycle Eighty-Eight**

“Barold, you really don’t need to do this.”

Barry looks up at Lup, floating slightly above the ground, her cloak billowing in the wind behind her. “We talked about this last cycle, Lup. Next time one of us becomes a lich, the other liches up with a month to go.”

“You and your memory,” Lup says. There’s a smile in her voice, even if he can’t see her face. Or more like, even though she doesn’t have lips to smile. “Dunno, just feels bad.”

“What if our hypothesis is right?” Barry asks eagerly. This is something he’s wondered for a while now, but the timing’s just never worked out.

“Just think of all the things you’re not gonna be able to do any more,” Lup says. “Like poop. You’re not gonna be able to poop anymore. Or drink coffee. Or-”

Barry places his hand on Lup’s cheek. Well, where her cheek would be if she had cheeks. So really, her skull. He puts his hand against her skull, and fuck if that isn’t weird to think about.

Still strange to touch Lup when she’s in lich form. Was strange for him, too. Touches just don’t feel the same when one of them is a lich and one of them is a human. So they made their agreement.

“You’re beautiful, Lup,” Barry says as he looks into her eyes. Eye sockets? He’s not sure exactly what they are. But while he misses her regular body eyes, there’s a real beauty in Lup’s lich form, too. It’s knowledge and strength and dedication and all sorts of good things.

“Babe, I’m a lich,” Lup says, but she sounds pleased.

“A beautiful lich,” Barry says.

He takes a step back and then starts thinking about what he needs to do. Theoretically, he could force the transformation if he’s in the right mindset. That being in a highly volatile, emotional state. But realistically? That’s not who he is.

He’s Barry Bluejeans, and while he doesn’t doubt he can out-love anyone, anywhere. That’s not really the type of emotions he needs to become a lich. “Lup?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“I think I’m gonna have to off myself,” Barry says with a shudder.

It’s not like he’s not scared of death. He’s died… what, nine times now? Almost a one in ten chance of dying every cycle. With those odds he sort of wants to do some math and check out the different probabilities, but this is absolutely not the time. He makes a note to check them later.

But death can hurt, and he does remember the pain, which really not putting him in the right frame of mind to become a lich right now.

“I could kill you, I guess,” Lup says, sounding uncertain. “One fireball and bam, you’re lichified.”

He looks over the side of the ship. They’re up far enough that he would absolutely kick the bucket if he jumped. Too bad he still has that lingering fear of heights.

“Fuck it,” Barry says. He’s not gonna make Lup kill him, not even for science. That’s sort of ridiculous. Without letting himself think, he jumps over the side of the ship.

#

Who knows how many hours later, he finally makes it back to the ship and he’s completely wiped out. Lup’s still floating on the bow of the ship, a book in front of her.

“Okay, so I might not have exactly thought that through,” Barry says. It’s his first words as a lich this cycle and it always takes a little getting used to. There’s a slight echo, almost a hiss, behind each word. Really fucking weird.

“I timed you. Took you three hours to float back up to the ship,” Lup says cheerfully. “That must have been a really fucking trip.”

Barry just hangs his head, remembering the utter horror he felt when he realized he was gonna have to float all the way back up to the ship. This is one of those cycles where the crew of the _Starblaster_ isn’t exactly liked, so Davenport is making them stay out of sight for a bit.

Three hours. Of him just floating through the air, working his way back to the ship. He wonders if anyone saw him. They don’t really have magic on this world, so he likes the idea that maybe someone saw him floating. He could become the legend of the red robe.

“Ready to try?” Lup asks as she floats up into a standing position.

Barry shakes his head. “Not here. You know there’s like a one hundred percent chance that Taako will interrupt us.”

“True dat,” Lup says as she starts to float towards the door.

They start heading through Ops and Magnus is there. His eyes go wide when he sees the two of them.  “Oh shit, Barry. What happened?”

“My choice,” Barry says quickly. The last thing he wants is for Magnus to think he failed at protecting him. “Science.”

“Oh okay,” Magnus says at once, sounding relieved. He gives Barry a thumbs up. “Science. Got it.”

Barry follows Lup into their bedroom and thinks about just going straight to bed. Even though he can’t sleep, he needs rest after his little stunt, or he’ll be absolutely useless for the next couple of days.

But there’s something he needs to do first. Lup closes the door behind her and Barry opens his arms. If he needed to breathe, he’d be holding his breath in anticipation right now.

Lup floats over to him and pushes herself right up against him, so their chests are flush together. Barry takes a moment to think about it, but Lup immediately tilts her head. “I’m digging this so far.”

Barry definitely agrees and goes to put his arms around her. Lup leans forward and rests her hooded head against his owns.

It’s not the same as if they were both human and it’s really not the same if one of them is the lich. It’s different. But it works.

Maybe it’s the magic involved in being a lich, or maybe it’s just in Barry’s imagination, but he swears he can feel Lup’s body heat. Which should be really weird, cause Lup is basically a skeleton and doesn’t have any body heat. But it’s there, he swears it’s there.

“You feel it, too?” Lup whispers.

“Yeah,” Barry says quietly. “I do.”

If he had eyes instead of eye sockets, he’d close them right now. He needs to rest, he _really_ needs to rest, but honestly? Holding Lup sounds like a much better plan.

Rest can wait.


End file.
